Homework Help!!

[eloise]

I have a 12 year old son, who hates doing his homework!! Though he is a fairly wonderful and caring kid, he constantly lies to me now. Either he says he has no homework or that he did it in school and later I find out from his teachers that he has tons of missing assignments. I am at my wits end with this subject and would love to know if anyone else has gone through this and what you did to correct the problem? He just does not understand the fact that being lazy will not get you far in life!!

 

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[FDJustin]

Is it laziness?

There are plenty of reasons why homework is frustrating to someone that age. Hand cramps and sore backs, a feeling of being stuck in a tedious and pointlessly repetitive life. Hormones play an affect and your kid is probably under-exercised.

I don't know what will work. I just know that getting mad won't. If you can find out the reasons why he won't do it, you can find ways to compromise. And if it turns out to be laziness, you know where to start.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

Just like every other 12 year old. I would say welcome to the club, but I have been smart enough to avoid having kids just yet... except for I guess I have 200 or so I train on a daily basis... Can't quite decide who gets the short end of the stick here. :smxB:

Anyways. Forget about asking. Use presuppositions. "Go get your bag so we can look at your work."

Even if he wants to do his work he is going to say he doesn't have any so he can go play. We all do that, even as adults. As big kids we call it procrastination!

I deal with this on a consistent basis. The key is not to be angry or upset but realistic. If you were to sit in on a conference with one of my 12 year old kids who is struggling with school work I will ask a couple of things:

"Is it too hard?"

Usually the answer is no. If it is, they may need some help (which I have found takes all of 5 minutes to teach them what they don't understand).

"What is your favorite class in school?"

This question will tell you about the situation. Are they not liking the teacher? Are they not liking the subject? The key here is to figure out what they are doing well and praise them for that. Take him to the next level by telling him he can do that in the other classes too. Profound statement: EVERYTHING GETS MORE FUN WHEN YOU GET GOOD AT IT.

I have the advantage of having "higher learning" as a requirement at the school. Saying something like "I am here to create black belts, I will not have a school of dummies. Get your work done!"

That changes their mentality a little. The thought process of "I don't want to be a dummy" starts to roll.

Last but not least? Create a new habit! It takes 21 days to create a new habit. If he does his homework and shows it to you for 21 days (without you asking) he gets a prize. We give out a special patch that says Discipline to put on their uniform. Something else would work too as long as it means something.

Attached is the sheet I use, feel free to use it.

 

[eloise]

I love this advice, thank you so much!! I will try it out and let you know. I think he is pracrastinator like his mama!!

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

It's my pleasure

Let me know if you need any more help :yourock:

 

[rcardin]

As a middle school teacher I hear this quite often. We have notebooks we call agendas. The kids should write what they did in each class and if there is any homework. Most of the time when we bring a struggling child in to talk to them and ask for their agenda there is nothing in it. We then have them get each teacher to sign daily that they have written the assignment in the agenda (day timer). Parents can then look at what they learned that day and if there is any homework in each class.

It takes some responsibility on the childs part to make sure they get it signed everyday and it takes some responsibility on the parents part to check it daily. Put a reward/ punishement in effect based on getting this done daily.

The other thing you should do is ask if the school uses an online gradebook and if there is a parent portal for it. You can check his grades daily that way and know if there is a missing assignment.

 

[GlobalWealth]

I had the same problem with my daughter last year with geometry. It was like pulling teeth to get her to do it. Finally I sat down with her and asked her what were her goals with education. Of course we have had this discussion several times, but I wanted to hear it again. She told me she wants to go to a top level university and her ultimate goal is Cambridge. I told her I would no longer nag her about geometry, but if she didn't do well in this subject, it would put her a year behind and she wouldn't finish high school with the highest level math class. Without the highest level math class she would never get into a school like Cambridge. Now she studies geometry every day without getting pushed.

Sounds like your son needs a goal. he needs a reason to do it. find his reason and you don't have to 'motivate' him anymore. He will do it himself.

 

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[eloise]

You are all awesome and I never thought I would get so many new ideas. I am going to pull my hair out because now today he wants to stay home because he did not finish his science vocab. I told him absolutely not. I asked him all week, including yesterday if he had homework and he said no mom I don't. So, I told him he will just have to face his teacher and tell him that he didn't do it!! I told him it is not the end of the world!! I cannot keep hiding him from his problems or I am enabling him to do it. I put my foot down and said no, you will go to school no matter what. This weekend we will have a long chat session as he is not in elementary school anymore. Thanks again guys, I will report back after the chat session!!

 

[Bilgefisher]

Be wary not to make school a place of punishment. It should be a place they look forward to. Look for everything he is doing right in school and find a way to encourage him about those items. Treat the cause not the problem.