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Am I Normal?

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by jerryB, Oct 20, 2018.

  1. jerryB
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    jerryB Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Hi, my name is Jerry and I live in Europe.

    This might turn out to be a long post..please forgive me!

    When I was in high school I had this thoughts of going to the university, getting a decent degree, finding well-paid job and I thought that it would make me happy.
    I've always been interested in computer science, programming and things related to it.
    My goal back in high school was just to get hired as a software developer and I thought that spending the rest of my life this way would make me happy.

    Years passed and eventually I found my first job. It was a regular 9-5 job. My first job ever, heh.
    I was thinking to myself: "Wow, so awesome! You've got a job now. You are an adult! You will have your own money!". And so I started - I became "an adult". The first week was weird, because I had to adjust myself to waking up early and spending my entire day at the company. At first it didn't seem quite right, but I was thinking to myself: "Hey, if 99% of the people in the country do it, then it is probably a normal thing and you just need to give yourself some time". And so I did. Weeks passed and I still couldn't make it. Waking up became easier, however spending my entire day at the company..? I couldn't do it. Before I got hired I would spend entire days doing things I liked, hanging out with friends and family. When I got hired I just couldn't do it anymore so often. I was thinking to myself: "Is it normal? Maybe I'm not normal..? Somehow people manage to work from 9 to 5 every day, so why can't I?". I couldn't hold this any longer, so I quit. At that point I thought that perhaps the job itself wasn't quite right.

    Couple of months later I got hired again. The company was better, the working conditions were really nice. We had super nice computers, a great team of co-workers.. Everything was just super cool. I got to do things I liked doing..So what more could I need?
    And so it begun again. Working everyday from 9 to 5. I would spend my entire day at the company and at the end of the day I woud always be just exhausted..I had 0 energy to go out, see friends and do stuff I liked. Each day I felt worse. I felt like a rat in a cage. I was lacking my freedom, my friends, my normal life I had before the 9-5 lifestyle. I tried to force myself to think that it was a normal thing, that having a 9-5 job was what everybody had to do.

    Seriously, I thought that there was something wrong with me. The worst thing was, I tried to talk to my friends and they would say that eventually I would feel better about my job.
    But I didn't feel better at all. So I quit - again. At that point I knew that 9-5 life is not for me. But was there any alternative..?

    The worst thing is, I almost totally don't get support from my friends and family. All of them are in this "9-5" trap and all of them think that this is what normal people should do.
    "Get your degree, get a job, get a mortgage for a house" - yeah.. and be trapped in this for the rest of your life.

    I just don't understand it guys.. How can people live this way? Being in this 9-5 trap and not being able to follow your dreams, passion..? How can people sell their souls and their time in exchange for money? Isn't there anything more to life than just working from 9-5 until you are old? Am I not normal? I just can't stand this idea!

    Currently I still work 9-5. Well I have to pay the bills and stuff. But I'm trying to figure my way out of this. The worst thing is that I have thousands of different thoughts and business ideas and I can't just follow one direction - perhaps I'm too scared to make any move.. But maybe eventually I will find my thing.

    That's all guys. I just wanted to share this.. I've been kind of depressed lately because nobody can understand me. Things I'm saying to my friends and family seem strange to them and I don't get much support unfortunately. But I shouldn't care..I should just follow my beliefs and get myself out of this 9-5 trap.

    Thank you,
    J
     
    edward ace, Mr.C, MJ DeMarco and 2 others like this.
  2. lewj24
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    lewj24 Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I think most people feel the same way you do. The problem is most people don't see any other way. They feel like this is just how life is. After all, it's what everyone else does.

    "And how else am I going to pay my bills? Start a business? Don't you know that 9 out of 10 businesses fail in the first 5 years? What are you crazy?? I'm not even educated. I have to feed my family and keep a roof over our heads! Besides, my favorite shows are on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Sundays are poker night with the boys, there is no time! I'm not going to sacrifice everything I have for some crazy dream just to work all day."

    Also how many successful business owners do you know that are living the dream? I only know a couple business owners and they may as well be working a 9 to 5 job. Most people just don't think it's even an option. They hear about people like Bill Gates and Sam Walton and have no clue how they did it (besides starting a successful company) they see their lives as fairy tales that are unrealistic, or lucky.

    I think people subconsciously believe that hitting it big as an entrepreneur has the same odds as hitting the lottery. Except the lottery only costs $2 and 2 minutes of your time while a business could cost you all of your time, money, and relationships.

    People think it's risky to be an entrepreneur yet they work for them in a "safe and stable" job.

    I'm sorry to hear about the lack of support, but this is normal. You are deviating from the normal societal standards and are getting some push-back. This may feel depressing but it is actually a good thing. It means your going in the right direction.

    To use a super extreme example, if Elon Musk was telling people that he was going to send an electric car to Mars when he was 20 years old people would have thought he was crazy. I'm glad he was smart enough to pave his own path instead of listening to everyone else.
     
  3. jerryB
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    jerryB Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Thank you, Lewj24.

    I spent a few hours digging into forums. What I've noticed is that most of the people here from the 'tired of 9-5' topics have a very similar appraoch to mine. That's a nice thing to hear.

    I totally agree. The society, friends, family tell us to be "normal" so we don't stand out from the rest. "Get your degree, get a job, wife, dog, mortgage, build a house, just be normal" - that's what I've been hearing from literally everybody around me. Like literally. I know very few people around my family/friend circle who have similar way thinking to mine.

    I don't get it guys.. like seriously. How can people live like this? I don't see any ambition, and dreams, any goals in them..Most of them just act like auto-piloted zombies. They work every day for 8h hours in exchange money which they don't even have time to spend, because hey - there is only 20 days of vacation!

    I remember, when I started my first job I met a girl who was doing her internship in the company. She did some "boring office things". I asked her "Why you are doing this after all?"
    And I remember her answer to this day: "Because adult life is about doing things that you don't like, so you can earn money".
    Seriously..? Like seriously? All these people living their dreams out there, doing business, sending cars to mars, building phones and you're telling me that for the rest of my life I should be doing things I don't like?

    I know only one person. Not super rich, not super poor, but living his dream. He travels, works online for his own business, does things he likes.
    And that's what is the most important thing for me - not the money, not the prestige, not the fame - but just being free and being able to do things I like, being able to go to the supermarket at 11 AM without any permission, being able to travel to another country without asking anybody, also being able to help my family when they need me - this is my motivation.

    I know that I'm being emotional here, fellas, but there have been so much frustration in me lately. I've been stuck in this lifestyle. Seriously I thought that there was something wrong with me, but now I realize that I'm not alone..Thank you!





     
  4. ZF Lee
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    ZF Lee Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    It only gets wrong when you think like this and not do anything about it.

    Think of a dog staying put in the same spot, with a nail in its tail.
     
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  5. lewj24
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    lewj24 Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    So you have now been awakened. You are now aware of what's going on. Now the real question is do you have what it takes to escape? Are you willing to work hard and make a ton of sacrifices in order to do so? Are you willing to put in hours of work at night after you put in 8 hours of work for someone else? Are you willing to risk it all on your dream?

    Most people don't realize they are in this trap.

    Most people who do realize they are in this trap don't have the courage to get out.

    Don't be most people.
     
  6. splok
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    splok Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    What kind of support to do you need from your friends and family? It sounds like you want to F*ck around all day, and and they just don't want you to be broke. So ya, that sounds pretty normal to me. Now, doing something about it? THAT'S the abnormal part.

    You need encouragement and like-minded people to keep you from going insane? Great, you've found it. Start a progress thread discussing the action that you're taking, and you'll get encouragement and probably some tough love too.
     
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  7. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
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  8. MJ DeMarco
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    MJ DeMarco Raving Lunatic Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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  9. lewj24
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    lewj24 Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Skip to the last 2 minutes of this video. Good stuff.
     
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  10. jerryB
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    jerryB Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Thank you for your comment, Splok and taking part in the discussion.

    No, I'm far away from well "f*cking around".
    Hmm, and what kind of support I need? I just thought that I could be understood. Understanding my point of view, what I would like to achieve - that would be enough. I'm not getting it, but that's fine - I should just focus on my vision and how I see my future, rather than listen to suggestions from my environment about getting a better paid job, getting a mortgage, etc.

    I'm not blaming anybody from my family and friends - no. They're living a different kind of lifestyle and I'm not the one to judge it. Of course - it is a little bit painful: feeling alone in this, feeling that I don't fit these "normal" society standards, but I guess I just have to cope with it if I want to get my freedom.

    And no, it's not like that I'm not taking any action - I am. Of course I'm not, at least for now, going to explain my business ideas because all of them are just sketches, but at least I have that part behind me - sketching some of the ideas. I am a newbie though and it might take a while before I see any significant results. So yeah, basically I know what I want to do. I still don't know how exactly and still have many fears and objections in my head which I'm trying to fight off. But I guess it's normal for somebody who's just beginning.



    Lewj24, thank you for the video!

    MjDeMarco, thanks for the book man! I'm going to read it soon.






     
  11. fvcorp
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    fvcorp Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Stop asking other people if you're normal. You are.

    Now you have only one focus: make it so that what you do is something that fits your personality.

    Whether you succeed or fail at that will determine if you die happy or not.

    A bit sobering, overly dramatic? Yes, but also a fact that you have to wrap your head around. The faster you accept yourself and move towards something, the sooner you will get there. If you never accept yourself, you'll never make it. You'll die without achieving your "true purpose."
     
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  12. B. Cole
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    B. Cole In thine hand is power and might. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    You stepped in the trap, instead of over it.

    Every single person here has been through the exact same thing. The ones you see around here, are the fortunate abnormal ones, like you, who are either out of it or are on their way out of it.
     
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  13. Jeff InfoPreneur
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    Jeff InfoPreneur Contributor

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    Stop waiting for someone else's approval...this is your life and you only get one shot at it so go out and do follow your voice, your drive. Just make sure you ARE driven and that you are not avoiding things, procrastinating or hiding...not clear from your post WHAT your dream is other than it not being working for someone else in a 9-5 position. Recommend you spend some time flushing out what would make you happy and then go get it
     
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  14. splok
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    splok Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    You've got to get out of your head and out of sketch mode. Pick one of your sketches and just start on it, today. Do one thing to bring that sketch closer to reality (one thing that isn't more sketching/planning).

    It's easy to think that you're better off than the others who don't see things like you, but let me tell you from experience that seeing these things without taking constant, unyielding action just gets you the worst of both worlds.
     
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  15. jerryB
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    jerryB Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    What can I say? You’ve diagnosed me correctly. I’ve been dreaming about escaping this 9-5 for months now, been telling myself that I see things differently than everybody else, but I haven’t taken any action. Now I know that I want to change it.

    Thank you, Jeff. Well you’re correct. I have been waiting for someone’s approval. All my life has been about approvals, permissions. Now I realise it. Nobody is going to live my life for me so the only way out of this 9-5 misery is to start doing things I want to do.

    What can I say, fellas, you somehow are diagnosing me correctly. It’s probably because you all either are or have been in a similar situation before.

    Now I know that I won’t be able to convince my parents 100% because they are concerned about me and just want me to be safe/financially stable. But that’s okay - I accept this now.

    I have a privilege to work 9-5 in the business I’d like go for in the future. So I think that it’s good for me to work and learn. I can focus on my personal goals after the work. I think that this is the way to go.

    Btw I have read many “slowlane” books before. Stared “Fastlane millionaire” yesterday. The author’s attitude feels very familiar to mine. I feel that this book is a great start. All the previous books were telling about saving money slowly so you can enjoy them once you are retired, which is esentially not what I want.
     
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  16. holmzee
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    holmzee Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Try to reframe your work day differently. Rather than seeing it as a time-suck where you're slaving away all day, try to learn as much as possible and use it to spot market opportunities. See it as a way to fund the rest of your free time so you can pursue your ultimate mission outside of that job.
     
  17. LynetteP
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    LynetteP This will be car photo when I get a rocket again Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Nobody will care if you are normal or abnormal after you have succeeded.

    I needed approval too, for years, and finally realized that the people that really didn't want to give it were operating under misconceptions about the current economy, so were never going to give it (people don't change their minds easily, even with overwhelming facts presented). It was tough to get over it, but I finally did.

    We approve. You approve. So write down a goal that's measurable, and find the smallest action you can take today that brings you closer to your first sale- and do that.

    Sale of what, doesn't even matter. Pick a step so ridiculously small you can't imagine NOT doing it. If you do more, and you probably will, great! Do another step towards the goal tomorrow.

    I have heard from a wise person that if you wait until you are ready, you almost CERTAINLY waited too long. Don't wait. Do something, anything, that's necessary to make a sale, today. It's a new habit you're building.
     
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  18. jerryB
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    jerryB Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Thank you for all the tips and words of wisdom, guys.

    I've been thinking about this during the week. I also took some action, small steps which push me towards my goal.

    My whole life I've been really limited by searching for approval. Whatever I did in life had to be approved either by my parents or friends or siblings. I just wouldn't feel good about myself by doing something against their will. I've been in this trap, well, until now.

    My parents, siblings, friends, generally 99,9% of the people that surround me see life as "work from 9-5 for somebody else until you are 65, then retire". I don't see life this way, so this causes conflicts. Whenever I'm trying to explain my vision to my parents for instance, they think I'm crazy. "What in the world are you talking about? People struggle to get a job or even starve and you are complaining?". It's difficult to explain that I want to live my life different than most of the people. They can't understand it because that is what their lives have been about and now I see it and I have to accept it.

    We live in communities where "searching for approval" is a very common thing. Somebody doesn't like your joke? You become sad. An approached girl rejects you? Your self confidence and self-esteem goes down. We are just used to searching for approvals and that's what I've been used to. But now it's time to changed it. Nobody is going to live my life for me, so I should be the one to take action.

    The funny thing is, I hadn't known about MJ Marco and his books before I came here. I just thought that this was a regular forum for enterpreneurs :)

    I'm in the middle of "Fastlane millionaire" now and I'm just amazed by it. This books basically "sees things" how I see them. It's just like reading my own thoughts except before I came here and read the thoughts I was thinking that my way of thinking were somehow unusual. It's not unusual and I'm glad it isn't.

    Before I read "Fastlane.." I read many "financial-guru" books, bascially slowlane books: "Work hard, take extra hours, save 10% of your income, invest and boom! You'll be rich once you are 60".

    I was reading these books and was thinking to myself.. is it really the way to get rich? Do I really have to wait so long? What about Bill Gates? Mark Zuckerberg? Steve Jobs? Did they wait..?

    No they didn't. They just took action and thought "outside the box".

    The other thing is, getting rich is only a tool to achieve what I really want: freedom. Being free, being able to make my own decisions, travel, meet people, do what I like to do.

    "Fastlane millionaire" and this forum has really opened my eyes.
    Now I'm determined and I know what I want to do.

    Thank you.
    J
     

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