Competitive... too competitive?

[botnickguy]

I'd be interested to see what kind of responses this post gets, especially from the more seasoned of fastlaners.

As I progress in my endeavors in the Fastlane there are a lot of people who want to emulate my success and are inspired by it. I want to help these people out but I also feel emotions of fear that I wouldn't want to raise competition around me. I try to combat these negative feelings, because they do seep into other aspects of my life.

I don't want to see people (even the ones I care about) succeed at a higher level than me... I know this is an unhealthy mindset. I have severe compare-myself-to-others-itis and not for much a good reason in my opinion. I am not necessarily happy in this mindset but it still has a huge grip on me.

Fastlaners are competitive & hard-working individuals, focused on success. I just wanted to poll the community on whether this mindset is wrong, right, healthy, unhealthy, etc etc. It does keep me driven, but it's a negative kind of mindset in some ways. Let me get your opinion on it.

 

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[WorldImperator]

Why do you feel so unsecured because of others being better than you?
Why do you want people to have w worse success than you?
This is one of the things I just hate.

Sorry, I am coming from a country, in which that kind of thinking is related to 95% of society. In Which, if you have better than your neighbor, you're a stealer and they call to tax offices to check you, being horribly envy and jealous, but will still be themselves drinking cheap beer from supermarkets own brands and watching stupid tv shows each day, swearing on you.

There are very little people who will help you and let you grow.

What's wrong with that?
Help others with not limiting them?
Why not to have a satisfaction, that you helped someone build an empire?
Satisfaction of others smiles?

Oh, and do not look on others.
Look for the best on in your industry and have a goal to beat him.
Not necessarily on a global view, but start with city, district etc.
Be the best, not limit others if they better than you.
Sorrow do yourself with people wiser than you, who know the details of niche, and listen to them.

And, you have to work on yourself to get out of internal insecurities.
If you still not satisfies with your level of success, why you are thinking that others can't be better, instead of thinking what should you do to double your achievement, or whatever your goal is?

 

[botnickguy]

It's not based in anger. It's based in fear. Fear of your competitors stealing away everything you ever wanted and loved. I would never step over somebody else who has shown loyalty towards me for my own interests. I guess I'm speaking of a scarcity based mindset that I find it hard to come out of that proves as motivation in part for me to consistently bust a$$. I have a history of being wronged by others and therefore I'm quite jaded about the intentions of others and that's also a motivator.

That being said I'm not asking for people to play therapist for me. I'm reaching out and saying, hey, does anyone else have this problem of being afraid of not being on top to the point where it gets disruptive? I'm sure I'm not the only one.

And by the way the mindset you are talking about is more the "Let's all lose together" mindset where one person wants to be lazy and gets upset if others choose to do otherwise. I'm speaking more of a mindset that is fear of losing everything that matters to me to somebody who is even slightly superior in any way.

 

[WorldImperator]

Ok, I understand now.
The thing you wrote in last paragraph is typical for my country mindset. Unfortunately. There few people thinking different.

Btw,
I think, that if you would know that you are a master of the game, you would be afraid. By the master I am saying, the one, who is doing everything best.

I would refocus your fears to strengths. Switch it. Be best. You will have no fear.
Competition there is always, and, yes, we should be aware of them.

But, yeah, past experiences are highly changing us.
Don't know what to say more.

Hope you will find your answer here from more experienced people.

 

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[Nicoknowsbest]

I don't want to see people (even the ones I care about) succeed at a higher level than me... I know this is an unhealthy mindset.

This will cripple your ability to think independently. Get that straight. Are you familiar with this - https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/the-astonishing-secrets-thread.50097/ ? This will help you correct your mindset.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

IMO, comparison is the root of misery.

Just to give you an example, I picked up one of those free lifestyle magazines up here in North Scottsdale. The magazine was littered with advertisements for fancy watches, fancy jewelry, plastic surgery, home decor, exotic cars, custom homes, it was pretty much a magazine filled with luxury brand advertisements. One of the advertisements was for a chandelier that costs more than a Mercedes.

The magazine embodies the comparison lifestyle, which is especially prevalent up here. People try real hard to outdo each other. Meanwhile, most of them are living paycheck to paycheck, despite the appearances. Underneath that Audi is 5 year payment. Underneath that new house is a 30 year mortgage. And underneath lives the comparison game. As I thumbed through the magazine I felt a bit saddened; for every 10 fools that is buying crap from this magazine, probably only 1 could truly afford it.

The fact is, there's always someone richer, someone better looking, someone younger, someone with a hotter spouse, faster car, bigger house, blah blah. It never ends. The only comparison you can legitimately make and be happy is you yesterday vs you today.

 

[IceCreamKid]

I played the comparison game a lot when I was younger. I stopped when it started to feel like a big scam to me. I was essentially a walking billboard for Nordstrom, Lacoste, and Ralph Lauren. I think the epitome of the douchebag behavior was when I paid a few hundred dollars for a pair of jeans just because they had some fancy sewing on the butt pockets. Did the fancy sewing better my life? Nope.

I refuse to wear clothing with logos these days and am much happier.

On a side note, I've noticed that people who don't want others to succeed at a higher level have a difficult time expressing their vulnerabilities. I can't even begin to say how much it has helped me these path few months to reach out to someone who is experienced in what I want to learn and tell them, "Hey man I'm kinda struggling with this. Actually, I'm outright confused. Lost. Can you help me out?".

It takes a long of strength to move forward alone, but even more strength to reach out for help and admit that you don't know something. If you knock on the door with the right questions though you'll probably get some good answers.

 

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[cautiouscapy]

@botnickguy I know you said you didn't need people to play therapist...but my thought is that, at least you are aware of how you're feeling - and that's a powerful place to be, because many, many people never get to that point.

One way to change your fears is to "Fake it 'til you make it"; if you always try to act like you are NOT feeling these fears (you pretty much say that you try to combat these feelings already).
Eventually it will be true that you are NOT feeling these fears.

 

[Luffy]

Well we grew up in a competition based society where you're constantly comparing yourself to the guy next to you.
Forget any business endeavors, you'll never be happy in life comparing yourself with others, it only creates a negative vibe.

 

[MoneyDoc]

I played the comparison game a lot when I was younger. I stopped when it started to feel like a big scam to me. I was essentially a walking billboard for Nordstrom, Lacoste, and Ralph Lauren. I think the epitome of the douchebag behavior was when I paid a few hundred dollars for a pair of jeans just because they had some fancy sewing on the butt pockets. Did the fancy sewing better my life? Nope.

I refuse to wear clothing with logos these days and am much happier.

On a side note, I've noticed that people who don't want others to succeed at a higher level have a difficult time expressing their vulnerabilities. I can't even begin to say how much it has helped me these path few months to reach out to someone who is experienced in what I want to learn and tell them, "Hey man I'm kinda struggling with this. Actually, I'm outright confused. Lost. Can you help me out?".

It takes a long of strength to move forward alone, but even more strength to reach out for help and admit that you don't know something. If you knock on the door with the right questions though you'll probably get some good answers.

I always used to think that people wearing $200 gucci belts, $300 shoes, $150 t-shirts, were "RICH". So I always wished for these items.

Now, I know that's not true and that those same people are thousands and thousands of dollars in debt just to "showoff". I personally know some people exactly like this. They MUST have the new iPhone, the lou bouton shoes, etc. even if it costs them their 2 week paycheck. Pretty sad in my opinion.

 

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[Mr.B]

The number of opportunities available to you is not limited, unless you think it is.

There is more than enough money for all of us to 'succeed'.

If you build your business with a scarcity mindset and spend your whole life looking over your shoulder to see what your competition is doing, you'll spend your days reacting rather than innovating.

I've found that the more I help others, the more that others are willing to help me.

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." - Albert Einstein.

 

[Achilles]

I got a friend who buys a 700 dollar loui vitton belt. Hes a bank teller. His parents bought him a 2010 volkwagen gti. He told me last week he wants to lease a c300 for 300 a month. Reading MJ's book cover to cover its very obvious this is how you stay broke...sidewalk mentality from a kid who was given everything. Its very hard being friends with him honestly.

 

[zr1]

Gratitude is the key to overcoming scarcity mentality and the need to compare.

Always be grateful for what you have and the more you will be given to be grateful for.

Count your blessings each day and you won't notice what's lacking anymore.

 

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