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Do I Have To Sacrifice My Close Family Relationships?

PersianCub

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I’m at the very beginning of building my first fastlane pursuit.

Made a written agreement (with accountability partner) to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and my social life for at least 2-3 years while I get the foundation laid. I’m not scared to go extreme for a while, but the cost of a damaging effect to my family is the only thing that concerns me. (I’m 23)

Our relationship has been pretty much ice cold and negative for years due to my dad leaving over a decade ago. I have a younger brother that I never had a bond with either because it was just constant fighting in the house.

Now I have an opportunity to build a relationship with both my bro and mom.

I know if I don’t build the relationship now, I’ll probably regret it forever. I don’t think any amount of future success would be worth that.

I keep running into this idea of “no balance” when starting a company, and I’m cool with that but I just want to have this one exception.

Is it possible to build a startup and still AT LEAST maintain/grow the bond with close family?

What exceptions have you made to this "rule" of going all-in on your business that were successful long term?

Thanks
 

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Last edited:

Primeperiwinkle

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So have you read the books yet? They’re worth the time. This section is from Unscripted. I liked it a lot tonight and remembered your post.

“Email after email, someone messages me asking for critical, life-altering advice, as if I know the right answer: Do I quit my job and start a business? Should I quit the military after five years? Do I drop out of college? My wife is the ultimate Slowlaner; do I divorce her? Do I wipe my a$$ with my left or right hand? Let me get this straight… you want me, a stranger on the other side of the planet, to decide one of your most important life decisions based on a paragraph written in forty-five seconds? It’s ridiculous, and yet it happens daily.
...
We’re all perfectly imperfect. Including our heroes. While doing X, Y, and Z might have worked for Jobs, it might not work for YOU. Every one of us needs to stop hero-worshiping mortal beings and be our own heroes. Be a hero to your wife, to your family, and to your children. Stop trying to write your story with someone else’s pen and, instead, start using your own.”

Your family is important dude. Good luck.
 

PizzaOnTheRoof

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The Fastlane isn't just about money, it's about getting to your ideal lifestyle as fast as possible.

If you're content with living on the beach in Costa Rica making only $30K a year then go for it.

If you want two lambos, a golf course, and a vacation home in Paris then effin go for it!

The Fastlane (and living Unscripted) is about building the life YOU want on YOUR terms regardless of what other people think or say.

If you are giving up having a relationship with your family (which you want) for a business, then no amount of money is going to heal that wound.

BEING CLOSE TO YOUR FAMILY IS PART OF YOUR FASTLANE DESTINATION!!!
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Feb 28, 2018
107
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So have you read the books yet? They’re worth the time. This section is from Unscripted. I liked it a lot tonight and remembered your post.

“Email after email, someone messages me asking for critical, life-altering advice, as if I know the right answer: Do I quit my job and start a business? Should I quit the military after five years? Do I drop out of college? My wife is the ultimate Slowlaner; do I divorce her? Do I wipe my a$$ with my left or right hand? Let me get this straight… you want me, a stranger on the other side of the planet, to decide one of your most important life decisions based on a paragraph written in forty-five seconds? It’s ridiculous, and yet it happens daily.
...
We’re all perfectly imperfect. Including our heroes. While doing X, Y, and Z might have worked for Jobs, it might not work for YOU. Every one of us needs to stop hero-worshiping mortal beings and be our own heroes. Be a hero to your wife, to your family, and to your children. Stop trying to write your story with someone else’s pen and, instead, start using your own.”

Your family is important dude. Good luck.
yes I have, but it looks like I need to re read. I appreciate this and your so right. I almost got caught up in the cookie cutter entreprenuer bullshit. Thank you
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

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Feb 28, 2018
107
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The Fastlane isn't just about money, it's about getting to your ideal lifestyle as fast as possible.

If you're content with living on the beach in Costa Rica making only $30K a year then go for it.

If you want two lambos, a golf course, and a vacation home in Paris then effin go for it!

The Fastlane (and living Unscripted) is about building the life YOU want on YOUR terms regardless of what other people think or say.

If you are giving up having a relationship with your family (which you want) for a business, then no amount of money is going to heal that wound.

BEING CLOSE TO YOUR FAMILY IS PART OF YOUR FASTLANE DESTINATION!!!
so true so true. I'm gonna re read the book and get my perspective back in check thank you.
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

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Slapping myself in the head right now for falling into the mainstream trap right there. No more responses needed, appreciate the reminder everyone.
 

Mainstream7

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We cant make decisions for you, but being all-in on something you dont even know what to do is a bad decision (speaking from experience).
Your family relationships are important.

Want to be all-in on the fastlane? Meet up with 10 customers validate your idea of a need through cold calling or other means. I dare you. If you cant do this you have no business being all-in, you're dreaming.

Also when it fails in 3 years what will you do? You will be left with dust. No money, no family, no relationship.

Hedge accordingly.
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Feb 28, 2018
107
143
136
Atlanta
We cant make decisions for you, but being all-in on something you dont even know what to do is a bad decision (speaking from experience).
Your family relationships are important.

Want to be all-in on the fastlane? Meet up with 10 customers validate your idea of a need through cold calling or other means. I dare you. If you cant do this you have no business being all-in, you're dreaming.

Also when it fails in 3 years what will you do? You will be left with dust. No money, no family, no relationship.

Hedge accordingly.
Truth, thank you. I’ll do that and message you the results.
 

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krod1681

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I’m at the very beginning of building my first fastlane pursuit.

Made a written agreement (with accountability partner) to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and my social life for at least 2-3 years while I get the foundation laid. I’m not scared to go extreme for a while, but the cost of a damaging effect to my family is the only thing that concerns me. (I’m 23)

Our relationship has been pretty much ice cold and negative for years due to my dad leaving over a decade ago. I have a younger brother that I never had a bond with either because it was just constant fighting in the house.

Now I have an opportunity to build a relationship with both my bro and mom.

I know if I don’t build the relationship now, I’ll probably regret it forever. I don’t think any amount of future success would be worth that.

I keep running into this idea of “no balance” when starting a company, and I’m cool with that but I just want to have this one exception.

Is it possible to build a startup and still AT LEAST maintain/grow the bond with close family?

What exceptions have you made to this "rule" of going all-in on your business that were successful long term?

Thanks
The end goal of Fastlane is to achieve happiness. And happiness are the 3Fs. Family, Fitness, and Freedom.

So don't miss out on the Family part.
 

Thomas Baptiste

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I’m at the very beginning of building my first fastlane pursuit.

Made a written agreement (with accountability partner) to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and my social life for at least 2-3 years while I get the foundation laid. I’m not scared to go extreme for a while, but the cost of a damaging effect to my family is the only thing that concerns me. (I’m 23)

Our relationship has been pretty much ice cold and negative for years due to my dad leaving over a decade ago. I have a younger brother that I never had a bond with either because it was just constant fighting in the house.

Now I have an opportunity to build a relationship with both my bro and mom.

I know if I don’t build the relationship now, I’ll probably regret it forever. I don’t think any amount of future success would be worth that.

I keep running into this idea of “no balance” when starting a company, and I’m cool with that but I just want to have this one exception.

Is it possible to build a startup and still AT LEAST maintain/grow the bond with close family?

What exceptions have you made to this "rule" of going all-in on your business that were successful long term?

Thanks
I don't have much experience with building a start-up, hence why I'm here, but I do know A LOT about bonds (family & friends).

Your circumstances seem tough. I'm not in your shoes to know how difficult it would be to maintain the relationships you have with your bro and mom. However, I personally deem a support system very important. Whether it's friends or family, I think it's important to be around people you love and people that love you.

As for going cold turkey on your social life, I think that's a recipe for disaster. Your business should be your mission, but don't let it remove from the other elements in your life. That's like the entire point of the commandment of time in CENTS.

Prioritize and look at your values. In my experience, people that love you are going to respect your choices man. They might not support your choices entirely, and they might not like your choices, but they will respect them if you show you're serious about it.
 

Bekit

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I would just add...

No matter what you're going for in your fastlane pursuit, no matter how big you reach, no matter how successful you become, no matter how amazing your trajectory, NONE of that is incompatible with love.

It sounds like the door has cracked open for love to flourish once again in your relationship with your mom and brother. Love was trampled when your dad left. It became ice cold.

And you instinctively recognized that. Even if you never articulated it to yourself, something inside of you protested that outcome. "Things are out of order."

Now, something inside of you is desiring that repair.

But fear is grappling with you in the desire to move forward.

Fear and love are incompatible. There is no fear in love. Love drives out fear. But if fear gets the upper hand, if you shrink back and close your heart to love, then part of you shrivels up, leaving you a hollow shell of the person you could have been.

In your entrepreneurial journey, you will be a much fuller, more whole version of yourself if you have rich, meaningful, loving relationships in your life.

Love is a tricky thing. When it is violated, it's the worst pain in the world. And it feels especially risky to love when you have been hurt in the past in precisely that domain (family love). And I have no way of knowing if the people in question are malicious, toxic people who are incapable of love, or if they're just "messy" people who are trying to figure things out and stumbling their way forward in these relationships and sometimes accidentally breaking things along the way.

But I'd say... just treat your brother with a lot of love. He's probably nervous about how you'll receive him. You're probably nervous about how he'll receive you. Give him unconditional love and see where it goes. That doesn't have to sabotage your entrepreneurial journey in the least. In fact, it can give wings to your feet.

And if, after loving unconditionally, he spurns and rejects that and acts in a way that requires you to remove him from your life, you can. But you've done the generous thing, the bigger thing, the courageous thing. And no matter what happens, you can be proud of that decision.

[Side note: You made a written agreement to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and your social life for at least 2-3 years. I don't think that family counts in the "social life" category. Therefore, you're not violating your written agreement. And I wholeheartedly concur that the three items you listed can pose a big distraction to your pursuit of big, awesome goals. So keep on track with your accountability partner there. *applause*]
 

Thomas Baptiste

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I would just add...

No matter what you're going for in your fastlane pursuit, no matter how big you reach, no matter how successful you become, no matter how amazing your trajectory, NONE of that is incompatible with love.

It sounds like the door has cracked open for love to flourish once again in your relationship with your mom and brother. Love was trampled when your dad left. It became ice cold.

And you instinctively recognized that. Even if you never articulated it to yourself, something inside of you protested that outcome. "Things are out of order."

Now, something inside of you is desiring that repair.

But fear is grappling with you in the desire to move forward.

Fear and love are incompatible. There is no fear in love. Love drives out fear. But if fear gets the upper hand, if you shrink back and close your heart to love, then part of you shrivels up, leaving you a hollow shell of the person you could have been.

In your entrepreneurial journey, you will be a much fuller, more whole version of yourself if you have rich, meaningful, loving relationships in your life.

Love is a tricky thing. When it is violated, it's the worst pain in the world. And it feels especially risky to love when you have been hurt in the past in precisely that domain (family love). And I have no way of knowing if the people in question are malicious, toxic people who are incapable of love, or if they're just "messy" people who are trying to figure things out and stumbling their way forward in these relationships and sometimes accidentally breaking things along the way.

But I'd say... just treat your brother with a lot of love. He's probably nervous about how you'll receive him. You're probably nervous about how he'll receive you. Give him unconditional love and see where it goes. That doesn't have to sabotage your entrepreneurial journey in the least. In fact, it can give wings to your feet.

And if, after loving unconditionally, he spurns and rejects that and acts in a way that requires you to remove him from your life, you can. But you've done the generous thing, the bigger thing, the courageous thing. And no matter what happens, you can be proud of that decision.

[Side note: You made a written agreement to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and my social life for at least 2-3 years. I don't think that family counts in the "social life" category. Therefore, you're not violating your written agreement. And I wholeheartedly concur that the three items you listed can pose a big distraction to your pursuit of big, awesome goals. So keep on track with your accountability partner there. *applause*]
This is beautiful, poetic even.
 

TonyStark

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You’re making more excuses. You haven’t even started your so called “startup” and you’re already making excuses.

Most people are able to do both things.
 

NewManRising

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Here is my take -
You can still go at this business while having a relationship with them.

Provided:
1. You set a reasonable boundary (hours, days) that give the right balance
2. They remain a positive influence in your life.

I've had some nasty friends and a crazy family and I have worked hard at setting boundaries. It requires some tweaking to get it right. But, only keep your door open for those who respect your space/boundaries and are a positive influence.
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Feb 28, 2018
107
143
136
Atlanta
I would just add...

No matter what you're going for in your fastlane pursuit, no matter how big you reach, no matter how successful you become, no matter how amazing your trajectory, NONE of that is incompatible with love.

It sounds like the door has cracked open for love to flourish once again in your relationship with your mom and brother. Love was trampled when your dad left. It became ice cold.

And you instinctively recognized that. Even if you never articulated it to yourself, something inside of you protested that outcome. "Things are out of order."

Now, something inside of you is desiring that repair.

But fear is grappling with you in the desire to move forward.

Fear and love are incompatible. There is no fear in love. Love drives out fear. But if fear gets the upper hand, if you shrink back and close your heart to love, then part of you shrivels up, leaving you a hollow shell of the person you could have been.

In your entrepreneurial journey, you will be a much fuller, more whole version of yourself if you have rich, meaningful, loving relationships in your life.

Love is a tricky thing. When it is violated, it's the worst pain in the world. And it feels especially risky to love when you have been hurt in the past in precisely that domain (family love). And I have no way of knowing if the people in question are malicious, toxic people who are incapable of love, or if they're just "messy" people who are trying to figure things out and stumbling their way forward in these relationships and sometimes accidentally breaking things along the way.

But I'd say... just treat your brother with a lot of love. He's probably nervous about how you'll receive him. You're probably nervous about how he'll receive you. Give him unconditional love and see where it goes. That doesn't have to sabotage your entrepreneurial journey in the least. In fact, it can give wings to your feet.

And if, after loving unconditionally, he spurns and rejects that and acts in a way that requires you to remove him from your life, you can. But you've done the generous thing, the bigger thing, the courageous thing. And no matter what happens, you can be proud of that decision.

[Side note: You made a written agreement to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and your social life for at least 2-3 years. I don't think that family counts in the "social life" category. Therefore, you're not violating your written agreement. And I wholeheartedly concur that the three items you listed can pose a big distraction to your pursuit of big, awesome goals. So keep on track with your accountability partner there. *applause*]
Really appreciate this man, and I agree completely. Thank you
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

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You’re making more excuses. You haven’t even started your so called “startup” and you’re already making excuses.

Most people are able to do both things.
Excuses? What are you talking about?
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

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Feb 28, 2018
107
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Here is my take -
You can still go at this business while having a relationship with them.

Provided:
1. You set a reasonable boundary (hours, days) that give the right balance
2. They remain a positive influence in your life.

I've had some nasty friends and a crazy family and I have worked hard at setting boundaries. It requires some tweaking to get it right. But, only keep your door open for those who respect your space/boundaries and are a positive influence.
Right on, yea that’s what I’m leaning towards. keep time for the important only
 

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TonyStark

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Excuses? What are you talking about?
You don’t even have a startup and you’re already putting up barriers that don’t exist.

Start getting some sales and make money, then you can complain.

Start working 40-60 hour weeks, then you can complain.

People everywhere make time for both things, so the fact that you’re focused on losing relationships means your mind isn’t in the right place.

Just get to it.
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

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You don’t even have a startup and you’re already putting up barriers that don’t exist.

Start getting some sales and make money, then you can complain.

Start working 40-60 hour weeks, then you can complain.

People everywhere make time for both things, so the fact that you’re focused on losing relationships means your mind isn’t in the right place.

Just get to it.
Fair enough. On it
 

100k

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Yes, you have to put your success above everything and everyone else. Sure you can give people a call weekly if you want and see them weekly if you want. But your start up will require you to dedicate an insane amount of time and dedication to it, otherwise someone else that is willing to pay the price will have you for breakfast.

There is no home/work balance... there's only work. Until you've built your systems and the business can stand on its own two legs, then you'll have a little bit more room to manoeuvre.
 

Xeon

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Made a written agreement (with accountability partner) to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and my social life for at least 2-3 years while I get the foundation laid.
Cutting out alcohol (and also Starbucks coffee) is a very good thing to do.
Alcohol does nothing good for you, other than messing up your health and liver, brings with it a host of other issues, and....takes away your money.

As for cutting out girls, well....there's one statement which I always believe in since last year : "Women make you lose money, but money will not make you lose women". A lot of people here find this offensive, but think about it from a practical point of view in terms of money flow, and it's true. When you're rich, the women will come.

I have a younger brother that I never had a bond with either because it was just constant fighting in the house. Now I have an opportunity to build a relationship with both my bro and mom.
I know if I don’t build the relationship now, I’ll probably regret it forever.
If there's one thing during your pursuit of the Fastlane that you should not give up at any cost, that would be Family. Your mom is probably in her mid-40s - mid 50s now. In the blink of an eye, she'll be 70, and 80...how many more years do you have left with her?

Cherish the time left with your family, this is something I always remind myself (my parents are in their mid-60s and soon, they'll be old and frail). In the West, it might be seen as "uncool" or "loser" over there if you're too close to your parents when you're an adult. Who cares?

If I were in your shoes, I would go out on a dinner date with my bro and mom.
If the bro thinks it's "uncool", I would at least go out with my mom, take her shopping.
It doesn't have to be a whole day, or even half a day. 2 hours every week or two means a lot.
Watch a couple of hours of TV with her every now and then, share with her what's happening in your life.

Assuming you cut out alcohol/parties, cut out girls and other forms of socializing and un-necessary events, you'll find that you've much more time left for your family and your business goals.

As a social recluse, I personally find that one actually does not need much friends as long as the family bonds are strong.

On a side note, in many countries in Asia, we've this question that sometimes get asked for fun :

"If your girlfriend and your mom falls into the sea, and you can only save one and there's no other smart-alec method, who will you save first?"

My answer: Mom. Because you can always find another girl.

What's yours?
 
OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

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Feb 28, 2018
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OP
OP
PersianCub

PersianCub

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Feb 28, 2018
107
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Atlanta
Cutting out alcohol (and also Starbucks coffee) is a very good thing to do.
Alcohol does nothing good for you, other than messing up your health and liver, brings with it a host of other issues, and....takes away your money.

As for cutting out girls, well....there's one statement which I always believe in since last year : "Women make you lose money, but money will not make you lose women". A lot of people here find this offensive, but think about it from a practical point of view in terms of money flow, and it's true. When you're rich, the women will come.



If there's one thing during your pursuit of the Fastlane that you should not give up at any cost, that would be Family. Your mom is probably in her mid-40s - mid 50s now. In the blink of an eye, she'll be 70, and 80...how many more years do you have left with her?

Cherish the time left with your family, this is something I always remind myself (my parents are in their mid-60s and soon, they'll be old and frail). In the West, it might be seen as "uncool" or "loser" over there if you're too close to your parents when you're an adult. Who cares?

If I were in your shoes, I would go out on a dinner date with my bro and mom.
If the bro thinks it's "uncool", I would at least go out with my mom, take her shopping.
It doesn't have to be a whole day, or even half a day. 2 hours every week or two means a lot.
Watch a couple of hours of TV with her every now and then, share with her what's happening in your life.

Assuming you cut out alcohol/parties, cut out girls and other forms of socializing and un-necessary events, you'll find that you've much more time left for your family and your business goals.

As a social recluse, I personally find that one actually does not need much friends as long as the family bonds are strong.

On a side note, in many countries in Asia, we've this question that sometimes get asked for fun :

"If your girlfriend and your mom falls into the sea, and you can only save one and there's no other smart-alec method, who will you save first?"

My answer: Mom. Because you can always find another girl.

What's yours?
Damn dude this hit home. Your absolutely right thank you
 

MJ DeMarco

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Made a written agreement (with accountability partner) to completely cut out girls, alcohol, and my social life for at least 2-3 years while I get the foundation laid.
Wuh? Yes starting a business is HARD, but you don't need to cut out everything else in life.

Yes, things GO UNBLANCED, but you still can live and enjoy life.

When I was starting, it was WORK, GYM, FRIENDS (had very few since I was in a new city) and SLEEP.

Is it possible to build a startup and still AT LEAST maintain/grow the bond with close family?
Where are you getting this idea that you have to ditch your family if you start a business?
 

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