Hey, listen... please

[TinyOldLady]

After watching two persons desperately argue on this forum and clutter someone else’s helpful thread I had to think about this talk on how to have a good conversation.

I am not preaching, since I totally get you. Most of my life I was convinced, that I had to defeat everybody with a nimble-witted reply. Guess how many friends I had.

That’s why I rewatch this talk every now and then, to become more aware of my behavior, when interacting with people.

Maybe you will find it inspiring and helpful too.

Also keep in mind, that the happiest man on earth practices compassion (Yes, yes, google it)

See also “Yes, But” thread from @Andy Black for tips on conversation

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R1vskiVDwl4

 

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[Andy Black]

After watching two persons desperately argue on this forum and clutter someone else’s helpful thread I had to think about this talk on how to have a good conversation.

I am not preaching, since I totally get you. Most of my life I was convinced, that I had to defeat everybody with a nimble-witted reply. Guess how many friends I had.

That’s why I rewatch this talk every now and then, to become more aware of my behavior, when interacting with people.

Maybe you will find it inspiring and helpful too.

Also keep in mind, that the happiest man on earth practices compassion (Yes, yes, google it)

See also “Yes, But” thread from @Andy Black for tips on conversation

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R1vskiVDwl4

Glad you created a thread on this @TinyOldLady. The art of conversation seems to be dying out.

I loved all her tips. Her almost throwaway comment at the end was very good of “Close your mouth and open your mind.”

I’ll get our kids to watch this too.

 

[TinyOldLady]

Glad you created a thread on this @TinyOldLady. The art of conversation seems to be dying out.

I loved all her tips. Her almost throwaway comment at the end was very good of “Close your mouth and open your mind.”

I’ll get our kids to watch this too.

I’m happy for your kids!

My favorite is the “hugh jackman“ thing. I’ve done that so many times! And also the phrase “it’s not about you”. I wrote it in my journal.

I guess you can delete my original post in your thread.

 

[Andy Black]

I’m happy for your kids!

My favorite is the “hugh jackman“ thing. I’ve done that so many times! And also the phrase “it’s not about you”. I wrote it in my journal.

I guess you can delete my original post in your thread.

No need to delete it. That convo can continue and this one can grow legs too.

Our 12 year old waits for us to finish what we’re saying then immediately says what was on his mind. At least he waits till we finish now. I’m trying to get him to at least pretend he’s heard me. Even a grunt would be a bit better. Sigh... So many more levels to work on.

 

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[Madame Peccato]

I found this on LinkedIn (from a guy I suggest following, he always posts interesting things) today and it's perfect for this thread. It's a good step by step plan to start listening to people and feel more involved in their world:

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

As much as I want to like this, because it’s nice, I will venture to disagree.

There are very few places where I am privy to the thought processes of millionaires AS they’re making their millions. This forum offers a unique and absolutely riveting look into what it’s like to be an entrepreneur in every stage of the game. Games are rarely won by perfectly polite and tactful people. A war can be planned in a clean, sterile room but they are won with dirt and blood and tears.

I happen to ADORE the strength of mind and passion expressed when two people who are highly successful get “into it” or crack a little bit and let some emotions show through or drop some f-bombs or just get tired of explaining themselves and stop editing.

It’s.. fascinating and fun because they’re not like that all the time! Obviously! They wouldn’t be sharing or growing or accomplishing so much (or be valued members of our community) I love getting to see a different side of everyone. Then I think.. I wonder if I could ever handle the same amount of stress?

ALso, when debates happen I’m forced to see two sides of an argument! That is SO good. I get more info and words to research! I love learning from everyone here.

I don’t want to be swept up just by what someone is saying or just because I’ve liked a lot of their earlier posts or just because I think they’re cool. I want to weigh the info people share and try to figure out what I can learn from both sides of the situation or as many sides as I can manage to see. That goes for everyone.

I love to observe people. I’ve been to conferences where speakers were followed around by sycophants and it was bizarre to me to watch because.. the followers would just smile AT EVERYTHING the speaker said! How awful! How pathetic to give such constant adoration! (How much worse to be the object of it and not notice the flattery.. sigh.) I don’t want a world where everyone is “nice”.

When no one argues..or if they only argue with a high and mighty condescending unflappable emotionless tone, it’s not REAL. Sometimes, we get to see people be real. And then we get the opportunity to get over it.. without moralizing the situation or making it into a podcast... because we’re just as messy as them.

 

[Andy Black]

As much as I want to like this, because it’s nice, I will venture to disagree.

There are very few places where I am privy to the thought processes of millionaires AS they’re making their millions. This forum offers a unique and absolutely riveting look into what it’s like to be an entrepreneur in every stage of the game. Games are rarely won by perfectly polite and tactful people. A war can be planned in a clean, sterile room but they are won with dirt and blood and tears.

I happen to ADORE the strength of mind and passion expressed when two people who are highly successful get “into it” or crack a little bit and let some emotions show through or drop some f-bombs or just get tired of explaining themselves and stop editing.

It’s.. fascinating and fun because they’re not like that all the time! Obviously! They wouldn’t be sharing or growing or accomplishing so much (or be valued members of our community) I love getting to see a different side of everyone. Then I think.. I wonder if I could ever handle the same amount of stress?

ALso, when debates happen I’m forced to see two sides of an argument! That is SO good. I get more info and words to research! I love learning from everyone here.

I don’t want to be swept up just by what someone is saying or just because I’ve liked a lot of their earlier posts or just because I think they’re cool. I want to weigh the info people share and try to figure out what I can learn from both sides of the situation or as many sides as I can manage to see. That goes for everyone.

I love to observe people. I’ve been to conferences where speakers were followed around by sycophants and it was bizarre to me to watch because.. the followers would just smile AT EVERYTHING the speaker said! How awful! How pathetic to give such constant adoration! (How much worse to be the object of it and not notice the flattery.. sigh.) I don’t want a world where everyone is “nice”.

When no one argues..or if they only argue with a high and mighty condescending unflappable emotionless tone, it’s not REAL. Sometimes, we get to see people be real. And then we get the opportunity to get over it.. without moralizing the situation or making it into a podcast... because we’re just as messy as them.

I think she (we) are suggesting there's ways to have conversations and disagree while still listening to what the other has said and responding to it, rather than just waiting for our turn to speak.

 

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[Madame Peccato]

As much as I want to like this, because it’s nice, I will venture to disagree.

There are very few places where I am privy to the thought processes of millionaires AS they’re making their millions. This forum offers a unique and absolutely riveting look into what it’s like to be an entrepreneur in every stage of the game. Games are rarely won by perfectly polite and tactful people. A war can be planned in a clean, sterile room but they are won with dirt and blood and tears.

I happen to ADORE the strength of mind and passion expressed when two people who are highly successful get “into it” or crack a little bit and let some emotions show through or drop some f-bombs or just get tired of explaining themselves and stop editing.

It’s.. fascinating and fun because they’re not like that all the time! Obviously! They wouldn’t be sharing or growing or accomplishing so much (or be valued members of our community) I love getting to see a different side of everyone. Then I think.. I wonder if I could ever handle the same amount of stress?

ALso, when debates happen I’m forced to see two sides of an argument! That is SO good. I get more info and words to research! I love learning from everyone here.

I don’t want to be swept up just by what someone is saying or just because I’ve liked a lot of their earlier posts or just because I think they’re cool. I want to weigh the info people share and try to figure out what I can learn from both sides of the situation or as many sides as I can manage to see. That goes for everyone.

I love to observe people. I’ve been to conferences where speakers were followed around by sycophants and it was bizarre to me to watch because.. the followers would just smile AT EVERYTHING the speaker said! How awful! How pathetic to give such constant adoration! (How much worse to be the object of it and not notice the flattery.. sigh.) I don’t want a world where everyone is “nice”.

When no one argues..or if they only argue with a high and mighty condescending unflappable emotionless tone, it’s not REAL. Sometimes, we get to see people be real. And then we get the opportunity to get over it.. without moralizing the situation or making it into a podcast... because we’re just as messy as them.

Yes, and that's why these great minds can get into arguments that are so good and that don't look like two children screaming at each other.

They pay attention (through listening, or reading in this forum's case) to what the other person is saying and construct an argument with well-thought counterpoints (vital to a healthy debate), rather than just repeating what they believe in, or what they just said.

In fact, you'd be much better at arguing if you listened to the other person, because you would pick up what they believe in, and more of their thought process, which in turn gives you a better framework through which you can form your reasoning to have a chance at convincing them.

Arguing only with a high and mighty condescending unflappable emotionless tone happens when there is no listening at all. The condescending party does not feel the need to listen to the other one, as they think they are superior, so why should they bother?

I also enjoy when two strong minds collide and the result is a debate from which I can learn (from both parties mind you, one sided arguments get boring fast), and strong listening skills are the key to getting more of them.

 

[Odysseus M Jones]

Could someone post a link to said argument please?

PS I'll wager Black Dragon was involved.

 

[TinyOldLady]

Could someone post a link to said argument please?

PS I'll wager Black Dragon was involved.

No, it does not matter and no, he was not

 

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