Hellooo everyone!
I hope you all are doing great!
About 2 months ago I wrote a post here in the forum when I was in the absolute worst state of my life. I got broken up with, and I felt like a total failure, alone and unwanted by anyone. Now that I’ve decided to come back, I figured I might as well give you an update.
So to start: I’m actually fine. That night when I wrote the post, I genuinely thought my life was over. Not just because she left me, but because I was convinced I was the problem in the breakup and that I was a loser and all that, with no friends and nothing to show to the world. Yeah, it’s true that in many ways I was a “shitty” boyfriend ( I wasn’t communicating my feelings, wasn’t opening up properly, etc. ) but I’ve realized my intentions were never bad, as broken as I was. I won’t go into too many details, but one thing is clear: I did not hate her, I always loved her, and everything I did came from wanting a happy future together. Since the breakup, I’ve seen how many guys have been in the exact same spot: imagining they’d marry that person, having good intentions, and still getting dumped lol. Anyway, I’ve taken full responsibility and learned what I did wrong and what I need to do differently in my next relationship, how to be a better boyfriend and eventually a better husband. And never again to enter in a relationship if I am not mentally well.
The healing was not easy but it was worth it. It wasn’t just about getting over the breakup; I also had to deal with years of bad mental state, because before and during the relationship I hated myself. I finally understood that you can’t move forward in life if you hate who you are. I remembered this quote I’d read a long time ago: “The man who does not value himself cannot value anything or anyone.” But I ignored it. I thought constant self-criticism would push me to achieve things, but all it did was destroy my self-worth. That’s where I started learning to value myself and realizing I’m not as terrible as my brain kept telling me. Over time that inner voice got quieter. And I realized self-hatred is just an excuse: “I’m dumb so I can’t do X… I’m not Y… I’m not enough.” All those things I repeated to myself every day weren’t just wrecking my mental health but they were excuses too. Only now do I see how insane that was lol. My ex tried to help me get rid of those thoughts, but she couldn’t lol. Clear proof that you can’t change someone unless they want to change. So the first big step was reconnecting with myself and with my old values. I’m not fully there yet, but I’m making progress. I also realized how much I was dramatizing everything, and that honestly I have a life a lot of people would want. So I’m trying to be more grateful for what I have. A lot of people are dealing with way bigger struggles than mine, and I shouldn’t make such a drama out of my stuff.
On top of that, I reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, and life keeps moving forward.
Even though I’m not completely over it, I am pretty close. I’m happy to be back on track toward becoming an entrepreneur. I know that’s what I want. And I’m glad I rejoined the forum.There are like-minded people here and it feels like a place where I belong. Looking back at the relationship, it’s actually good that it ended because it wasn’t serving either of us. We both did our best. But now I will focus on myself and my path.
Last thing: thank you to the forum. That night you were the first ones I opened up to, and thank you for the support. I hope you’re all having a great day.
P.S. I had written this message a few hours ago and upon rereading I realised that my situation is not whatsoever special. Funny to think that I thought my life is over.
I hope you all are doing great!
About 2 months ago I wrote a post here in the forum when I was in the absolute worst state of my life. I got broken up with, and I felt like a total failure, alone and unwanted by anyone. Now that I’ve decided to come back, I figured I might as well give you an update.
So to start: I’m actually fine. That night when I wrote the post, I genuinely thought my life was over. Not just because she left me, but because I was convinced I was the problem in the breakup and that I was a loser and all that, with no friends and nothing to show to the world. Yeah, it’s true that in many ways I was a “shitty” boyfriend ( I wasn’t communicating my feelings, wasn’t opening up properly, etc. ) but I’ve realized my intentions were never bad, as broken as I was. I won’t go into too many details, but one thing is clear: I did not hate her, I always loved her, and everything I did came from wanting a happy future together. Since the breakup, I’ve seen how many guys have been in the exact same spot: imagining they’d marry that person, having good intentions, and still getting dumped lol. Anyway, I’ve taken full responsibility and learned what I did wrong and what I need to do differently in my next relationship, how to be a better boyfriend and eventually a better husband. And never again to enter in a relationship if I am not mentally well.
The healing was not easy but it was worth it. It wasn’t just about getting over the breakup; I also had to deal with years of bad mental state, because before and during the relationship I hated myself. I finally understood that you can’t move forward in life if you hate who you are. I remembered this quote I’d read a long time ago: “The man who does not value himself cannot value anything or anyone.” But I ignored it. I thought constant self-criticism would push me to achieve things, but all it did was destroy my self-worth. That’s where I started learning to value myself and realizing I’m not as terrible as my brain kept telling me. Over time that inner voice got quieter. And I realized self-hatred is just an excuse: “I’m dumb so I can’t do X… I’m not Y… I’m not enough.” All those things I repeated to myself every day weren’t just wrecking my mental health but they were excuses too. Only now do I see how insane that was lol. My ex tried to help me get rid of those thoughts, but she couldn’t lol. Clear proof that you can’t change someone unless they want to change. So the first big step was reconnecting with myself and with my old values. I’m not fully there yet, but I’m making progress. I also realized how much I was dramatizing everything, and that honestly I have a life a lot of people would want. So I’m trying to be more grateful for what I have. A lot of people are dealing with way bigger struggles than mine, and I shouldn’t make such a drama out of my stuff.
On top of that, I reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, and life keeps moving forward.
Even though I’m not completely over it, I am pretty close. I’m happy to be back on track toward becoming an entrepreneur. I know that’s what I want. And I’m glad I rejoined the forum.There are like-minded people here and it feels like a place where I belong. Looking back at the relationship, it’s actually good that it ended because it wasn’t serving either of us. We both did our best. But now I will focus on myself and my path.
Last thing: thank you to the forum. That night you were the first ones I opened up to, and thank you for the support. I hope you’re all having a great day.
P.S. I had written this message a few hours ago and upon rereading I realised that my situation is not whatsoever special. Funny to think that I thought my life is over.
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