Loneliness is taking a toll on my life

[MoneyXplorer]

Hi everyone!

Last January, just before I quit my last job, I decided to start my life from scratch. Since then, I have quit my job and found a new one I liked at a school.

Because I am a lonely man, I decided to meet lots of new people this summer. Well, it didn’t happen like I thought it would.

After being out of social media for a few years, I decided to have a try and create a new Facebook profile. My goal, was to subscribe to a few Facebook groups with people in my area interested in outdoor sports (hiking, paddleboarding …). I participated in one paddleboarding event then, for a reason unknown, Facebook blocked and deleted my profile. I tried to create another profile; same result. Maybe that‘s because I tried to subscribe to too many Facebook groups that I like.

So after I decided to not waste my time on Facebook anymore, I sent an email to an ex female friend I have not seen for four years. She is not single anymore but in the last three weeks, we have been hiking twice and had lots of fun. Unfortunately, she is not very available so I will have to meet new people and make new friends.

And that’s my struggle. I have a very hard time making new friends. I am not shy but I am an introvert. I like spending time in the outdoors and I have a few solitary hobbies (oil painting and scale modeling).

And the school I was working at a for the last months? Well, three weeks ago, I received an email from the director saying that they didn’t feel it was my place and that I am fired. So now, I have to find a new job again.

I find it hard to find and meet people without the use of social media. Where should I go to meet new people without social media? Any tips?

Thanks for your help!

 

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[Angler]

On your way to do whatever regular things you like to do.

If you would like to meet a female friend, go say hi to girls you find attractive whenever you see them(you generally miss 100% you don't take, so might as well be bold). Grocery, gym, a walk, etc. All that is required is just walking up, a genuine smile, and a fun conversation.

If you want a gym buddy or anyone that is into fitness go to the gym and compliment others on their physique, form, or energy. Share some good vibe.

From personal experience I'm basic, I'll go up to people I find cool and ask if I can be their friends after a compliment. It generally works unless I meet someone that's not right in the head, then I'm glad I dodge a bullet. It also helps 100% if you are genuinely curious and interested in the other person.

The idea here is you can talk to and befriend anyone at anytime. You don't have to go to a "venue" or place to start mingling. The question of meeting people is relatively easy to remedy with a little courage and a smile. The question of meeting quality people is a bit difficult to handle.

Meeting quality people come from becoming a valuable person. You have to have cool stuff going on in your world to keep cool people around, or else you'll just be a vampire. You want to be around cool people but don't want to take the time to build cool stuff in your life. You drain their energy whenever you hang with them, and eventually they'll use garlic to repel you.

what is cool?

Getting into shape. Building a business. Taking a chance on yourself. Building your confidence through uncomfortable shits(sauna, fasting, conquering your traumas.). Loving yourself fully. And being okay with being alone.

 

[fridge]

You're on the right track, hobbies are a great way to meet people. I'm pretty introverted so the only time I really meet people is when I'm drinking at the bar/a concert or doing hobbies.

Here's a good hobbies list I came up with a while back:

• Salsa dancing or bachata
• Volunteering
• Take your dog to a dog park if you got one
• Trivia night at bars
• Going to an art class or optionally doing art in any type of public place (bar/coffee shop)
• Language classes
• Pottery classes
• Climbing gym
• Book club
• Combat sports - jiu jitsu, boxing, muay thai
• Cooking classes
• Improv/comedy classes
• Coed/casual sports

 

[Athena's Escape]

Hi everyone!

Last January, just before I quit my last job, I decided to start my life from scratch. Since then, I have quit my job and found a new one I liked at a school.

Because I am a lonely man, I decided to meet lots of new people this summer. Well, it didn’t happen like I thought it would.

After being out of social media for a few years, I decided to have a try and create a new Facebook profile. My goal, was to subscribe to a few Facebook groups with people in my area interested in outdoor sports (hiking, paddleboarding …). I participated in one paddleboarding event then, for a reason unknown, Facebook blocked and deleted my profile. I tried to create another profile; same result. Maybe that‘s because I tried to subscribe to too many Facebook groups that I like.

So after I decided to not waste my time on Facebook anymore, I sent an email to an ex female friend I have not seen for four years. She is not single anymore but in the last three weeks, we have been hiking twice and had lots of fun. Unfortunately, she is not very available so I will have to meet new people and make new friends.

And that’s my struggle. I have a very hard time making new friends. I am not shy but I am an introvert. I like spending time in the outdoors and I have a few solitary hobbies (oil painting and scale modeling).

And the school I was working at a for the last months? Well, three weeks ago, I received an email from the director saying that they didn’t feel it was my place and that I am fired. So now, I have to find a new job again.

I find it hard to find and meet people practicing those hobbies without the use of social media. Where should I go to meet new people without social media? Any tips?

Thanks for your help!

Making friends as an adult can be a challenge depending on your circumstances. There's been lots of content on this subject so it's clearly a problem for many. (I.e. You're not alone!)

Check out the "How to Start Over" podcast episode on this subject. Episode called "The Misgivings of Friend-Making."

It's not very long but full of valuable tips!

Here's the description:

In the post-social-distancing era, some of us can’t remember how to make a new friend. But for many, making friends has always been a challenge—left as an unfulfilled desire without any clear course of action.

In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore the barriers to friendship formation in adulthood, how to navigate conflict, and why starting over as a better friend begins with getting out of our own heads.

 

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[James90]

Before anything else, be a good person that people enjoy being around.

 

[Boogie]

Download the meetup app. Search for groups in your area doing things you'd like to do. Go. Meet people. Strike up a conversation with someone. Be more Interested in listening than talking about yourself. Find a way to help be a leader in the organization and help with things that need to be done. Keep going.

 

[Odysseus M Jones]

If you would like to meet a female friend, go say hi to girls you find attractive whenever you see

If you want a gym buddy or anyone that is into fitness go to the gym and compliment others on their physique,

'll go up to people I find cool and ask if I can be their friends after a compliment

what is cool?

Not getting punched for doing any of the above

 

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[UK_Mike]

I'm reading this with interest as I don't really know people, other than a very small group of mates, and I've always struggled to get to know people. Mainly I think it's a self-confidence thing - I can't imagine why anyone would actually want to talk to me, and that mindset doesn't help from the very start. I want to say that it's all very well saying "just say hello to people" and the like, but if you're not the kind of person that feels comfortable talking to strangers, it's not that easy. I'm sure it's easier than I think it is, and it always seems easy to people who find it easy, but to those who aren't used to it, it's difficult.

 

[MoneyXplorer]

If you would like to meet a female friend, go say hi to girls you find attractive whenever you see them(you generally miss 100% you don't take, so might as well be bold). Grocery, gym, a walk, etc. All that is required is just walking up, a genuine smile, and a fun conversation.

If you want a gym buddy or anyone that is into fitness go to the gym and compliment others on their physique, form, or energy. Share some good vibe.

From personal experience I'm basic, I'll go up to people I find cool and ask if I can be their friends after a compliment. It generally works unless I meet someone that's not right in the head, then I'm glad I dodge a bullet. It also helps 100% if you are genuinely curious and interested in the other person.

The idea here is you can talk to and befriend anyone at anytime. You don't have to go to a "venue" or place to start mingling. The question of meeting people is relatively easy to remedy with a little courage and a smile. The question of meeting quality people is a bit difficult to handle.

Meeting quality people come from becoming a valuable person. You have to have cool stuff going on in your world to keep cool people around, or else you'll just be a vampire. You want to be around cool people but don't want to take the time to build cool stuff in your life. You drain their energy whenever you hang with them, and eventually they'll use garlic to repel you.

what is cool?

Getting into shape. Building a business. Taking a chance on yourself. Building your confidence through uncomfortable shits(sauna, fasting, conquering your traumas.). Loving yourself fully. And being okay with being alone.

Thank you very much for your help. You are absolutely right in that I need to become a valuable person and have cool stuff going on in my life if I want to keep people around me. I will remember that.

You're on the right track, hobbies are a great way to meet people. I'm pretty introverted so the only time I really meet people is when I'm drinking at the bar/a concert or doing hobbies.

Here's a good hobbies list I came up with a while back:

• Salsa dancing or bachata
• Volunteering
• Take your dog to a dog park if you got one
• Trivia night at bars
• Going to an art class or optionally doing art in any type of public place (bar/coffee shop)
• Language classes
• Pottery classes
• Climbing gym
• Book club
• Combat sports - jiu jitsu, boxing, muay thai
• Cooking classes
• Improv/comedy classes
• Coed/casual sports

Thanks. Most of my hobbies are solitary hobbies so I need to maybe try one or two hobbies in which I can meet other people.

I should check about volunteering after I find a job because I lost mine recently.

I should also try to do art in public places. I normally do oil painting, drawing and scale modeling.

Cooking classes I should definitely try. I should also try to find an hiking group.

Making friends as an adult can be a challenge depending on your circumstances. There's been lots of content on this subject so it's clearly a problem for many. (I.e. You're not alone!)

Check out the "How to Start Over" podcast episode on this subject. Episode called "The Misgivings of Friend-Making."

It's not very long but full of valuable tips!

Here's the description:

In the post-social-distancing era, some of us can’t remember how to make a new friend. But for many, making friends has always been a challenge—left as an unfulfilled desire without any clear course of action.

In this episode of How to Start Over, we explore the barriers to friendship formation in adulthood, how to navigate conflict, and why starting over as a better friend begins with getting out of our own heads.

Thank you. I will listen to your podcast recommendation.

Download the meetup app. Search for groups in your area doing things you'd like to do. Go. Meet people. Strike up a conversation with someone. Be more Interested in listening than talking about yourself. Find a way to help be a leader in the organization and help with things that need to be done. Keep going.

I have tried Meetup but all the events take place in Montreal, about two hours from where I live. I want to find people in my immediate area.

I'm reading this with interest as I don't really know people, other than a very small group of mates, and I've always struggled to get to know people. Mainly I think it's a self-confidence thing - I can't imagine why anyone would actually want to talk to me, and that mindset doesn't help from the very start. I want to say that it's all very well saying "just say hello to people" and the like, but if you're not the kind of person that feels comfortable talking to strangers, it's not that easy. I'm sure it's easier than I think it is, and it always seems easy to people who find it easy, but to those who aren't used to it, it's difficult.

I was very shy when I was a child and a teenager but now I am not that shy but I still find it hard to approach a stranger and start a conversation.

 

[msufan]

Thank you very much for your help. You are absolutely right in that I need to become a valuable person and have cool stuff going on in my life if I want to keep people around me. I will remember that.

Thanks. Most of my hobbies are solitary hobbies so I need to maybe try one or two hobbies in which I can meet other people.

I should check about volunteering after I find a job because I lost mine recently.

I should also try to do art in public places. I normally do oil painting, drawing and scale modeling.

Cooking classes I should definitely try. I should also try to find an hiking group.

Thank you. I will listen to your podcast recommendation.

I have tried Meetup but all the events take place in Montreal, about two hours from where I live. I want to find people in my immediate area.

I was very shy when I was a child and a teenager but now I am not that shy but I still find it hard to approach a stranger and start a conversation.

As I've mentioned before, I taught elementary school for 2+ decades. During that time, I noticed something about boys vs. girls. This is obviously not true in 100% of cases but came very close to it in my observation.

Girls play with each other. When you ask them what they did at recess, their description starts with other people: "I hung out with Susie."

Guys do stuff. When you ask them what they did at recess, their description starts with an activity. "I played basketball."

Adults don't ever totally lose these patterns IMHO. So since you are male, I recommend, as some others have said, that you simply do stuff alongside other people. If you enjoy golf, find a golf league that needs another player. Or bowling, hiking, rock climbing, tennis, pickleball (that one is all the rage here), playing live poker, trail running, cooking class, etc. Adjust according to the age, gender, and type of people you want to meet. (You'll find fitter people in the sporty groups vs. many older guys at the poker table, for example.)

Finding a new job will also take care of much of your isolation.

I wish you well! The fact that you are open about this and posted it here is actually a fantastic sign.

 

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[DarkKnight]

Hi everyone!

Last January, just before I quit my last job, I decided to start my life from scratch. Since then, I have quit my job and found a new one I liked at a school.

Because I am a lonely man, I decided to meet lots of new people this summer. Well, it didn’t happen like I thought it would.

After being out of social media for a few years, I decided to have a try and create a new Facebook profile. My goal, was to subscribe to a few Facebook groups with people in my area interested in outdoor sports (hiking, paddleboarding …). I participated in one paddleboarding event then, for a reason unknown, Facebook blocked and deleted my profile. I tried to create another profile; same result. Maybe that‘s because I tried to subscribe to too many Facebook groups that I like.

So after I decided to not waste my time on Facebook anymore, I sent an email to an ex female friend I have not seen for four years. She is not single anymore but in the last three weeks, we have been hiking twice and had lots of fun. Unfortunately, she is not very available so I will have to meet new people and make new friends.

And that’s my struggle. I have a very hard time making new friends. I am not shy but I am an introvert. I like spending time in the outdoors and I have a few solitary hobbies (oil painting and scale modeling).

And the school I was working at a for the last months? Well, three weeks ago, I received an email from the director saying that they didn’t feel it was my place and that I am fired. So now, I have to find a new job again.

I find it hard to find and meet people without the use of social media. Where should I go to meet new people without social media? Any tips?

Thanks for your help!

I don't think you are alone by any means. It's F*cking epidemic. Of epic proportions. Why? Because people have more options in today's times. In their heads, that is. Everyone wants that picture perfect friend or partner ideally.

You see, if you have an average life, and have nothing special to offer, you might get a few smiles and handshakes but no one will let you in their personal lives until there's something more. You have to offer them something or make them look good in some way.

Offer a service that people need regularly and you will find people who want to be friends with you. The more value you offer, the faster you will gain a network of followers.

I haven't myself figured out what service can I offer, but that's the way to go realistically from my perspective.

 

[MoneyXplorer]

As I've mentioned before, I taught elementary school for 2+ decades. During that time, I noticed something about boys vs. girls. This is obviously not true in 100% of cases but came very close to it in my observation.

Girls play with each other. When you ask them what they did at recess, their description starts with other people: "I hung out with Susie."

Guys do stuff. When you ask them what they did at recess, their description starts with an activity. "I played basketball."

Adults don't ever totally lose these patterns IMHO. So since you are male, I recommend, as some others have said, that you simply do stuff alongside other people. If you enjoy golf, find a golf league that needs another player. Or bowling, hiking, rock climbing, tennis, pickleball (that one is all the rage here), playing live poker, trail running, cooking class, etc. Adjust according to the age, gender, and type of people you want to meet.

Thank you very much. I think you are spotted on. I have struggled throughout all my adult life to have a few friends that I can see regularly but I didn’t have much success.

I don't think you are alone by any means. It's F*cking epidemic. Of epic proportions. Why? Because people have more options in today's times. In their heads, that is. Everyone wants that picture perfect friend or partner ideally.

You see, if you have an average life, and have nothing special to offer, you might get a few smiles and handshakes but no one will let you in their personal lives until there's something more. You have to offer them something or make them look good in some way.

Offer a service that people need regularly and you will find people who want to be friends with you. The more value you offer, the faster you will gain a network of followers.

I haven't myself figured out what service can I offer, but that's the way to go realistically from my perspective.

Thanks. Yes people today are way more individualistic. They say that are social because they are on social media but that’s crap.