User Power
Value/Post Ratio
123%
- Feb 20, 2015
- 558
- 684
Sounds a bit too robotic to me. Added some suggestions and altered some bits below:
“Coffee and hamstrings are a physical therapists dream: I like one black and the other loose.”
“You have the tightest hamstrings I have ever worked on” is what the physical therapist said to me, a 14 year old soccer player. Groggy and grumpy because I was up @ 7 AM, I shrugged it off and went back to being half awake. "Shrugged what off?"
A hamstring tear and years off from running, I now know that shrug was a mistake.(what are you talking about?) I’ve always had a tight lower anterior chain. (How many people know what this is?) This past winter at the gym, I had (personal touch) a eureka moment and a product idea was born.
Allow me to introduce the product name which is designed to target the biggest muscle in the chain (We're made from metal now? Body surely?), the hamstring, with a multi dimensional stretch. <Multi sentence description on product, use, and benefits>. The GOAL (ole) of the product name is to do one thing in particular, get the anterior leg muscles warmed up a bit quicker so we can start rehabbing, exercising, and playing a bit sooner (this sounds a bit teacher to me, but not bad). Now you and your patients get more time focusing on movement and that is ultimately what we all want; isn’t it? (good question mark usage)
Of course it isn’t the only stretch one should perform, it is not comprehensive (remove the negative). However, it does speed the process along and over the course of a day that results in more free time. More time to see clients, to get invoices out, update your blog, and groom your lion, whatever. My goal isn’t to suggest how you spend your time but to provide a product that makes you and your clients lives better.
So what am I asking of you? To let me swing by with the product name and COFFEE for a 14 day test run of the product. I am only interested in your opinion and experience using the product. The goal of this letter is for you to sample this product with your team and potentially, your customers for two weeks. I will hand deliver it to you along with a box of Joe. So you get to sample a new product before anyone else in the market and of course, coffee. If interested in partaking in the test period; please e-mail address@gmail.comwith your schedule and time you’d like me to come by.
Due to time constraints, we are only looking to have 5-10 practitioners sample the product at this time.
Regards,
ME
“Coffee and hamstrings are a physical therapists dream: I like one black and the other loose.”
“You have the tightest hamstrings I have ever worked on” is what the physical therapist said to me, a 14 year old soccer player. Groggy and grumpy because I was up @ 7 AM, I shrugged it off and went back to being half awake. "Shrugged what off?"
A hamstring tear and years off from running, I now know that shrug was a mistake.(what are you talking about?) I’ve always had a tight lower anterior chain. (How many people know what this is?) This past winter at the gym, I had (personal touch) a eureka moment and a product idea was born.
Allow me to introduce the product name which is designed to target the biggest muscle in the chain (We're made from metal now? Body surely?), the hamstring, with a multi dimensional stretch. <Multi sentence description on product, use, and benefits>. The GOAL (ole) of the product name is to do one thing in particular, get the anterior leg muscles warmed up a bit quicker so we can start rehabbing, exercising, and playing a bit sooner (this sounds a bit teacher to me, but not bad). Now you and your patients get more time focusing on movement and that is ultimately what we all want; isn’t it? (good question mark usage)
Of course it isn’t the only stretch one should perform, it is not comprehensive (remove the negative). However, it does speed the process along and over the course of a day that results in more free time. More time to see clients, to get invoices out, update your blog, and groom your lion, whatever. My goal isn’t to suggest how you spend your time but to provide a product that makes you and your clients lives better.
So what am I asking of you? To let me swing by with the product name and COFFEE for a 14 day test run of the product. I am only interested in your opinion and experience using the product. The goal of this letter is for you to sample this product with your team and potentially, your customers for two weeks. I will hand deliver it to you along with a box of Joe. So you get to sample a new product before anyone else in the market and of course, coffee. If interested in partaking in the test period; please e-mail address@gmail.comwith your schedule and time you’d like me to come by.
Due to time constraints, we are only looking to have 5-10 practitioners sample the product at this time.
Regards,
ME