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How to avoid poisonous people and friends?

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MightyBeast

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Feb 17, 2019
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I have some friends, or so called friends. Almost all of them seek advantage of some kind. They first take advantage, or use work and never give credit. In some cases they show that they are superior. I always ignore them.

One of them, is some sort of short tempered. He loves to say bad things to people on their back/face. When someone says him something abusing, he goes on fighting. Other times, he behaves like a con artist and a very good friend. He demotivates from time to time, and supplies self destructive beliefs. I have avoided them for so long, but how can i really leave those people? Two of them are my good friend, and are not totally bad. But this guy remains with them. This person is sticky, and now have joined them for benefits.

My question is: How you handle such type of persons in your life? as ignoring them always is not a good idea i guess.
 

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GuitarManDan

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No one is forcing you to be friends with these people, back off and see if that changes the way they treat you and if it doesn't... cut them out of your life.

Don't let people treat you with disrespect and the best way to do that is to respect yourself and draw lines.

I'm not just speaking from theoretical experience, I had to do this with some very close friends in my college years. I still cringe thinking about how bad they treated me and how I just put up with it.

Treat yourself with respect and people will follow.
 

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I have some friends, or so called friends. Almost all of them seek advantage of some kind. They first take advantage, or use work and never give credit. In some cases they show that they are superior. I always ignore them.

One of them, is some sort of short tempered. He loves to say bad things to people on their back/face. When someone says him something abusing, he goes on fighting. Other times, he behaves like a con artist and a very good friend. He demotivates from time to time, and supplies self destructive beliefs. I have avoided them for so long, but how can i really leave those people? Two of them are my good friend, and are not totally bad. But this guy remains with them. This person is sticky, and now have joined them for benefits.

My question is: How you handle such type of persons in your life? as ignoring them always is not a good idea i guess.

Do they come to you, or do you go to them?

It’s said often here, that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around with most.

Let them fade from your life. Focus on your entrepreneurial venture much more than your social relationships, and casually seek new friends who share your mindset. Don’t make being social a bigger priority than your future.

This is an entrepreneur forum, so go start a progress thread and get busy.
 
OP
OP
MightyBeast

MightyBeast

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Feb 17, 2019
18
24
19
No one is forcing you to be friends with these people, back off and see if that changes the way they treat you and if it doesn't... cut them out of your life.

Don't let people treat you with disrespect and the best way to do that is to respect yourself and draw lines.

I'm not just speaking from theoretical experience, I had to do this with some very close friends in my college years. I still cringe thinking about how bad they treated me and how I just put up with it.

Treat yourself with respect and people will follow.
Thank you sir. I really needed this kind of advice. I was wasting a lot of precious time already and was consuming hours with them. I'll start working now, and will have undivided attention to my goal/project.
Thank you very much for your precious time and advice. Have a nice day.
 
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MightyBeast

MightyBeast

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Feb 17, 2019
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Do they come to you, or do you go to them?

It’s said often here, that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around with most.

Let them fade from your life. Focus on your entrepreneurial venture much more than your social relationships, and casually seek new friends who share your mindset. Don’t make being social a bigger priority than your future.

This is an entrepreneur forum, so go start a progress thread and get busy.
Thank you so much sir for precious advice and time. Have a nice day.
 

Bekit

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One of them, is some sort of short tempered. He loves to say bad things to people on their back/face. When someone says him something abusing, he goes on fighting. Other times, he behaves like a con artist and a very good friend. He demotivates from time to time, and supplies self destructive beliefs. I have avoided them for so long, but how can i really leave those people? Two of them are my good friend, and are not totally bad. But this guy remains with them. This person is sticky, and now have joined them for benefits.
What you have just described is someone with narcissistic (if not sociopathic) behavior traits.

From what you've written, it seems like you have two friends, but this other person (I'll call him the narcissist) is always with them.

So in order for you to be with your friends, you also have to be in the presence of the narcissist.

There are a couple of ways you could respond.

1) Get away from them all, because it's toxic and you don't need to be hurting yourself. If your friends are people you don't mind saying goodbye to, this is the best option.

2) Privately warn your friends at a time when the narcissist is NOT around. One or both of your friends is likely a target for the narcissist's agenda. They are in danger of being hurt. Think about their personalities. Is one or both of them a person who is gullible and easily swayed? If these 2 friends are people you care about, you might want to try to get them to remove themselves out of harm's way. (But just be prepared, because they may not believe you and probably won't accept what you're saying at first. People who are under the sway of this kind of toxic person don't leave because they have bought into an alternate version of reality; they believe the narcissist's twisted version. Maybe point them to the channel "Surviving Narcissism.")
 
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MightyBeast

MightyBeast

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Feb 17, 2019
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Thanks for the precious advice and time. I was unaware of narcissism.
What you have just described is someone with narcissistic (if not sociopathic) behavior traits.

From what you've written, it seems like you have two friends, but this other person (I'll call him the narcissist) is always with them.

So in order for you to be with your friends, you also have to be in the presence of the narcissist.

There are a couple of ways you could respond.

1) Get away from them all, because it's toxic and you don't need to be hurting yourself. If your friends are people you don't mind saying goodbye to, this is the best option.

2) Privately warn your friends at a time when the narcissist is NOT around. One or both of your friends is likely a target for the narcissist's agenda. They are in danger of being hurt. Think about their personalities. Is one or both of them a person who is gullible and easily swayed? If these 2 friends are people you care about, you might want to try to get them to remove themselves out of harm's way. (But just be prepared, because they may not believe you and probably won't accept what you're saying at first. People who are under the sway of this kind of toxic person don't leave because they have bought into an alternate version of reality; they believe the narcissist's twisted version. Maybe point them to the channel "Surviving Narcissism.")
 

LinorCG

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Some of my friends are not quite who I want them to be. So I look for other people who I wanted to be with and spend more time with them and lesser with the others. Time will come youll be spending more and more time with the people who you want to be and lesser and lesser with the other ones until one day you'll notice theyre out of your lives.
 
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MightyBeast

MightyBeast

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Feb 17, 2019
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I don't have any spare time for "friends" I have friends from business and work relations. I therefore don't have this problem, being too busy will fix everything, money, relationships, depression etc
Some of my friends are not quite who I want them to be. So I look for other people who I wanted to be with and spend more time with them and lesser with the others. Time will come youll be spending more and more time with the people who you want to be and lesser and lesser with the other ones until one day you'll notice theyre out of your lives.
Thank you for precious advice and time. I am more focused now and from now on i will keep myself busy. I have to work harder and harder and i now understand fully that i do not really have time for all the negativity i become part of when i am among them. I am actually feeling blessed to be part of this community and have experienced people like you, who give amazing advice.
Thank you everyone for amazing advice. I have to be more ruthless/commited about my life and decisions as time is really precious.
Have a Nice Day!
 

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Ajit Ratnaparhi

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Feb 28, 2019
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I have some friends, or so called friends. Almost all of them seek advantage of some kind. They first take advantage, or use work and never give credit. In some cases they show that they are superior. I always ignore them.

One of them, is some sort of short tempered. He loves to say bad things to people on their back/face. When someone says him something abusing, he goes on fighting. Other times, he behaves like a con artist and a very good friend. He demotivates from time to time, and supplies self destructive beliefs. I have avoided them for so long, but how can i really leave those people? Two of them are my good friend, and are not totally bad. But this guy remains with them. This person is sticky, and now have joined them for benefits.

My question is: How you handle such type of persons in your life? as ignoring them always is not a good idea i guess.
Hello @MightyBeast ,

(Some of the below points will make sense in your situation and some will not)

You can not handle them. People are driven by the years of conditioning. Best way is keeping a distance. In the process build stronger bonds with your rest of the friends.

Socializing is a need just like hunger . CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be avoided. Avoiding socializing just because you are with wrong people is not a solution at all.

Only matter is with whom you are socializing.

In my opinion you should start building your new social circle.

1)The best idea would be to build your social circle around some worthy goal.

For example I built a social circle around running. This takes care of both your health and social relationships. Plus point is whenever you spend time with these people you will be adding value to your life as well as theirs.

It will take 5-6 months to build strong relationships around some personal development agenda , but those relationships wont be poisonous for sure.

2) Friendships built in adversities are the best ones. Try helping someone in their bad times.

3) Always socialize with people who themselves know how to manage relationships and know the value of relationships. Socializing with people who always have good people around them.

4) Go for reviews. If 3 people are talking the same about someone probably its time for you to test that person

5) If someone is talking bad about other people all the time , he will talk bad about you as well for sure.

Thanks
Ajit
 

Mattie

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I have some friends, or so called friends. Almost all of them seek advantage of some kind. They first take advantage, or use work and never give credit. In some cases they show that they are superior. I always ignore them.

One of them, is some sort of short tempered. He loves to say bad things to people on their back/face. When someone says him something abusing, he goes on fighting. Other times, he behaves like a con artist and a very good friend. He demotivates from time to time, and supplies self destructive beliefs. I have avoided them for so long, but how can i really leave those people? Two of them are my good friend, and are not totally bad. But this guy remains with them. This person is sticky, and now have joined them for benefits.

My question is: How you handle such type of persons in your life? as ignoring them always is not a good idea i guess.
You will always be environments where others may have a different personality, different point of view, different opinion, and not always make the best statements. Usually we have the idea if we just break out of the "Toxic", "Dysfunctional", or "Bad" relationship this solves the problem. Psychology itself is based on Individuation and about "Me" where Social Psychology is about "We" the group.

Usually it is the way we perceive events from our experience as an individual. We project on to others in the group what we believe about them by our interaction with them. We have our own experience with adversity, obstacles, and barriers. We get focused on on our experience. While others will interfere and project what they believe you should be doing, ought to be doing, and according to what they've experienced during their life time.

We all have an ego. There are times we can all feel superior to others in the group and make them feel inferior inside the group. There are times we all switch places with one another and play the judge, the jury, the victim, the persecutor. This is the Karpman Drama Triangle. There are times through gossip and rumors we destroy other people's character, reputation, and may make them look bad. Whether this is true or not depends on the evidence, the facts, and what is behind the motivation and intention of the parties.

Usually in relationships we're just mirroring the same life lessons. What we call "Toxic", "Dysfunctional", and "Bad", we can all choose to be and act at the right time in various situations.

Communication skills need to be worked on. If you can communicate effectively, listen effectively, be objective, not take things to heart, and make it personal about you, it makes it easier. When you assume, conclude, and project what you believe or think, it may not always be accurate. This is where you bring clarification. "What did you mean by this comment?" Expand the conversation. Be open minded versus closed minded.
 

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