The Roadmap To Beating Overwhelm

[Imgal]

Note: Wrote this for a client wanting to move forward with their business, but getting stuck in Overwhelm quicksand. Thought I'd throw it up as been hearing lot of overwhelm statements on threads in the last few days.

You feel like you’re not moving anywhere. I totally get that. I’ve spent months where it’s felt like I’ve been standing on a walking escalator going nowhere fast, but being too scared to stop completely for fear I’m just going to end up right back where I started again with nothing to show for it

And that overwhelm and inner turmoil you’re feeling right now. Every entrepreneur has felt it. You’ll try to attach it to not being good enough, not knowing enough, being out of your depth. The truth is that it’s none of those.

The Entrepreneurial "Winging It" Road Trip

Let’s for a minute think about the entrepreneurial journey you’re taking as an actual journey. You know you want to end up at SUCCESSVILLE. Admittedly you actually have no idea where it is, but you know it sounds like a fun place to go so hey let’s just wing this thing! Purely by luck you get a fair distance (or in my case many times I’ve only got as far as the end of the road) and then you hit that inevitable fork in the road.... and have absolutely no idea how to move forward. Cue panic eyes, big gulps and stomach doing somersaults as you exit your car and frantically start looking around for directions, flagging down anyone and everyone who passes by.

Everyone you ask tries to be helpful, but no-one really seems to understand where you're trying to go as you can’t really explain what it is or where this destination is. Hours go by. Tired from walking aimlessly round in circles you end up slumped by the road, sweaty, hungry and covered with cuts and bruises from tripping from trying to catch up to people who were really only mirages in your own mind. Sighing to yourself, you decide this is all proof you weren’t meant to get to SUCCESSVILLE. Hell now you’re no longer even sure where your car is to get back to where you started. SUCCESSVILLE might well be awesome, but if this is what it's going to take, well you’re fine settling with Bland Old SAMEVILLE.

The whole thing sounds beyond horrific. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but the reality is this is what you’re doing to yourself and you are your own worst enemy. The truth is if you’d just pulled out your Sat Nav, plugged in the end location of SUCCESSVILLE and a couple of pit stops to GETTINGTHEREVILLE and OHSOCLOSEVILLE you wouldn’t be at the side of an unknown road tearing your hair out. You would be in your car, flying along the road doing a rather out of tune, but at the same time very commendable attempt at a duet with the latest track on the radio. It would be one epic road trip that got all the sweeter as you hit each pit stop and recognise how far you’d come and how close SUCCESSVILLE is.

Just Get Yourself A Map And Sat Nav Aleady...

The story of achieving success in your life and business isn’t any different. If you want to succeed then you have to stop with these dreamy scenarios of everything will just be alright and click into place. REALITY ALERT. It won’t. This isn’t a Disney movie. This is real life.

If you want to get somewhere with what you’re doing then you''ve got to start helping yourself out. You need to make sure you know what that end destination is and the checkpoints you have to reach along the way to indicate you haven’t got distracted by a shiny thing and gone off wildly off-course.

But what about the obstacles that turn up along the way? The ones you can't plan for? Well If you’re just wishfully moving through life hoping you’re going to get to the unknown Disney dream destination then here's what will happen. Every obstacle that pops up is going to trip you up and give you a bloody nose and when you finally are able to get back up and ask for help, you're in for a painful surprise. Your decision to just do this make it up as you go along thing means you've ended up miles off course in a country. Now you're in a place where they don't speak your language and have no idea what this place is you're talking of... and your mad game of Charades to try and explain is ending up leaving you as at much of a loss as them.

Contrast that to the you that is growing stronger, more driven and motivated each day. You, the one who has got this thing… and more importantly a road map that tells you to reach your destination you'll need first to get from A to B to C.

But what about the obstacles? Am I telling you having a roadmap means everything is going to be easy. No. You are still going to hit them. I don't deny when you notice a whacking great obstacle has suddenly appeared between B and C you might have a momentary gulp and slight sweat. The difference is now you know where you’re meant to be going, and it’s not going to take long for you to figure out the detour to get around it. Remember those locals who were useless up above? Well on this trip it's quite a different story. When you stop and tell people that you've been trying to get from A to C, but you're having trouble navigating round B.. Something will happen People excited by your passion and determination to reach C are more than willing to jump in and help when you look like you need a helping hand. In act you're going to find that a few who have take the road trip before are more than happy to jump in their cars and let you follow them along the route only the experts know about.

At the end of the day,the only thing that will prevent you from getting to your end destination is you. Those without a plan will always return home with war stories of how they fought, but the obstacles were stacked against them. Those with one will find the way despite everything that is thrown in their way. If you want this, you've got this.

 

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[sija1]

And that overwhelm and inner turmoil you’re feeling right now.

What are the best ways to calm the mind? Besides meditation, is there anything else that could help?

 

[Imgal]

What are the best ways to calm the mind? Besides meditation, is there anything else that could help?

Away from meditation, two things have worked for me to calm the mind. The first is to just talk to someone (preferably someone you trust and will let you just verbally throw up all over them) or free writing. Both are doing basically the same thing - getting what's messing you up in your head out there. Often when you do that you will find that the power of a limiting statement suddenly loses it's power. Our brains really don't like change so will latch onto statements to keep us in a certain place in our lives. While being replayed time and time again to reinforce this in our head they can gain great power over us. Say them out loud or even get down on a piece of paper and very quickly it becomes obviously they are simply words... and words that could be replaced with something else.

Personally I always go for the free writing angle first. i set the timer for 5 minutes and just let rip and keep writing and writing. Once done you'll discover a weird thing. When these thoughts were in your head, all your brain would is try and reinforce the liming thoughts, but when they're out and it reads them like a third party it suddenly gets very wise.

 

[sija1]

Away from meditation, two things have worked for me to calm the mind. The first is to just talk to someone (preferably someone you trust and will let you just verbally throw up all over them) or free writing. Both are doing basically the same thing - getting what's messing you up in your head out there. Often when you do that you will find that the power of a limiting statement suddenly loses it's power. Our brains really don't like change so will latch onto statements to keep us in a certain place in our lives. While being replayed time and time again to reinforce this in our head they can gain great power over us. Say them out loud or even get down on a piece of paper and very quickly it becomes obviously they are simply words... and words that could be replaced with something else.

Personally I always go for the free writing angle first. i set the timer for 5 minutes and just let rip and keep writing and writing. Once done you'll discover a weird thing. When these thoughts were in your head, all your brain would is try and reinforce the liming thoughts, but when they're out and it reads them like a third party it suddenly gets very wise.

I will try this, thank you. I don't know if there is a limiting belief (probably) or what it is, I just feel too much pressure, there are thousands and thousands different thoughts. With some additional personal problems, things that didn't go the way as expected + entrepreneurship + family and work stuff related, I feel that there are just too many things to deal with and process, I just need a quiet mind to concentrate on one thing at a time. It's out of control.

 

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[Imgal]

I will try this, thank you. I don't know if there is a limiting belief (probably) or what it is, I just feel too much pressure, there are thousands and thousands different thoughts. With some additional personal problems, things that didn't go the way as expected + entrepreneurship + family and work stuff related, I feel that there are just too many things to deal with and process, I just need a quiet mind to concentrate on one thing at a time. It's out of control.

I can totally connect with this and having felt the strain of feeling everything is bearing down upon you I really do feel for you @sija1

Saying you should try this, that or the other is always more easy to say (or write in this case) than it actually is to do in practice. Maybe in this case free writing or talking isn't what you need. I'd suggest if you are having a thousand and one thoughts going around in your head when trying to focus on one thing then it's because you're not fully committed to it.

I know that statement sounds harsh, but let me try and put it into a bit of context. I've talked a few times on the forum about having lost a load of money on a failed venture. (Actually it wasn't the venture that failed, it was me for not paying enough attention and doing enough research etc). After that happened I am embarrassed to say I spent about two months trying to get going again, but I couldn't. All I could focus on was that I had no money in the bank and kept replaying in my head every thing anyone had ever told me about not being good enough etc.. and days would go by and all I'd basically done is a load of busy work that amounted to nothing.

Then it got serious. I wasn't doing anything so I wasn't earning anything. i had bills to pay and I had no money to pay them. if I didn't I'd have no business, I wouldn't be able to pay to live where I was living. I was truly F*cked.... and just as it did an opportunity for some consulting came along. It was rubbish money and was probably worse than 101 I'd be offered while doing "busy work", but rejected because they weren't my "ideal client". In translation: I felt like a failure. I was obviously going to fail at anything i did so let's just not.

Right at this point though I didn't have the option to think or to question. I needed this money so within 1 hour of getting the email I was signed up and working... and you couldn't have seen a more focused soul. I needed this job. I needed the money. I didn't have the luxury of dwelling or pondering for hours on what had gone wrong. This had to be done right because I had to have the money to survive. It was actually exactly the same as I feel when rock climbing. When you're hanging off the edge of a rock trying to figure out how the hell you're going to swing up to that next handhold and not fall and die.. believe me you're not thinking about the 20,000 other things you should have done

I'm not suggesting that you get rid of all your money, but I would suggest creating some urgency around the areas you need to move forward with and be wiling to just let some go for the time being. You are awesome @sija1 but you can't do everything. Prioritise what is really important right now (that's not what you want to do most, it's what you need to do most...) and start work on those. Create urgency by making yourself sit down for 30 minutes and get a game plan written down for it and don't let yourself off the hook. If you can't trust yourself to stick to it then get an accountability partner who will force you too.

I know you've got this @sija1 and if you want to jump on a Skype chat to talk it all through and see we can't push through some of those hurdles for you, i'm totally up for it!

 

[sija1]

Dear @Imgal, you said so much great things and I just can't reply without going part by part:

I can totally connect with this and having felt the strain of feeling everything is bearing down upon you I really do feel for you @sija1

It's like I am pushing a mountain and asking: should I keep pushing it? Or take a step back and then take two forward? Or hit my head against it? Or just leave it there?

Saying you should try this, that or the other is always more easy to say (or write in this case) than it actually is to do in practice. Maybe in this case free writing or talking isn't what you need. I'd suggest if you are having a thousand and one thoughts going around in your head when trying to focus on one thing then it's because you're not fully committed to it.

I can commit myself to do. It was going great with app development and learning. Ideas were there, the development started, each time I would hit a knowledge gap, I would search for a solution on the Internet, then proceed. I was able to block everything and focus on one thing, but I think it only made it worse. I would go to sleep and then it would all come to me. I'm used to not sleeping much, but now I am hardly sleeping at all. I became too tired to think properly and exercise willpower, and when I go to sleep there are too many thoughts that won't let me sleep properly (or at all). I am used to hitting roadblocks everywhere, however this time it's taking control over me and I am not going to let it. Regaining some normal sleep will help, I am trying to meditate and it helps just a little bit because I am still learning to quiet my mind. That's why I asked if there was anything else.

I know that statement sounds harsh, but let me try and put it into a bit of context. I've talked a few times on the forum about having lost a load of money on a failed venture. (Actually it wasn't the venture that failed, it was me for not paying enough attention and doing enough research etc). After that happened I am embarrassed to say I spent about two months trying to get going again, but I couldn't. All I could focus on was that I had no money in the bank and kept replaying in my head every thing anyone had ever told me about not being good enough etc.. and days would go by and all I'd basically done is a load of busy work that amounted to nothing.

Then it got serious. I wasn't doing anything so I wasn't earning anything. i had bills to pay and I had no money to pay them. if I didn't I'd have no business, I wouldn't be able to pay to live where I was living. I was truly F*cked.... and just as it did an opportunity for some consulting came along. It was rubbish money and was probably worse than 101 I'd be offered while doing "busy work", but rejected because they weren't my "ideal client". In translation: I felt like a failure. I was obviously going to fail at anything i did so let's just not.

Right at this point though I didn't have the option to think or to question. I needed this money so within 1 hour of getting the email I was signed up and working... and you couldn't have seen a more focused soul. I needed this job. I needed the money. I didn't have the luxury of dwelling or pondering for hours on what had gone wrong. This had to be done right because I had to have the money to survive. It was actually exactly the same as I feel when rock climbing. When you're hanging off the edge of a rock trying to figure out how the hell you're going to swing up to that next handhold and not fall and die.. believe me you're not thinking about the 20,000 other things you should have done

Yeah, the no money part is definitively one of the things I can relate to. Some stupid choices + some really really bad circumstances + a little bit of the unexpected events and here I am, in the mix. Sometimes I ask myself: do I control what I am trying to build (because I know it needs to be right) or it is the inner pressure that is doing the work in it's own way because it would be no good?

I'm not suggesting that you get rid of all your money, but I would suggest creating some urgency around the areas you need to move forward with and be wiling to just let some go for the time being. You are awesome @sija1 but you can't do everything. Prioritise what is really important right now (that's not what you want to do most, it's what you need to do most...) and start work on those. Create urgency by making yourself sit down for 30 minutes and get a game plan written down for it and don't let yourself off the hook. If you can't trust yourself to stick to it then get an accountability partner who will force you too.

That's the tricky part, I need to do everything When I mentioned some unexpected events, I've been looking for a job as a programmer since I finished college. It's been for about 3 months now. I've basically applied everywhere I could find, did cold e-mailing to every company I could find in my city, asked my friends if they knew about some jobs. The main problem is the lack of experience. As someone who just finished college I need to find that one person who will give me a starting chance. I am currently in contact with couple of recruiting agencies but they still have nothing for me. Plus, the economy has took a hit. A lot of people have been laid off lately, especially in the government sector. I hate 9-5 jobs, even when I was 12 years old I use to tell my mom that I never wanted to work because it looked so time consuming and repetitive for nothing. But this is a necessity at the moment. The best thing I have is my job as a cook but the hours can be unstable. I also found a couple of friends who need some websites built/have problems with computers/iPads so it will at least bring me some income for now. Plus I can't stop working on my apps, that would be a huge setback.

I know you've got this @sija1 and if you want to jump on a Skype chat to talk it all through and see we can't push through some of those hurdles for you, i'm totally up for it!

Thank you for your reply, you understand me from a very different perspective than most. I am nowhere near quitting, just in need of some clarity, results or whatever it is (and sleep especially haha). Thank you very much, I'll PM you my Skype.

 

[Imgal]

It's like I am pushing a mountain and asking: should I keep pushing it? Or take a step back and then take two forward? Or hit my head against it? Or just leave it there?

If you're pushing a mountain about I'm not surprised that you're feeling exhausted and drained. I'm going to let you into a secret. You don't need to push that mountain to get where you want to go. You just need to stop, take a breather and find the path that allows you to go up and over it. At the moment you probably are feeling like you're going to get half the way up and then not know what to do.. but fear not. We're going to get you the map that shows you the way. No-one can promise it's going to be a easy route, but knowing what you're meant to see on the way up and what would indicate you've gone off course... well that's going to save you a whole lot of pain.

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/goto/post?id=488015#post-488015

I can commit myself to do. It was going great with app development and learning. Ideas were there, the development started, each time I would hit a knowledge gap, I would search for a solution on the Internet, then proceed. I was able to block everything and focus on one thing, but I think it only made it worse. I would go to sleep and then it would all come to me. I'm used to not sleeping much, but now I am hardly sleeping at all. I became too tired to think properly and exercise willpower, and when I go to sleep there are too many thoughts that won't let me sleep properly (or at all). I am used to hitting roadblocks everywhere, however this time it's taking control over me and I am not going to let it. Regaining some normal sleep will help, I am trying to meditate and it helps just a little bit because I am still learning to quiet my mind. That's why I asked if there was anything else.

There's a thing with entrepreneurs that we think we're not doing it right if we're not working 24/7 to get to where we want to be. I'll be the first to admit I've pulled all-nighters, and there are times when they will be necessary, but the secret of the entrepreneurs who really get it right - balance. It sounds right now like you're exhausted. When we're exhausted our decisions are never good ones, even though they feel like they are because they suddenly feel like all or nothing decisions. @sija1 I give you permission to stop and just let yourself breathe for a little bit. i'm not saying don't try to push forward with everything, but I'm saying just for a week or two, don't do the working till you fall asleep. Create a routine where you go to bed at a normal hour and for an hour before that don't do anything work wise. Play video games, watch a movie, do whatever can grab your attention that isn't work. Your brain is getting a little fried and it needs some time to recharge it's batteries.

Yeah, the no money part is definitively one of the things I can relate to. Some stupid choices + some really really bad circumstances + a little bit of the unexpected events and here I am, in the mix. Sometimes I ask myself: do I control what I am trying to build (because I know it needs to be right) or it is the inner pressure that is doing the work in it's own way because it would be no good?

You are in full control of what you do. Sometimes it might not feel like it, sometimes it might feel like everything is running away from you.... the thing is if you look down you have the reins in your hands. You can stop this thing or make it go faster whenever you like.

That's the tricky part, I need to do everything When I mentioned some unexpected events, I've been looking for a job as a programmer since I finished college. It's been for about 3 months now. I've basically applied everywhere I could find, did cold e-mailing to every company I could find in my city, asked my friends if they knew about some jobs. The main problem is the lack of experience. As someone who just finished college I need to find that one person who will give me a starting chance. I am currently in contact with couple of recruiting agencies but they still have nothing for me. Plus, the economy has took a hit. A lot of people have been laid off lately, especially in the government sector. I hate 9-5 jobs, even when I was 12 years old I use to tell my mom that I never wanted to work because it looked so time consuming and repetitive for nothing. But this is a necessity at the moment. The best thing I have is my job as a cook but the hours can be unstable. I also found a couple of friends who need some websites built/have problems with computers/iPads so it will at least bring me some income for now. Plus I can't stop working on my apps, that would be a huge setback.

No one can say you're not taking action. Kudos to you! Have you looked at doing freelance work online? Sites like Upwork might not be the places you want to be working from for the rest of your life, but they can be a good way to get some experience. I'm definitely not suggesting you work for free, but being more flexible with your prices to start with should help you get some initial work which you can then quickly raise as people see how god you are.

Make sure when you do work for friends that you get them to give you a testimonial Also ask them if they know of anyone else that they could refer you onto. You could also take a look around local businesses and see if there are any issues you can see on their sites that you could help them out with. If it's small things you could do easily, but they have no idea how to do then do it for free. They'll love you for it and if they don't offer you work you can be sure they're going to refer you on to other people.

Thank you for your reply, you understand me from a very different perspective than most. I am nowhere near quitting, just in need of some clarity, results or whatever it is (and sleep especially haha). Thank you very much, I'll PM you my Skype.

Awesome. Looking forward to chatting!

 

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[sija1]

There's a thing with entrepreneurs that we think we're not doing it right if we're not working 24/7 to get to where we want to be. I'll be the first to admit I've pulled all-nighters, and there are times when they will be necessary, but the secret of the entrepreneurs who really get it right - balance. It sounds right now like you're exhausted. When we're exhausted our decisions are never good ones, even though they feel like they are because they suddenly feel like all or nothing decisions. @sija1 I give you permission to stop and just let yourself breathe for a little bit. i'm not saying don't try to push forward with everything, but I'm saying just for a week or two, don't do the working till you fall asleep. Create a routine where you go to bed at a normal hour and for an hour before that don't do anything work wise. Play video games, watch a movie, do whatever can grab your attention that isn't work. Your brain is getting a little fried and it needs some time to recharge it's batteries.

This is true, balance is very important. I know it in theory - I suck at practice. I tend to work on something all day long, if not psychically, then mentally.

No one can say you're not taking action. Kudos to you! Have you looked at doing freelance work online? Sites like Upwork might not be the places you want to be working from for the rest of your life, but they can be a good way to get some experience. I'm definitely not suggesting you work for free, but being more flexible with your prices to start with should help you get some initial work which you can then quickly raise as people see how god you are.

Make sure when you do work for friends that you get them to give you a testimonial Also ask them if they know of anyone else that they could refer you onto. You could also take a look around local businesses and see if there are any issues you can see on their sites that you could help them out with. If it's small things you could do easily, but they have no idea how to do then do it for free. They'll love you for it and if they don't offer you work you can be sure they're going to refer you on to other people.

I was starting to think about it before I reached out to friends in order to see if there was anything they needed. This for business is really a good idea, I really didn't think about them from that perspective!

 

[Delmania]

What are the best ways to calm the mind? Besides meditation, is there anything else that could help?

Are you familiar with the book Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill? While I think you should read it, I want to point out 2 tools the author recommends.

The first is the council of invisible mentors. Basically, you identify 5 people from history you really look up to, and learn as much about their lives and views. Then periodically, you do a mental exercise where imagine you're sitting with them in front of you, and you address them.

The other tool is the master mind group - find a group of people (preferably local) who are trying to enter the fastlane, and meet with them periodically. As a software engineer, you may want to look into the Entreprogrammers podcast for an example.

The best way to calm the mind is get the stuff that's in there out. Writing in a journal is great, but talking it over with someone who is both supportive and willing to challenge you is best.

 

[Imgal]

@Delmania - Awesome suggestions. The council of invisible mentors can be a great one, especially if you're struggling to find strong mentors to connect with. It also doesn't just have to be with those from history, I've known people get as much value from it using those they are admire in the here and now and looking at how they would see things.

 

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[sija1]

Are you familiar with the book Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill? While I think you should read it, I want to point out 2 tools the author recommends.

The first is the council of invisible mentors. Basically, you identify 5 people from history you really look up to, and learn as much about their lives and views. Then periodically, you do a mental exercise where imagine you're sitting with them in front of you, and you address them.

The other tool is the master mind group - find a group of people (preferably local) who are trying to enter the fastlane, and meet with them periodically. As a software engineer, you may want to look into the Entreprogrammers podcast for an example.

The best way to calm the mind is get the stuff that's in there out. Writing in a journal is great, but talking it over with someone who is both supportive and willing to challenge you is best.

This is some excellent stuff! I am familiar with the book, didn't read it. I am going to start reading tonight def. The thing with real mastermind groups - I didn't find any in my city. I am probably the only one from QC City who is even active on this forum. This is one of the reasons I am going to try and join Mensa. I saw on the other thread where you suggested meetup.com. Tried it as well, I am in couple of groups but honestly it was nothing serious. Thank you for your advice.

 

[Yo_Abe]

The path is yours to choose at the folk. Those who care about you can give you some valuable advice but it's ultimately your choice. If you have a definite purpose and burning desire you will choose the right path. Note: the path that you choose is unexplored so there's no set path. You will ultimately grow stronger through your experience though.

Sent from my SM-N920T using Tapatalk

 

[LuxuryAutoGroup]

Thank you for this read!!

 

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[SteveO]

I will try this, thank you. I don't know if there is a limiting belief (probably) or what it is, I just feel too much pressure, there are thousands and thousands different thoughts. With some additional personal problems, things that didn't go the way as expected + entrepreneurship + family and work stuff related, I feel that there are just too many things to deal with and process, I just need a quiet mind to concentrate on one thing at a time. It's out of control.

Well, here is my crazy take on your situation. Quit using your mind to solve the problems.

 

[sija1]

Well, here is my crazy take on your situation. Quit using your mind to solve the problems.

Easier said than done, my friend. What's your advice?

 

[M Power]

I will try this, thank you. I don't know if there is a limiting belief (probably) or what it is, I just feel too much pressure, there are thousands and thousands different thoughts. With some additional personal problems, things that didn't go the way as expected + entrepreneurship + family and work stuff related, I feel that there are just too many things to deal with and process, I just need a quiet mind to concentrate on one thing at a time. It's out of control.

I hear that. I feel like my mind is going 1 million mph on 20 different things. The writing really does help, I have been doing that for a few months and it gives you a new perspective on your thoughts.

 

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[SteveO]

Easier said than done, my friend. What's your advice?

pm sent