How to get over a girl...quickly?

[JasonR]

Well...long story short, my girlfriend and I have decided to end things (she wants to marry me and have a kid, and at 27 I'm just not ready for that, but I do love her). That's not a good enough answer for her (she's 29), and wants to end it. I'm moving out into my own place this weekend.

So far nothing has really sunk in yet, but when it does I know it will suck. I'm just trying to see if anyone has some insight and experience to help me as I go through this. I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job). I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress. And I also want the pain and suffering to go away quickly.

So...any advice!?

 

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[Amail]

Ended relationships are like hangovers. The only cure is time. Good luck, buddy - I feel for you.

 

[CarrieW]

I was in almost the same situation but on the girls side

there is no way to just "get over" someone you loved. if you love her truely you will always love her in some way.

you may regret your decision to let her go... that said almost no parents regret their children(those go for accidents as well as on purpose babies)

you will probably always wonder what if.

I did what you guys did and I can say I do wonder what if alot...

there is no being ready to have kids. shes 29. every month for her from here on out makes it harder and harder for her to become and stay pregnant. its not that she is being unreasonable to your requests for time. in all honesty she doesnt have it to give.(how long you been together anyway? I was with my ex for almost 7 yrs)

sure you can distract yoursely by working on businesses and things but at the end of the day you will be there in bed all alone.

so the real question for me is what exactly about getting married and having a kid would hinder your progress? havent you ever heard every great man has a great woman behind him? why is it that you arent ready?

in my opinion if you love her then you will get your shit together and get ready for her. wth u waiting for your 27 and shes 29! its not like your 17...

 

[Steve W]

Hi Jason

You're right - it will suck. Badly.

My suggestion is to talk to her, try to understand her point of view & see if you can reach a compromise that suits you both. Bear in mind you won't hear the pitter-patter of little feet for 9 months anyway...

For what it's worth, my partner & I have 2 kids & having them is absolutely the best thing I've ever done & has made me more motivated & determined, not less. My only regret is waiting so long to have them. Life is certainly different with kids around - hugely fun, very exasperating at times, but never boring. You can kiss goodbye to certain lifestyle aspects you may enjoy now but in my mind it's well worth it.

Good luck & I hope you can work things out...

 

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[CommonCents]

I think stats show married people are generally more successful. Are you sure you arent using your biz as an excuse? Everyone has cold feet at one time or another.

 

[AJ.]

I ain't no expert... yet I would stay THE HELL AWAY from having kids with her at the moment.

She wants to marry and have kids?
And you don't?

Well shit... seems simple to me.

So, get this... she wants to break up because you don't want to marry and have kids?
What's she's going to do?
Meet-up with someone else, have a fast-track relationship of 2 months, marry, and have kids?
Of course not.

If she can't wait for you, let her go.

Don't let ANYONE ever push you into anything.
Ever.

If she wants to keep the relationship going, without the marrying and kids... that's do-able.
Yet to coerce you into marriage and kids by breaking up?
Nah man... no. Nope. No.

======
Relating to the point expressed above, that her clock is in fact ticking...
Well... yes... that's true.
Yet that isn't YOUR problem.
That's her's.

Guys and girls are in two different "schedules".
They'll start ticking much faster... we on the other hand, have some more time on our hands.
It's not your problem.

======
Relating to your original question: How to get over a girl... quickly?
All I can suggest is to read everything you can in the "Seduction Community"
There's a lot of crap, yet there's also a lot of life-changing, holy-shit, mind-blown gold.

And if you go over there, they will answer your question with GFTOW.
Google it.
It works.

======
Keep ya head up man.
Keep your doors and heart open to her.
Yet grab your balls, and realize you do not want to get married now.
End. Of. Story.

 

[911Carrera]

Let her go. I wouldn't get back with her either as she might try to get pregnant to get her wish. Girls at that age are in rush to get married and have kids. You need to date younger girls to avoid issues like this.

 

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[The-J]

I was in almost the same situation but on the girls side

there is no way to just "get over" someone you loved. if you love her truely you will always love her in some way.

you may regret your decision to let her go... that said almost no parents regret their children(those go for accidents as well as on purpose babies)

you will probably always wonder what if.

I did what you guys did and I can say I do wonder what if alot...

there is no being ready to have kids. shes 29. every month for her from here on out makes it harder and harder for her to become and stay pregnant. its not that she is being unreasonable to your requests for time. in all honesty she doesnt have it to give.(how long you been together anyway? I was with my ex for almost 7 yrs)

sure you can distract yoursely by working on businesses and things but at the end of the day you will be there in bed all alone.

so the real question for me is what exactly about getting married and having a kid would hinder your progress? havent you ever heard every great man has a great woman behind him? why is it that you arent ready?

in my opinion if you love her then you will get your shit together and get ready for her. wth u waiting for your 27 and shes 29! its not like your 17...

Interesting, hearing it from a girl's perspective.

Although I'm only 19 and don't know shit about relationships or babies or marriage, I think you should just figure out what you really want out of life and, better yet, figure out how she can compliment, not detriment, your journey to the Fastlane. Who knows; kids may become an extra motivation for you. Kids don't have to be a roadblock.

 

[johnp]

I'm 24, getting married next summer and it hasn't slowed me down at all. In fact, I have my fiancee helping me with things. Worked out great. Although I'm not planning on having kids yet. But if I did, then I would make them work too. Think about it, you could have an army working for you.

I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job).

And what happens if the business idea tanks? Then you are out a girlfriend who you (already said you loved) and a business idea. At least you will be left with some lessons learned...

I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress.

Posting on forums will hinder your progress sometimes as well.

 

[DennisD]

Get a puppy, sink yourself in work, write an ebook on getting over breakups.

 

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[hatterasguy]

Time and a little bit of whiskey helps. Its going to be hard though.

Look at the bright side though, its cheaper now than a divorce at 40 with two kids and a business.

 

[Skys]

have sex with another woman asap.

 

[yahdmon]

It will hurt for a while... took me nearly seven years to recover, find myself and decide to begin to live again.

I have found though that it is not bad and in fact, it is necessary for you to get to your fastlane idea and become the better you.

There is a book out there which will tell you that "loss of love", fear of death and a few others are things which all great and rich persons must (generally so) experience if they are to ever become a person of worth.

It is really no big deal. It will pass though you may never forget the experience and what it feels like.

It is a process of life.

Embrace it.

Above all see that you played a part in her decision whether or not she has acted righteously or no.

Forgive her.

Quickly apologize and take responsibility for the breakup then focus on putting you back together, then begin moving towards the thing that this universe will drive you towards. This should serve you well so its all good and is working out for your good -- speaking from experience here and I would not tell you what I have not experienced myself.

Without a doubt, someone better is on the path you are about to embark upon but you could care less right now and that is because you want what you are familiar with and that is ok, it is a human trait.

Finally, do not rush into another relationship either for easy sex or money or any promises of granduer.

Spend some time by yourself and learn about you -- it was a month after my relationship's demise that I got what I needed to do. I then picked up myself and traveled over 2000 miles to go and say and do what I am telling you to do, submit to it, take responsibility and let her go -- I told her, its not your fault, it is all my own and it is ok. I take responsibility for this and I am sorry, all while having reason to say otherwise -- do the same and you cannot lose; and it worked and I will do it that way all over again.

Following that I spent a year finding me and what/who had motivated the person I loved the most to move out of my life and away from me. I found what I set out to find and today I am a better person, all around. I wish the same for you too, young one.

Today, nearly seven years later, not mad, not angry, not regretful, I find that I got the better deal.

She did me a favor, aided by the force which rules the universe. She meant it for evil but it worked out for good.

Hang in there, it will hurt like hell for a while if you had true love for her... but you will/should heal and become a better you with a greater ability to love deeper than you did before -- if you submit to the elements on the path you are about to walk. It will take some time.

Best to you and yours... you lucky dude you

 

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[Brander]

she wants to marry me and have a kid, and at 27 I'm just not ready for that, but I do love her

You are old enough, it's probably something else, you are not sure she is the right one for that endeavour. If you were you'd not be thinking about it, you'd be pleased she wants kids too.

Maybe you are not ready and want your life in order before you have kids. A legitimate goal and having kids that you don't really want wouldn't be fair on the kids for sure. You can't raise kids to be good human beings if you are resentful of them.

Good luck, time heels all wounds.

 

[Brander]

Yet to coerce you into marriage and kids by breaking up?

It might be coercion or it might just be desperation. She is 29 and she feels that by waiting 3-4 years is going to significantly diminish her ability to have kids/get a guy who doesn't yet have kids to have kids with her. And yes, she probably will find someone quick and marry them and have kids by the time she is 30. If the marriage will be a success, that is another story.

 

[CarrieW]

after I left I was married and had a baby just within a year. I moved out in april of 99 and got married nov 1999 and had my first child 5/3/00

still going after 13 yrs.

He still doesnt have any children...

 

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[Milkanic]

I went through this about 2 years ago - here is my advice. Let this fuel you to repair areas of your life that have probably diminished due to the relationship. Imagine you are a phoenix rising from the ashes.

1.) Workout. Become the most physically fit you've ever been. Get the testosterone re-flowing
2.) Contact friends you have lost touch with. Schedule a "man's weekend" and get drunk with old buddies.
3.) Join a sports league and meet new people.
4.) Have a mutual one night stand (optional - needs to feel win/win or else could backfire)

I would suggest not burying yourself in your work and find a balance.

 

[JasonR]

Wow. Thanks for the replies...I didn't expect so many.

I've never really wanted children, but could see myself having a kid or two one day. I don't even really want to get married, but I still like bein gin a relationship. I've never had a deeper connection with someone before, and she's a very pretty woman. But maybe there is something...missing...or something from holding me back from wanting more with her. I'm not sure. I would just like to be sure of my decision before I let her go...

 

[CarrieW]

there is no way to be sure of anything in life ever. you have to look within yourself and your relationship and make your own decision. People can tell you a million reasons to validate either way you choose. only you know whats in your heart.

I would seriously have a very honest conversation with her and see if there isnt a way to both get what you need out of the situation.

Maybe she could be happy having a child in a year or 2 and not getting married. maybe not. you dont know untill you sit down and have that heart to heart. tell her your true feelings. be honest. if you do that then whatever decision you both come to neither of you will regret!

 

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[EastWind]

Wow. Thanks for the replies...I didn't expect so many.

I've never really wanted children, but could see myself having a kid or two one day. I don't even really want to get married, but I still like bein gin a relationship. I've never had a deeper connection with someone before, and she's a very pretty woman. But maybe there is something...missing...or something from holding me back from wanting more with her. I'm not sure. I would just like to be sure of my decision before I let her go...

then stop getting into relationships with women who want to have kid or get married. let them know upfront so they and you won't have to go through this sort of mess over and over again.

 

[angelique]

Hi, JasonR. I went through something similar a few years back, except I was the one who didn't want marriage or kids. He did, and I did a good job of trying to convince myself I did - it worked for a while. But in the end, I realized I was fooling him and myself. (Now I know it's better not to do that.)

It sucked. Bad. For a good while. But it gets easier.

Keeping busy helps, but I don't recommend pushing away the feelings. Just make time for them, otherwise it takes longer to get over it. Sad music helps. Cry it out and let it go.

*hug*

 

[InMotion]

Had this happen to me...twice lol. So my advice to you, which I live by, is not to get too involved with a girl until your ready to either get married or have kids. Unless you can find a girl that's set on not having kids anytime soon; find a girl much younger than you or just wait until your ready to get involved. How to get over a girl quickly? Just work your a$$ off and stay busy and you'll forget about her before you know it. Then you'll have plenty of money to go out and have fun with other women....

 

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[socaldude]

The worst way you can end a relationship IMO is by not communicating what you need. Because then it makes it just as hard to get over the relationship. If both partners stated their needs, it then becomes clear that certain differences cannot be met and you just move on.

Seriously life is too short spending it with someone you don't enjoy. Life is FULL of disappointments. The best part about this area of your life is that you can ALWAYS get a second chance with someone else. The reason most guys can't get over a girl IMO is because they live in the past and they beat themselves up on what could of, should of, would of type of BS. And it's hard to get over it because it's the emotions.

But seek sanctuary in the fact that you have plenty of opportunities everyday to meet someone new. You see that cute girl at the Target cash register you saw today? THAT right there is opportunity! EVERY freaking day there's a chance to meet someone new!

One of the biggest mistakes I see guys make is they think that girls are something super special and different and that they need to be worshiped and "won over". So then they shower them with gifts and take a lot of shit from them that they would't take from someone they had no romantic interest in!! Men and women are equal and no different except in biological circumstances.

Communication is key to a romantic relationship. You need to state your needs clearly or else no one will. I always make sure i'm dead honest with my girlfriend even if i come across as a jerk. If you find that you can't get over your girl. Then that prob means you still want her. Make a phone call and swallow your pride and be dead honest with what is going on. Or else you'll be on your death bead wishing you would have.

Life is hard sometimes and Life is good sometimes. Then you die. The key is make sure you enjoy it as much as you can.

 

[wade1mil]

You see that cute girl at the Target cash register you saw today?

Back off. That was my sister.

 

[wade1mil]

Hey she was the one who was "scanning my package" lmao get it? lol I'm just kidding.

haha

 

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[dreamlove2012]

I am sorry but I have to say you don't love your girlfriend, you only love yourself. Think about the thing twice before move. If you don't want to marry her, just break up earlier.

Links Removed by BFLBob

 

[Mike39]

I am sorry but I have to say you don't love your girlfriend, you only love yourself. Think about the thing twice before move. If you don't want to marry her, just break up earlier.


[link[
[link]

Oh you should listen to the spammer, they are usually really bright people

 

[CarrieW]

I am more then a little curious as to what you decided... post an update please.

 

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[JasonR]

So...I moved out (a few miles down the road) in a month to month, small, studio apartment. Her best friend took over my lease. We still communicate, just much less frequently. There are more details to the original story, which I haven't felt compelled to post. We are sort of at a kind-of-friends, kind-of-dating stage of weirdness. I don't really mind it, as a lot of pressure is off my back. However, I know it can't last and is probably not healthy.

The weird thing, as soon as we decided to end it, I felt relieved. All of a sudden, there was a lot less pressure on me to do things I didn't necessarily want to do (get married, have children, etc.). Also, the fact that I have a limited amount of time to give her also makes things less stressful. There are times I do miss her, or feel like I want her back, but they are fleeting feelings. I also feel excitement at the thought of dating new women and meeting new people. So I'm not really sure what the hell is going on with me.

For the record, she sort of gave me a marriage ultimatum even though her divorce isn't finalized. She's been trying to get divorced for the last 3.5+ years. So I felt that was extremely messed up, and I felt that I had been extremely patient in waiting to finalize her divorce. The fact that she wasn't divorced yet bothered me. She told me it wasn't so much an ultimatum as much as it was just her wanting to know where we headed. She also wanted to know if we could have a baby in the next 1.5-3 years. I took as a "get married or get the F out" sort of thing.

 

[AJ.]

Well, thanks for the update.
She's married... still?
Odd.

Anyway, best of luck to you man.