My regrets as a 46 year old, and advice to others at a crossroad

[masaldana2]

Hey guys found this on reddit.
Dat 9-5 can kill ya!


"TLR I realised I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired."


http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2livoo/tifu_my_whole_life_my_regrets_as_a_46_year_old/

 

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[tahowell2]

Thanks for sharing masaldana, and I hope you begin to loosen the chains that have held you back the past 25 years.

 

[masaldana2]

It's not me.

 

[mt_myke]

Geez, how about adding "don't lie down and die in your 40s" to the end of that story? He could continue writing his book tomorrow. Many famous entrepreneurs (Colonel Sanders, Ray Croc) didn't "make it" until after their 50s, and IIRC a breakdown of startups showed that most were founded by guys in their 40s, despite the popular stereotype of every startup being launched by a 20-something from their dorm room.

 

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[tahowell2]

He could definitely stand to read TMF

 

[princephoenix]

Woah, powerful post. :/ But he's only 46, barring sudden death, illness or calamity he still has time to turn his life around.

 

[Bananas]

Geez, how about adding "don't lie down and die in your 40s" to the end of that story? He could continue writing his book tomorrow. Many famous entrepreneurs (Colonel Sanders, Ray Croc) didn't "make it" until after their 50s, and IIRC a breakdown of startups showed that most were founded by guys in their 40s, despite the popular stereotype of every startup being launched by a 20-something from their dorm room.

I agree. It's like he is saying 'hey I'm in my 40s and since I didn't make the right choices in my 20s or 30s, it's too late for me now.' WTF?

He is not posting he got some horrible disease and is dying and it's actually too late. Instead it's a bitch fest of collapsing marriage, worn out from job, no relationship with kids - all based on his own choices.

That post is the epitome of why he doesn't have the life he wants and never has. All negativity, no where does he say I'm going to get divorced and then find someone else, I'm going to make an effort to repair my relationship with my children, going to finish this novel I started. It's all didn't and don't.

 

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[ericj]

Sad story, but is a reality for many men in the world. I have known a few friends in the same situation. Hell I wonder where did the time go for myself, lol. 40 years feels no different than 20.


Young guys that are aware of the sidewalk path that can stay focused are bound for success.

This story is a great motivator.

 

[DeletedUser394]

Who in this world is capable of thinking rationally when in the depths of despair? Everyone has a right to vent when they are worn down and tired. The important thing is that he has identified what is wrong (most people live in denial forever), and now when he's of a more sound mind, he can do something to improve his situation.

Also, you can't solely blame a spouse if the other half cheats. That's insane. No, not just insane, that's ****** bullshit. Cheating says a lot more about the cheater than the one being cheated on. That should go without saying.

Sometimes 'entrepreneurs' can be so callous and cold. It's truly disheartening.

 

[Yeezy]

His wife cheating on him for 10 years is horrible, and blaming him for it is cruel.

Hopefully he can find good in this and see it as a turning point in his life. He's already got step 1 which is the realisation, now step 2 is Change.

 

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[Thoelk]

Sometimes 'entrepreneurs' can be so callous and cold. It's truly disheartening.

Indeed, as MJ and others have stated.. Entrepeneurship is about adding value, not (just) chasing money... Yet if you see some people posting here...
F.e. J. Belfort is a con artist, sure he has talent for sales... But seriously, why on Earth would you worship someone who lied/cheated on people?
If greed gets the best of you, you are doomed to fail.. Be it in the business life, your own moral, your social life or (even worse) in all of them.

A great entrepeneur, in my eyes is Robert Herjavec...

Edit: Sad story... Yet there are so many of these stories..

 

[tafy]

that poor SOB

He does need to do something today or he will write another one of these stories when hes 65

 

[Phenom]

Awesome story. Thanks. Poor guy but 46 is still young and I think he can still turn it around. Agree with @RichKid, the fact that he's honest with himself and realize what went wrong is already a huge step. But man it makes you realize how time flies!

 

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[Writer]

Only one thing left: Not to become that guy.

I wish him the best.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

His regrets at age 65 will be "not learning from my mistakes when I realized them at 46."

Awareness is great but it's just an idea in a hellwalk of execution.

 

[Writer]

not having intimacy with his wife for years... I wonder how could he call it a marriage. (not being ill)

 

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[DeletedUser394]

Something I overlooked before is he probably already is 'rich'.

He was a high powered banking exec (possibly investment banker?) for 20+ years and he mentioned that all he did was save. No small time bank employee is doing 10 hours a day, 6 days a week.

He can quit, divorce the wife, life off dividends and explore what he likes to do. Even in his current position, I think he's much better off than a lot of people.

Even if he has to give his spouse half, he'll be fine.

 

[Vigilante]

I don't get it. My life renews itself almost annually. I am his age. Starting 10 new things. Hell, we just started a radio show. A radio show? What do I know about radio? NOTHING. (haters... you don't have to AGREE with me here...)

His message reads like he's 80 years old and looking back at a wasted life. The only salient point is he has realized he has bought into the lie.

Messages like his both encourage and irritate me. Encourage because he is trying to warn others. Irritate, because he has thrown in the towel.

I bet if it was HIM his wife was pining for, and not some other guy, the rest of his life would still be worthwhile.

So... my fast lane advice to you younger guys is just that. If you are married, put her first. Part of putting her first is financially winning. It's a fine balance, but do you think if this guy was the one his wife still wanted (after all these years) his life would end in the bitter mess that it is?

You can control this. You can change the outcome. Even at 46, if he didn't have his head so far up his a$$, so could he.

Great post OP. I am normally not a fan of Reddit (as I think this guy represents the MAJORITY there) but there's a lot to be learned from this saga.

Assuming the guy isn't just a great writer, and actually lived this. It reads almost too raw to not be true.

 

[JAJT]

He's clearly in a rut. But the difference is it appears like for the first time in 20 years he REALIZES he is in a rut.

Too many people go through life not realizing they aren't doing anything day by day.

Go ask the next 5 people you meet what they did this last week. Most of them won't know. Completely oblivious. Day in, day out, on repeat, forever, never understanding they are on loop.

I wish this guy the best - at least he knows what he's become. Hopefully that's enough to spur change.

 

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[Mattie]

I've been reading lots in the reddit forum, and I'm convinced there's a lot of people there that think their life is over at any age. lol I have recommended his book to a few of them in different subreddits. lol Just yesterday in the entrepreneur section. I'm pretty much a rookie in here, but I have to say I'm smarter than some of them in that section just from being in this forum.

The mentality on reddit is just not that high in some areas, it's sad to say. If you want to know about victim mentality, it's the place to go in some areas.

 

[jazb]

doesn't 46 pass for young these days? you older people will have to tell me since im a young naive 22 year old

 

[Mattie]

I'm 43 and I don't feel I'm old because I'm used to working with 80-112 year old's. You're about as old as you believe you are. lol I remember on my Grandma's 80 year old birthday she said, "I'm not old. I'm young." It's very true. Most of the healthy old people lead active lives, keep their mind fit, their body fit, and don't sit at home and grow old.

 

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[Ryllban]

This is my biggest nightmare in life. Have been since 3 years back and most recently it's almost all I can think of. And it's only now when this lurks back in my mind, giving me panic attacks ( yes for real) that Im more motivated and focused than ever. Im so F*cking glad I found this path in my 20s.

 

[ChickenHawk]

Funny, I'm almost exactly this guy's age. My intro thread on this forum was entitled "Where I Confess My Failures," because I'd tried and failed at so many entrepreneurial ventures. But instead of thinking, "My Life Is Over," I thought, "I've GOT to pick myself up and keep on trying."

As many of you know, the most-recent thing I tried was self-pubbing. At almost exactly this guy's age, I hit the USA Today Bestseller list after a long, discouraging string of failures. I say this to illustrate he's not dead yet. I'm glad he's warning people, but for his sake, I sure hope he picks himself up and makes a fresh start. If he takes his hard-won wisdom and turns it to good use, the second half of his life could be the very best.

 

[Mattie]

When I was 20 I didn't even hear the word entrepreneur. I didn't hear it until the last year. It's quite ironic I've always been around it, but it wasn't considered Entrepreneur, but hobby. I have a family of antique collector's, and people that think of it as a hobby. So, therefore it's not a real job, it's a hobby. lol I even remember at that age being talked too, because writing, art, photography, and all that was a hobby, and not a real job.

Probably I would have figured it out back than, I made my jewelry, dream catchers, and other stuff and sold it at consignment shops. I did a lot of things I could have made money off of it, but allowed people to discourage me. I was good at letting people talk me out of things. lol I suppose that's my fault, but when I turned 40 in 2010, it was the moment of the second twenties, so screw their plan, it didn't work the first twenty years, now it's my way, and we'll see what happens.

So, yes you're lucky, you figured it out early, and I keep pushing my son as well towards success so he doesn't make the stupid mistakes, but I can't make him either. I just plant the seeds. So yes, be smart now!

 

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[Emanuel]

I don't get it. My life renews itself almost annually. I am his age. Starting 10 new F*cking things. Hell, we just started a radio show. A radio show? What the F*ck do I know about radio? NOTHING. (haters... you don't have to AGREE with me here...)

His message reads like he's 80 years old and looking back at a wasted life. The only salient point is he has realized he has bought into the lie.

Messages like his both encourage and irritate me. Encourage because he is trying to warn others. Irritate, because he has thrown in the towel.

I bet if it was HIM his wife was F*cking, and not some other guy, the rest of his life would still be worthwhile.

So... my fast lane advice to you younger guys is just that. If you are married, put her first. Part of putting her first is financially winning. It's a fine balance, but do you think if this guy was the one his wife still F*cked (after all these years) his life would end in the bitter mess that it is?

You can control this. You can change the outcome. Even at 46, if he didn't have his head so far up his a$$, so could he.

Great post OP. I am normally not a fan of Reddit (as I think this guy represents the MAJORITY there) but there's a lot to be learned from this saga.

Assuming the guy isn't just a great writer, and actually lived this. It reads almost too raw to not be true.

Isn't there a rule about not using bar stool language around here? I know a couple under aged kids who read this forum and it's such a shame to have them exposed to this kind of language on here as well.

Thanks for the post though. I agree with it.

 

[ChickenHawk]

Isn't there a rule about not using bar stool language around here? I know a couple under aged kids who read this forum and it's such a shame to have them exposed to this kind of language on here as well.

Just putting in my two cents...I think of this forum as intended for adults, even if some enterprising under-age people might opt to view and participate. I'd hate for us to censor 99.9% of the members to accommodate the small fraction who might be under 18. And if they are underage, I'd think they're mature enough to not lose sleep over the occasional use of salty language.

I DO think, however, that "barstool" talk of the locker-room (meaning blatantly sexist) variety is considered a faux-pas, which IMO is a good thing.

 

[Mattie]

Vigilante is a moderator so I don't think there's much you can do about it. And hanging out with my son's age group, they have extreme potty mouths, so Vigilante is really rated G compared to what I hear from them on a daily basis. lol Not to mention the F word is used on just about every site. I get tired of hearing it, but for some reason it's the most popular word on the planet. You just have to look the other way.

 

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[Vigilante]

Edited my post so that it didn't become a distraction.

 

[Emanuel]

Thanks Vigilante