The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success

Anyone else sharing my problem?

Whitehouse_Robin

New Contributor
Aug 12, 2018
10
9
14
Hi there.

I have a tought time balancing the state of mind where I am focused/motivation/ageer for a change/ creative etc in combination with my relations to other people that not share my ambitions.

To give an example. I love my girlfriend and there is no doubt in my mind that shes the one. We go great along and there is no hidden bitterness between us. We talk things out when there is friction.

But one thing that keeps showing up as an issue is when I go on my super motivation streaks, when I want to sit up all night working and change to world with my great ideas :)

Then I kind of shut down my emotional side and just focus on doing whatever it takes to move forward. This affects my spouse ofcourse and often ends with her being sad..

I have tryed many time to get this under control but without any success. The trixky part is that I love this state since it pushes my forward, and I feel like the sky is the limit. But I would ofcourse not want to be unsensitive to the people around me.

Is there anybody out there that recognise themself in this?
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

Mattie

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 28, 2014
2,924
3,897
916
Netherlands
I have tryed many time to get this under control but without any success. The trixky part is that I love this state since it pushes my forward, and I feel like the sky is the limit. But I would ofcourse not want to be unsensitive to the people around me.
It usually is because we can only focus on one thing and basically if we give our attention to that one thing, than other people think there needs aren't being met.
 

Danny Sullivan

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jul 2, 2018
195
380
187
Germany
Yep, that's how i lost my girlfriend of almost 14 years like four weeks ago. I got into learning about investing, analyzing publicly listed companies and this entrepreneur thing like a year ago and all i did was focused around pushing this forward. She had no interest in all this and our problem was, although i'm easily satisfied and need little to be happy, she didn't talk to me about it as she started feeling unhappy.

I didn't clarify my overall goal to her, because i recognized she wasn't that interested in this whole thing. And that might have been one of many mistakes. She didn't understand what i was pursuing with all this (autonomie, financial freedom, the ability to stop working and travel more, having nice stuff free of debt, etc.).

Another mistake was ignoring my intuition - a feeling that came up from time to time saying "hey, something's wrong, look into this". I was so blindly focused on all this stuff, that i gave it the most attention. But i only realized it when the damage was done and irreversible.

Funny sidenote: at that time i was watching the Spartacus series on netflix whenever i had some freetime. The main actor Andy Whitfield died from cancer in september of 2011. There's a documentary about his fight called "Be here now" that's available on netflix which i'd recommend to watch. Ever since i have these words infront of me on my workplace - so i can remember myself when i'm getting too caught in work:

Is what you're currently doing important? - Sure.
Is it more important that having a good time with your significant other? - No, clearly not.
Then be here now.

Sorry for the long text and best of luck for you two.
 

Chris25

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Aug 29, 2018
58
128
123
Europe
I actually noticed in my relationships that sometimes I get frustrated when the person I'm dating doesn't pay me enough attention. But the truth is, life is long and you already trust each other, so yes you cannot spend every single night of your life with her, and you shouldn't expect that she will too. At the end of the day, there are dreams and goals that you share, and goals you have for yourself. The goals you have for yourself are ones that keep you on your life path, ones that you started even before you met her.

She should have her own ritual, for when you're in your super work mode. Something that would let her brain know "tonight he is on his mission, so i am doing my thing". Something rewarding, that would replace the good feeling of your company, so she does not end up feeling sad. And when you're done with your project you do something cool together.

Hope this makes sense to you : )
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Whitehouse_Robin

Whitehouse_Robin

New Contributor
Aug 12, 2018
10
9
14
Thanks for the answers guys!

It usually is because we can only focus on one thing and basically if we give our attention to that one thing, than other people think there needs aren't being met.
That's the thing Mattie. There are several times when I actually can do both. With a clear and calm mind focus on my progress and still be warm toward her and others if they happen to "come in my way".

But sometimes I lose myself in the work progress and become very high energetic and not accepting anything that's not helpful to bring me forward. Talk about "meaningless" stuff, bragging, sugarcoating and especially not daring to do/say stuff.

And when I try to balance this out by being conscious about it, I become stiff and my behavior is unnatural since I'm trying to micro manage it.
 
OP
OP
Whitehouse_Robin

Whitehouse_Robin

New Contributor
Aug 12, 2018
10
9
14
Yep, that's how i lost my girlfriend of almost 14 years like four weeks ago. I got into learning about investing, analyzing publicly listed companies and this entrepreneur thing like a year ago and all i did was focused around pushing this forward. She had no interest in all this and our problem was, although i'm easily satisfied and need little to be happy, she didn't talk to me about it as she started feeling unhappy.

I didn't clarify my overall goal to her, because i recognized she wasn't that interested in this whole thing. And that might have been one of many mistakes. She didn't understand what i was pursuing with all this (autonomie, financial freedom, the ability to stop working and travel more, having nice stuff free of debt, etc.).

Another mistake was ignoring my intuition - a feeling that came up from time to time saying "hey, something's wrong, look into this". I was so blindly focused on all this stuff, that i gave it the most attention. But i only realized it when the damage was done and irreversible.

Funny sidenote: at that time i was watching the Spartacus series on netflix whenever i had some freetime. The main actor Andy Whitfield died from cancer in september of 2011. There's a documentary about his fight called "Be here now" that's available on netflix which i'd recommend to watch. Ever since i have these words infront of me on my workplace - so i can remember myself when i'm getting too caught in work:

Is what you're currently doing important? - Sure.
Is it more important that having a good time with your significant other? - No, clearly not.
Then be here now.

Sorry for the long text and best of luck for you two.
No worries at all and thanks for your in-depth reply :)

I'm sorry to hear how it ended for you. But if you know that this is the issue, there might still be a chance if you really talk thing out and lay the cards on the table. If that's what you want of course :)

luckily we don't have this goal issue though. We talk about this every single day, have a vision board on where we want to end up and gladly discuss everything that we're going to do once we reach that point. She accepts my chosen path but is not as into it as I am.

I feel that you get me, the problem is is what your saying. I'm not here now. I'm five years into the future, full of energy and wanting to fight my way there. Not appreciating what I have now or being present. I'm definitely going to watch that documentary, thanks!
 
OP
OP
Whitehouse_Robin

Whitehouse_Robin

New Contributor
Aug 12, 2018
10
9
14
She should have her own ritual, for when you're in your super work mode. Something that would let her brain know "tonight he is on his mission, so i am doing my thing". Something rewarding, that would replace the good feeling of your company, so she does not end up feeling sad. And when you're done with your project you do something cool together.
Good point, I'm going to discuss this with her! Having a backup plan for when I go on my super charge trips :)

Thanks Chris!
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.



Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe to become an INSIDER.

Post New Topic

Please SEARCH before posting.
Please select the BEST category.

Post new topic

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Monthly conference calls with doers
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom