Being in a relationship with a slowlaner...

[Wuz]

I can totally relate to you on this. The majority of the population are slowlaners, and unfortunately, fastlaners have trouble having romantic relationships. Being in a relationship isn't just about companionship, it's also about chosing a lifestyle, a common financial goal, and a direction both parties want to sail together towards. It's not about chaning each other's beliefs or mindsets, however, people do change over the course of time but only when they want to, not when they are forced to.
I wish these's a dating website for Fastlaners, maybe I should start one, how's that for a online dating service?

two fastlaners in the same home?

Not a good idea

"Honey, i lost one of the best opportunities i had to expand my business"

"Not now honey, i have to send this papers, to potential partners"

Not the best example, but it exemplifies what i´m trying to say.


If The "Man and the Woman" are both occupied in their business, who will be the "emotional supporter"? Because if you have a "fastlane mindset" you´re not a person without nothing to do. You have your things going on, and few time to stop.

Who will be willing to listen and cheer you up. Who will be the "guardian of the house" and the "good listener"?


Edit:

Couples with differtent personalities traits/ambitions, can complement each other, if their differences are compatible.


Find a girl that respect and supports your objectives

 

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[SteveO]

who will be the "emotional supporter"?

Where will the emotional support come from if either partner does not support each others concepts? I don't think that anyone is saying that both parties need to be fastlaners, it is more that the partner is accepting of the ideas and path that the other is taking.

My wife has a job. She feels very secure with it and makes good money. She still supports what I do. She is not a fastlaner.

Disaster had struck our household with the economy a few years ago. It wiped us out. I think that she had lost any hope that I could continue in my business. But, she let me without any issue.

My business has recovered. We are together. We still support each other as partners.

 

[Nadia]

After you drop someone because their path doesn't line up with yours, how would you guys deal with exes trying to get back in touch after you've become highly successful?

It's called ignoring them.

 

[Nadia]

This is the very reason who cannot choose someone who is SL when you are FL.

SL people are OBSESSED with the TRAPPNIGS of wealth. Y'know. The nice plush car, the fancy watch and suit (for the Ladies, the Louboutins and the Chanel handbag) because they are enslaved to ENTITLEMENT.

"OH I DESERVE THIS"

Say's effing who? WHO says ANYONE deserves this ? Oh yes, you slowlaner. You do. This is why you cannot be with someone who is going to whinge about your "lifestyle", why you "work all the time", why you don't have any "hobbies" (Newsflash : our business is our life.). Get right, or get left behind.

Fastlaners Speak French. Slowlaners speak Mandarin.

Both languages are prevalent. However attempting to understand comment allez-vous to a Mandarin speaker is tough. As soon as they start to understand a few words, they realise that Ne how ma isn't the only you can ask "how are you?"

Just my two cents.

 

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[MyronGainz]

Find a new gf.

 

[SteveO]

Find a girl that respect and supports your objectives

Yes....

 

[H. Palmer]

I can totally relate to you on this. The majority of the population are slowlaners, and unfortunately, fastlaners have trouble having romantic relationships. Being in a relationship isn't just about companionship, it's also about chosing a lifestyle, a common financial goal, and a direction both parties want to sail together towards. It's not about chaning each other's beliefs or mindsets, however, people do change over the course of time but only when they want to, not when they are forced to.
I wish these's a dating website for Fastlaners, maybe I should start one, how's that for a online dating service?

I love this idea.

Here's the thing. I run several groups in LinkedIn and one in Facebook.

95 percent of all applicants in all 4 groups need something from the people that the group really is meant for.

LinkedIn and Facebook don't have automatic filtering tools. If I want to do it right I have to research every single applicant.

Still it can be done and it can be fastlane itself.

You need to build a website with an application funnel. Build automated tools for filtering and selection that filters out the fastlaners from the slowlaners and sidewalkers.

 

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[cautiouscapy]

"I don't need you to believe in me or my business for me to believe in myself. If you don't, it says more about you than it does about me."

@pickeringmt, I've just cut 'n' pasted that on to a virtual Post-it on my desktop.

There are a LOT of high quality posts on this thread - thanks all of you.

 

[Bouncing Soul]

This is the very reason who cannot choose someone who is SL when you are FL.

SL people are OBSESSED with the TRAPPNIGS of wealth. Y'know. The nice plush car, the fancy watch and suit (for the Ladies, the Louboutins and the Chanel handbag) because they are enslaved to ENTITLEMENT.

"OH I DESERVE THIS"

Say's effing who? WHO says ANYONE deserves this ? Oh yes, you slowlaner. You do. This is why you cannot be with someone who is going to whinge about your "lifestyle", why you "work all the time", why you don't have any "hobbies" (Newsflash : our business is our life.). Get right, or get left behind.

Fastlaners Speak French. Slowlaners speak Mandarin.

Both languages are prevalent. However attempting to understand comment allez-vous to a Mandarin speaker is tough. As soon as they start to understand a few words, they realise that Ne how ma isn't the only you can ask "how are you?"

Just my two cents.

IME, Sidewalkers are most obsessed with the trappings of wealth and "deserve".

Most Slowlaners (Dave Ramsey, Millionaire Next Door, etc) on their way to success must sacrifice and be diligent with savings- this might be as much of a problem, but it's quite different from the competition of Chanel.

Ironically I once asked a Chinese friend how to learn the language as I tried my shitty Pimsleur Mandarin on him....his advice was quit with the discs and date a native Mandarin speaker.

 

[Nadia]

IME, Sidewalkers are most obsessed with the trappings of wealth and "deserve".

Slowlaners (Dave Ramsey, Millionaire Next Door, etc) on their way to success must sacrifice and be diligent with savings- this might be as much of a problem, but it's quite different from the competition of Chanel.

Ironically I once asked a Chinese friend how to learn the language as I tried my shitty Pimsleur Mandarin on him....his advice was quit with the discs and date a native Mandarin speaker.

Haha. The latter bit is hilarious, yet oh so true! Yes, I've read the slowlane finance books. They are so painful to read, alas a lady must humour herself to various mental models. It is important to experience and assimilate different, paradigms!

 

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[Wuz]

Where will the emotional support come from if either partner does not support each others concepts? I don't think that anyone is saying that both parties need to be fastlaners, it is more that the partner is accepting of the ideas and path that the other is taking.

My wife has a job. She feels very secure with it and makes good money. She still supports what I do. She is not a fastlaner.

Disaster had struck our household with the economy a few years ago. It wiped us out. I think that she had lost any hope that I could continue in my business. But, she let me without any issue.

My business has recovered. We are together. We still support each other as partners.

yes, i understand, but my point was based on that:

"I wish these's a dating website for Fastlaners, maybe I should start one, how's that for a online dating service?"

Two persons with very similar personalities and ambitions, can put themselves in unconfortable situations.

Priorities are the same, and its difficult for one of them "give up" of they want ... in some situations.

 

[orangjul]

How many couples on here (one or both partners actually participating in the forum) are in business together and/or are both fastlaners? My husband read the FML book right before I did, and he was bursting with ideas at the time (about 5 months ago). I'm still working on a couple of ideas, but he gave up on his. One of the ideas was something we had planned to work on together (an educational subscription website I would build and he would write the content for (in his expertise)). He's now lost motivation for this project, but I haven't. Should I still pursue it? Find someone else to produce content? Or just drop the idea? Wondering if working with your spouse is even a good idea (I recently quit a job where the company was previously owned by a husband/wife team; they later divorced and there was so much drama/stress about 1/3rd of the employees jumped ship).

Maybe it's actually better if you're of the FL mindset to date/marry someone who is not...as long as they are supportive (which my husband still is - he's definitely not a SL'er).

 

[Vagabond 007]

I used to be engaged to a woman who didn't really support my dreams and ambitions. She was too caught up in playing it "safe." I used to work at home and made enough working 5 hours a week to pay the bills. But, she just saw it as me sitting home all day why she went to her job and worked.

I eventually got a "real job." She kept suggesting it, you know, because "we were getting married and needed steady income."

There were other issues. She plays the victim card all of the time. Loves to "hope" things will get better. At one point I suggested she read a book I had (Beyond Positive Thinking). I told her it changed my life and has the ability to maybe change hers. Her response..."I don't have time to read that book."

Unbelievable. She couldn't take the time to read a book that her fiance said changed his life and said it may change hers. Yet she had no problem watching TV. I should have left her then.

We didn't last much longer. I broke it off 7 months before the wedding.

I've been with my current gf for almost a year and a half now. She's a slowlaner...she works for her mom's business. She has NO desire (literally ZERO desire) to take over her mom's business when she retires.

With that being said, she FULLY supports me in whatever I choose to do. It's amazing how much it helps to have your bf/gf/spouse support you. It really does help to have someone there to encourage you.

I don't bother her about her slowlane job and she fully supports what I want to accomplish in life. So it works out just fine.

My opinion, if your gf/bf doesn't support your ambitions, end it. Period. The sooner the better. It won't last anyway. One of you will eventually grow tired of the constant differences. It's very rare for people to change. So don't expect them to.

 

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[Vagabond 007]

Wondering if working with your spouse is even a good idea (I recently quit a job where the company was previously owned by a husband/wife team; they later divorced and there was so much drama/stress about 1/3rd of the employees jumped ship).

Personally, I would NEVER work with my gf/wife. I've actually told my gf that I would never hire her...aren't I sweet?

I've worked with family in the past and it got ugly. It may work for some people (my gf works with her mom and they get a long GREAT), but it's not for me.

 

[Nadia]

Personally, I would NEVER work with my gf/wife. I've actually told my gf that I would never hire her...aren't I sweet?

I've worked with family in the past and it got ugly. It may work for some people (my gf works with her mom and they get a long GREAT), but it's not for me.

Wisdom, in a nutshell. You don't have to work together. I wouldn't want to work with my boyfriend. He is a high flying corporate man however very intelligent and ambitious to advance on his own career ladder as he has done so. Would he ever be a business man ? No. An Investor? Yes. He already is. He teaches me a LOT about the in-depth stuff of Finance that I have missed out on and I exemplify courage to be in Business for yourself. We both learn from each other.

He knows Entrepreneurs are wild animals who cannot be tamed, and he supports me and allows me to be who I am. In the beginning, I found it a little tough due to our different approach to life however we always promised each other to sit down and discuss ANY of our issues. He found TMF a real eye opener and it really helped him.

It is useless working in a family business. Gary V, has a very famous quote I read this morning about "You think Corporate politics are bad ? Try working for your mum and dad..." How true.

I also work from home, pretty much all the time and people view it as laziness although the money keeps flowing in. It is hilarious how deeply people have been conditioned to think working is slaving away for someone else, physically.

 

[IAmTheJeff]

I actually married a very slowlane girl. The real problem in it is that she was conditioned as a slowlaner but has since gone 100% sidewalk style. This is one of the biggest issues I have in my business life.

She supports me about 60% of the time, and I say "supports" loosely - she's all about whatever will get her closer to a "keeping up with the jones's" position.

Absolutely the most stressful part of trying to build a business is the fact that she is constantly making suggestions on jobs that she thinks would help take care of things financially. "Here look! This place is hiring! You should apply!"
I'm deeply focused on writing copy for my website, I'm not interested in applying for a $15/hr laborer job that requires 12 hour days.

If it weren't for my son, I'm not sure I would still be here. I probably would have taken a plane to AZ the day I finished reading TMF . Is that wrong to say?

 

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[Nadia]

I actually married a very slowlane girl. The real problem in it is that she was conditioned as a slowlaner but has since gone 100% sidewalk style. This is one of the biggest issues I have in my business life.

She supports me about 60% of the time, and I say "supports" loosely - she's all about whatever will get her closer to a "keeping up with the jones's" position.

Absolutely the most stressful part of trying to build a business is the fact that she is constantly making suggestions on jobs that she thinks would help take care of things financially. "Here look! This place is hiring! You should apply!"
I'm deeply focused on writing copy for my website, I'm not interested in applying for a $15/hr laborer job that requires 12 hour days.

If it weren't for my son, I'm not sure I would still be here. I probably would have taken a plane to AZ the day I finished reading TMF . Is that wrong to say?

No. Not wrong. Read my post on French vs Mandarin. That is what is happening in this instance. Somehow, I don't see it would be an issue with your son anyway. We often believe things hold us back, when they don't really. She thinks she is being supportive and make no mistake, in HER world, SHE IS. Except a wild animal isn't interested in a cage

Approach it from another paradigm

 

[H. Palmer]

I actually married a very slowlane girl. The real problem in it is that she was conditioned as a slowlaner but has since gone 100% sidewalk style. This is one of the biggest issues I have in my business life.

She supports me about 60% of the time, and I say "supports" loosely - she's all about whatever will get her closer to a "keeping up with the jones's" position.

Absolutely the most stressful part of trying to build a business is the fact that she is constantly making suggestions on jobs that she thinks would help take care of things financially. "Here look! This place is hiring! You should apply!"
I'm deeply focused on writing copy for my website, I'm not interested in applying for a $15/hr laborer job that requires 12 hour days.

If it weren't for my son, I'm not sure I would still be here. I probably would have taken a plane to AZ the day I finished reading TMF . Is that wrong to say?

Not a desirable situation.

Have you ever tried sitting with her to have a good talk?

First thing I would say is: "Look, I will never take a job, that's not me. So stop suggesting that, because it wears me down."

 

[IAmTheJeff]

Not a desirable situation.

Have you ever tried sitting with her to have a good talk?

First thing I would say is: "Look, I will never take a job, that's not me. So stop suggesting that, because it wears me down."

That's an almost daily conversation. I'm in the process of getting her to read TMF now, so maybe she'll gain some sort of understanding of my mindset and the direction I'm taking. She's one of those that would rather sit and watch a season at a time of "Trueblood" rather than read a book that might help her understand something better.

No. Not wrong. Read my post on French vs Mandarin. That is what is happening in this instance. Somehow, I don't see it would be an issue with your son anyway. We often believe things hold us back, when they don't really. She thinks she is being supportive and make no mistake, in HER world, SHE IS. Except a wild animal isn't interested in a cage

Approach it from another paradigm

I'm going to have to give this some deep thought. I need to figure out an angle to look at it from, other than from the belly of the beast. I really appreciate your take on it, and I think that you just opened a third eye for me, so to speak. Thanks!

 

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[Nadia]

That's an almost daily conversation. I'm in the process of getting her to read TMF now, so maybe she'll gain some sort of understanding of my mindset and the direction I'm taking. She's one of those that would rather sit and watch a season at a time of "Trueblood" rather than read a book that might help her understand something better.


I'm going to have to give this some deep thought. I need to figure out an angle to look at it from, other than from the belly of the beast. I really appreciate your take on it, and I think that you just opened a third eye for me, so to speak. Thanks!

We always look at things from a subjective perspective. We cannot see the wood for the trees, however I am being drawn to say this again. (Forgive me for the next bit, if it comes across as rude, defo NOT the intention)

"There is a part of you that is refusing to mature by holding onto your son as the excuse. There is a part of you that likes the reassurance of being nagged by your girlfriend. There is a part of you, that doesn't want to grow. Your son isn't the issue. He never has been, never was. You find it easier to pin the stuff on him, instead of allowing the pressure to grow you as a man which will transform your ability to handle challenges and pressure. "

Also--the girlfriend. There is a saying. "Offering advice to those who do not request it, is self-abuse". Be clear. Be firm. And if not, you know it is a tough however correct decision ahead.

This is why input from a wise person is important. Our alignment instantly shifts

 

[IAmTheJeff]

We always look at things from a subjective perspective. We cannot see the wood for the trees, however I am being drawn to say this again. (Forgive me for the next bit, if it comes across as rude, defo NOT the intention)

"There is a part of you that is refusing to mature by holding onto your son as the excuse. There is a part of you that likes the reassurance of being nagged by your girlfriend. There is a part of you, that doesn't want to grow. Your son isn't the issue. He never has been, never was. You find it easier to pin the stuff on him, instead of allowing the pressure to grow you as a man which will transform your ability to handle challenges and pressure. "

Also--the girlfriend. There is a saying. "Offering advice to those who do not request it, is self-abuse". Be clear. Be firm. And if not, you know it is a tough however correct decision ahead.

This is why input from a wise person is important. Our alignment instantly shifts

That bit wasn't rude, and is actually extremely valuable in regard to my situation. Replace "gf" with "wife," and it complicates things more, however I'm definitely going to ponder this a while. I think a long drive along the river is in order for the day.

 

[Nadia]

That bit wasn't rude, and is actually extremely valuable in regard to my situation. Replace "gf" with "wife," and it complicates things more, however I'm definitely going to ponder this a while. I think a long drive along the river is in order for the day.

I am glad you didn't take it rudely.

Nature will help. Ask God. Truly, just ask for guidance and listen to the information that comes.

Run with that information.

 

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[Vagabond 007]

After you drop someone because their path doesn't line up with yours, how would you guys deal with exes trying to get back in touch after you've become highly successful?

This shouldn't even be a question on what to do, imo. If they are clearly getting back in touch because you now have money, I wouldn't give them the time of day.

It is useless working in a family business. Gary V, has a very famous quote I read this morning about "You think Corporate politics are bad ? Try working for your mum and dad..." How true.

Funny, just today I had a long conversation with my gf's mom. We are going to be starting a business together. As I said earlier, I couldn't work with my gf. But her mom, I strongly believe we would be a great team. She is already a very successful entrepreneur. At her age she should be slowing down, but she gets energy from her work. We get along great and both have a lot of respect for each other.

I also work from home, pretty much all the time and people view it as laziness although the money keeps flowing in. It is hilarious how deeply people have been conditioned to think working is slaving away for someone else, physically.

Funny how "normal" people see it, huh?

She supports me about 60% of the time, and I say "supports" loosely - she's all about whatever will get her closer to a "keeping up with the jones's" position.

Absolutely the most stressful part of trying to build a business is the fact that she is constantly making suggestions on jobs that she thinks would help take care of things financially. "Here look! This place is hiring! You should apply!"
I'm deeply focused on writing copy for my website, I'm not interested in applying for a $15/hr laborer job that requires 12 hour days.

I would not want to be in your position. My ex was like that, suggesting jobs. It wears you down.

If it weren't for my son, I'm not sure I would still be here. I probably would have taken a plane to AZ the day I finished reading TMF. Is that wrong to say?

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or what choices to make, but I cringe every time I hear someone use kids as an excuse for not leaving. I know it makes things harder, but at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for yourself and kid. Only you can decide what that is. If that means staying with their mother, then so be it. But I just hope it's because you truly feel that's the best course of action and not something that's "easier."

Again, not trying to tell you how to live your life. No disrespect intended.

 

[IAmTheJeff]

This shouldn't even be a question on what to do, imo. If they are clearly getting back in touch because you now have money, I wouldn't give them the time of day.

Funny, just today I had a long conversation with my gf's mom. We are going to be starting a business together. As I said earlier, I couldn't work with my gf. But her mom, I strongly believe we would be a great team. She is already a very successful entrepreneur. At her age she should be slowing down, but she gets energy from her work. We get along great and both have a lot of respect for each other.

Funny how "normal" people see it, huh?

I would not want to be in your position. My ex was like that, suggesting jobs. It wears you down.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or what choices to make, but I cringe every time I hear someone use kids as an excuse for not leaving. I know it makes things harder, but at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for yourself and kid. Only you can decide what that is. If that means staying with their mother, then so be it. But I just hope it's because you truly feel that's the best course of action and not something that's "easier."

Again, not trying to tell you how to live your life. No disrespect intended.

None taken, it's hard to hurt my feelings.

At the moment, after my long drive up the river, I'm still undecided as to what the true best decision is.

To this point, it really has been a matter of ease, as I've opted to put myself and what might be best for me aside. It's something that I really need to consider if I have any aspirations of truly becoming successful.

 

[Vagabond 007]

To this point, it really has been a matter of ease, as I've opted to put myself and what might be best for me aside. It's something that I really need to consider if I have any aspirations of truly becoming successful.

Comfort doesn't help people become successful.

As you may already know, getting outside of your comfort zone is what can make you successful. It's hard to take action when you're comfortable. Especially if the action will result in making you uncomfortable.

 

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[ShadowX]

I've found a perfect person to marry, and explained to her all of the fast lane millionaire stuff. She has the same ambitions and goals as me . Hope it all goes well.

 

[DennisD]

Success eliminates doubts.

 

[Nadia]

This shouldn't even be a question on what to do, imo. If they are clearly getting back in touch because you now have money, I wouldn't give them the time of day.

Funny, just today I had a long conversation with my gf's mom. We are going to be starting a business together. As I said earlier, I couldn't work with my gf. But her mom, I strongly believe we would be a great team. She is already a very successful entrepreneur. At her age she should be slowing down, but she gets energy from her work. We get along great and both have a lot of respect for each other.

Funny how "normal" people see it, huh?

I would not want to be in your position. My ex was like that, suggesting jobs. It wears you down.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or what choices to make, but I cringe every time I hear someone use kids as an excuse for not leaving. I know it makes things harder, but at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for yourself and kid. Only you can decide what that is. If that means staying with their mother, then so be it. But I just hope it's because you truly feel that's the best course of action and not something that's "easier."

Again, not trying to tell you how to live your life. No disrespect intended.

Excellent! I am glad to hear that you and your gf's mum will be business partners. It will strengthen the bond with your gf to, with the two people she loves most, working side by side! I am sure it will work out!

 

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[CarrieW]

a post on fb today said...

a "SHIP" is designed to take you places. so if your FriendSHIP, CompanionSHIP, PartnerSHIP, or RelationSHIP isn't taking you anywhere...

Abandon SHIP!

LOL

 

[FreshStart87]

I was going through the same thing bro. Lucky for me, as my gf who is now my wife matures she takes on some of the new habits I've been bringing to the house. I told her we are each going to have budgets and review them daily. Its been saving the money we will need to get back on the fast lane. I also just use responsibility and accountability around the house and ask her if she's being responsible and accountable. any ways you will soon find out if she can understand your lifestyle. My wife learned to become more goal oriented. she goes to nyc 7 months pregnant to finish her college degree. so point of the story is that people can change. give her some time