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How to kill a friendship....

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

Blu

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Hi all,
just wanted to share part of my story.

I started my first business straight after college, me and a bunch of friends decided to launch a company building e-commerce sites(this was back in the day when it was a relatively new thing).

To begin with there were six of us. Two were designated to do the sales, four to build the websites.

The problem was that these people were selected because they were my friends, not for any other reason. They had no real skills, sure they could use a computer, but no sales experience or web design experience.

I had both and took it on myself to train them up, never has the saying you can "lead a horse to water", ever been so apt. The sales people were next to useless, in four weeks they managed to set up just two meetings and sold nothing.

I went out on my own and landed a contract worth $50k in a week.

As soon the the sales people realised they would actually have to do some work to get money, they decided it was not the thing for them and quit.

So there were four of us left. We fulfilled the $50k contract and began looking for more, but by this time competition was fierce, and we had no luck. Faced with the prospect of doing long hours and without a regular income, two more quit.

So all that were left were me and my best buddy. He was a talented coder, but he lacked the spark and the necessary character of what it takes to make a start up work.

Furthermore he couldn't sell ice to Eskimos. At one point I had a sale worth $80k almost sealed up, all he had to do was go there and present the product and sign the contract, somehow he managed to loose the sale.

He became more like an employee. The best way to describe it would be that to me work to me was a joy, not a chore. I would work every day, even when I was ill, and all hours. He however, would take days off when he was ill, and when he got tired.

Things go worse as his attitude went from being an employee to a disgruntled employee. He wanted to pay himself a salary (he was living with his parents, so had no real outgoings), whereas I wanted to re-invest the most into building the company.

In the end we parted company, we split the cash 50/50. He took all the code he had developed, and I was fine with that because the quality of his code was low.

The final nail in the coffin of our friendship was when I found out that he had stolen code that I had developed and launched his own websites using it. At first I was blisteringly mad, but after I calmed down I realised there was nothing I could do. However, he was his own worse enemy, and soon shut down the websites when he realised the work required to make them succeed, he's now got himself a full-time job working for someone else, doing coding and no thinking.

The irony is, that a year after it, he called me up. There was another business venture that he had become involved with and wanted me to be part of it. I met with him and his new business partner, they were offering me a 2.5% stake in the venture. They would both have over 30% each.

I told him that hell would freeze over before I would consider working with him again, and that was it. The venture failed, and his business partner disappeared with all the code that was eventually developed.

So my lessons from this :

1.work with people who are of a similar attitude as me, who want to building something and not work for someone else. There will be plenty of time to hire employees later, but during the early days of a venture I look for someone with that same spark.

2. Why bother training to make a square peg fit a round hole. If I want a sales person Ill hire a sales person, if I want a manager, Ill hire a manager. Im not into training people to do the job I hire them for.


It was a costly lesson to learn, I am still friends with some of the first to quit, but I'll never mix business and friendship again.
 
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ZCP

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No more parking for you. Good story and good lessons learned.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Just reading your post gave me stress ... there are people like this all over ... they want the fruit from the tree but lack have the resolve to plant it. You are wise to recognize it, and move on to your own greatness.
 
A

Anon3587x

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I'm not down with partnerships.

There is more glory in doing it alone, something I have to do successfully at least once. This holds a undefinable amount of value to myself.


Good luck in whatever it is you run with.
 
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Flatlander

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I think that most people aren't like us, they are wired to be employees and that is fine for them. Most people don't understand why we work sick, why we work until 3 AM, why we don't really take days off, and why we can never be happy in a job. I think that is part of the reason why it is so hard to find good partners.
 

JEdwards

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Jack's Rules about partners..

1. Make sure your partner has way more experience than you in your businesses industry

2. Make sure your partner has way more money than you

3. Or, make sure your partner fixes a piece of the puzzle.
 

logef

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I think most people when they start out have that spark but after doing one or two jobs they get conditioned into being an employee. Very few people are able to keep that spark alive despite the conditioning.

I have seen very few people make friendships or relationships work in their business. Those who have a very good understanding do but for the majority its not clean and causes problems.
 
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lightning

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Great post! Welcome to the forum! :)
 

ChrisRempel

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I think that most people aren't like us, they are wired to be employees and that is fine for them. Most people don't understand why we work sick, why we work until 3 AM, why we don't really take days off, and why we can never be happy in a job. I think that is part of the reason why it is so hard to find good partners.

SO true.

I also have watched friendships become strained (or flat out demolished) because, early on, I thought going into business with friends was a "great idea".

You can guess how it turned out in reality...

Don't work with people who aren't on your level - unless you hire them.

As for partnerships... I like Jack's post above. That pretty much sums it up.

-Chris
 
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Darkside

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It's generally not a good idea to hire your friends or to go into business with them. Because you're their friend they won't respect you as a boss the same way that a regular employee would. They'll slack off and if they're a partner in the business that means that you have to do their work while they still benefit from the increased value of the company.
 

Motivated

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I've lost a lot of time and money by doing business with a 'friend' before, he had quite a bit of success but it seems most of that had to have been luck, he is basically going bankrupt at the moment and can't pay me back.
His excuse? He's in this situation because other people put him in it. I couldn't believe that, he has no accountability for his actions at all.

If you do go into business with friends treat it as if the person was anyone else, ie get everything in writing so everything is legally binding even get solicitors involved, It is far better to do this from the start then trying to figure out where all the money went at the end.
I haven't been put off investing with others from this, even though I lost a fair bit of money, I've learnt from it and will apply it to the next venture.
 

Steve K

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working with friends hurts business and kills relationships

im doing my own thing, and hired a few of my friends. all they had to do was sell, i trained each of them to sell, and so far 2 out of 3 of them are worthless to me. can't sell sell. one kid quit.
people just want to TALK about making money, and not DO anything about it.
oh well , the world will always be in need of a good shoe shiner
 
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henrylarry6

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We always meet with such type of people in our life and then we learn how to behave with this kind of people further, this is great experience.
 

bclark85

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I think the biggest factor that you listed is work ethic and drive. As a manager for the company that I currently work at, I have trained at least 60 people to do their job and showed them everything I know about sales and how to succeed. Out of those 60 only two have actually done very well and moved up the ladder. Why is this? They were the only two with drive and passion to succeed, the rest just fell into the grain and worked like drones. I am a firm believer that if anyone is driven enough, they can learn anything and prosper. If they don't have the want or desire to, they never will. The chances of one of your own friends or family having the same if not higher drive or passion that you do to succeed is slim to none. Do it alone, you can never go wrong by relying on yourself.
 
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jacob

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Great story, sometimes working with friends is not really good in business especially when you are really driven to reach your goal. In my opinion your friends just don’t have the same vision in business as yours.
 

andyredsox

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For me, it is okay to have a friend as a business partner, as long as we are in the same fields as a businessman. At least we have the same thoughts and ideas. A friend who is willing to make our business successful, and trying hard to do his or her obligations for our business.
 
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