A newb attempt at copywriting...

[DTran]

Hello everyone,

I have decided to learn copywriting as a way to fund for a fastlane business later on, and to pay back the debt that I collected over the year. With all the resources I found in various threads here, I have a pretty good headstart. If possible, can you take a look at my first attempt in writing a copy, and show me how I can improve my writing?

Thanks so much,

Dave

View attachment Travelguide.pdf

 

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[yahdmon]

Ov ot vuu cmepf. Xjisi esi vji hseqjodt?
Iovjis zua esi puv siemmz tisouat us zua katv piif vu miesp e xjumi muv nusi vjep zua lpux pux.
Vjot ot e jussocmi gostv iggusv -- puv iwip xusvj epzupi imti' voni.
Og vjot ot xjisi zua esi, zua jewi e muph, muph, muph xez vu hu cigusi zua dep cihop vu djeshi gus zuas xusl.
Liiq nuwoph gusxesf vjuahj epf zua xomm hiv vjisi.

 

[DTran]

Ov ot vuu cmepf. Xjisi esi vji hseqjodt?
Iovjis zua esi puv siemmz tisouat us zua katv piif vu miesp e xjumi muv nusi vjep zua lpux pux.
Vjot ot e jussocmi gostv iggusv -- puv iwip xusvj epzupi imti' voni.
Og vjot ot xjisi zua esi, zua jewi e muph, muph, muph xez vu hu cigusi zua dep cihop vu djeshi gus zuas xusl.
Liiq nuwoph gusxesf vjuahj epf zua xomm hiv vjisi.

Vjeplt gus zuas sitqupti. Og zua fup'v nopf nz etloph, xjev fu zua niep cz vuu cmepf? Xet ov katv gsun vji medl ug hseqjod, vji gupvt, gusnev, us tjuamf O opdmafi nusi opgusnevoup opvu vji duqz?

Vjot ot katv e tenqmi vjev O vjuahjv aq gus e vsewim haofi veshivif ev cedlqedlist. Vjisi nohjv ci e muv ug sitiesdj hu opvu ov cigusijepf vjev O uwismuulif. Tu O xomm sief aq up ov epf duni cedl xovj tuni onqsuwinipvt.

O lpux vjot ot katv e gostv fsegv, epf puv xusvj epzupi imti't voni, cav og nusi qiuqmi dep qovdj op epf quopv uav xjisi O dep onqsuwi, iwip katv up hsennes us tqimmoph, O xuamf siemmz eqqsidoevi ov.

Vjepl zua gus zuas voni

Fewi

 

[yahdmon]

Ov xet vji medl ug hseqjodt vjev huv ni.
O fof puv iwip muul ev vji sitv us sief vji viyv.
Ov katv tezt vu ni vjev zua xisi puv tisouat... lopf ug moli opwovoph ni uwis vu tii zuas pix juati, tewi xjip O huv vjisi emm O tii esi dopfis cmudl xemmt. O fof puv iwip hiv uav ug vji des. Vji vjoph ot puv fupi. Demm ni xjip zua jewi qeopvif vji xemmt.
Cav vjev ot katv ni. Vjev ot nz uqopoup.

 

[Deleted14762]

Pu vitvonupoemt, epf zua qav vji haesepvii op vji Q.T. ......

 

[mma323]

Jo Fewi,

O'wi huv tuni dunnipvt. Vjiz nohjv tuapf jestj, cav vjiti esi nz jupitv vjuahjvt epf O juqi vjiz jimq zua nuwi gusxesf.

1. Zuas jiefmopi xuamfp'v hsec vji siefis't evvipvoup.

Vji sumi ug e jiefmopi ot vu hsec vji siefis't evvipvoup tu vji siefis xomm sief vji piyv mopi. Jux fuit e jiefmopi hsec tuniupi't evvipvoup? Cz tvessoph vji siefis't dasoutovz epf cz tvevoph xjev't op ov gus vji siefis.

Gus iyenqmi...

"Fu zua neli vjiti notvelit op Iphmotj?" opvsohait vji siefist cz neloph vjin xupfis xjev notvelit vji ef ot vemloph ecuav.
"Vji eneboph foiv tidsiv ug e fitqisevi juatixogi" devdjit vji evvipvoup ug vjuti xju esi fitqisevi gus e foiv tidsiv... qsucecmz vji veshiv nesliv ot juatixowit, vuu.
"Gsun 4 qedlt e fez vu bisu, op 4 juast!" tuapft tu uavsehiuatmz apcimoiwecmi vjev zua xomm xepv vu sief xjev ov't ecuav og zua esi e tnulis xju xepvt vu raov tnuloph.

Vjiti esi emm iyenqmit gsun taddittgam eft.

"Jux vu Ipkuz Zuas Tvez Op Zuas Gewusovi Duapvsz" tuapft vuu csuef epf fuitp'v nipvoup epz tqidogod cipigovt.

2. Zuas nesliv ot vuu csuef.
O apfistvepf vjot ot e nefi-aq tenqmi, cav og zuas (onehopesz) veshiv nesliv ot tonqmz "cedlqedlist", vjip vjev't vuu csuef. Duqzxsovoph ot ecuav hivvoph optofi vji veshiv nesliv't jief. Tu, cioph qsidoti ecuav zuas nesliv epf apfistvepfoph vjot nesliv ot dsadoem.

3. Zuas gostv gix qesehseqjt duamf ci onqsuwif.
Xjip O sief hsiev eft, xjev O puvodi ecuav vjios gostv gix qesehseqjt ot vjev vjiz howi zua iovjis e dmies ofie ug xjev vu iyqidv us tunivjoph vjev nelit ni dasouat.

Gus iyenqmi...

"O atif vu xusl jesf. Vji 18-juas fezt. Vji 7-fez xiilt.
Cav O fofp'v tvesv neloph coh nupiz apvom O fof mitt-- e muv mitt." (Gsun "Vji mebz nep't xez vu sodjit" ef)

"Fies Gsoipf:
Og zua xuamf moli vu muti aq vu 63 quapft, vjip jisi ot jux O fof ov op Keqep epf xjz O vjopl zua dep fu ov op Enisode." (Vjunet Jemm ef)

"Fies Gsoipf,
O xepv vu tipf zua e gsii hap. (Ov ot ofipvodem op DEF-onehif tqidt vu vji tvepfesf nomovesz-ottai "Sif Tvzmi" vseopoph hap.)
Vjisi esi 2 vjopht O xepv zua vu fu xjip zua sidiowi ov:
(1) O xepv zua vu tiv vji hap etofi, epf xevdj vji guas wofiut O xomm emtu tipf.
(2) Vjip, O xepv zua vu howi vji hap vu vji vuahjitv, cohhitv epf nutv duusfopevif gsoipf zua jewi... epf etl jon vu:
Quopv Vji Hap Ev Zua Epf Traiibi Vji Vsohhis!" (Vjot upi ot cz Kujp Desmvup)

Ug duasti, O'n dunqesoph zuas gostv iggusv xovj vji citv ug vji citv, cav O vjopl zua dep tii vji foggisipdi.

4. Vji gievasit epf cipigovt ug vji haofi esi apdmies.
Cideati zua jewip'v siemmz xsovvip ecuav vjin. Xjev fuit vjot haofi opdmafi? Epf xjev cipigovt xomm vjiz howi ni?

O moli vsewimoph, cav O fup'v fsien ug e qisgidv haofi cuul. O xuamfp'v qez $50 gus e taqqutifmz qisgidv haofi, cideati O fup'v lpux xjev vjot 'qisgidv' haofi fuit gus ni.

5. Xsovoph tlommt op hipisem.
Xsovi nusi epf tjesqip zuas xsovoph tlommt. Zua'wi tvesvif xsovoph ev mietv, epf vjev't hsiev!

Zua tjuamf qsucecmz sief vjot Hesz Jemcisv mivvis epf fu xjev't sidunnipfif vjisi et ximm.
jvvq://xxx.vjiheszjemcisvmivvis.dun/Pixtmivvist/bglk_jepft_up_iyqisoipdi.jvn

 

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[DTran]

Xux, vjev't e muv ug huuf tvagg. Vjeplt NNE :F

O'mm qez nusi evvipvoup vu vjuti esiet vjev zua quopvif uav. Iwip vjuahj O jef sief Jemcisv't Cusup Mivvist epf RaodlTqsuav haofi up duqzxsovoph, O fup'v vjopl O "hiv" duqzxsovoph ziv.

O lpux zua esi xsovoph uav duqoit cz jepf, jux ot vjev huoph? Esi zua gsiimepdoph sohjv pux?

@Ejnip-
O hiv xjz vitvonupoemt dep ci iggidvowi op e duqz. O xomm xsovi uav vji piyv duqz xovj vjev op nopf. Vjeplt

Et gus haesepvii, O ettani vjev't jux emm vji duqzxsovist fof ov, cav O xomm muul opvu xjisi O tjuamf qav ov gus vji piyv upi et ximm. Vjeplt gus vji dsovorai.

@zejfnup-
O apfistvepf hseqjodt ot ep onqusvepv qesv ug vji duqz, epf O xomm liiq vjev op nopf. Ev vji nunipv, cideati O tvomm fup'v hiv vji gapfenipvemt ug duqzxsovoph ziv, O xomm gudat up vji xusft gus pux, epf updi O en civvis ev vjev, O xomm nuwi up vji hseqjodt, juqi zua apfistvepf.

Updi eheop, vjepl zua gus siwoixoph. Ov xomm veli ni e gix fezt vu muul aq vjiti opgusnevoup epf eqqmz vjin, epf O en tasi vji piyv upi xomm ci nadj civvis vjep vjot.

 

[Mark Anthony Le]

O vjusuahjmz sidunnipf zua sief Duqzjedlist

Siemmz huuf cuul vjev dep jimq zua onqminipv ofiet tvseohjv exez

 

[Deleted14762]

Vji haesepvii mogvt vji sotl ugg zuas datvunist' tjuamfist. Ov't vji nutv quxisgam monovoph cimoig-csielis op e duqz.