My regrets as a 46 year old, and advice to others at a crossroad

[ChickenHawk]

Funny, I'm almost exactly this guy's age. My intro thread on this forum was entitled "Where I Confess My Failures," because I'd tried and failed at so many entrepreneurial ventures. But instead of thinking, "My Life Is Over," I thought, "I've GOT to pick myself up and keep on trying."

As many of you know, the most-recent thing I tried was self-pubbing. At almost exactly this guy's age, I hit the USA Today Bestseller list after a long, discouraging string of failures. I say this to illustrate he's not dead yet. I'm glad he's warning people, but for his sake, I sure hope he picks himself up and makes a fresh start. If he takes his hard-won wisdom and turns it to good use, the second half of his life could be the very best.

 

[masaldana2]

Hey guys found this on reddit.
Dat 9-5 can kill ya!


"TLR I realised I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired."


http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2livoo/tifu_my_whole_life_my_regrets_as_a_46_year_old/

 

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[DeletedUser394]

Who in this world is capable of thinking rationally when in the depths of despair? Everyone has a right to vent when they are worn down and tired. The important thing is that he has identified what is wrong (most people live in denial forever), and now when he's of a more sound mind, he can do something to improve his situation.

Also, you can't solely blame a spouse if the other half cheats. That's insane. No, not just insane, that's ****** bullshit. Cheating says a lot more about the cheater than the one being cheated on. That should go without saying.

Sometimes 'entrepreneurs' can be so callous and cold. It's truly disheartening.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

His regrets at age 65 will be "not learning from my mistakes when I realized them at 46."

Awareness is great but it's just an idea in a hellwalk of execution.

 

[Vigilante]

I don't get it. My life renews itself almost annually. I am his age. Starting 10 new things. Hell, we just started a radio show. A radio show? What do I know about radio? NOTHING. (haters... you don't have to AGREE with me here...)

His message reads like he's 80 years old and looking back at a wasted life. The only salient point is he has realized he has bought into the lie.

Messages like his both encourage and irritate me. Encourage because he is trying to warn others. Irritate, because he has thrown in the towel.

I bet if it was HIM his wife was pining for, and not some other guy, the rest of his life would still be worthwhile.

So... my fast lane advice to you younger guys is just that. If you are married, put her first. Part of putting her first is financially winning. It's a fine balance, but do you think if this guy was the one his wife still wanted (after all these years) his life would end in the bitter mess that it is?

You can control this. You can change the outcome. Even at 46, if he didn't have his head so far up his a$$, so could he.

Great post OP. I am normally not a fan of Reddit (as I think this guy represents the MAJORITY there) but there's a lot to be learned from this saga.

Assuming the guy isn't just a great writer, and actually lived this. It reads almost too raw to not be true.

 

[mt_myke]

Geez, how about adding "don't lie down and die in your 40s" to the end of that story? He could continue writing his book tomorrow. Many famous entrepreneurs (Colonel Sanders, Ray Croc) didn't "make it" until after their 50s, and IIRC a breakdown of startups showed that most were founded by guys in their 40s, despite the popular stereotype of every startup being launched by a 20-something from their dorm room.

 

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[masaldana2]

It's not me.

 

[Bananas]

Geez, how about adding "don't lie down and die in your 40s" to the end of that story? He could continue writing his book tomorrow. Many famous entrepreneurs (Colonel Sanders, Ray Croc) didn't "make it" until after their 50s, and IIRC a breakdown of startups showed that most were founded by guys in their 40s, despite the popular stereotype of every startup being launched by a 20-something from their dorm room.

I agree. It's like he is saying 'hey I'm in my 40s and since I didn't make the right choices in my 20s or 30s, it's too late for me now.' WTF?

He is not posting he got some horrible disease and is dying and it's actually too late. Instead it's a bitch fest of collapsing marriage, worn out from job, no relationship with kids - all based on his own choices.

That post is the epitome of why he doesn't have the life he wants and never has. All negativity, no where does he say I'm going to get divorced and then find someone else, I'm going to make an effort to repair my relationship with my children, going to finish this novel I started. It's all didn't and don't.

 

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[JAJT]

He's clearly in a rut. But the difference is it appears like for the first time in 20 years he REALIZES he is in a rut.

Too many people go through life not realizing they aren't doing anything day by day.

Go ask the next 5 people you meet what they did this last week. Most of them won't know. Completely oblivious. Day in, day out, on repeat, forever, never understanding they are on loop.

I wish this guy the best - at least he knows what he's become. Hopefully that's enough to spur change.

 

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[Thoelk]

Sometimes 'entrepreneurs' can be so callous and cold. It's truly disheartening.

Indeed, as MJ and others have stated.. Entrepeneurship is about adding value, not (just) chasing money... Yet if you see some people posting here...
F.e. J. Belfort is a con artist, sure he has talent for sales... But seriously, why on Earth would you worship someone who lied/cheated on people?
If greed gets the best of you, you are doomed to fail.. Be it in the business life, your own moral, your social life or (even worse) in all of them.

A great entrepeneur, in my eyes is Robert Herjavec...

Edit: Sad story... Yet there are so many of these stories..

 

[princephoenix]

Woah, powerful post. :/ But he's only 46, barring sudden death, illness or calamity he still has time to turn his life around.

 

[tafy]

that poor SOB

He does need to do something today or he will write another one of these stories when hes 65

 

[SteveO]

Hey guys found this on reddit.
Dat 9-5 can kill ya!


"TLR I realised I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired."


http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2livoo/tifu_my_whole_life_my_regrets_as_a_46_year_old/

Man!!! I cannot relate....

If I was going to die today, it would be as if my entire life has been fulfilled. I feel as if there has been so much packed into the time I have spent here and that there are not many people that have had some of the opportunities that I have had.

Now... there are many, many things that I have not done. That is not my point. I have done and continue to do WHAT I WANT. That is actually the mantra that my wife and I use... "I do what I want!!!" We have a funny voice that goes along with it. Some of our friends repeat it as a joke.

This is not selfish. I do things for others as well.... when I want to.

 

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[Vigilante]

Edited my post so that it didn't become a distraction.

 

[Ninjakid]

@Emanuel I'll try to keep my profanity down to a minimum for you.

Cussing isn't always necessarily primitive, or unprofessional. It doesn't make someone an adolescent just because they choose curse words. Curse words covey strong emotion; do research on this if you don't believe me. While it's true that many immature people may cuss more because they want to sound cool, all kinds of "professional" people curse too when they want to strongly make their point.

When I've been to board meetings, I've noticed people throw "F*ck" around all over the place. Despite it being a professional place, big decisions are at stake, and people aren't going to hold back and expressing their legit opinion. For example, when Peter Thiel gave Zuckerberg his first investment, he simply said "don't F*ck it up".

Vig was relaying a strong message on a sensitive issue, and it's too bad the most you got from that was offense that he used the F-word way too many times for your liking. There was a profound message there, but you chose to focus on the thing that repulsed you and miss the point completely. It's like the man who only sees a barren wasteland through disappointed eyes when another sees an multi-million dollar supply of crude oil.

I hope in the future you can use your heart, and not just your head.


Now on the topic of this post:


It's really too bad what happened to this guy, but I hope he can pick himself and make the next chapter in his life fulfilling.
And while that was very cold and insensitive for his wife to do that, he must also accept responsibility. No matter what what your career is or what kind of business you create, the love of a good woman can make all that seem like child's games. So if you find someone like that, let her know that she is love unfathomably, and never let her feel neglected.

 

[ericj]

Sad story, but is a reality for many men in the world. I have known a few friends in the same situation. Hell I wonder where did the time go for myself, lol. 40 years feels no different than 20.


Young guys that are aware of the sidewalk path that can stay focused are bound for success.

This story is a great motivator.

 

[Mattie]

I'm 43 and I don't feel I'm old because I'm used to working with 80-112 year old's. You're about as old as you believe you are. lol I remember on my Grandma's 80 year old birthday she said, "I'm not old. I'm young." It's very true. Most of the healthy old people lead active lives, keep their mind fit, their body fit, and don't sit at home and grow old.

 

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[twdavis]

Lol I like how someone just got in a hissy over Vigilante using language that is considered below-G rated compared to 99.999997% of the language I hear used on a daily basis by human beings younger than 18 years of age......

THAT's the real issue here instead of focusing on the fact that this Reddit post should scare the ever living shit out of everyone.

 

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[RazorCut]

The mentality on reddit is just not that high in some areas, it's sad to say. If you want to know about victim mentality, it's the place to go in some areas.

It is a cross section of society and as such you get exactly that.

Regarding John, those that showed no compassion might not have realised that he wrote that on the very day he found out that his wife had been cheating on him for a decade and his son feels nothing for him.

"Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING."

I think we can allow him at least a day without judgement. IMHO unless you have walked in those shoes I don't think you are qualified to judge anyway.

 

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[FeaRxUnLeAsHeD]

Age is my biggest pet peeve. Age is another box with limits. The biggest excuse people use in life why they can't do something, or someone will never do something because they're to young or two old.

I used to think it was funny that a 70 year old sat in a few of my classes for college. I'm not sure why he was there, but I thought it was cool. He didn't let his age stop him from learning something. And new another 80 year old woman that never graduated from high school and went back regardless of her age. A 112 year old woman sat down in front of me and couldn't read anymore, but she memorized the notes and keys, she played anyway perfectly.

Age is a bullshit made up concept that we fool ourselves into believing is real. There is no past or future, there is just *NOW* - The earth just keeps turning and we exist in the NOW. Age is as much of a lie as the clock on your wall. We try to quantify things to conform with society. The clock represents the freaking sun and the movement of the earth. The numbers are fake and don't exist. Time doesn't exist, just as much as age doesnt exist.

I'm willing to bet we only quantify things like time and age so that we can conform to our cubicles at the right moment in the NOW, FOREVER.
And we make up 'age' so we can make the fake retirement and pension plan pitch when people decide to sell their NOW with the *HOPES* of sometime later being able to STOP.

When you think philosophical, you *LAUGH* at the fact that something like 'age' would stop you. When you go to work as a 40 year old male into a cubicle, your age is only relative to how many more freaking years of selling your soul until you can 'retire' , as you continue to know what moment in the NOW that you have to arrive at your cubicle and where to arrive in the ESSENCE OF SPACE to sell your soul.

Go live now, there IS NO TOMORROW.

 

[Ryllban]

This is my biggest nightmare in life. Have been since 3 years back and most recently it's almost all I can think of. And it's only now when this lurks back in my mind, giving me panic attacks ( yes for real) that Im more motivated and focused than ever. Im so F*cking glad I found this path in my 20s.

 

[ChickenHawk]

My husband is an electrician. One time, he did a service call at this super-nice house, maybe even a mansion. The home-owner, a middle-aged, highly professional person, was taking my husband through the house, showing what needed to be done. When they passed by the bedroom of this guy's teenage son, the kid looked up, gave his Dad a look of utter contempt, and said, "What are YOU looking at, Bob?"

For some reason, this guy's story made me think of that. Sad.

 

[FeaRxUnLeAsHeD]

I find it so pathetic when people use their age, or the amount of years in the past they've wasted, as an excuse to 'give up' and not try any further. You try til you're dead. That's what makes greatness.

My dad does this shit all the time. "I'm 58 i'm not going to change, ill never be rich" - Yep, because you don't put in the effort, or want to be.
Then he'll go on to say "The Kentucky Fried Chicken founder started when he was 60.. maybe there is hope"
Then he reverts back to "ill never be rich but we did okay" lol..

Pathetic.

This guy on reddit too. Come on man. The only action you've taken is to whine on reddit. What is that going to change? If he really cared about his book, or backpacking, he'd have done it. No excuses, you find a way. Nobody put a gun to his head to take a job 9-7 either.

He can find another job
He can write his book on his lunch break
He can figure out how to SURVIVE without the job with low expenses
He could travel and make ends meet while he did what he wanted to do
He could start a business and work on it on the 7th day, evenings, or lunch break

What has he done? Apparently just 9-7 every day and that's it. No excuses. "I gotta make my dinner that takes me an hour from 7-8" - Make your damn meals all on one night during the week so you have the extra hour each night to do something productive.

There are no excuses. People who find them don't want it bad enough.

 

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[Ryllban]

I have never really understand guys/girl in their 20s (or later on for that matter) who wants to do something, but won't because society/family have expections on them. SO what? You want to become a screenwriter, a singer, a business owner, a painter...Just try it out?

I mean, forget the big cliche you only live once and think of what that really means instead. Yes, if you don't believe that you will be reborn, then you most likely will only live once. And are you going to let other people decide what to do with your one life? Are you letting people tell you when to eat? When to take a shit? When to do anything? Are you asking permission to live? How pathetic are you? Do you have any backbone?

I really believe that comfort is F*cking up a persons life. And sometimes to the extreme. Why be comfortable? gosh...

People in my life wanted me to study, get a good job and an nice apartment. What do I do? F*ck it, F*ck all the rules. I have around 1k cash in my pocket and I'm about to move to a new country in about 1 month, find some job and an apartment. I don't know how my life will turn out, but living by my own rules is the only rules I can live by.

 

[Mikhail Joseph]

Thank you so much @masaldana2 for this eye opening post.

I will admit, I shed a tear after reading his post.. and some of the comments.

How miserable these people are and their regrets. I do not feel sorry for them as it was their choice to live their lives the same as everyone else.

What made me shed a tear is the fact I got punched in the face. I got punched in the face by realization.. I'm 22 this year, and whilst I have been making my own money and doing my own things not having a job, I've come to realize that I've wasted too much time, my effort honestly has been only 30% max, and whilst I am able to live and be comfy, afford my membership on this forum etc. I could be doing more, and the last thing I want is to be 40 years old and regretting everything.. losing who I am. That scares me so much and I really needed this post, so thank you for sharing this. I have a feeling I will be making a few changes now and begin to put in much more effort.

There's nothing worse to me than losing who I am, to be but a shell of who I once was.


I think a lot of people here can learn from this post and apply some life changes to make sure you don't end up like that.

Sadly, this is what kids my age work so hard at uni for.. This is brainwash at its finest, and I'm sorry if no one agrees with me. But University is a death trap and you will only end up like that.. I mean come on, 5 hours in your day is all he had left.. and them last 3 hours I guarantee he would be too mentally fu**ed to consider working on a fastlane business. At least in a mcjob, you still have a social life even if you're below the minimum wage.

I'd rather have a poor fulfilled life than a life of 100k + a year job as a lawyer or a banker killing away my precious hours.. So many poor people are much happier than the proclaimed "better off" people. I've come to learn that whilst they may look happy with their rented out cars and houses that they will be paying off until they die.. It's all just a mirage. ( I hope I used that word properly ).


Sorry for the rant guys, but seriously.. Take this threat seriously and make changes now if you have to, or you will end up like that.. A life of regret.

 

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[tahowell2]

He could definitely stand to read TMF

 

[Writer]

not having intimacy with his wife for years... I wonder how could he call it a marriage. (not being ill)

 

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[masaldana2]

well this post on Reddit certainly light a fire under my butt today

 

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[Mattie]

I find it so pathetic when people use their age, or the amount of years in the past they've wasted, as an excuse to 'give up' and not try any further. You try til you're dead. That's what makes greatness.

Age is my biggest pet peeve. Age is another box with limits. The biggest excuse people use in life why they can't do something, or someone will never do something because they're to young or two old.

I used to think it was funny that a 70 year old sat in a few of my classes for college. I'm not sure why he was there, but I thought it was cool. He didn't let his age stop him from learning something. And new another 80 year old woman that never graduated from high school and went back regardless of her age. A 112 year old woman sat down in front of me and couldn't read anymore, but she memorized the notes and keys, she played anyway perfectly.

 

[Mattie]

I've been reading lots in the reddit forum, and I'm convinced there's a lot of people there that think their life is over at any age. lol I have recommended his book to a few of them in different subreddits. lol Just yesterday in the entrepreneur section. I'm pretty much a rookie in here, but I have to say I'm smarter than some of them in that section just from being in this forum.

The mentality on reddit is just not that high in some areas, it's sad to say. If you want to know about victim mentality, it's the place to go in some areas.