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INTRO Life is ironic

AndreP

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jul 30, 2019
25
29
21
The Netherlands
Hi all,

I'm new here. Currently I'm at a point where I don't know which way to turn. I have listened to the 'Unscripted' audiobook and am finally reading it thoroughly. But something is holding me back. Even as I type this post I can't help but lose myself in a never ending cycle of thought and worry. If I told you how long it took to write a consistent introduction for this post, I would've been ashamed. Why it was such a hassle?
  • I have bad self-esteem
  • I am chaotic, and think too much (negatively)
  • People and circumstances get to me, heck... I mean life

During my upbringing I've experienced good and bad, but generally it was allright. I made a bad start educationally, but I progressed to a decent degree. Eventually, I dropped out of university early and spent about 2 years hiding from life. During that time I persuaded what I felt I was 'destined' to do. I made myself belief the sacrifices would pay back in salvation, while the only thing I did was following a blind man's path. This leaded to me getting scammed and experiencing a crazy amount of panic attacks.

Thank god I found my way, sort of...
As life sometimes hits you with its impregnable irony, life also hadn't forgotten me. One year ago I enrolled for a new study: Marketing-oriented economics. "Irony? what are you talking about dude, that's so useful". Ikr! I find some of it madly interesting indeed, except for the 70% remainder. Ironic cause I've always aimed not to be mediocre, but now here I am: doing mediocre things. But whatever, that's my life currently and many people have it worse. I made a rough start though. I was depressed as hell and focussed on things out of my reach. This held me in a clinch till I eventually decided to take medication (I am not pro-medication, but things got out of hand). I had to counter my obsessive thinking through condemning the thoughts and just moving forward. Medication has made this much easier.

Now having gone through the first weeks of the second year I'm doing pretty good, as I turned my chaotic habits around through time- and financial-management. Programming-wise I'm still an amateur, but everyday I try to work on those skills. next to that I try to read and think about how I am gonna pursue my second business. Yes, I once partnered up with a friend but didn't persist on an idea that had potential. But regret is not gonna help me, so I see it as a lesson learned, like you should with any experience. The only thing left to do right now is putting some SMART goals on paper, so I can pursue something. And so the blues go on: "I gotta do X to be able to do Y"... I think I'm not emphasizing actual steps connecting X and Y.


Here's the catch...
Today I woke up more depressed than I've been in a while. Currently I don't see why I would put any more energy in school. I'm not in the mood for this shit, while at the moment it doesn't amount to much work as I've been managing my time better than ever. Right now a lot of things are going well I guess. But I got the following on my mind:
  1. I'm slowly but surely getting myself into debt thanks to 'education
  2. I don't believe I'm gonna work a job in the field of my study, would I ever want to become a full-time employee.
  3. I won't be able to begin saving reasonable amounts till: fast forward 3 years.
    • unless I would be able to start a profitable business next to school (which is the entire point of this post)
  4. Every day I wake up, trying to work on things I consider important: reading, programming, doing research, watching forums/youtube, google, learning about: economics & business, actual news, climate, tech and whatever remaining self-developmental crap could 'help' me. At at the same time I have to keep school in mind, day after day I'm learning while not actually doing.
Lastly: I'm losing time.

F*ck...

Is this the incarnation of a 'F*ck this' event, because I feel like exploding at this moment. Is this the moment where my shitty story finds its turning-point? Will I soon not longer tolerate 'bad luck' to rule my life and start doing the right thing: creating momentum? I really wonder where I'll be in 10 years. Will I be enjoying a cool beer on a Caribbean beach happily ever after? Will I be led by a mediocre 9 to 5 job accompanied by desperate weekend escapes into the nothingness of entertainment and virtual reality. Will I still live? I wouldn't know. I talk about this extra-ordinary lifestyle, but it's not that shallow. All I want is making a living of something I'm proud of.

Maybe after finishing and sticking to the book and eventually going through the 'Millionaire Fastlane' book I'll have these 'life changing insights'. I believe it'll do me good, because 'Unscripted' has been a great book till this point. But I'm also trying to be realistic for myself at the moment.

Right now I just don't know what to do and feel like expecting too much of a book seems naïve as I myself and a bunch of external stuff has to change. I've gotten some ideas during the past weeks, but the achievable ones turned out ridiculously value-lacking after thinking them through. I have this feeling that I'm aligning with purpose for once, but there isn't real momentum happening in my life except for spending my day disciplined. Something has to happen eventually, but I'm only getting endlessly confused instead of doing something at the moment.

To make my situation clear, I'll list what I'm currently capable of and learning to be capable of:
Learning or asparing to know:
  • Artificial intelligence (eventually want to get a better understanding of the concept: quantum computing)
  • For the first time learning Python
  • Improving my web-development skills
  • 3d-printing
  • Economics, leadership and entrepreneurial skills/ideologies
  • Marketing and SEO
  • Time-management
  • Languages and better textual skills
  • Guitar (should have fun too)
Already skilled at:
  • 3D and general digital design
  • Web-development (not advanced)
  • Computers and technology
  • Creative thinking
  • And a bunch of unmastered assets.

I'm just seeking to get some advice, because I'm real heavy-headed today and have been strolling through this interesting forum for some time. I hope to once become an active member and share my progress, my views and advice with you. And why should I not seek advice if I'm not there yet... I hope I may help someone confused one day.

I hope you're not dazzled by my chaotic and maybe pessimistic way of writing. I just felt like speaking my mind in hopes of receiving some good feedback. :)
Hello Redo,

May I ask what your age is?

That feeling you describe does remind me of my younger years. Don't be to hard for yourself. Life can be a bitch ( and I experienced it many times) but it also can be great. Point is, just to keep on moving forward, changes will come for sure.. I'm 45 now and found mine path of freedom and control just 6 years ago .;)

Grt Andre
 

Tourmaline

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 4, 2019
538
498
167
Texas
I think you would appreciate Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos.
 

Johnny boy

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2017
449
2,132
540
23
Washington State
Idk bro you sound emotional and soft go do something fun and chill tf out.

When I was feeling down, hating my life, dumped by my girlfriend and had no money or business, I just decided to go bungee jumping and climb Mt. Rainier.

Hit the gym, talk to some girls, get your shit together, etc.

My mantra from 18-21 was “When in doubt just be a badass winner”. Very over simplistic. Very vague. Very “one size fits all”. Didn’t matter. Worked like a charm.

Don’t forget you’re a human being. And you’re living in the real world. You’ve gotta take care of yourself, have some friends, taste some real life.

Ideas don’t come to you from sitting around worrying. They come as natural as a leaf falling to the ground when you’re out living.

Start firing from the hip. Make bold decisions quickly and painlessly. Become the person you wish you could be, and other people wish they could be. Do it right now. Just snap your fingers and change your self talk. There’s no other steps to it.

Good luck bro.

Edit: start with saying from now on “I’m born to be a winner” and act like it. Expect every single person to tell you otherwise and tell them they’re wrong. Only keep people around that start to agree with you.

You are a winner. Just start there. I remember blindly saying I was the greatest and no one treated me with any respect. I remember how weird it would feel to be so fake and have nothing going for me but still saying I was going to be great. Now people tell me I’m doing well and they celebrate me. I’m still just getting started. I’ve got the rest of my life to kick more a$$ and this is a baby step.

It’s hard for people to imagine other people changing. They’ll look at you today and see a loser and you will stay one if you accept it. Or you can reject it and insist upon your real value enough until the world changes to fit you.
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
redo123123

redo123123

New Contributor
Aug 31, 2019
2
2
11
Netherlands
Hello Redo,

May I ask what your age is?

That feeling you describe does remind me of my younger years. Don't be to hard for yourself. Life can be a bitch ( and I experienced it many times) but it also can be great. Point is, just to keep on moving forward, changes will come for sure.. I'm 45 now and found mine path of freedom and control just 6 years ago .;)

Grt Andre
23, yeah I tend to forget to be easy on myself. Thanks for the advice!

I think you would appreciate Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos.
I'll look into it, thanks!

Idk bro you sound emotional and soft go do something fun and chill tf out.

When I was feeling down, hating my life, dumped by my girlfriend and had no money or business, I just decided to go bungee jumping and climb Mt. Rainier.

Hit the gym, talk to some girls, get your shit together, etc.

My mantra from 18-21 was “When in doubt just be a badass winner”. Very over simplistic. Very vague. Very “one size fits all”. Didn’t matter. Worked like a charm.

Don’t forget you’re a human being. And you’re living in the real world. You’ve gotta take care of yourself, have some friends, taste some real life.

Ideas don’t come to you from sitting around worrying. They come as natural as a leaf falling to the ground when you’re out living.

Start firing from the hip. Make bold decisions quickly and painlessly. Become the person you wish you could be, and other people wish they could be. Do it right now. Just snap your fingers and change your self talk. There’s no other steps to it.

Good luck bro.

Edit: start with saying from now on “I’m born to be a winner” and act like it. Expect every single person to tell you otherwise and tell them they’re wrong. Only keep people around that start to agree with you.

You are a winner. Just start there. I remember blindly saying I was the greatest and no one treated me with any respect. I remember how weird it would feel to be so fake and have nothing going for me but still saying I was going to be great. Now people tell me I’m doing well and they celebrate me. I’m still just getting started. I’ve got the rest of my life to kick more a$$ and this is a baby step.

It’s hard for people to imagine other people changing. They’ll look at you today and see a loser and you will stay one if you accept it. Or you can reject it and insist upon your real value enough until the world changes to fit you.
Yeah you're right, looking back I agree how I'm acting like a sad a$$ hehe. I should just take a step back with the worries and make it one hell of a ride. You're right.
 

Ernman

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Feb 8, 2019
448
821
305
59
Florida, USA
Welcome to the forum redo123123. Thank you for sharing - it takes some courage, even with the level of anonymity offered in this forum. And courage is what gets us through the suck times. I can't tell you how many times I've screwed up, fallen and had to pick my stupid self up, dust off and go at it again. Each time, I learn and try to NOT repeat the mistakes...plenty of new ones to make.

I know it's easier said than done, but shake it off and get on with life. I like Johnnyboy's perspective. Just go be a bad a$$. But do it sober - drunken or high bad asses tend to create more trouble for themselves. :)
 

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