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RANT Feeling Jealous and seeking attention

Strider

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Apr 10, 2016
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Hey guys
Have a little rant here, maybe some of you have gone through this and can give me some advice.
I'm 20 yo, studying Engineering and doing decently (not much effort in the past, but grew a bit and am ready to start doing some shit), I have tons of extracurricular stuff and I'm quite active, no side businesses or anything, but I try to grow. I'm working as an Ambassador for a big brand in my college this year, will be the manager of a club with nice events and actual produts/projects launching, nothing too big but I feel that I'm growing as a person. And this was the objective that I had set, I was raised in a family that makes me feel like shit about myself and despise others, freaking obsessed about looking good to others and avoiding the external world at the same time, and started noticing that this year.

I decided to do my best in college and try to get out of my home asap and get my a$$ moving either going into an industry I'm interested in or doing my own stuff.

But when it comes to me I don't know how to deal with these shitty feelings towards others, there's this startup / innovation academy kind of thing in the summer and I didn't know about it until it was too late to apply, some of my friends went there and are starting some projects. And even though I'm doing my own stuff, clearly in a path towards growth and taking responsibility (making an effort to run away from the eternal child my parents want me to be), working on some actual nice projects with the group I'll be managing, having been selected to that ambassador thing and been told I have some very nice characteristics that can be promising and even got excited about some potential career paths. But I'm so freaking focused on validation from outside, on looking cool, that even though I really don't think any of those projects in the academy will really go anywhere, I'm worried about the attention they are getting, it's sickening.

I love being involved in business events / entrepreneurship things because I seriously am passionate about changing the world (having money is a great thing but I really feel that thing towards making an impact, putting a dent having a say, that's why I'm interested in politics as well), I really to feel it and have it as a responsibility. I know there's more to me than just seeking attention, but this trait is toxic. I've met wonderful people in the last few years and when around these environments with great people I don't feel like this, I don't think about attention at all, I just live for that thing of trying to give more I just feel in heaven because I love working towards a goal, towards some good objective, trying to grow and help grow, but when I'm outside I feel like this shit.

This is an unplanned rant just to get this sickeness out of my chest, I feel like a F*cking crab, anyone has gone through this? How did you save yourself?
 

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I'm confused... what's the issue?

Please keep it short and to the point; use no more than 2 sentences please.
 

Ninjakid

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I kinda get what you mean because I was dealing with the same shit for a while. If you knew me a year ago, I'd say I had some very toxic narcissistic elements to my personality. Deep down I didn't like seeing other people become more successful than me. I felt I had to become better than others to prove that I can make it. Most of it stems from shitty experiences from childhood.

It's good that you recognize these feelings because jealously is an ugly emotion. You gotta understand that it comes from low self-esteem, needing validation from others because you don't feel good about yourself. The only thing to do is learn how to love yourself and be happy with yourself. When you do that, you will want to see others succeed too, and make them feel as good as you do.
 

Mattie

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This is what I will tell you since you're 20 years old now. You are an adult. You have opportunity all over the place. Take your focus off your family. Focus on your goals. Attention is nice, but it doesn't pay your bills. All of us have core human desire of wanting to fit in a social group, be validated, be approved of, and acknowledge. Usually when one feels the way you do it is because your focused on the wrong things. If your focused on education, entrepreneurship, innovation, creative outlets like music, writing, some form of art medium or invention, you don't have time to sit around and think about what other people think of you, or dwell on those feelings, thoughts, or emotions. There's too much to learn in the world and experience to get caught up in what your family may or may not do in your life.

How you deal with those emotions, thoughts, and feelings is doing something with them and allowing them to come out as I listed above. Also physical fitness, recreational activities, or sports handles your anxiety.

Negative emotions of anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness is something you have to let go of in yourself. While they are natural feelings and emotions, allow them to exist, but use them for leverage in a positive way to succeed by executing. When you focus on all that negative energy, you give your personal power away, and it prevents you from succeeding in your life. Deal with it quickly as I suggested and let it go and move on. Negative energy is a time waster.

You will have to educate yourself like the rest of us. You have to believe in yourself. I was listening to a few videos earlier in the day. I hope they help you.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6aNSIY6oB8&t=1480s


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XICqcAac9jg
 

JunkBoxJoey_JBJ

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Ddowns46

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You are going to do a lot of growing/maturing between now and 25. I know i did. I think theres a level of emotional maturity that only comes with life experience as an adult. Props to you for already realizing that the trait you describe is toxic.
 

Mattie

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Your brain won't finish growing until around your 25th birthday.
I think that's probably the physical biological organ. Not the inner growth of a human being. This is determined how well you take care of your physical body and if it was limited by biology, many older entrepreneurs wouldn't move beyond their circumstances.
 

WJK

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I think that's probably the physical biological organ. Not the inner growth of a human being. This is determined how well you take care of your physical body and if it was limited by biology, many older entrepreneurs wouldn't move beyond their circumstances.
I agree. I've seen a lot of kids do stupid stuff, and then they never able to grow up. They miss out on those last few years of biological maturity. Young people change SO much between 20 and 25. Further, emotional growth lasts a lifetime.
 

ZF Lee

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Young people change SO much between 20 and 25
Some change for the worse.

There's a girl I know that comes to mind. She came from a good God-fearing background.

Next thing I know, during university time, she got lost, jumped university several times and hooked up with some indecent lads. I shouldn't have done it, but I dug around and discovered that she went into some relationships for the wrong reasons...and went off the sexual end.

Yet some change for the better.

I had a junior who was a pretty naughty and spiteful brat. Kept bullying me around although he was a few years younger than me, because I was too nice of a kid back then haha. Often took my stuff without my permission or teased me horribly.

But somehow I had a fondness for him.

Last week, I met up with him on our high school's food fair.
The guy is now doing computer science at a good university. He's now starting up a project with a guy from the UK in security. Got paid 'lots of pounds', he grinned. I was like, 'Damn, you'll go far.'

I'm glad my junior changed for the better.
 

garyfritz

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I think that's probably the physical biological organ. Not the inner growth of a human being. This is determined how well you take care of your physical body and if it was limited by biology, many older entrepreneurs wouldn't move beyond their circumstances.
I don't think she meant "you're done at 25 and can't improve any further." She's pointing out the fact that the prefrontal cortex (your center of rational thought and planning) doesn't finish developing until about 25, which is why teens and young 20somethings tend to do so much stupid stuff. They don't yet have the proper hardware to think out the full consequences of their actions.
 

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