Cold emaling(ish) for a combined business venture

[alexkuzmov]

Hey forum,

so I was in the middle of writing an email which could have potentially very positive consequences for my SaaS business, or none at all.
Long story short I got the contacts (no phone) of the director of a company with which I really would like to do business.
If we strike a deal, both our clients and companies will benefit greatly.
The deal itself would be a integration between our systems.
To my knowledge, they dont have that option (the integration option) at the moment, so some software must be written on their side as well to make this possible.

The problem.
I suck at this sort of thing and I want (need) to get better.
I`m afraid that I`ll mess up the communication and wont be able to convince them to work together, because they already have their business model and we have ours, but if we combine our efforts we can offer a unique service to the market (unique in my country anyway).
More importantly, we have a nice thick barier to entry so what we can offer them in a month, they`ll have to spend 2-3 years to develop on their own.

How do email the director and not get shutdown?
How do I obtain more contacts, and a meeting?
How do I communicate the benefits of what I`m proposing in a way that will convince them to work together?

Any advice, resources or links are greatly appreciated.

 

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[Tiago]

Subject: Hey

Hey (name),

I've heard really good stuff about the work you do (personalize the message).

There's an opportunity I see in your business. I've done my research, and you don't have (the integration option) at the moment, so some software must be written on their side as well to make this possible.

If we combine our efforts, we can offer a unique service to the market. Since we also have a strong barrier of entry in this market, instead of taking 2-3 years to develop this, we could launch in a month.

We are not competitive in any way and we both help (industry). If I'm right, it should be worth a meaningful windfall of profit to your company in the high-five to six figures. I tend to be conservative. (Adjust to what it would be in this case. Or a cost-saving of X dollars)

Again, if my premise is correct, it should be sustainable for years to come. If I'm wrong, it would be evident to us very quickly and with almost no energy expended on your part.

Would you be up for a chat for us to more fully discuss this idea? I'll explain my idea to you, and all it entails - plus why the probability of payoff I'm projecting is quite realistic and conservative.

Would this be valuable to you?



EDIT: Don't worry about blowing this up. Count with the fact that you might, and very probably will, receive a NO. But a no is just the beginning of a conversation. There are many ways you can keep trying if in fact, you receive a rejection here.

 

[alexkuzmov]

Subject: Hey

Hey (name),

I've heard really good stuff about the work you do (personalize the message).

There's an opportunity I see in your business. I've done my research, and you don't have (the integration option) at the moment, so some software must be written on their side as well to make this possible.

If we combine our efforts, we can offer a unique service to the market. Since we also have a strong barrier of entry in this market, instead of taking 2-3 years to develop this, we could launch in a month.

We are not competitive in any way and we both help (industry). If I'm right, it should be worth a meaningful windfall of profit to your company in the high-five to six figures. I tend to be conservative. (Adjust to what it would be in this case. Or a cost-saving of X dollars)

Again, if my premise is correct, it should be sustainable for years to come. If I'm wrong, it would be evident to us very quickly and with almost no energy expended on your part.

Would you be up for a chat for us to more fully discuss this idea? I'll explain my idea to you, and all it entails - plus why the probability of payoff I'm projecting is quite realistic and conservative.

Would this be valuable to you?



EDIT: Don't worry about blowing this up. Count with the fact that you might, and very probably will, receive a NO. But a no is just the beginning of a conversation. There are many ways you can keep trying if in fact, you receive a rejection here.

Any resources or links to read?

 

[Speed112]

Any resources or links to read?

If you're interested about email in general, I recommend Daniel Levis.

The email Tiago wrote is plenty fine. You should know that it doesn't have to be perfect. It needs to be personal and honest, and to clearly communicate value. That's it.

But one thing people miss about "cold emails" is that they're not actually that cold.

Sure people go for the numbers game of just mass emailing thousands of prospects to get several leads, but in a small niche you don't have that luxury. What you should do instead is build rapport first.

You need multiple interactions with the prospect to build familiarity and trust before they're ready to engage and potentially strike a deal. If you just jump on them with an offer they'll discard you just as fast as all the Indian SEO companies spamming them with their "exclusive services".

Most of my copywriting clients I get through cold email actually. Once I pinpoint a target and decide we'll be working together it's usually about a 50% chance that we actually do. But it's almost never on the first email.

Another thing people get wrong is that they give up too soon.

They send one email. They send a follow-up to make sure. Then they move on to the next person/list. No... you've got to persevere, but in a way that provides value. Imagine that the other person is your friend and you're just keeping in touch. Send them an article they might find interesting. Let them know of an opportunity they might find valuable in their niche. Congratulate them for their recent accomplishments. Whatever.

The 7 touches principle applies through email as well.

But what I recommend is using multiple channels. If you know who the prospect is, find them on LinkedIn. Connect with them. Comment on their posts. Maybe if they have a blog you can comment on there. Do they have a Twitter? An Instagram? Have them see you, your expertise, the value you create...

And your chance of success will skyrocket.

Alternatively, if you can engage with someone they know and trust already, like a colleague, you can piggyback on their trust a bit and quicken the process.

A line such as "Hey, X! Mark from Accounting told me you'd be interested in new ways of growing your business. I've got a really cool opportunity that could bring great RoI in just a few months." could make them less skeptical of the value proposition and make them more interested to chat.

In any case... you miss every shot you don't take, so go ahead and try at least

You'll learn along the way.

 

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[Itizn]

I'm better at calls than email.
But one sales guys on youtube who is very good at cold email is Alex Berman. Maybe check his stutf.

Having a captivating but general subject line is half the battle.

First line is usually a compliment or has to do with them/their company.

Case study in the body.

Suggest a meeting at the end.

That's the gist from what I've looked at.

 

[Tiago]

All the knowledge here in the thread is plenty to get you started. @Speed112 made some very good points.

One thing I might add is that my CTA is always a soft ask. I prefer using cold email to start a conversation, not go straight into "let's book a call", hence the end "would that be valuable?".

I want to keep receiving small YESes, and my only goal in a cold email is to start a conversation, not sell in the first email.

I get 42% reply rate on my cold emails, and having a soft ask has served me well.

 

[poseidn]

Expect sub 1% meeting book rates. Reply rates are worthless. Appt book rate or lead acquisition rate ('hey here's my number give me a call') is more important.

I see a lot of people doing first line compliments personalized to the lead now because of a course of some guy on twitter (ripped alex bermans free youtube stuff lol).

They then talk about 20% reply rates on their course pages while 99% of those 20% are people saying not interested (you'll get loads of not interested when sending personalized compliments because they can tell its not a mass mail - 'hey this guy isnt like all the other spammers in my inbox. Ill let him know im not interested to not leave him hanging incase he is waiting on my response')

Even with a strong, unique offer, world-class copy in a unsaturated, virgin niche, you still won't hit even close to say 20% appt booking rates at scale. Not even with 100% personalized email. Nor video outreach.

I have nothing to add on the technical side of things, just setting your expectations

 

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[Tiago]

@poseidn not sure I agree on this.

Yes, definitely be aware that you're going to receive a lot of nos and people not replying. But sub 1% appointment rates?

My idea is to do the opposite: set high expectations.

Not on the results you're going to get, but on what you're striving towards.

My emails currently have a 42% reply, 20% interested, 10% booked appointment, 2.6% purchase rate.

And I want this to get higher.

I am also not selling something cheap. It's 5-figures, and the people I'm talking to run businesses between 7-9 figures annually.

 

[poseidn]

@poseidn not sure I agree on this.

Yes, definitely be aware that you're going to receive a lot of nos and people not replying. But sub 1% appointment rates?

My idea is to do the opposite: set high expectations.

Not on the results you're going to get, but on what you're striving towards.

My emails currently have a 42% reply, 20% interested, 10% booked appointment, 2.6% purchase rate.

And I want this to get higher.

I am also not selling something cheap. It's 5-figures, and the people I'm talking to run businesses between 7-9 figures annually.

How many industries/niches have you sent cold-emails in?

I've done a lot and I can say a 2.6% purchase rate is crazy. Now i'm not saying you don't get that because im sure you do but there's factors at play we don't see.

If you sell something for 5 figs and get a 2.6% purchase rate, all you need to do is hire a business development rep to send customized emails for you all day (going by your email copy which is personalized via first line only they will be able to send 50 emails a day, 250/wk)

250 @ 2.6% purchase % = 25 appts a week, 5 a day, you close 7 pieces of 5 figure business every week just from cold-email from 1 rep (obviously we are assuming instant deal cycles just for the sake of the argument)

If that is 100% accurate then you're onto a big winner and you need to double down on that and scale that out

But for most people they will not have a winner like that.

If you can get 1% meeting book rates from cold-email you can reliably book a good # of appts per month and consistently bring in a few pieces of new biz a month, that's a good standard imo. Alongside a strong teleprospecting strategy and you've got a good plan

 

[Speed112]

How many industries/niches have you sent cold-emails in?

I've done a lot and I can say a 2.6% purchase rate is crazy. Now i'm not saying you don't get that because im sure you do but there's factors at play we don't see.

If you sell something for 5 figs and get a 2.6% purchase rate, all you need to do is hire a business development rep to send customized emails for you all day (going by your email copy which is personalized via first line only they will be able to send 50 emails a day, 250/wk)

250 @ 2.6% purchase % = 25 appts a week, 5 a day, you close 7 pieces of 5 figure business every week just from cold-email from 1 rep (obviously we are assuming instant deal cycles just for the sake of the argument)

If that is 100% accurate then you're onto a big winner and you need to double down on that and scale that out

But for most people they will not have a winner like that.

I've done quite a bit of cold email and those numbers aren't necessarily exceptional... the issue is scale.

The biggest success factor for these emails isn't really the email itself or the niche. It's who the prospect is. And how much they trust you to solve their problems. If their pains aren't burning and the trust isn't there, then they simply won't buy.

So if you just buy cold lists from some guy and reach out to it blind, I'd be surprised if you even got 1% conversions (Data Monetization people would all be billionaires if they could do that).

But if you're sourcing the right prospects who are in need of your solution, numbers can get really high.

I worked with a company once that brokered some particular deals in the tech industry (mostly for start-ups) and their numbers were insane: 87% openrate, 46% replyrate, 34% booking rate, 27% final conversion rate. They had just one email and it wasn't even personalized. It didn't even properly address the pains of the prospects. They didn't even follow up with them! I was tasked to upgrade their emails, so I wrote a sequence of 3 emails that actually addressed the prospect's pains and I increased conversions by a whopping... 5% (as in 28.5% vs 27) xD

What is their secret? Sourcing. They had 8 people working full-time digging for prospects. Getting contacts from industry INSIDERS. Stalking events and collecting hot leads. The 8 people would bring in 25-30 prospects per week. Total.

So the issue, as I've already stated, is scale. Had they used lower quality data and colder prospects for their "cold" email, and scaled up their efforts from 100 people a month to 1000, I seriously doubt they could maintain those crazy numbers.

That's why I never judge random result numbers as a benchmark. You don't know why those numbers are the way they are. The only results you can honestly understand are your own, and your only solid bet is to improve those.

If I had a 2.6% close rate for my personal prospects I'd look for a different way of getting clients, and even 10% would be a failure.

But for a client in a hyper-competitive niche with a high ticket product who's barely scraping 0.1%, an increase to 0.5% would make me godsent.

Numbers are relative.

As long as there is positive RoI, any number is good. And any number can be improved with sufficient investment, but you must always consider opportunity cost and diminishing returns. So my advice (for people just starting) is to not sweat it so much. Just get yourself out there and help others as best you can, and only then worry about numbers.

Setting too low expectations can hold you back. Setting too high expectations can disappoint and demotivate you. If you start from realistic expectations based on actual results, then there's less room for blunders.

 

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[poseidn]

I've done quite a bit of cold email and those numbers aren't necessarily exceptional... the issue is scale.

The biggest success factor for these emails isn't really the email itself or the niche. It's who the prospect is. And how much they trust you to solve their problems. If their pains aren't burning and the trust isn't there, then they simply won't buy.

So if you just buy cold lists from some guy and reach out to it blind, I'd be surprised if you even got 1% conversions (Data Monetization people would all be billionaires if they could do that).

But if you're sourcing the right prospects who are in need of your solution, numbers can get really high.

I worked with a company once that brokered some particular deals in the tech industry (mostly for start-ups) and their numbers were insane: 87% openrate, 46% replyrate, 34% booking rate, 27% final conversion rate. They had just one email and it wasn't even personalized. It didn't even properly address the pains of the prospects. They didn't even follow up with them! I was tasked to upgrade their emails, so I wrote a sequence of 3 emails that actually addressed the prospect's pains and I increased conversions by a whopping... 5% (as in 28.5% vs 27) xD

What is their secret? Sourcing. They had 8 people working full-time digging for prospects. Getting contacts from industry INSIDERS. Stalking events and collecting hot leads. The 8 people would bring in 25-30 prospects per week. Total.

So the issue, as I've already stated, is scale. Had they used lower quality data and colder prospects for their "cold" email, and scaled up their efforts from 100 people a month to 1000, I seriously doubt they could maintain those crazy numbers.

That's why I never judge random result numbers as a benchmark. You don't know why those numbers are the way they are. The only results you can honestly understand are your own, and your only solid bet is to improve those.

If I had a 2.6% close rate for my personal prospects I'd look for a different way of getting clients, and even 10% would be a failure.

But for a client in a hyper-competitive niche with a high ticket product who's barely scraping 0.1%, an increase to 0.5% would make me godsent.

Numbers are relative.

As long as there is positive RoI, any number is good. And any number can be improved with sufficient investment, but you must always consider opportunity cost and diminishing returns. So my advice (for people just starting) is to not sweat it so much. Just get yourself out there and help others as best you can, and only then worry about numbers.

Setting too low expectations can hold you back. Setting too high expectations can disappoint and demotivate you. If you start from realistic expectations based on actual results, then there's less room for blunders.

yep if you're list is tiny and your offer is the perfect solution to their problem then you can have good numbers but again, that isn't what your average person/use-case is going to be relevant for.

These are again, outlandish examples, but not the norm. They have 8 employees just finding prospect data lol. Definitely not a good example for OP to draw from

I can reference zuckerberg creating facebook as an example of starting a company (billion within short time) but 80% of people fail before they even get to a dollar of revenue..

Listen, i'm not saying you can't get these stats, because you can, but its NOT the norm. Which was the point of my original comment. My main quote in my original comment: "you still won't hit even close to say 20% appt booking rates at scale", which is completely true. Keyword 'scale'

2 people telling OP about 30% meeting book rates is going to suck for him when he sends 100 and doesn't get a single response lol.

I saw the same type of stats when i started working in sales, saw people talking about 25% phone pickup rates and turning 50% of the connected calls into appointments then closing 20% of appointments. Got super excited, thougt i would be making $30k a month my first month...

For me and my office it was more like 3% pickup rate, 20-30% calls->appt, 5% appt->close. Yet people always talk about the great stats, the best stats they've achieved, when reality it is often not like it

If you cherry pick your stats, you'll obviously have these great numbers. I'm sure i could go into my campaigns and find one that had 50% book rates.. But then you find out that was to 10 companies and for that 1 godlike campaign, there were 30 average ones, 20 god awful ones

Also when i talked about close rates in my prior comment i was not talking about appt->close ratio, i was talking about email sent -> close.. If you're closing 10% of your emails sent into clients you're a beast. Guarantee it doesn't happen at scale.

You are 100% correct in what you say about scale, those conversion rates could pop up in specific campaigns to specific niched down segments of the market, but when you change your targeting (because you've ran out of people to target becuase your list is so small) you won't hit those same numbers.

I think that this super researched, lengthy cold email process destroys the whole point of cold email.. If i'm going to go through all that effort to write a cold-email, why don't i just not be a pussy and pick up the phone and call them?

If you've got such a small, researched list why bother emailing? Just call them...

If they don't pick up after weeks of calling, then use email and linkedin

Wasting all this time writing up these long researched emails with fake compliments at the start is beyond me. Just pick up the phone???

 

[poseidn]

So my advice (for people just starting) is to not sweat it so much. Just get yourself out there and help others as best you can, and only then worry about numbers.

this is the most important part for anyone (like OP) looking to cold-email..

Just start sending shit. See what works. Don't get hung up on the numbers. 1% appt rate there? Great. 10%? Fantastic! 0.1%? Etc etc

Biggest thing i've learned in this game so far is to ignore what people say you should be doing and just try it yourself and see if it works. Write some short emails. Some longer ones. Personalized first line, some 100% personalized. See what works. Then adjust. Repeat

 

[Speed112]

this is the most important part for anyone (like OP) looking to cold-email..

Just start sending shit. See what works. Don't get hung up on the numbers. 1% appt rate there? Great. 10%? Fantastic! 0.1%? Etc etc

Biggest thing i've learned in this game so far is to ignore what people say you should be doing and just try it yourself and see if it works. Write some short emails. Some longer ones. Personalized first line, some 100% personalized. See what works. Then adjust. Repeat

Yeah I agree entirely.

Actual cold emails are 100% about scale. The point of them is getting results with the ginormous raw lists that you have to verify and curate with minimal effort outside of the list itself. It's impossible to get great numbers with that method, and the numbers you do get depend entirely on what your value proposition is.

In this particular case, though, there isn't a 10k name list with the goal of 10 sales. It's 1 lead with 1 point of contact and the goal of maximizing the success of this particular opportunity.

So I don't think general cold email advice is apt here, and focusing more on being genuine and warming up to the prospect is more likely to reach the intended goal: striking that one deal. That's why what I'm trying to accomplish is to dispel this fear of initiating contact @alexkuzmov seems to have.

You miss every shot you don't take.

Researching email marketing for 3 months before initiating contact will do nothing but delay your efforts by 3 months. Your chance of success will only marginally improve. But if you're stuck in info-hogging mode forever, your chance of success is 0.

Anyway, good luck and hope the deal turns into something great

 

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[Tiago]

All fantastic suggestions here @alexkuzmov, what are you going to do with it/have you done about it?

@poseidn - totally agree, just start sending and tweak from there.

@Speed112 - you just gave me an insight with the story about the tech deal broker. They had 8 people full-time sourcing leads. That's also the majority of my time spent, I research a LOT and send maybe a few emails a day. I'll expand my team with people who can help with that research part. Appreciate it.

 

[alexkuzmov]

All fantastic suggestions here @alexkuzmov, what are you going to do with it/have you done about it?

@poseidn - totally agree, just start sending and tweak from there.

@Speed112 - you just gave me an insight with the story about the tech deal broker. They had 8 people full-time sourcing leads. That's also the majority of my time spent, I research a LOT and send maybe a few emails a day. I'll expand my team with people who can help with that research part. Appreciate it.

I`ve read them, but I`ll let the info sit for lets say 1-2 days before I send the email.
I like to "sleep" on things sometimes when I`m not sure exactly what to do.

 

[alexkuzmov]

Aaaalright... so I sent it.
I wasnt satisfied with writing it blind so I went digging around for information, interviews, podcasts and stuff where the person I want to contact is speaking.
And boy did I find a lot, which was very lucky!!!
I`m really proud of the message I wrote having researched who the person is, how he speaks, what is exciting to them etc.
It was short and sweet, right to the point, the value which I`ll provide will be obivous to them.

I think I have the best chance at a response now.
Maybe even a phone call since I gave my phone as well.
Fingers crossed!

 

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[alexkuzmov]

OK, so good news, I got a response.
We exchanged a few emails.

I got an overall rejection, which I kind of expected, but not exactly.
My initial proposal was turned down because the clients which I proposed we can target, werent willing to sell online. Not yet anyway, he said that he`ll have us in mind for the future.
Then I proposed we target others, and I listed reasons of what we can make easier for them, but he said that they give out devices to their clients and that they have a closed loop of relations.

It sounds to me that they want to eventually monopolize the market.
Sounds like they want to handle the e-commerce, the logistics, the marketing/branding for the clients and whatever else under the umbrella of their company.
My guess is that they are not looking for partnerships.
Moreover, they have a very large company behind them and even though they are working at a loss for now, they are betting on their future plans to encompass the whole market.

I think the game that they are playing is beyond me for now.
Also, I think that they have a flaw in their business model, trying to do so many different services at the same time.

I`m curious what the forums thinks, and I can elaborate on the things I`ve said.

 

[Speed112]

It sounds to me that they want to eventually monopolize the market.
Sounds like they want to handle the e-commerce, the logistics, the marketing/branding for the clients and whatever else under the umbrella of their company.

Verticalizing a business makes sense, and if they're operating at a loss with that in mind, there's probably some serious planning involved...

Outside proposals may be hard to incorporate into such a plan. May require salesmanship directed at the right people who can influence these decisions.

It's good that you got a clear response and initiated discussions. Your proposal may not be in line with their long-term strategy and there's not much you can do about that. But another issue may be trust.

There is a chance they would want to work with you on this if they have the option to buy you out later, or if there's some way they maintain control over the operations... so the reluctance to partner with people can be avoided.

Nobody can monopolize any market without serious regulatory intervention.

Maybe you can take this and go to a competitor?

Regardless, great job on getting things done

I hope it was a great first experience and you can continue hammering the anvil until you get positive results.

 

[poseidn]

OK, so good news, I got a response.
We exchanged a few emails.

I got an overall rejection, which I kind of expected, but not exactly.
My initial proposal was turned down because the clients which I proposed we can target, werent willing to sell online. Not yet anyway, he said that he`ll have us in mind for the future.
Then I proposed we target others, and I listed reasons of what we can make easier for them, but he said that they give out devices to their clients and that they have a closed loop of relations.

It sounds to me that they want to eventually monopolize the market.
Sounds like they want to handle the e-commerce, the logistics, the marketing/branding for the clients and whatever else under the umbrella of their company.
My guess is that they are not looking for partnerships.
Moreover, they have a very large company behind them and even though they are working at a loss for now, they are betting on their future plans to encompass the whole market.

I think the game that they are playing is beyond me for now.
Also, I think that they have a flaw in their business model, trying to do so many different services at the same time.

I`m curious what the forums thinks, and I can elaborate on the things I`ve said.

onto the next. sounds like a soft-rejection from the limited info i can see

 

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[Tiago]

OK, so good news, I got a response.
We exchanged a few emails.

I got an overall rejection, which I kind of expected, but not exactly.
My initial proposal was turned down because the clients which I proposed we can target, werent willing to sell online. Not yet anyway, he said that he`ll have us in mind for the future.
Then I proposed we target others, and I listed reasons of what we can make easier for them, but he said that they give out devices to their clients and that they have a closed loop of relations.

It sounds to me that they want to eventually monopolize the market.
Sounds like they want to handle the e-commerce, the logistics, the marketing/branding for the clients and whatever else under the umbrella of their company.
My guess is that they are not looking for partnerships.
Moreover, they have a very large company behind them and even though they are working at a loss for now, they are betting on their future plans to encompass the whole market.

I think the game that they are playing is beyond me for now.
Also, I think that they have a flaw in their business model, trying to do so many different services at the same time.

I`m curious what the forums thinks, and I can elaborate on the things I`ve said.

Great action!

My suggestion would be to get on a call. There's only so much an email can accomplish.

In your text there are many "guesses", "bets" etc... Maybe they are right, maybe they aren't.

You could get on a call, ask all of these questions from a genuine standpoint of trying to understand where they're at, so you can see if you can add value or not. You can get new information on that call that could provide to be useful.

It could very well be that they don't want a partnership, but I wouldn't close that door based on an assumption.

 

[poseidn]

i'm gonna give you some contrarian advice

this thread has been up for 15 days

you took 15 days to cold-email someone and get a reply...

you need to move faster. This could've been done in 30 mins if you called through to him through their reception or 24hrs max if you sent an email from the get go

Move. Faster.

Life is short

 

[Speed112]

i'm gonna give you some contrarian advice

I wouldn't say that's contrarian... This is the FASTlane forum after all

 

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[alexkuzmov]

i'm gonna give you some contrarian advice

this thread has been up for 15 days

you took 15 days to cold-email someone and get a reply...

you need to move faster. This could've been done in 30 mins if you called through to him through their reception or 24hrs max if you sent an email from the get go

Move. Faster.

Life is short

I had only an email, no phone.
I tried to find a phone offcourse, just couldnt.
The chance that he would see the email was slim, so had to make it count.

 

[Itizn]

can you share the email? and remove the sensitive information?

can get better feedback that way.

 

[alexkuzmov]

can you share the email? and remove the sensitive information?

can get better feedback that way.

Its in Bulgarian, but I can translate it tomorrow

 

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[alexkuzmov]

can you share the email? and remove the sensitive information?

can get better feedback that way.

I couldnt find time these few days, a bit hectic, but here it is.
I`ve left out irrelevant info, technical stuff, names, service descriptions and so on.
This was the first email which I got a response to:

--------------------------------------------
Hey [name],

I just watched you interview [interview name] on [recent podcast] and got alot of ideas from it.

What made the biggest impression to me in the interview was the problem you had with [description of the logistics problem with some of their clients].

I can offer you an immediate solution.
Me and my colleagues are working on [quick intro and a link to our platform].
[Longer description of the relevant to their problem services we provide]
What we can offer is multiple domains for the clients which will solve the logistics problem you are having.
In other words, if there is a company which has multiple [specific stores] in different cities, all they have to do is add in all their data once in our platform, then register the required number of domains and point them all to our name servers.
After that, our system will handle the rest.

If we can integrate our service with your logistics, we can solve this problem within a week.
If for example you have an API, some software or something else we can use to connect to.

Aside from that we have the option to enter data in multiple languages, 12 to be exact, so there is no reason why we cant immediatlly offer this service to all EU countries given that you have the logistics already in place in some of them.
We have other services as well [short list of services which I though might be worht mentioning]

Our goal is to [short sentence about what we want to acheive with this partnering]

I would be happy if we can have a short conversation: [my mobile number]

Best Regards,
[my name and contact info]

 

[Itizn]

My main suggestion would have been to trim it down a bit. I'm aware some lengthy cold emails can work, but making it too wordy is risky.

Also,try and reconstruct some of the "I" and "my" sentences with "you" or "your". People tend to respond better if they feel the email is all about them.

The fact you got a response means you were at least speaking the guys language.

In summary, next time I'd say aim to:

-condense your message,
- show you can help or be of value, but without being overtly detailed
- suggest scheduling a call

Thanks for sharing

 

[alexkuzmov]

My main suggestion would have been to trim it down a bit. I'm aware some lengthy cold emails can work, but making it too wordy is risky.

Also,try and reconstruct some of the "I" and "my" sentences with "you" or "your". People tend to respond better if they feel the email is all about them.

The fact you got a response means you were at least speaking the guys language.

In summary, next time I'd say aim to:

-condense your message,
- show you can help or be of value, but without being overtly detailed
- suggest scheduling a call

Thanks for sharing

Thank you for your suggestions!
I'll call tuesday or wednesday, I have his phone now.
At least I'll know for sure if they want to partner or not.
If not, oh well ...
I cant really do anything about logistics at the moment so will look for other options.

 

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