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Powerful tips for building quick rapport

Discussion in 'People & Relationships' started by Mr4213, Mar 11, 2017.

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  1. Mr4213
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    Mr4213 Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    It’s been awhile since I have posted. I’m going to share a good trick for building rapport fast, and some other tips as well.


    First off, if you’re trying to build social skills, sales skills ect. Then I’d highly recommend you start by educating yourself on very fundamental human psychology. Also, learn about body language, facial gestures, vocal tonality, ect.


    For instance, most humans are selfish. We love talking about ourselves. We love feeling important. 99% of the time when you are engaged in a conversation, the other person is not actively listening. They are usually thinking and waiting for a time to interject with something about themselves.


    Person A: “Yeah man, I’m going to Europe this summer! I’m so excited!”

    Person B: “Thats cool! I went to France last year and *insert story here*”


    Point being, most of the time genuine active listening is very rare. Having a good grasp on psychological concepts like this makes it very easy to connect with people. It will also allow you to defend yourself against manipulators with ill intent.


    It’s incredibly easy to get people talking for hours by only asking a few questions. You’d be surprised by how much information you actually reveal about yourself to people.


    So here is an effective and simple trick I use when talking to someone. I used this just the other day with a female clerk at checkout. I could tell she was a college student. Here is the conversation.


    Me: “How are you doing today?”

    Her: “I’m good! How are you?

    Me: “I’m doing great, thanks for asking. So are you a college student?”

    Her: “Yeah! I actually have class in an hour and I’m not looking forward to it”

    Me: “Oh that sucks haha, what's your major?

    Her: “I’m an english major haha”


    And here is my simple trick


    Me: “Oh okay! **So what about English do you like?**”


    Her: “Haha, mostly that I don't have to do any math...and I get to read a lot which I really like”


    Just from that small sentence, I can learn a lot about her personality. It opens the door for me to gather even more information. And it also allows me to connect with her.


    Me: “Haha, you seem like a very intelligent person so that doesn't surprise me! What are your favorite kinds of books?”


    I’ll end my example there. I was easily able to get her to open up to me and reveal information. Just by knowing what type of books she likes to read I can understand A LOT about her. It’s important to note that I did not reveal one piece of information about myself. I didn't talk about myself once. Most of the time people won’t even notice this because they are so caught up in themselves.


    Did you notice the compliment I gave her as well? People absolutely love compliments. That is a surefire way to make people like you.


    If I had wanted to, I could have created an entirely false persona in which I have tons in common with her. Which would in turn make her feel connected with me and like me even more. I’ve seen many salespeople use this strategy on people.


    For example, let's say you have a man looking for a car. After speaking with him you are able to find out he is looking for a car for his daughter in high school. The salesman could say “Oh, I see! I also have a daughter. Being a father myself, I want to make sure my daughter is driving the safest car possible. I’m sure you’re the same way. Let me show you a few cars that you might be interested in” In reality however, the salesman won’t be married let alone have a kid.


    I also made sure to mirror her body language. This works on a subconscious level to make people trust you.


    Once again, I highly recommend you educate yourself in these subjects. This will help your business, and overall quality of life immeasurably.


    It seems very simple, but it is very powerful. Try it yourself. The next time you have a conversation with someone, use this and watch how much information you are able to learn about them.


    (On a completely random note. People with malicious intent will often use this strategy on people so they can gather information on you ie sociopaths. This is called vulnerability reconnaissance. For example, I like to go out to clubs to hone my social and observation skills. I talk to everyone who I cross paths with. Yesterday, I met a pretty girl and within 5 minutes of talking to her I got her to reveal to me she has a kid and the father is a dead beat meth head. She even nervously laughed and said “I’m not even sure why I’m telling you all of this.” I could use this information against her if I wanted to. Lucky for her I am not a malicious person. So my point is this, always be aware of what you reveal to people. Control your tongue.)


    If people find this post useful, I’ll make sure to write more on the subject.


    Give it a shot! Thanks for reading.
     
  2. frenchguy
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    frenchguy PARKED

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    Thanks !
    I'll definitely be interested to hear more on this.
    Can you tell us where to find materials to learn about body language?
    Cheers
     
  3. Solrac
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    Solrac Bronze Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I don't really see how lying could help you close a deal, let alone move forward with any relational transaction of sorts. I think you could get just the same effect and keep it real vs trying to close a deal but being dishonest.

    I get the point of it, but still just sticks out as odd to me. If I found out someone had lied to me for whatever the reason (most) I probably wouldn't do business with them again or talk to them again.
     
  4. Mr4213
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    Mr4213 Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I certainly would never advocate that someone lie. I'm simply listing possible options that someone would have available. In the example I gave above, I actually love to read books. So I clicked very nicely with her naturally.

    Also, by posting this information I help people become aware of people possibly misleading them. I've known many car salesmen who use these types of techniques on people.

    Your morals are not defined by having this knowledge at your disposal. Your morals define how you use this knowledge.

    You are also assuming that you would catch them in a lie. What if you did not catch them? What if they are dishonest and feign interest in the same hobbies you have? This works on a subconscious level. The brain subconsciously thinks "He's like me, so of course I can trust him"

    If you meet someone that really knows what they are doing and you aren't aware of such techniques, the odds of you catching them are very slim.

    The main point of the post was about getting the person to give you information about them so you can use it to connect with them in a ethically responsible way.
     
  5. Dbbuzbee
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    Dbbuzbee Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    What materials/ books
    would you recommend to learn about all this social awareness and body language stuff?
     
  6. Mr4213
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    Mr4213 Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    @frenchguy

    Two good places to start would be

    "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

    "What Every BODY is Saying" by Joe Navarro

    Read a lot of psychology books and articles

    Watch stand up comedy. Learn how to be funny. This is especially useful for disarming people and gaining their trust.

    I'll post some more about these subjects soon. Once again, this information is meant to be used in a ethically responsible way.