Feeling overwhelmed by the circumstances I'm in and feeling that any way out is not worth pursuing.

[Feliponius]

Without boring you with the details I make just enough in my job to keep my family (4 young kids and a wife) from starving but not enough that I'll ever have a retirement. Having read most of TMF to know that I'm not even qualifying as a slow-laner is depressing. Couple that with the fact I'm in a highly technical and skilled trade, and recently discovered I'm being far underpaid, I'm feeling pretty discouraged. I signed a rock-solid non-compete as well which basically locks me out of trading individually on my skills.

The truth is by most standards I'm doing better than all my friends. My wages are higher than most of them make. They don't feel higher because of the single income, but it is higher. My area is pretty depressed and wages are somewhat stagnant. This doesn't help my situation.

All lanes out seem less than ideal. Other similar trades that are more likely to pay more come with severe caveats that make me feel like there's no sense for me to jump into. I'm not averse to working hard. But I'm feeling paralyzed by just how much the alternatives up the suck-factor.

Had a small business idea that would possibly generate some side income that might help us not feel so bottled in, and I intend to give it a shot (I'm not sure it could qualify as fastlane yet.) My friend however shot a few hundred bullet holes in just how profitable it would really be so I'm already feeling dejected before I even start.

How in the world do you guys overcome this mess?

So many guys on here are out there rocking it. How do you go from feeling like there's no point to trying to actually being successful? I know from reading other posts here not everyone is doing amazing, but man. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for the better part of a decade and starting to really doubt I have what it takes to do much of anything to do better.

Sorry for the depression-fest.

 

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[UK_Mike]

If you're underpaid for the skills you have, is there an opportunity to change job to get a higher income, to ease the pressure on that side for a while, or are those the other trades that come with other caveats? When you say you're "far underpaid", how can you improve that, even if it's only temporary until you can start something better for yourself?

 

[Feliponius]

If you're underpaid for the skills you have, is there an opportunity to change job to get a higher income, to ease the pressure on that side for a while, or are those the other trades that come with other caveats? When you say you're "far underpaid", how can you improve that, even if it's only temporary until you can start something better for yourself?

The immediate answer is to ask for more money. The other answer is to change jobs. Unfortunately our area is low on competition so my options are limited. And when I investigate what other opportunities are out there I'd end up taking a pay cut just to start them.

The trade change would be going into HVAC. in that trade you effectively say goodbye to any time you had left to yourself. Particularly in the summer. It would definitely pay more though.

 

[UK_Mike]

It's also worth considering that your friend may be shooting holes in your business idea because it's not something they've thought of, perhaps they're entrenched in their 9-5 job and a tiny part of them wants you to be stuck in yours too, so they shoot down your idea.

 

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[Feliponius]

It's also worth considering that your friend may be shooting holes in your business idea because it's not something they've thought of, perhaps they're entrenched in their 9-5 job and a tiny part of them wants you to be stuck in yours too, so they shoot down your idea.

My friend has run a few businesses in the past. Some service based. Nothing majorly successful. His arguments are basically along the lines of "you're not likely to find people around here willing to pay for that service." He's not the first self employed friend I have that's said that either. I'm unsure how true it is, honestly. Either way I just started advertising and have no hits. Don't even have a real pricing structure. Just in the testing phase right now. Tried doing some market research but there's no one in this area doing it right now. Half expect that's likely because there really is just no money in it.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

You should go talk to a counselor or therapist. This sounds like depression. You will benefit greatly from the mindset shift, increased confidence, gratitude, and an optimistic outlook. Then you will be able to see the myriad opportunities and options already available to you and take action on them. It is not as simple as just changing your mind; therapy is probably your best bet.

Find a good one and might be something like $20 a session (as a copay).

 

[Feliponius]

You should go talk to a counselor or therapist. This sounds like depression. You will benefit greatly from the mindset shift, increased confidence, gratitude, and an optimistic outlook. Then you will be able to see the myriad opportunities and options already available to you and take action on them. It is not as simple as just changing your mind; therapy is probably your best bet.

Find a good one and might be something like $20 a session (as a copay).

I think you're likely right. I swing back and forth with depression, but it's kinda my baseline. Ill find that when I just kinda give up and let my life coast I can get happy again, but the minute I try to press against the walls around me I immediately start to get depressed. I know what it's connected to. I know all the past trauma that programmed it into me. I just don't know what to do about it.

Here I expect to spend more per session. Job doesn't include insurance so its not accessible that way. I may have to try a more budget option like better help or something similar.

 

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[Guest-5ty5s4]

I think you're likely right. I swing back and forth with depression, but it's kinda my baseline. Ill find that when I just kinda give up and let my life coast I can get happy again, but the minute I try to press against the walls around me I immediately start to get depressed. I know what it's connected to. I know all the past trauma that programmed it into me. I just don't know what to do about it.

Here I expect to spend more per session. Job doesn't include insurance so its not accessible that way. I may have to try a more budget option like better help or something similar.

Go for it. Any option is better than no option. Move in the direction you want to go, make some progress, improve your life, you will feel better. Every step you take in improving your life is a win.

 

[Feliponius]

Go for it. Any option is better than no option. Move in the direction you want to go, make some progress, improve your life, you will feel better. Every step you take in improving your life is a win.

Thanks for your input. I'll start looking into options and try to pull the trigger on something this week or sooner.

 

[Johnny boy]

You haven’t done anything yet! That’s the problem.

This is my favorite video. I watched it many years ago.

Now, years later, I REALLY get it. This is how it really works.

View: https://youtu.be/-2m6JkJvv4w


You go out, have an idea on how you think things will go, it’s shit.

Then you learn things and adjust.

Then you suck less.

And you adjust again.

Then things get mediocre.

And you adjust again.

And then it gets good!

And you adjust again.

And you start winning.

Just remember when it sucks, you’re just playing the game the way it’s meant to be played anyways. It’s so universal that it’s been explained in a hundred different ways by all entrepreneurs. It is a journey and you will get better. The best thing you can do is start.

 

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[BizyDad]

Without boring you with the details I make just enough in my job to keep my family (4 young kids and a wife) from starving but not enough that I'll ever have a retirement. Having read most of TMF to know that I'm not even qualifying as a slow-laner is depressing. Couple that with the fact I'm in a highly technical and skilled trade, and recently discovered I'm being far underpaid, I'm feeling pretty discouraged. I signed a rock-solid non-compete as well which basically locks me out of trading individually on my skills.

The truth is by most standards I'm doing better than all my friends. My wages are higher than most of them make. They don't feel higher because of the single income, but it is higher. My area is pretty depressed and wages are somewhat stagnant. This doesn't help my situation.

All lanes out seem less than ideal. Other similar trades that are more likely to pay more come with severe caveats that make me feel like there's no sense for me to jump into. I'm not averse to working hard. But I'm feeling paralyzed by just how much the alternatives up the suck-factor.

Had a small business idea that would possibly generate some side income that might help us not feel so bottled in, and I intend to give it a shot (I'm not sure it could qualify as fastlane yet.) My friend however shot a few hundred bullet holes in just how profitable it would really be so I'm already feeling dejected before I even start.

How in the world do you guys overcome this mess?

So many guys on here are out there rocking it. How do you go from feeling like there's no point to trying to actually being successful? I know from reading other posts here not everyone is doing amazing, but man. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for the better part of a decade and starting to really doubt I have what it takes to do much of anything to do better.

Sorry for the depression-fest.

No such thing as a rock solid non-compete.

Move to another state.

Not just to avoid the non-compete. That sounds like your area is kind of depressed, and the opportunities are pretty low.

You're not even working a job with health insurance. Move to another state and get paid more money, with health insurance. Get your kids and wife covered too.

Then once you're making more money and have a little bit better quality of life, start exploring some of these other business ideas.

Maybe people in your area won't pay for that service you're talking about, but maybe people in another city would.

If you don't like your circumstances, and you don't like your surroundings, change them.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

Had a small business idea that would possibly generate some side income that might help us not feel so bottled in, and I intend to give it a shot (I'm not sure it could qualify as fastlane yet.) My friend however shot a few hundred bullet holes in just how profitable it would really be so I'm already feeling dejected before I even start.

How in the world do you guys overcome this mess?

So many guys on here are out there rocking it. How do you go from feeling like there's no point to trying to actually being successful? I know from reading other posts here not everyone is doing amazing, but man. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for the better part of a decade and starting to really doubt I have what it takes to do much of anything to do better.

Sorry for the depression-fest.

Your biggest problem is easily your mindset. Look at the language that you use - it's riddled with self-doubt. I'm not saying this to attack you, as I've dealt with it, and so has everyone else on this forum. You need to internalize the belief that not only can you succeed, but that you will succeed - and that you only need to put in serious effort, adapt, and let time do its thing.

My friend however shot a few hundred bullet holes in just how profitable it would really be so I'm already feeling dejected before I even start.

Is he a multi-millionaire? If not, why the F*ck are you asking him for advice? F*ck him - try it anyway and let the market decide.

Go read through the gold threads on this forum. Click "Must Read" at the top to find them. Two of my favorites are Envision's and Ravens Shadow's progress threads.

@Envision lived in a mobile home and started off working at a call center and less than a decade later he calls his nine figure (read NINE FIGURE) business a toy and that he plans to have 10 more. It's full of the moves that he made on his way up the food chain.

GOLD! - EXECUTION - Building a billion dollar enterprise

I've been thinking about ways to bring value to the forum and I think creating a progress thread about my real estate business and investments could provide alot of insight to members interested in investing (especially at a young age) and also help myself stay accountable to doing what I need...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

@Ravens_Shadow also had humble beginnings and went through years of struggle, slow progress, dealing with so much financial hardship and sacrifice. He'll also probably be worth a billion dollars in a decade or less. His signature has several of his great threads.

NOTABLE! - MINDSET - Managing Your Expectations Is Everything! Expectations.. An Integral Piece To Your First Million In Sales.

Managing Expectations While On Your Entrepreneurial Journey Preface: I'd consider myself relatively successful now that I've built up a company that's generating over $1 million in ARR and I'm finally able to reap my rewards via fat dividends checks. I’m writing this from the perspective of...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

@Johnny boy 's lawncare thread is also a great lesson in mindset. All of the posts are full of confidence with clear steps towards clear goals. That's how you want to be thinking.

GOLD! - HOT! - Starting (and Fastlaning) a lawn care service business

21 and currently selling cars at the moment. I’ve got some money to throw at something. I just bought a used trailer and have some lawn equipment. Got a pro website, branding, and I have decent copywriting skills for posting ads. Started with craigslist, Google AdWords and I’m on yelp and...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

@Kak also has some great posts on thinking bigger: GOLD! - Think Big, and Then Think Bigger Than That. and his podcast is good too.

Stop thinking that rich people are special. Most of them aren't (as I've learned from reading the political posts on Facebook by people with mansions). They played the game for years and never quit. The guys that I mentioned above each had humble beginnings and they're crushing it now.

Find some huge industries with a few billionaires and a bunch of millionaires, then pick one that your skills give you some kind of edge in. Then start working on something - your first business doesn't have to be big - you just need to start accumulating wins so that you believe that it's possible and to use that inertia to carry you to greater things. Also, think of where you want to be in a decade. That will help you shrug off the inevitable setbacks and keep you on track even if things are slow in the beginning.

 

[Feliponius]

You haven’t done anything yet! That’s the problem.

This is my favorite video. I watched it many years ago.

Now, years later, I REALLY get it. This is how it really works.

View: https://youtu.be/-2m6JkJvv4w


You go out, have an idea on how you think things will go, it’s shit.

Then you learn things and adjust.

Then you suck less.

And you adjust again.

Then things get mediocre.

And you adjust again.

And then it gets good!

And you adjust again.

And you start winning.

Just remember when it sucks, you’re just playing the game the way it’s meant to be played anyways. It’s so universal that it’s been explained in a hundred different ways by all entrepreneurs. It is a journey and you will get better. The best thing you can do is start.

Thank you for your post. I do want to say I at least started my business idea and was able to generate one opportunity with someone close to me personally. Looks like it's going to work out just fine, even though it's definitely far below what I need to charge eventually. I have been studying, watching videos, and intend to try to expand on the idea as I gain more experience and confidence.

Now the annoying to read part.

I understand absolutely agree with the concept. I'm finding in practice what usually ends up happening for me is I do something, it kinda works, and then it gets buried in the day to day.

Excuses? Absolutely. But it's unfortunately real and part of some deeper internal pattern that I've had no success shaking in any real tangible way. I know the tried and true "Just Do It" would absolutely apply to me here. I'm struggling with the impetus to even try. Me posting my cheesy ad to my personal facebook page actually caused a physically negative reaction the whole next day. I have no clue why.

Believe me, I understand how frustrating this must be for you to read.

Part of me blames chronic exhaustion and major sleep deprivation from certain child-bearing choices my wife and I made the last 8 years But ultimately I know there's a deeply ingrained personality defect I'm rocking over here. I'm pushing back, though. Me posting this mess here is one little way I'm trying to overcome this baloney.

Thanks again for the time you took to reply to me here.

 

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[Feliponius]

No such thing as a rock solid non-compete.

Move to another state.

Not just to avoid the non-compete. That sounds like your area is kind of depressed, and the opportunities are pretty low.

You're not even working a job with health insurance. Move to another state and get paid more money, with health insurance. Get your kids and wife covered too.

Then once you're making more money and have a little bit better quality of life, start exploring some of these other business ideas.

Maybe people in your area won't pay for that service you're talking about, but maybe people in another city would.

If you don't like your circumstances, and you don't like your surroundings, change them.

You're absolutely right. The non-compete is enforceable only where I am and there are chances to move out of town and try and make some money elsewhere. My town definitely is depressed currently.

To move out of town right now would come at a great personal sacrifice and cost. (It pains me to even type this, because I can basically hear the eyerolling I'd be giving myself.) I could ennumerate all the reasons why leaving to another place is not something I want to do. I think the truth is I'm afraid that I'd be transferring from the pan into the fire. Or find that the grass isn't always greener. Or that I unfortunately would be taking me to the new place and new opportunities. And since my biggest problem currently happens to be me, it might not be the best play.

Again, eye-roll. I know.

It's certainly a mindset issue.

That being said, thank you for responding to me. I've enjoyed reading your stories and posts and have found you to be a great source of encouragement to even try to press back against this mess.

 

[Feliponius]

Your biggest problem is easily your mindset. Look at the language that you use - it's riddled with self-doubt. I'm not saying this to attack you, as I've dealt with it, and so has everyone else on this forum. You need to internalize the belief that not only can you succeed, but that you will succeed - and that you only need to put in serious effort, adapt, and let time do its thing.



Is he a multi-millionaire? If not, why the F*ck are you asking him for advice? F*ck him - try it anyway and let the market decide.

Go read through the gold threads on this forum. Click "Must Read" at the top to find them. Two of my favorites are Envision's and Ravens Shadow's progress threads.

@Envision lived in a mobile home and started off working at a call center and less than a decade later he calls his nine figure (read NINE FIGURE) business a toy and that he plans to have 10 more. It's full of the moves that he made on his way up the food chain.

GOLD! - EXECUTION - Building a billion dollar enterprise

I've been thinking about ways to bring value to the forum and I think creating a progress thread about my real estate business and investments could provide alot of insight to members interested in investing (especially at a young age) and also help myself stay accountable to doing what I need...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

@Ravens_Shadow also had humble beginnings and went through years of struggle, slow progress, dealing with so much financial hardship and sacrifice. He'll also probably be worth a billion dollars in a decade or less. His signature has several of his great threads.

NOTABLE! - MINDSET - Managing Your Expectations Is Everything! Expectations.. An Integral Piece To Your First Million In Sales.

Managing Expectations While On Your Entrepreneurial Journey Preface: I'd consider myself relatively successful now that I've built up a company that's generating over $1 million in ARR and I'm finally able to reap my rewards via fat dividends checks. I’m writing this from the perspective of...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

@Johnny boy 's lawncare thread is also a great lesson in mindset. All of the posts are full of confidence with clear steps towards clear goals. That's how you want to be thinking.

GOLD! - HOT! - Starting (and Fastlaning) a lawn care service business

21 and currently selling cars at the moment. I’ve got some money to throw at something. I just bought a used trailer and have some lawn equipment. Got a pro website, branding, and I have decent copywriting skills for posting ads. Started with craigslist, Google AdWords and I’m on yelp and...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

@Kak also has some great posts on thinking bigger: GOLD! - Think Big, and Then Think Bigger Than That. and his podcast is good too.

Stop thinking that rich people are special. Most of them aren't (as I've learned from reading the political posts on Facebook by people with mansions). They played the game for years and never quit. The guys that I mentioned above each had humble beginnings and they're crushing it now.

Find some huge industries with a few billionaires and a bunch of millionaires, then pick one that your skills give you some kind of edge in. Then start working on something - your first business doesn't have to be big - you just need to start accumulating wins so that you believe that it's possible and to use that inertia to carry you to greater things. Also, think of where you want to be in a decade. That will help you shrug off the inevitable setbacks and keep you on track even if things are slow in the beginning.

First, thank you for taking the real time it must have taken to compile this list here. I will be going through each of these over the next few days during my windows of opportunity.

I do absolutely have self-doubt issues. Strangely, I have some things I'm absolutely confident in, however. I'm highly confident in my problem solving skills. I'm confident in my ability to talk to people and solve problems. I'm a better than average salesmen. Basically, I'm a really good employee. The best. I mean you WANT me to be your employee. But anything beyond that? That's basically where my confidence ends.

Anyways, I've dumped enough emotional negativity into one thread. I will take what you've given me here and do my absolutely best to try and internalize the lesson's they teach. I think intrinsically I believe that I will not be like this forever. Else I wouldn't even be on these forums trying to overcome. I'd just settle in and coast. But I refuse to do that. For my kids sakes. For my wife's sake. And really? For my sake.

Thank you again!

 

[Lone_Ranger428]

Without boring you with the details I make just enough in my job to keep my family (4 young kids and a wife) from starving but not enough that I'll ever have a retirement. Having read most of TMF to know that I'm not even qualifying as a slow-laner is depressing. Couple that with the fact I'm in a highly technical and skilled trade, and recently discovered I'm being far underpaid, I'm feeling pretty discouraged. I signed a rock-solid non-compete as well which basically locks me out of trading individually on my skills.

The truth is by most standards I'm doing better than all my friends. My wages are higher than most of them make. They don't feel higher because of the single income, but it is higher. My area is pretty depressed and wages are somewhat stagnant. This doesn't help my situation.

All lanes out seem less than ideal. Other similar trades that are more likely to pay more come with severe caveats that make me feel like there's no sense for me to jump into. I'm not averse to working hard. But I'm feeling paralyzed by just how much the alternatives up the suck-factor.

Had a small business idea that would possibly generate some side income that might help us not feel so bottled in, and I intend to give it a shot (I'm not sure it could qualify as fastlane yet.) My friend however shot a few hundred bullet holes in just how profitable it would really be so I'm already feeling dejected before I even start.

How in the world do you guys overcome this mess?

So many guys on here are out there rocking it. How do you go from feeling like there's no point to trying to actually being successful? I know from reading other posts here not everyone is doing amazing, but man. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for the better part of a decade and starting to really doubt I have what it takes to do much of anything to do better.

Sorry for the depression-fest.

If you are being underpaid, then first make a portfolio and mention some of your best works in it. Then go on linkdIn, Reddit groups, Facebook groups related to your job.
AND the thing about FEELING DEPRESSED is that Everybody goes through it.
And even though your situation seems volatile. You have 5 reasons to make your situation better(your 1st child, 2nd child, 3rd child , 4th child and your wife).

Your situation can be described as MAKE IT or BREAK IT.
First do some research and make a minimum viable plan and Start it.
And evaluate the worst case scenario and best case scenario.
If you can handle the worst case scenario and best case scenario can improve your life at the pace you want.
THEN GO FOR IT.
REMEMBER one thing, When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life.

 

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[Brass Pockets]

You haven’t done anything yet! That’s the problem.

This is my favorite video. I watched it many years ago.

Now, years later, I REALLY get it. This is how it really works.

View: https://youtu.be/-2m6JkJvv4w


You go out, have an idea on how you think things will go, it’s shit.

Then you learn things and adjust.

Then you suck less.

And you adjust again.

Then things get mediocre.

And you adjust again.

And then it gets good!

And you adjust again.

And you start winning.

Just remember when it sucks, you’re just playing the game the way it’s meant to be played anyways. It’s so universal that it’s been explained in a hundred different ways by all entrepreneurs. It is a journey and you will get better. The best thing you can do is start.

Great video, defo true in so many ways what you say, we need to experiment to grow and understand what works better.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

I'm a better than average salesmen. Basically, I'm a really good employee. The best. I mean you WANT me to be your employee. But anything beyond that? That's basically where my confidence ends.

Strangely, I have some things I'm absolutely confident in, however. I'm highly confident in my problem solving skills. I'm confident in my ability to talk to people and solve problems. I'm a better than average salesmen.

So your problem is that you haven't learned how to think like a business owner yet. But fortunately, you're a great problem solver, so that's just another problem for you to figure out. And you already have a great employee to start (yourself), so you're in a great position.