Need advice on approaching a woman...

[Freedom61]

Most that read this will not have any idea who I am...I've been a member for a few months but have not spent much time on the forum. Here is my intro thread https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...u-mj-for-this-awesome-book.62698/#post-485533

Short intro, I'm 24 years old, currently own a semi-slowlane business (lawn/landscape/snow, started in 2011, grad'd from college w/ a Horticulture degree in 2013) and I own one fastlane business (launched one digital info product last month, more on the way, and planning to create a couple apps after that) I'm extremely close to selling everything in the slowlane business, & move to a new town to continue pursuing my fastlane endeavors - I've been in the same city my entire life and now I'm quickly realizing this is almost a quarter century. Plus, if I'm away from the "safety net" of my parents' house, extended family, it would be a big factor in driving major action ... but that's a discussion for a different thread.

I don't belong to many forums other than the one I advertise my digital products on so I figured I'd put myself out there with asking this question, is it bad that I'd like to see the answers/get advice from those on here than my "friends" in person?

So last week I went to my bank to make a deposit and the teller (an attractive girl that's around my age who has worked there for about the last year - whenever I go there we chat a bit whether it's in the drive-up or if I walk in) ran my deposit, and after sending my receipt back to me she had said "Hey, nice haircut!" (I changed up how I had my haircut about 1.5 weeks ago.)
I was in the drive-up about 30' away (tough to see? It's not like I dyed my hair blue lol) from where she was so I thought this was definitely out of characteristic from our normal convos and I don't get compliments often..... so I fumbled my words and said "Oh thanks! I love it!" and then I don't remember exactly what was said after that, probably something like "Have a great weekend!" .. "You too!"

With all that said, she didn't see my accounts and see 7 figures in them and all the sudden say that, my acct. balances aren't even close to that! I sacrificed having a "comfortable" salary this year in order by hiring more employees to replace myself so I could spend more time pursuing my fastlane business after I read TMF last winter and changed my mindset on business for the better, but my employees probably have more money than I do (figuratively). I've spent 90% of my time working the past few years, I really don't remember the last official "date" I went on, if ever actually now that I think back to even high school, and I've never had an official gf. I'm thinking if this girl said that compliment, she's probably into me and I wouldn't mind getting to know her, so why not ask her out? After reading some threads tonight especially MJ's "How bad do you want it? Enough to go "all in?" I want to get out of my comfort zone and try it out! Ideas are worthless without execution!
The worst thing that could happen is she says "no" or "I'm seeing someone", etc. I just don't know exactly what to say since the only time I see her is when she's working.

Thanks in advance for any insight.

 

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[GuestUser305]

Watch their stuff and you will get a feeling for that That way I got my current girlfriend as well. Just don't give a shit, have fun!, talk about what ever you want, be alpha and when the conversation is at its best, get her number to leave with the best impression. If you need practice, try it on several ugly girls before

 

[Supa]

"people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel" it doesn't matter what you say to her in your convo, it's about what you make her feel. You are on a good way if a woman has to smile when she thinks back to a convo with you. There are no magic words that you can say to her while approaching her, a simple 'hi, how's it going?' said with a confident smile is 10,000x better than any learned sentence. Oh and look in her eyes, don't act like a boring guy that is too afraid to say something wrong.

 

[JasonR]

What are you actually asking?

Are you wondering how to approach women/get dates?

If so, these three books have been awesome for me. Read and devour them - and I'd be happy to chat with you.

Models by Mark Manson: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

The Charsima Myth: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1591845947/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

Always Talk to Strangers: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OCXFYW/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

 

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[shubham525]

Simple !
Would you like to try that new restaurant sometime ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Supa]

What are you actually asking?

Are you wondering how to approach women/get dates?

If so, these three books have been awesome for me. Read and devour them - and I'd be happy to chat with you.

Models by Mark Manson: http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446018091&sr=8-1&keywords=models mark manson

The Charsima Myth: http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446018118&sr=8-1&keywords=charisma myth

Always Talk to Strangers: http://www.amazon.com/Always-Talk-Strangers-Simple-Finding-ebook/dp/B000OCXFYW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446018139&sr=8-1&keywords=always talk to strangers

I liked David DeAngelo's 'Attraction isn't a Choice' got some deep insights into the psychology behind women/men behaviour.

 

[BaraQueenbee]

Hate to break it to you, there is no right way (but MANY wrong ways) to approach a women.

If we're keeping it in the circles, it's just like business. Read about it, talk about it, get knowledge about it (and I suggest you do that, even if it's to broaden your perspective and horizon), but in the end. GET MOVING and just do it.

No amount of ideas or solutions is going to he be right and only one.
Sincerity. (<--you want to take her out on a date)
True to yourself (<-- don't pretend you like something or take her out on something just because she might like it, and you'll end up all feeling bad)
a bit of romance (<-- enough to find about this. The cliches, a rose, a little extra effort, or even something you made up yourself. Get creative! Instead of turning in a check, make her write down her number)
Chance (<-- We are all humans, we have good and bad days. I truly hope for you, she says yes if you ask her out. And if she doesn't, get out there and get in touch with people in general again. Remember, rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just wasn't the right match)

As far as that, good luck and dont forget to enjoy too

 

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[BaraQueenbee]

Additional: I shall look into the books mentioned here.

There are alot of *good* pick up artists out there with valid knowledge, and just as I was talking about it with @AndrewNC , it's funny how these "succesful" people share the same thought and behaviour patterns as for example successful businessmen. It really seems to be a general mind set.

 

[JasonR]

I liked David DeAngelo's 'Attraction isn't a Choice' got some deep insights into the psychology behind women/men behaviour.

Haha David Deida! Probably the worst "pick up artist" with the best marketing. I remember being on his email list. He's made millions off the pick up scene. Smart dude...he's doing business and entrepreneur coaching now.

 

[Supa]

Additional: I shall look into the books mentioned here.

There are alot of *good* pick up artists out there with valid knowledge, and just as I was talking about it with @AndrewNC , it's funny how these "succesful" people share the same thought and behaviour patterns as for example successful businessmen. It really seems to be a general mind set.

One common pattern that can be found is that everything starts in your head. Imagine how you get rejected and your body language will tell that you think you will get rejected - and therefore you most likely get rejected.

Most people don't really think about the psychology behind our actions. Most men think that women think the same as they do, and most women probably think the same of men. As soon as you get some knowledge about the different ways of thinking and feeling between men and women, based on evolution, you see that comparing men and women is pretty much nonsense.

 

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[BaraQueenbee]

One common pattern that can be found is that everything starts in your head. Imagine how you get rejected and your body language will tell that you think you will get rejected - and therefore you most likely get rejected.

Most people don't really think about the psychology behind our actions. Most men think that women think the same as they do, and most women probably think the same of men. As soon as you get some knowledge about the different ways of thinking and feeling between men and women, based on evolution, you see that comparing men and women is pretty much nonsense.

True words, comparing one person to another is merely impossible, let alone women and men.
Although we share certain core values, it's all ying/yang.

 

[FastNAwesome]

I'm thinking if this girl said that compliment, she's probably into me and I wouldn't mind getting to know her, so why not ask her out?

Good thinking on your part, and exactly what you should do.

The worst thing that could happen is she says "no" or "I'm seeing someone", etc.

Exactly. And since she's obviously outgoing and extroverted, my assumption is:

1. She will say yes with a smile on her face
2. Even if it's no, she'll do it in a tactful and polite manner and you'll feel just fine (and even then it's not necessarily over - maybe she's taken now, but will be available some time in the future - too many guys take a girl's "yes" or "no" as a be-all end-all and a validation of their worth - don't be that guy, be a playa

And technically, the worst scenario is you not asking her out at all, and then beating yourself up over it for weeks or months to come.

Be an optimist, focus on option 1

As you're already a successful businessman, you certainly know that it's better to be confident, optimistic and focusing on closing the deal, rather than "what's the worst thing that could happen".

I want to get out of my comfort zone and try it out!

You do that. I would say don't overthink this one or overcomplicate. This is a situation clear as a day, and should be kept simple:

This girl likes you.

The next time you go to the bank, approach her, greet her (you can add a smile too)

You can get straight to the point and say something to the effect of "let's go grab a coffee after work/tonite". You'll see right away if she's receptive to it, and then you just iron out the details. You can set a time and place right away, or you can give her your number and tell her to call you after work.

Notes:

- Not a native English speaker so my wording probably sucks - adjust as needed. But am a dating coach, and have had multiple girlfriends that I met at the bank exactly like you will meet this girl. It's that simple

- Keep in mind this is her workplace. Vary the above approach as needed to keep her out of unpleasant situations.

If others are far enough from you that she can feel comfortable setting a date with you, then do that.

If it's a crowded place, long lines, her colleagues too nearby - simply after you're done with the banking part, give her a note with your number and name and discretely say (almost whisper), so only she can hear it: "let's meet sometime, call me up". Optionally follow with a wink and a smile;-)

Your mindset for all approaches should be positive and optimistic, as if you're a bearer of good news (because you are), as if you're bringing them gifts (because you are). You're a young and successful guy who gives her the gift of getting to know you, and having a chance for a romance.

Any anxiety you might feel, just embrace it and overcome it with a deep breath.

Get inspired by good music

If you can't make yourself approach her/If you simply want to make her day and make her feel like a movie star - you can send her some flowers that you think she'll like, with a note attached with something like "If you're for a new friendship..." or "If you'd like to meet..." or whatever, you can even just write a compliment - followed with your phone #, and signed as

"Guy with a cool haircut"

You can expect the "thank you" text with a the same day, and then you have her number and you two can take it from there. If she doesn't reply the same day, you can consider it as no, and just move on, that's cool too.

 

[Sheps]

Ok, first things first. A bank teller is what we call a hired gun, just like a waitress or really anyone working. They are paid to be nice to you.

With this in mind, here's all you can really do without going out and getting some experience.

Maintain good posture, shoulders back head up. Speak easily, relaxed and with confidence (not arrogance and not creepy). Smile and make good eye contact (not staring). Talk to her in person, gauge how the conversation is going and then if it feels good you simply ask if she would like to get a drink. If she's hot she'll likely have a boyfriend, if she does and says so do NOT let it change the tempo and feel of the conversation. Move naturally on to the next mundane thing as if you ask hot girls out all the time and her saying no is similar to her not making the work paintball weekend. No. Big. Deal.
With a smiley and good eye contact "oh that's too bad. Maybe another time. How is X"

Relationships end all the time, how you handle her telling you she's in one now can set you up for when it finishes.

Now, if she handles the question badly that is a whole different matter and depends completely on your personality. Remember you asked her out to coffee not for a blow job, don't let her put you down.


Other than that all I can say is good luck. Without tuition or experience you are an unknown.
I've known and worked with some exceptional puas and no one has 100% success.

 

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[MartinMC]

I recommend reading As You Are by Nick Sparks. Just finished it and it's a great book on not only approaching women but becoming a better communicator in all aspects of your life.

 

[Boozoon]

Sorry for anyone suggesting pick up stuff, but they are all pretty lame compared to Chris Deudes ->

goodlookingloser.com

Picking up girls is part of a lifestyle, a lifestyle where you strive to be the best at what you do and Chris drills it really hard. The best thing about Chris is that he makes you realize it's a numbers game when it comes to women. The one in the bank might say no, but with the right mindset you will approach ten more. It's really liberating I have to say and one of the best findings I ever made when it comes to PUA (Models is a second close).

 

[BaraQueenbee]

Last addition: talking about good pick up artists I recommend Sasha Daygame, and I am the biggest fan of his Stuttgart Speech.
Mostly cause it starts how to approac women, but then turns into a mindset + fear + the system + successful speech.

He combines greatly mindset - spirituality and inner strenght

 

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[Sheps]

One of the reasons we always recommended dudes start going to the gym or lose those extra 15lbs/7kgs was that it's part of the life style. When you're stronger or looking better you ARE more confident. When you're more confident, it shows in your communication with other people.

Become the best version of you. Things always work out for that guy.

 

[JAJT]

Whatever you do, be yourself.

Add confidence and show the best version of yourself, but be yourself.

If you try to be funny, and you aren't a funny person, it won't work. If you try to be "suave", and you aren't naturally like that, don't do that.

What do your closest friends like about you? What are you "known for"? Be that guy, with a big smile and confidence.

 

[Mattie]

It looks like you're worrying about how much money in your account and what she things of that if it's not six figures. Fortunately, most bank tellers aren't that rich, they're average people that don't get paid that much. So, I wouldn't worry about your bank account.

Second, if you want a date with and since it is her job, I would just somehow get a message to her, because it conflicts with her job. Technically you're not supposed to date the customer. That's a tough one, but message is your best bet.

Since you really don't know her, and the only conversations you've had, I would keep is simple like having breakfast, lunch, dinner at a cafe, restaurant, or something in public, but still private, and intimate. Simple steps to to create an opportunity to get to know one another.

Best topics is sharing interests, having something to talk about that is not about wounds and past relationships. Be yourself. Typical conversation you would have with just about anyone. The goal is building a strong foundation of friendship and trust. Kind of like planting a garden. You plant the seeds, allow the sun and rain to play a part, and watch it grow over time.

Never be in a hurry and rush things. Take things slow. Know what she's about. What are her habits, her mindset, and where is she going in life. Pay attention to the red flags right off the bat. Pay attention to vocabulary when she speaks. Is it negative or positive? Is she focused on the past and failures? Is she focused on succeeding and reaching her full potential? You can tell a lot by body language, vocabulary, and conversation whether you want to go down that alley with her to further a relationship. Women look hot! Doesn't mean they make great supportive girlfriends or wives. You want one that is strong minded and will support you through your entrepreneur adventures, and can tough it out in storms. One that can handle emotions and feelings and respond rather than react.

Women can be very negative, fault finding, and degrading to a man. So, yes, it's exciting for you to date someone, but pay attention, be aware, and be smart.

 

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[Mattie]

Treat it kind of like your business.

Dress your best best look good and smell good.
Be polite and positive.
If you say you're going to do something follow through. Be on time. Call when you say you will.
If you make promises keep them. Be a man of your word. Walk your walk and talk your talk.
Lead by example.
Treat her the way you'd like to be treated.
Be honest. Skip the manipulation, control, and mind games.
Build trust
Save the seduction, woman hate being manipulated. They love being sensual and sexual. There's a difference.
Active listening is the greatest thing if you pay attention and hear what she's saying.
Invest in a relationship like you're investing in entrepreneurship. Have the right mindset.
Learn what kind of interests and activities she enjoys. When it comes to women it's like earning a masters degree.
Take interest in her, and she will automatically do the same.
Be emotionally available.

 

[FastNAwesome]

Lots of great advice in this thread, and some I don't agree with either.

But a recommendation to the OP:

Before you dive into all this theory...I'd recommend you ask this girl out BEFORE reading books/websites recommended here or doing anything regarding "self improvement".

This particular girl, according to your description, plain and simple likes you. You can go and plain and simple ask her out. The same way you'd invite some of your friends to go grab a coffee. You can literally say "BRO, let's go grab a beer", and I think she'd still go for it, and have a cool cool laugh, after all those uptight people she sees daily who act all important, or give her cheesy compliments.

24 - you're at the perfect age - Young enough and Old enough for whatever you want from life. Plus you've figured it out. You're a businessman already, switching from slowlane to fastlane, but in the driver's seat nevertheless. You're a driver. You're a rider. You're a winner. Even in a dating game, you're way ahead of most by even contemplating to ask her out, and looking out for advice since you're not experienced yet.

She hollered at you. Holla back, ask her out. That's all there is to it

 

[Arty]

Goodlookingloser.com is definitely the best resource I know.
It's a no-bullshit, realistic way of meeting attractive women. (and by meeting I mean... getting to know them, intimately)
He stresses the importance of making yourself look as good as you can, not taking rejection personally, and the fact that it's a numbers game.

 

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[marklov]

Honestly this will change your life my friend.

Get Bang by Roosh which is pretty much the only resource you need.

Despite the name it reinforces that getting better with women is a process vs pick up lines and gimmicks.

Instead of pickup lines to spin and gimmicks like mysterious/good/bad boy rubbish it provides you with a framework that you can refine and polish to mastery that's unique to you.
All you have to do is supply the effort to go out and interact with women.

 

[ddzc]

Tons of great advice in this thread.

There's all sorts of books and pua communities, but to be honest, just go out with a bunch of buddies and have fun. Approach everyone, it's a numbers game. Don't be afraid of rejection, just keep at it. With all of the technology out there, it's not very difficult lining up a date. Just go on tinder, pof, instant dates every night of the week while you sit on your a$$ at home...BUT, if you want to improve on your approach anxiety, get off the online stuff and get out there. I've known guys who did hundreds, thousands of approaches in a week just to improve on their game and get over their fears!

Best of luck

 

[Nicko]

It's all about CONFIDENCE.

I've seen plenty of guys who are punching way above their weight, because they were self confident.

Not arrogant mind you. Just confident.

 

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[BlakeIC]

If there is 2 things you take from this thread it should be these

1)x does not equal y, dont treat these types of situations/situations in general like math as such, otherwise youll be unhappy and fail (maybe not?)

2) make sure you have a positive self image, know that your are good enough for her, visualize you being successful with asking her out (i am not talking about the law of attraction) look up psycho cybernetics by maxwell maltz to understand what i mean

Also if i was you , i would have give 1 more visit to the bank to gauge her reaction when you see her again to get a better idea of what her intentions are


EDIT: Also with number 2, that is being confident, if you are confident in yourself it will show

I say to especially remember #2, because all the posts saying "just be confident" is bs (no offense intended) because it is just like someone going to the doctor because they are unable to fall asleep and the doctors only response is "well just go to sleep", see what i am saying?

 

[Nicko]

She works in a bank right ? Here's a line that I guarantee can't fail:

"Hi baby. I'd like to 'invest' my heart with YOU. My love yields high returns so let's do this"

Or not

 

[Andrewski]

Some of my friends are into the whole pick up artist thing to get girls but its all bull shit. I'm about the same as them in attractiveness and i get LOADS more girls than them.

This is my winning at life trick for OP and all other people in this thread.

1. Walk up to girl and say Hi, How are you?
2. Who cares how she responds, ask open ended questions to spark a conversation, anything like What kind of books do you read? Where have you traveled to? Do not let conversation stop and get awkward even if its boring.
3. Blah Blah Blah 10-20 minutes later (2-5 minutes for OP because hes already talked to her a bunch and shes at work busy) drop this bomb on her.

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

4. Go for the kiss afterwards and about 46% of the time they will make out with you on the spot. If not drop another open ended question and just go back to normal conversation like it was no big deal you nuked her like that. If she has a boy friend or isn't interested she will find a way to escape asap. If she keeps hanging around you that means your in just have to work at it longer and get to know her more. OP don't go for the kiss cause it's inappropriate at work, ask her out instead.

 

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[Nicko]

4. Go for the kiss afterwards and about 46% of the time they will make out with you on the spot.

46% of the time, it works every time

 

[Mattie]

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

lol I blew off every guy that told me I was sexy. Fortunately, it sends the message you're all about sex. Many woman have the same perspective, especially if they're online a lot, they get smart, and recognize it offline.