How can I become the person I wish to be?

[IwillbecomeaDOER]

Since a few months Im really trying to change my mindset but Im always falling back into old habbits!
I really recognized this behaviour when I come home (my parents house).
It's like my mindset completly resets and goes back into playing video games, poor eating habbits, generally lazy and insecure.
I really hate being like this.

I was living and working 2 weeks in another country 2 weeks ago and my mindset completly changed. I slowly become the person I wanted to be. PERMANENTLY!
My mind was clear. I knew what I have to do. I was happier, more energized and overall in a better mood!

Next sunday I'm off to work again for another few weeks and I know my mindset will change to the positive again, but I don't want to become the "old" me again!

My own answer to this question would be: Move out!
And I probably will as soon as I start going to university and until then there's still 5 months to go!

Can someone relate to this?
Did someone overcome this?
Would really appreciate some wise words from you guys!

Best regards!

 

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[AndrewNC]

Every habit you have, has a "trigger event" (the cue), and a positive reward (Feeling of entertainment, comfort, satisfaction, etc.).

Step 1 - discover your trigger event for the habit.
Step 2 - every time that trigger event happens, do something positive, but make sure that new action provides the same type of reward.

You'll have to push through it at first, but once you build up that new neural pathway in your brain, and the new one is stronger than the negative habit, you'll be good to go.

Do this for all your habits and triggers.

 

[Mattie]

Since a few months I'm really trying to change my mindset but I'm always falling back into old habbits!
I really recognized this behaviour when I come home (my parents house).

I think you made a statement there, that is key. When you're around your parents and at home most likely you are being triggered by emotions and feelings about the way they make you feel and how you feel about yourself when you're around them. Possibly by the things they say to you or what they believe you should be. How they see the world and what is expected of you in their eyes. There is also your world view and they way you see things, want to do, and accomplish and most likely those mental emotional images of their view and yours don't match. You're not matching pictures of the same reality of who you want to be and become.

playing video games, poor eating habbits, generally lazy and insecure.

Your way of avoiding the emotions and feelings attached to the way you feel in this environment. Easy escape and lose the desire to reach you goals.

I was living and working 2 weeks in another country 2 weeks ago and my mindset completly changed. I slowly become the person I wanted to be. PERMANENTLY!

My mind was clear. I knew what I have to do. I was happier, more energized and overall in a better mood!

Out of the environment you feel more empowered and in control of your life and where you want to be. Freedom to make choices for your self without having to be under their direction and influence in your decisions.

I know my mindset will change to the positive again, but I don't want to become the "old" me again!

For the same reason. You feel free and more in power and control of the situation and life.

My own answer to this question would be: Move out!
And I probably will as soon as I start going to university and until then there's still 5 months to go!

This is your freedom and I'm sure once you arrive there in five months you will hopefully straighten out your habits and take them in the right direction. 5 months isn't that long, and only temporary. Understand what you're trigger points are and understand what is the root of the problem. What emotions, feelings, and thoughts are coming up. What are they saying? How are they reacting? What are you saying? How are you reacting? And what is the inner conflict in your thoughts and beliefs about you and success?

 

[fastlanebeast876]

@AndrewNC Thank you for that. It helped me out too.

@IwillbecomeaDOER
I've found myself in similr situations too. It is just hard to let go of bad habits sometimes but let me tell you what helped me.

Setting Goals.

Darren Hardy,the publisher of Success magazine wrote book called the best year ever.
He had the readers list their goals very specifically in multiple categories.

Some of these categories included Business,Family,Relatioship,Financial,Spiritual,and Mental goals.

When you know what you really want in life and its in front of you everyday. Either written in your pocket or pictures on your bedroom wall you WORK.

Its helping me with my habits. I don't have the book on me at this moment but you should check it out It has helped me along with the 6 steps to riches by Napoleon Hill. Good Luck! and Keep us Updated!

 

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[IwillbecomeaDOER]

Thanks for your response Mattie!

I think you made a statement there, that is key. When you're around your parents and at home most likely you are being triggered by emotions and feelings about the way they make you feel and how you feel about yourself when you're around them. Possibly by the things they say to you or what they believe you should be. How they see the world and what is expected of you in their eyes. There is also your world view and they way you see things, want to do, and accomplish and most likely those mental emotional images of their view and yours don't match. You're not matching pictures of the same reality of who you want to be and become.

Their expectation is most likely that i get a job. I can go to uni or not. Its up to me. I really don't know its up to them how i feel since they aren't directly urging me to go a certain way. Of course they expect me to "secure" my future and expect me to know what I want to become but i guess thats just a usual "parents thing" isn't it?

Your way of avoiding the emotions and feelings attached to the way you feel in this environment. Easy escape and lose the desire to reach you goals.

I never really thought about my emotions i feel when Im home but one of the main reasons why Im following certain habbits is boredom or the fact that I dont know what I should do at home. But this can't be because I really have something to do and I HAD my goals set before I came home, but as soon as the first day at home passes it's back to basics!

The only time i really can stick to my goals is when i have a daily routine which includes working.
I know I come home and have 5-6 hours till bed time, in this time Ive to hit the gym, cook, eat and shower (~3h) and then Ive to work on this video idea I have(~3h)

Maybe my behaviour is the product of TOO MUCH freetime?

This is your freedom and I'm sure once you arrive there in five months you will hopefully straighten out your habits and take them in the right direction. 5 months isn't that long, and only temporary. Understand what you're trigger points are and understand what is the root of the problem. What emotions, feelings, and thoughts are coming up. What are they saying? How are they reacting? What are you saying? How are you reacting? And what is the inner conflict in your thoughts and beliefs about you and success?

The only emotions coming up is my insecurity. I was NEVER insecure about anything when i was younger. I just did things or I didn't. End of story.
Today Im overthinking every single task ive to do and it's really driving me crazy. I definitly got this characteristic from my mother. She's overthinking everything as well and is overall anxiety. Could it possible rub off on me ?

When Im not at home and thinking about future buisness ideas(even if Im a complete noob yet!) Im confident and I truly belive I can archive it.
But when Im at home several days my thoughts are full of doubt and Im even doubting myself if i can handle the university!
This is the main reason I created this thread. How can my mindset change so much within days and the fact that Im back home ?

 

[IwillbecomeaDOER]

View attachment 9543

Every habit you have, has a "trigger event" (the cue), and a positive reward (Feeling of entertainment, comfort, satisfaction, etc.).

Step 1 - discover your trigger event for the habit.
Step 2 - every time that trigger event happens, do something positive, but make sure that new action provides the same type of reward.

You'll have to push through it at first, but once you build up that new neural pathway in your brain, and the new one is stronger than the negative habit, you'll be good to go.

Do this for all your habits and triggers.

Can the "trigger event" be boredom ?
The main reason Im doing these things(playing video games[i dont even enjoying playing them sigh], watching TV[same]) is because I really dont know what to do otherwise... even if I SHOULD be doing other things such as working on some videos and social media presence, yet I choose a complete useless wrong way !

 

[IwillbecomeaDOER]

@AndrewNC Thank you for that. It helped me out too.

@IwillbecomeaDOER
I've found myself in similr situations too. It is just hard to let go of bad habits sometimes but let me tell you what helped me.

Setting Goals.

Darren Hardy,the publisher of Success magazine wrote book called the best year ever.
He had the readers list their goals very specifically in multiple categories.

Some of these categories included Business,Family,Relatioship,Financial,Spiritual,and Mental goals.

When you know what you really want in life and its in front of you everyday. Either written in your pocket or pictures on your bedroom wall you WORK.

Its helping me with my habits. I don't have the book on me at this moment but you should check it out It has helped me along with the 6 steps to riches by Napoleon Hill. Good Luck! and Keep us Updated!

This seemes to be a great idea!
Im really that kind of guy who's working more efficient with a list/goals!

One of my main problems is probably the path I'm walking since 3.5 years. I once started lifting after seeing some perfectly aesthetic guy with a great physique and I decided that I will get there. And I will do everything in my power to reach that goal. Little as you know: 99% of all people in this sport industry are taking steroids (Im not talking about the HUGE bodybuilding mass monsters, no im talking about the usual fitness-models these days!).
I didn't listen to everyone for more than a year trying to convice myself that this isn't true yet it doesen't change the reality that I will NEVER archive the physique I wanted to(without taking steroids - and no, I won't!).

This was a huge setback for me and it demotivated me.
Not only the fact that i won't ever look like i wish to look like, more the fact that I will fail / failed on my goal.
Lifting was always a little reward/motivation for me. It showed me no matter how hard the day is, there's something i can work for at the end of the day.
Something that will make the day "worthy".
A reason to get up in the morning, and go to bed at night.
It taught me patience and staying power. It helped me to improve in school and I graduated with great grades.
It helped me in many ways, yet i won't archive my main goal and this is really bringing me down lately.
I mean you will never be completly satisfied with your body, but knowing you can't change it with any work in the world is just devastating.

Writing this down showed me that i probably project this on other aspects of life and making myself doubt other goals that I have.. this really makes me feel unhappy right now.


For everyone in this thread:
Please excuse my english - Im not a native speaker but I hope you can overlook my mistakes!
And thanks for all your helpful replies!

 

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[AndrewNC]

Can the "trigger event" be boredom ?
The main reason Im doing these things(playing video games[i dont even enjoying playing them sigh], watching TV[same]) is because I really dont know what to do otherwise... even if I SHOULD be doing other things such as working on some videos and social media presence, yet I choose a complete useless wrong way !

It can be.

Everytime you begin to do something unproductive, write it down - where you are exactly, what you're feeling, what you're hearing, what you're saying to yourself, for food - it could be what you're smelling etc.

Find out what's going on with all your senses (and self talk in your mind) - And you'll discover a pattern.

With me - it is definitely feeling based. I used to be bored late at night, and that was my trigger for driving to get fast food.

 

[Mattie]

First you have to look at it through the five senses. You take in what you hear. You take in what you see. Through the experience you feel something with emotions and ends up being stress or feeling calm with emotions. I do stuff 8-19 hours a day sometimes depending on what the day bring. Emotions still arrive whether I am clear headed or confused. There are moments when I'm just bored with it all which brings up emotions.

Insecurity is one. The other can be your dissatisfied with where you're at in working on projects, goals, or something in your life not happening as quickly as you would like. It can be, not being where you want to be right now, whether in a relationship or business. Even if you're thinking clearly and everything is great in life, emotions still exist. Under stress you may feel them more or pay attention to them more because some event may be happening.


I once started lifting after seeing some perfectly aesthetic guy with a great physique and I decided that I will get there. And I will do everything in my power to reach that goal. Little as you know: 99% of all people in this sport industry are taking steroids (Im not talking about the HUGE bodybuilding mass monsters, no im talking about the usual fitness-models these days!).

Comparing your self with others: "After Seeing" Thinking, I must have more worth if I look like that guy and follow his good habits. Nothing wrong with that by the way. The point I'm trying to make is we measure our progress on anything with someone else, and feel if we don't look like that, do that, or reach that goal we're not worthy in society.

I think this comes down to understanding we have to detach from the world's picture of who we should be. In the Entrepreneur world, who ever that mentor may be, is already there. We usually say I want to be like him. Instead, I want to be myself.

If you are your self, you are a unique Entrepreneur with your own gifts, talents, personality, and will innovate and create a new Enterprise that makes you the guy someone else wants to be like.

It's quite impossible to be someone else. Since we have our unique blue print. There's no reason to compare yourself to someone else. There can be someone that's the top Entrepreneur in the world and you can pass them if you really wanted too. We limit ourselves by thinking I need to compare myself.

This was a huge setback for me and it demotivated me.
Not only the fact that i won't ever look like i wish to look like, more the fact that I will fail / failed on my goal.
Lifting was always a little reward/motivation for me. It showed me no matter how hard the day is, there's something i can work for at the end of the day.

Failure isn't an option. Failure is a stepping stone. Failure is readjusting something that isn't working. Failure is something to be solved. And the conversation you have with yourself in the thinking: Thoughts are the trickster. And NLP comes in there from Limitless.

Thought of failure: Click! Present! Now! Now! Now! What ever word you want to use, but divert your focus and attention to a positive thought.

This is the trick every negative word in your vocabulary and thought needs to be removed and reinforced with with a positive alternative. Try having someone interrupt you every time you talk about the past or the present and you start to learn thoughts are trained and focused on the now. Failure is just one thought and belief system and how you perceive it. I fail all the time. I don't even pay attention to it, I just learn and apply something else.

Something that will make the day "worthy".
A reason to get up in the morning, and go to bed at night.

What is your purpose in life? What is your life mission statement? Every business has one of some kind. This is about personal value and worth. This world isn't so nice about it. Money is valued more then relationships. And not a whole lot of people in this world know how to function in any kind of relationship in a healthy way if they haven't invested in learning. This is the funny thing I figured out in life. The one thing relationships/business/self-worth have in common: Investment in life long learning, and having the right mentors with the right belief systems and mindset.

We make it a struggle, but it's not really. You just take the time every day to learn something about one of them or a few of them. Goals are wonderful and setting goals, but if you don't have the mindset down, the goals are hard to achieve. You're focus is usually in chaos and confusion and in the wrong place and you're distracted. This is why I said figure out the root problem. Reaching goals is not the problem. Video games is not the root problem. It's the surface problem.

Writing this down showed me that i probably project this on other aspects of life and making myself doubt other goals that I have.. this really makes me feel unhappy right now.

Stop writing your goals down for a second. Write what ever comes to your mind and dump the garbage out so you can see clearly. Everything in the world that comes in must come out. If you're dumping the garbage, you're storing it in your emotions.

This is what I tell some people. You can do this physically or mentally. Throw all the negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings others have thrown at you in one box. And throw all the negative garbage you tell yourself in another. And then visualize who you would be without those negative piles of garbage. The ideal person doesn't buy into either one.

And of course you're the creator or your reality and world. What needs to be cleared out and changed? Your minds kind of like cleaning out the closet that is filled with clutter sometimes. And it all falls out when you open the door. And so that all is emotion whether positive or negative and once you dump it, you can feel much better about your life and you will see things clearer.

 

[IwillbecomeaDOER]

Insecurity is one. The other can be your dissatisfied with where you're at in working on projects, goals, or something in your life not happening as quickly as you would like. It can be, not being where you want to be right now, whether in a relationship or business. Even if you're thinking clearly and everything is great in life, emotions still exist. Under stress you may feel them more or pay attention to them more because some event may be happening.

Indeed im dissatisfied which how things go, with my fitness goals and my current "buisness idea". Even it's my own and only fault that it's not happening as fast as I want to, because i clearly don't put ALL my effort in it.

Comparing your self with others: "After Seeing" Thinking, I must have more worth if I look like that guy and follow his good habits. Nothing wrong with that by the way. The point I'm trying to make is we measure our progress on anything with someone else, and feel if we don't look like that, do that, or reach that goal we're not worthy in society.

I think this comes down to understanding we have to detach from the world's picture of who we should be. In the Entrepreneur world, who ever that mentor may be, is already there. We usually say I want to be like him. Instead, I want to be myself.

If you are your self, you are a unique Entrepreneur with your own gifts, talents, personality, and will innovate and create a new Enterprise that makes you the guy someone else wants to be like.

It's quite impossible to be someone else. Since we have our unique blue print. There's no reason to compare yourself to someone else. There can be someone that's the top Entrepreneur in the world and you can pass them if you really wanted too. We limit ourselves by thinking I need to compare myself.

Isn't this a thing you get taught since you were little?
Always comparing yourself to others to see who made more progress?
I was never the type of person who said "Oh im so much smarter than he is because i got a better grade", "Oh Im so much faster in running than he is", no, the only thought about comparing is comparing yourself to better people. It's like setting little goals depending on what others already have archived.
Is that the wrong way to live ?
How can you know you made a good job when you can't compare yourself to others?

Failure isn't an option. Failure is a stepping stone. Failure is readjusting something that isn't working. Failure is something to be solved. And the conversation you have with yourself in the thinking: Thoughts are the trickster. And NLP comes in there from Limitless.

Thought of failure: Click! Present! Now! Now! Now! What ever word you want to use, but divert your focus and attention to a positive thought.

This is the trick every negative word in your vocabulary and thought needs to be removed and reinforced with with a positive alternative. Try having someone interrupt you every time you talk about the past or the present and you start to learn thoughts are trained and focused on the now. Failure is just one thought and belief system and how you perceive it. I fail all the time. I don't even pay attention to it, I just learn and apply something else.

This is exactly my mindset when Iam at work( im working in.. well, lets say "sales", can't be negative there) and I think this is a main reason why Im happier when I'm at work!
Thanks for writing this down!

What is your purpose in life? What is your life mission statement? Every business has one of some kind. This is about personal value and worth. This world isn't so nice about it. Money is valued more then relationships. And not a whole lot of people in this world know how to function in any kind of relationship in a healthy way if they haven't invested in learning. This is the funny thing I figured out in life. The one thing relationships/business/self-worth have in common: Investment in life long learning, and having the right mentors with the right belief systems and mindset.

We make it a struggle, but it's not really. You just take the time every day to learn something about one of them or a few of them. Goals are wonderful and setting goals, but if you don't have the mindset down, the goals are hard to achieve. You're focus is usually in chaos and confusion and in the wrong place and you're distracted. This is why I said figure out the root problem. Reaching goals is not the problem. Video games is not the root problem. It's the surface problem.

This is pretty hard to say because I really dont know yet where I want to go!
The only thing I know is that i really DON'T want to live the usual 9-5 life... i would hate that!
But i cannot clearly say how Iam going to do it, and that's one of my main problems i have since a few months!
The surface problem is that Im unhappy with the current situation how it all goes: I have nobody to talk about buisness ideas and how to escape the incomming(?) 9-5 lifestyle.
I can't talk to nobody because I know they will NOT support my idea and will tell me to be a mindless drone like everyone else.
It was the same when I started workig out. I would NEVER hear (especially from my parents): "Mh, you could probably work a little harder" or "Don't you want to workout today as well?" NO! The only words i heared where "Stop already, you're looking good enough!" "Just take a day off, you don't have to go this often to the gym" "Do you have to eat at night ? You know thats unhealthy ... " "Don't you want to play football(soccer) again?"
Just negative things, no support, nothing.
That's probably why I don't talk with them about ideas and dreams that I have. Same with my old friends who already hit the 9-5 life and probably will NEVER escape from it. They won't understand neither will they support you for doing something the other way. It was always like that and it will always be like that.

Stop writing your goals down for a second. Write what ever comes to your mind and dump the garbage out so you can see clearly. Everything in the world that comes in must come out. If you're dumping the garbage, you're storing it in your emotions.

This is what I tell some people. You can do this physically or mentally. Throw all the negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings others have thrown at you in one box. And throw all the negative garbage you tell yourself in another. And then visualize who you would be without those negative piles of garbage. The ideal person doesn't buy into either one.

And of course you're the creator or your reality and world. What needs to be cleared out and changed? Your minds kind of like cleaning out the closet that is filled with clutter sometimes. And it all falls out when you open the door. And so that all is emotion whether positive or negative and once you dump it, you can feel much better about your life and you will see things clearer.

Thanks, I will definitly follow this advice!

 

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[IwillbecomeaDOER]

It can be.

Everytime you begin to do something unproductive, write it down - where you are exactly, what you're feeling, what you're hearing, what you're saying to yourself, for food - it could be what you're smelling etc.

Find out what's going on with all your senses (and self talk in your mind) - And you'll discover a pattern.

With me - it is definitely feeling based. I used to be bored late at night, and that was my trigger for driving to get fast food.

Just did this!

And how do you overcome those "trigger events" ?
I mean working on your project which is quite exhausting won't give you the same "reward" as getting some delicious fast food?
How can you change this to the positive (based on your first post) ?

 

[AndrewNC]

Great question. I did a lot of "Jedi mind tricks" with the fast food thing on top of just he habit stuff. Made it so every time I think of a fast food burger, I want to puke. Haven't had it since last July.

With me - i precooked other types of meals that had the same comfort food feeling, but a lot healthier than fast food.

If you play video games and do it for entertainment or strategy. Turn buying advertisements into a "strategy game" to get that same reward. (By same reward - I mean the feeling it gives you)