My painful thing

[yucub]

Hello, I am completely new here but I have just finished reading the unscripted book. Now, what I will be talking and asking an advice for in this thread has nothing to do with business or making money, but it is the thing that hurts me the most and is holding me back from a lot of things.

So I will introduce myself quickly and then go to my problem so its easier to understand. I am a 27 years old male, and I live in Slovenia. A very small country with pretty low standards, average pay is about $1000. I have a day job where I make like $800 and then few side businesses I am working on that will give extra income, and I got some investments and such going for me, so I am doing pretty good here. Majority of people here have a job and thats it, spending most of the days in the cafe and horsing around, so I am not doing that bad in general, and have a really good plan and high hopes for the future. This is not what worries me the most.

What worries me the most and puts me in a negative, depressive state all the time is the woman problem. I am very sad all the time because I am not the most attractive guy that can easily get girls to have fun and what not, from a scale of 1 to 10, I would say I look something like 4? I mean, to myself I would rate myself like 7 to 8, but since girls are not really interested very much in me and I have some physical problems like big eyes and thin hair I think 4 is fair. I do have a girlfriend but that is the only woman I pretty much have contact with through the whole day. I dont have any female friends or whatever and I am very shy on top of all that, mostly because of my insecurities. And before you judge me or whatever, please understand that Im not trying to be some cool dude or whatever having a girlfriend and still looking for other girls, it is something that is IN me. I do not think like wow I need to be cool and have 3 or 4 side girls, I am just very very sad and depressive when I dont have any, and its probably because I want to prove to myself that Im worth something in this scenario and that I also can have some girls. And this problem is actually very bad because there is no known way to fix this. I look the way I do, I cant do anything to change that (or can I?), and all the surgeries are out of the question as that would just put me deeper in my negative thoughts because then I would be like thats not even me.

And so I spend a lot of my days negative thinking of how I cant really do much about it and time is just flying by. I cant focus clearly on my businesses or anything that Im doing. When Im observing my friends, they are so confident and all cool and I pretty much cant see any imperfections in them. They have cool hairstyles, regular face and everything, they can easily get any girl out they want. And then when Im outside with my friends, Im just thinking about this all the time and I am in a bad mood again. So I spend most of my days thinking about my insecurities and even when we are out, I just keep thinking ohh this girl must be laughing at my big eyes or ohh this girl is looking at my thin hair or whatever. That is all I am thinking about

That would be it in short, I hope I didnt bore you too much with crying about my problems, but this is a thing that is holding me back and destroying my days.

Thanks.

 

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[luniac]

lol

Go bald, get brolic, tatoo your arms, grow a beard, and become a bouncer.

 

[Vitaly the Winne]

Check out these books, they've helped me majorly when it comes to insecurities and thinking I wasn't enough.

-Models - Mark Manson
-The Subtle Art of not Giving a F#$k - Mark Manson
-Iron John - Robert Bly
-No More Mr Nice Guy - Dr Robert Glover
-The 50th Law - Robert Greene and 50 Cent
-The Game - Neil Strauss

At the time I was reading these my goal was to become a better pickup artist, as a result of reading them I became a better and more confident man, and am now approaching 2 years and 1 month with the most amazing girl I've ever met.

 

[Mattie]

Hello, I am completely new here but I have just finished reading the unscripted book. Now, what I will be talking and asking an advice for in this thread has nothing to do with business or making money, but it is the thing that hurts me the most and is holding me back from a lot of things.

So I will introduce myself quickly and then go to my problem so its easier to understand. I am a 27 years old male, and I live in Slovenia. A very small country with pretty low standards, average pay is about $1000. I have a day job where I make like $800 and then few side businesses I am working on that will give extra income, and I got some investments and such going for me, so I am doing pretty good here. Majority of people here have a job and thats it, spending most of the days in the cafe and horsing around, so I am not doing that bad in general, and have a really good plan and high hopes for the future. This is not what worries me the most.

What worries me the most and puts me in a negative, depressive state all the time is the woman problem. I am very sad all the time because I am not the most attractive guy that can easily get girls to have fun and what not, from a scale of 1 to 10, I would say I look something like 4? I mean, to myself I would rate myself like 7 to 8, but since girls are not really interested very much in me and I have some physical problems like big eyes and thin hair I think 4 is fair. I do have a girlfriend but that is the only woman I pretty much have contact with through the whole day. I dont have any female friends or whatever and I am very shy on top of all that, mostly because of my insecurities. And before you judge me or whatever, please understand that Im not trying to be some cool dude or whatever having a girlfriend and still looking for other girls, it is something that is IN me. I do not think like wow I need to be cool and have 3 or 4 side girls, I am just very very sad and depressive when I dont have any, and its probably because I want to prove to myself that Im worth something in this scenario and that I also can have some girls. And this problem is actually very bad because there is no known way to fix this. I look the way I do, I cant do anything to change that (or can I?), and all the surgeries are out of the question as that would just put me deeper in my negative thoughts because then I would be like thats not even me.

And so I spend a lot of my days negative thinking of how I cant really do much about it and time is just flying by. I cant focus clearly on my businesses or anything that Im doing. When Im observing my friends, they are so confident and all cool and I pretty much cant see any imperfections in them. They have cool hairstyles, regular face and everything, they can easily get any girl out they want. And then when Im outside with my friends, Im just thinking about this all the time and I am in a bad mood again. So I spend most of my days thinking about my insecurities and even when we are out, I just keep thinking ohh this girl must be laughing at my big eyes or ohh this girl is looking at my thin hair or whatever. That is all I am thinking about

That would be it in short, I hope I didnt bore you too much with crying about my problems, but this is a thing that is holding me back and destroying my days.

Thanks.

Women can't define your self-worth or you'll never succeed at anything. Same for women with men. Most men and women like you are looking for a mother or father to make them feel better and replace the parents they never had. You really have to mother and father yourself, and become a whole person. When you focus on nurturing your own emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual needs, your not dependent on a women nor allowing your life to be dictated by whether you have a women's attention.

If you already have a partner, obviously your attractive enough to have one.

Even if you have a harem of women doting over your physical body, you can pay them to do that these days. It doesn't mean their attracted to you, only you paid them to boost your ego.

Physical body rarely lasts in relationships. Ha ha...you can put all the make up on, be a fashion statement with clothes, lift weights, have muscles, and you might have attention of a bunch of women who only want you for your looks, not who you are inside.

Men equate women with money. Sure you have gold diggers. You have women who will be flaunt their bodies to make money off you. You have women that might like you as a trophy to look good at face value in society. There is diversity in women. Really, I think your ego might get boosted with a lot of women paying attention too you, but frankly, you'd hate it eventually.

You would see how superficial women can be at times just like we women find out some men are the same way.

Heart to Heart connection is a bit deeper than the surface, and what most of our looking for is that bonding, intimacy, compatibility, a person heading in the same direction as us in life. Someone who resonates with our core values, goals, ethics, morals, has good character, and a good personality. Trustworthy, honest, someone who is sticking around versus just here for the moment and gone tomorrow.

You're saying your self-worth is based on how many women pay attention to you and feel good. Which women are propelled by this, because women rarely these days want to be your mother.

 

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[Mr.B]

This isn't a "women problem", it's a self-esteem problem.

Focus on improving that.

Steer clear of all that pick up artist nonsense you might see around (why? read this).

Also:

I do have a girlfriend but that is the only woman I pretty much have contact with through the whole day.

How do you think your girlfriend would feel reading this post?

 

[Vitaly the Winne]

This isn't a "women problem", it's a self-esteem problem.

Focus on improving that.

Steer clear of all that pick up artist nonsense you might see around (why? read this).

Also:



How do you think your girlfriend would feel reading this post?

I absolute agree, looking for validation and wanting the constant attention of women is a self esteem issue, I know from personal experience.

I don't entirely agree with completely disowning the pickup artist community though, rather taking the positive aspects of it that promote self esteem and self confidence building, and leaving the pumped up chest macho bullshit ones behind. It's based on some pretty positive ideas, attracting women, building yourself up, and becoming a confident and respected man with both power and influence. The huge source of bro marketers and tail chasers is where it went to the deep end, just like the idea of communism where people are supposedly equal and things are shared, the human element kind of flipped everything upside down.

I'm not suggesting becoming a pickup artist, peacocking, and trying to have sex with as many women as possible. What I am suggesting is taking the positive growth and personal development aspects as lessons from the community, and working on building up confidence where approval seeking doesn't matter, and you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin.