Strider
Contributor
Hey guys
Have a little rant here, maybe some of you have gone through this and can give me some advice.
I'm 20 yo, studying Engineering and doing decently (not much effort in the past, but grew a bit and am ready to start doing some shit), I have tons of extracurricular stuff and I'm quite active, no side businesses or anything, but I try to grow. I'm working as an Ambassador for a big brand in my college this year, will be the manager of a club with nice events and actual produts/projects launching, nothing too big but I feel that I'm growing as a person. And this was the objective that I had set, I was raised in a family that makes me feel like shit about myself and despise others, freaking obsessed about looking good to others and avoiding the external world at the same time, and started noticing that this year.
I decided to do my best in college and try to get out of my home asap and get my a$$ moving either going into an industry I'm interested in or doing my own stuff.
But when it comes to me I don't know how to deal with these shitty feelings towards others, there's this startup / innovation academy kind of thing in the summer and I didn't know about it until it was too late to apply, some of my friends went there and are starting some projects. And even though I'm doing my own stuff, clearly in a path towards growth and taking responsibility (making an effort to run away from the eternal child my parents want me to be), working on some actual nice projects with the group I'll be managing, having been selected to that ambassador thing and been told I have some very nice characteristics that can be promising and even got excited about some potential career paths. But I'm so freaking focused on validation from outside, on looking cool, that even though I really don't think any of those projects in the academy will really go anywhere, I'm worried about the attention they are getting, it's sickening.
I love being involved in business events / entrepreneurship things because I seriously am passionate about changing the world (having money is a great thing but I really feel that thing towards making an impact, putting a dent having a say, that's why I'm interested in politics as well), I really to feel it and have it as a responsibility. I know there's more to me than just seeking attention, but this trait is toxic. I've met wonderful people in the last few years and when around these environments with great people I don't feel like this, I don't think about attention at all, I just live for that thing of trying to give more I just feel in heaven because I love working towards a goal, towards some good objective, trying to grow and help grow, but when I'm outside I feel like this shit.
This is an unplanned rant just to get this sickeness out of my chest, I feel like a F*cking crab, anyone has gone through this? How did you save yourself?
Have a little rant here, maybe some of you have gone through this and can give me some advice.
I'm 20 yo, studying Engineering and doing decently (not much effort in the past, but grew a bit and am ready to start doing some shit), I have tons of extracurricular stuff and I'm quite active, no side businesses or anything, but I try to grow. I'm working as an Ambassador for a big brand in my college this year, will be the manager of a club with nice events and actual produts/projects launching, nothing too big but I feel that I'm growing as a person. And this was the objective that I had set, I was raised in a family that makes me feel like shit about myself and despise others, freaking obsessed about looking good to others and avoiding the external world at the same time, and started noticing that this year.
I decided to do my best in college and try to get out of my home asap and get my a$$ moving either going into an industry I'm interested in or doing my own stuff.
But when it comes to me I don't know how to deal with these shitty feelings towards others, there's this startup / innovation academy kind of thing in the summer and I didn't know about it until it was too late to apply, some of my friends went there and are starting some projects. And even though I'm doing my own stuff, clearly in a path towards growth and taking responsibility (making an effort to run away from the eternal child my parents want me to be), working on some actual nice projects with the group I'll be managing, having been selected to that ambassador thing and been told I have some very nice characteristics that can be promising and even got excited about some potential career paths. But I'm so freaking focused on validation from outside, on looking cool, that even though I really don't think any of those projects in the academy will really go anywhere, I'm worried about the attention they are getting, it's sickening.
I love being involved in business events / entrepreneurship things because I seriously am passionate about changing the world (having money is a great thing but I really feel that thing towards making an impact, putting a dent having a say, that's why I'm interested in politics as well), I really to feel it and have it as a responsibility. I know there's more to me than just seeking attention, but this trait is toxic. I've met wonderful people in the last few years and when around these environments with great people I don't feel like this, I don't think about attention at all, I just live for that thing of trying to give more I just feel in heaven because I love working towards a goal, towards some good objective, trying to grow and help grow, but when I'm outside I feel like this shit.
This is an unplanned rant just to get this sickeness out of my chest, I feel like a F*cking crab, anyone has gone through this? How did you save yourself?
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