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AI solution for businesses - can someone critique my value proposition and landing page?

Lihan

New Contributor
Sep 1, 2019
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Hey all,

I'm following Rcaraway's approach of building the MVP (really just the landing page) before the product.
So this afternoon was my first time building my landing page, can someone give me ruthless feedback?
Besides the landing page, how's the value proposition?

The main idea: scrape shit ton of Google business listings (what you'd find after clicking on a business in Google Maps) and train a model. When a client gives me her business description,
the value is in giving good edit recommendations to her description, because the model has seen tons of writing from highly rated companies,
maybe in similar industry, region, and scale.
Additionally given her business profile on Google maps, predict what her business traffic + rating will be like. This is priced at a monthly subscription of $10, and early access members get it for $2.

I'm a long time data scientist who recently wanted to get on that sweet fastlane. Let me know how I can help with your AI/data solutions. Hope ya'll have a good one.
 

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Bekit

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My feedback:

COPY:
The headline doesn't answer the question, "What is this?" I don't understand the offer from the copy that's provided. I understood it better from your post, but even that brought up some questions and I'm not sure I understand what it is or what it does.

DESIGN:
The page looks like this on my mobile device (a Moto G6 Android device)(attached).

I'm surprised that an Unbounce page would be able to become that big of a mess on mobile. I would have thought their page designs were more mobile-friendly than that.
 

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softwareRules

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Looks like a good starting point. I'd recommend giving a few example cases of the Correct + Suggest and Volume/Rating Projections

Maybe something like "You know you had 1000 sales last month. Based on your business listings, our AI service can analyze your data and tell if you will 2,000 sales next month. And on top of that, our AI will tell you how to improve your product descriptions to increase sales! Yes that's right, we can help you beat the competition by using AI and machine learning to analyze your sales data, your website, your products information and suggest improvements."

A walk-through basically would be a good way to pitch this..I don't quite understand the business listings part.
 
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Lihan

Lihan

New Contributor
Sep 1, 2019
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11
The headline doesn't answer the question, "What is this?" I don't understand the offer from the copy that's provided. I understood it better from your post, but even that brought up some questions and I'm not sure I understand what it is or what it does.
Thank you. I think this is a critical point that went past me during the initial draft. Maybe something like this is more clear - I'm shooting for the live version to be more conversational.

"Dollar Intel Inc. is a Business Profile automation service for drafting, and projecting the performance of, business listings on online platforms such as Google My Business. By training machines to comprehend vast amounts of existing business profiles, Dollar Intel suggests improvements to your company description that are unique to its region, service, and scale, taking hints from digital profiles of leading firms in the same industry. The automated analysis of what works and what dosen't accurately can be leveraged to predict the performances of your business profile drafts."

Maybe something like "You know you had 1000 sales last month. Based on your business listings, our AI service can analyze your data and tell if you will 2,000 sales next month. And on top of that, our AI will tell you how to improve your product descriptions to increase sales! Yes that's right, we can help you beat the competition by using AI and machine learning to analyze your sales data, your website, your products information and suggest improvements."

A walk-through basically would be a good way to pitch this..I don't quite understand the business listings part.
Yeah, agreed on the examples and walk-through. I really enjoy the specific example you gave - that's pretty much the vibe and purpose of the service. I will try to work a similar example into the page (after writing this post).

Thank you both so much! I'm going to report in work late tomorrow and hammer this out :) It's been super fun. Edit: suggestions are online - man, if only writing landing pages can be automated.... hmmmm ;)
 
Last edited:
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Lihan

Lihan

New Contributor
Sep 1, 2019
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The font and logo are the only problems I see. But they're big problems lol. But besides that it looks pretty decent.
Sounds good. I'm thinking a black box with a capital I in it.

I also plan on making a video demo and putting my bio on there... maybe convert rate is increased with trust?

Stats for first day:
0.076% Click through rate, 81 Views, 1 Convert

I think of the service as B2B (small businesses), so I advertised on Reddit's business forums.
 

ChrisV

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Sounds good. I'm thinking a black box with a capital I in it.

I also plan on making a video demo and putting my bio on there... maybe convert rate is increased with trust?

Stats for first day:
0.076% Click through rate, 81 Views, 1 Convert

I think of the service as B2B (small businesses), so I advertised on Reddit's business forums.
 

babyballer

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You need to improve your copywriting and apply Job To Be Done framework.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNTW_9mFM7k


Hey all,

I'm following Rcaraway's approach of building the MVP (really just the landing page) before the product.
So this afternoon was my first time building my landing page, can someone give me ruthless feedback?
Besides the landing page, how's the value proposition?

The main idea: scrape shit ton of Google business listings (what you'd find after clicking on a business in Google Maps) and train a model. When a client gives me her business description,
the value is in giving good edit recommendations to her description, because the model has seen tons of writing from highly rated companies,
maybe in similar industry, region, and scale.
Additionally given her business profile on Google maps, predict what her business traffic + rating will be like. This is priced at a monthly subscription of $10, and early access members get it for $2.

I'm a long time data scientist who recently wanted to get on that sweet fastlane. Let me know how I can help with your AI/data solutions. Hope ya'll have a good one.
 

softwareRules

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Aug 25, 2019
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I like the example! Good work, I would try and put an image at the top as a before and after. Before: bad business listing. After: highlighted improvements to the business listing. Since you haven't built the product you can't put 10x or 2x or any real stats, but you can visually help the prospective picture the result. It sounds like you're selling a service though, I hire you to rewrite our business listings to improve sales. It's a measurable outcome so I know within a week or two whether I've been ripped off or if it's just a poor result. That's actually pretty decent for a small business owner because it's pricey to keep trying different tactics and getting crap results so a quick way to understand and then evaluate = golden.
 

jftbern

New Contributor
Jun 26, 2019
7
3
11
Canada
Hey all,

I'm following Rcaraway's approach of building the MVP (really just the landing page) before the product.
So this afternoon was my first time building my landing page, can someone give me ruthless feedback?
Besides the landing page, how's the value proposition?

The main idea: scrape shit ton of Google business listings (what you'd find after clicking on a business in Google Maps) and train a model. When a client gives me her business description,
the value is in giving good edit recommendations to her description, because the model has seen tons of writing from highly rated companies,
maybe in similar industry, region, and scale.
Additionally given her business profile on Google maps, predict what her business traffic + rating will be like. This is priced at a monthly subscription of $10, and early access members get it for $2.

I'm a long time data scientist who recently wanted to get on that sweet fastlane. Let me know how I can help with your AI/data solutions. Hope ya'll have a good one.
at first, I dont really get what you really offer as an added value...
 

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Lihan

Lihan

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Sep 1, 2019
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11
Why are you asking us? Ask your market.
Good point. If my clients are to be growth-oriented business owners, would you consider a couple posts in business sections of Quora and a small ad campaign on Reddit's business subreddits to be adequately surveying my market?

I like the example! Good work, I would try and put an image at the top as a before and after. Before: bad business listing. After: highlighted improvements to the business listing. Since you haven't built the product you can't put 10x or 2x or any real stats, but you can visually help the prospective picture the result. It sounds like you're selling a service though, I hire you to rewrite our business listings to improve sales. It's a measurable outcome so I know within a week or two whether I've been ripped off or if it's just a poor result. That's actually pretty decent for a small business owner because it's pricey to keep trying different tactics and getting crap results so a quick way to understand and then evaluate = golden.
Really interesting how you voiced the small business owner perspective. I'm compelled to paraphrase and go "It's pricey to keep trying different business descriptions only to find out its crap! Our service
provides a quick way to understand then evaluate your current digital presence in an automatic + data-validated framework."

In addition to the before and after, once the product is built I can try asking it to generate the most optimal profile for X industry - e.g. a hypothetical ice cream shop description on Yelp. I think I'm seeing an existing need being clarified and it's up to product development to put actual results on that site.

A high level diagram of how the AI magic happens can be illustrative:

[CSV file icons next to Google, Yelp and Bing fly into a paper pile]
"We scrape business profiles, reviews and multimedia from internet's largest listing platforms."

[file icons go into robot's head]
"AI model analyzes terabytes of existing company descriptions to distill fundamentals of good profiles"

[ robot's eyes scan new business profile ]
"Using this cutting edge model, we project ratings and traffic volume of new company profiles,
newly drafted or publically accessible, and suggest digital presence optimizations"

Overall thanks a lot software! Appreciate your insights.

at first, I dont really get what you really offer as an added value...
Amateur mistake on my part. I expanded the site to explain with screen caps and re-wrote the features section. Still not clear since those edits?
 

jftbern

New Contributor
Jun 26, 2019
7
3
11
Canada
Good point. If my clients are to be growth-oriented business owners, would you consider a couple posts in business sections of Quora and a small ad campaign on Reddit's business subreddits to be adequately surveying my market?



Really interesting how you voiced the small business owner perspective. I'm compelled to paraphrase and go "It's pricey to keep trying different business descriptions only to find out its crap! Our service
provides a quick way to understand then evaluate your current digital presence in an automatic + data-validated framework."

In addition to the before and after, once the product is built I can try asking it to generate the most optimal profile for X industry - e.g. a hypothetical ice cream shop description on Yelp. I think I'm seeing an existing need being clarified and it's up to product dev to clarify the results on that site.

A high level diagram of how the AI magic happens can be illustrative:

[CSV file icons next to Google, Yelp and Bing]
"We scrape business profiles, reviews and multimedia from internet's largest listing platforms."

[file icons go into robot's head]
"AI model analyzes terabytes of existing company descriptions to distill fundamentals of quality profiles"

[ robot's eyes scan new business profile ]
"Using this cutting edge model, we project ratings and traffic volume of new company profiles,
newly drafted or publically accessible, and suggest digital presence optimizations"

Overall thanks a lot software! Really appreciate your insights.



Amateur mistake on my part. I expanded the site to explain with screen caps and re-wrote the features section. Still not clear since those edits?
If you want I can help you make it better but I have no expectation in return...
 

csalvato

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Good point. If my clients are to be growth-oriented business owners, would you consider a couple posts in business sections of Quora and a small ad campaign on Reddit's business subreddits to be adequately surveying my market?
I dunno. Try it.

It's probably going to be easier and faster to buy a list of emails from something like InfoUSA.com, and offer people who give you feedback a $25-$50 gift card as a gesture.
 

softwareRules

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Sounds like you're getting closer to a really good description of the service.

I would advise you to create a persona for an ideal customer and be very specific about the industry. For example, you mentioned Yelp, so you may want to target restaurants: "we analyze your business listing and improve the descriptions on your site, in Yelp, Google Maps and Facebook to make your restaurant sound more savoury". That's up to you, you could create a 2nd landing page that's a duplicate of your first landing page except targeting a different niche/industry. "We help your dentist listings on Google Maps attract more customers" or something like that and then go into the specifics you have with the AI process and all that.

The suggestion to give Amazon gift cards for filling out a survey does work but you that should come later. Low-cost solution is update your landing page, copy and paste and target a few different niches, see which one has more conversions, and then build it out if there's a big enough market.
 

jftbern

New Contributor
Jun 26, 2019
7
3
11
Canada
Good point. If my clients are to be growth-oriented business owners, would you consider a couple posts in business sections of Quora and a small ad campaign on Reddit's business subreddits to be adequately surveying my market?



Really interesting how you voiced the small business owner perspective. I'm compelled to paraphrase and go "It's pricey to keep trying different business descriptions only to find out its crap! Our service
provides a quick way to understand then evaluate your current digital presence in an automatic + data-validated framework."

In addition to the before and after, once the product is built I can try asking it to generate the most optimal profile for X industry - e.g. a hypothetical ice cream shop description on Yelp. I think I'm seeing an existing need being clarified and it's up to product development to put actual results on that site.

A high level diagram of how the AI magic happens can be illustrative:

[CSV file icons next to Google, Yelp and Bing fly into a paper pile]
"We scrape business profiles, reviews and multimedia from internet's largest listing platforms."

[file icons go into robot's head]
"AI model analyzes terabytes of existing company descriptions to distill fundamentals of good profiles"

[ robot's eyes scan new business profile ]
"Using this cutting edge model, we project ratings and traffic volume of new company profiles,
newly drafted or publically accessible, and suggest digital presence optimizations"

Overall thanks a lot software! Appreciate your insights.



Amateur mistake on my part. I expanded the site to explain with screen caps and re-wrote the features section. Still not clear since those edits?
I am not good with web marketing but been in sales all my life before changing career. What I see from your site is that you focus on people who know what you're talking about. Lots of people don't even understand the technical language related to online marketing and Ai. I think you should simplify on the landing page and get deeper in the description link. Just a personal opinion, I prefer lean landing page than those full of stuff that confuses you but this is just my taught. Too much is sometimes not enough
 

csalvato

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The suggestion to give Amazon gift cards for filling out a survey does work but you that should come later.
This was not my suggestion.

My suggestion was to bring them in to interview them for the product, including going over a sample report/output of the service and seeing if that resonates or where hiccups occur.

Paying people to simply fill out a survey is foolishness.

Apologies if that was unclear.
 

softwareRules

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This was not my suggestion.

My suggestion was to bring them in to interview them for the product, including going over a sample report/output of the service and seeing if that resonates or where hiccups occur.

Paying people to simply fill out a survey is foolishness.

Apologies if that was unclear.
Oh I see. I've seen both approaches though your suggestion is far more common and more effective.
 

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First thought when I viewed the landing page .... what is this ...? The headline, site name and intro paragraph made no sense to someone not familiar with your product.

Second thought ... not very engaging. No compelling call to action. Very basic. I would not have stayed on the site for more than a few seconds without leaving.

Third thought ... you need to test it on every mobile platform available. Might look fine on whatever phone you are using ... but I viewed it on a Galaxy s10 Plus and the site and text were overlapping and everything did not fit neatly into a single column. The layout was a mess. Need to fix that.

Fourth thought ... Trademark Infringement. "Intel" for a tech business? Instant lawsuit.
 
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ChrisV

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Trademark Infringement. "Intel" for a tech business? Instant lawsuit.
Really? even if the context is totally different? I think he's using "Intel" in the sense that the CIA would use it. "We've gathered Intel" or "Business Intel"
 

Jon L

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I would spend $200 on Fiverr and hire a copywriter to rewrite your page. Copywriting is an art form that is not learned overnight, especially by technically oriented people. I know this because I have a technical background, have spent several years trying to get better at it, and I still suck.

Here's the first thing a copywriter will change about your page:

Your heading says:
The 1 Essential AI Polish for Your Business
Data-powered business profile automation service

(what does that mean? ... I as a technical person have no idea.)

What would a business owner care about? They certainly don't care that you use AI. What they want is more money. From more sales. Which might be obtained by getting more clicks on their Google Business page. However, that won't happen unless what their page says is compelling. That's where your service comes in.

So, here's your heading rewritten using my current level of knowledge about copywriting. (You'll need to hire an actual copywriter to get something better...)

Heading: Want to steal customers from your competitors on Google Business?
Using the power of AI, we re-write your profile by pulling out the best ideas from tens of thousands of your competitors, creating a story that customers can't resist.

See the difference? Your copy talks about what you do. What a business owner cares about is the results you can generate for them. My version also uses dramatic, emotional language to get people excited. "Hell yes, I want to steal customers from my competitors. Is this even legal? Sign me up!"
 

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Really? even if the context is totally different? I think he's using "Intel" in the sense that the CIA would use it. "We've gathered Intel" or "Business Intel"
Yep. Trademark Infringement and Trademark Dillution. He would lose and would have to pay their legal fees. Time to pick another name.
 

babyballer

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Hey all,

I'm following Rcaraway's approach of building the MVP (really just the landing page) before the product.
So this afternoon was my first time building my landing page, can someone give me ruthless feedback?
Besides the landing page, how's the value proposition?

The main idea: scrape shit ton of Google business listings (what you'd find after clicking on a business in Google Maps) and train a model. When a client gives me her business description,
the value is in giving good edit recommendations to her description, because the model has seen tons of writing from highly rated companies,
maybe in similar industry, region, and scale.
Additionally given her business profile on Google maps, predict what her business traffic + rating will be like. This is priced at a monthly subscription of $10, and early access members get it for $2.

I'm a long time data scientist who recently wanted to get on that sweet fastlane. Let me know how I can help with your AI/data solutions. Hope ya'll have a good one.
I am working for a NASDAQ listed software company. One of the products I am selling is AI/machine learning solution. We compete with IBM Watson. It is a really hard product to sell at any price point believe it or not. We discovered that even IBM is having a hard time selling Watson. They give Watson out for free to some startups just to get the ball rolling. Then we found out the most of the companies out there are struggling to sell AI/machine learning solution, not just IBM and us. If big companies that have spent pretty dollars in marketing have troubles in selling AI/machine learning solutions, I would sure hope that you don't depend on this startup of yours to make a living at least for now.
 

FierceRacoon

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First thought is also, what is the offering?

"The 1 essential AI polish for your business" — what business? AI for laundromats? Car dealerships? Coffee places?

"Data-powered business profile automation service" — why would a business need a profile automation service? Each business needs only ONE profile, not a service for automating profiles.

"Great business profiles are the cornerstone of a killer customer engagement strategy" — really? Say, Nike or Mc'Donalds, how do business profiles help? Or take Walmart or United Airlines, how would they use a business profile?

"We find the optimal content ... Our AI" — so is it a copyright service or an AI platform?
 

SamRussell

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The font makes me read AI as Al, and I'm thinking, "Who the hell is Al?"
 
OP
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Lihan

Lihan

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Sep 1, 2019
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See the difference? Your copy talks about what you do. What a business owner cares about is the results you can generate for them. My version also uses dramatic, emotional language to get people excited. "Hell yes, I want to steal customers from my competitors. Is this even legal? Sign me up!"
My original idea was to pique curiousity by making visitors ask: "so what is this one essential polish?", and use the subtitle to summarize the service in 1 sentence. Thank you for talking about the copy writing paradigm, no doubt if I were a visitor I'd prefer your copy.

I am working for a NASDAQ listed software company. One of the products I am selling is AI/machine learning solution. We compete with IBM Watson. It is a really hard product to sell at any price point believe it or not. We discovered that even IBM is having a hard time selling Watson. They give Watson out for free to some startups just to get the ball rolling. Then we found out the most of the companies out there are struggling to sell AI/machine learning solution, not just IBM and us. If big companies that have spent pretty dollars in marketing have troubles in selling AI/machine learning solutions, I would sure hope that you don't depend on this startup of yours to make a living at least for now.
Any studies on why that is? I would believe if the solution meets the need (admittedly the hardest part to get right), struggling to sell would not happen. A bit pathological but majority of FANG's AI products have been adopted without a second thought.

About mobile: yep it sucks.

About branding: working on it - I also heard from friends IRL that this may infringe on Intel.

I plan to get the service MVP going, slash the pricing, and rewrite the page in Python, making it fast and getting it customizable down to the exact line of code.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. The site will be on until Sept 14. I'm going to unveil a new, more serious iteration in 1-2 months.
 

Jon L

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My original idea was to pique curiousity by making visitors ask: "so what is this one essential polish?", and use the subtitle to summarize the service in 1 sentence. Thank you for talking about the copy writing paradigm, no doubt if I were a visitor I'd prefer your copy.



Any studies on why that is? I would believe if the solution meets the need (admittedly the hardest part to get right), struggling to sell would not happen. A bit pathological but majority of FANG's AI products have been adopted without a second thought.

About mobile: yep it sucks.

About branding: working on it - I also heard from friends IRL that this may infringe on Intel.

I plan to get the service MVP going, slash the pricing, and rewrite the page in Python, making it fast and getting it customizable down to the exact line of code.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. The site will be on until Sept 14. I'm going to unveil a new, more serious iteration in 1-2 months.
This is why you need a professsional copywriter. It is SO worth the 100-200 dollars you'll spend on Fiverr. You have about 2 seconds to grab someone's attention, and then you have to sustain that attention all the way down to the call to action where they will contact you or buy from you. You will spend a year trying to refine this page, and it still won't be as good as if you hired someone right off.
 

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