Freshly Single and it Feels like Shit

[Johnathan Ta]

Haven't posted in 2 months time give or take.
To those who followed my work, everything is still auto-pilot, e-commerce is fine and making a decent pay cheque each week.

But wow, I really just don't give a F*ck about money right now.
Me and My GF of many years, and remember I'm only 21 - so older fellas can imagine how big of a deal this girl is perceived by my thought processes....

No point airing dirty laundry, but long story short - it was meant to end and it did.
It ended, and I knew it was going to eventually but now that it's over - fuking hell does it feel odd.

Up until the past few days - this girl was supposed to be my wife.
This girl was supposed to birth my children.
This girl was the reason I dreamt of a fastlane life - to live long and lovingly and free, with her.

Now it's gone.
No contact has been implemented.
Now it's just me, myself and some money.

Cheer me up guys,
make me feel like this is right

Johnathan

 

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[Thriftypreneur]

But wow, I really just don't give a F*ck about money right now.
Me and My GF of many years, and remember I'm only 21 - so older fellas can imagine how big of a deal this girl is perceived by my thought processes....

The fact that you realize this is great. It's miles and miles ahead of most people your age.

I'm quite older than you, been through the circus you're describing more times than I'd prefer. The hurt and all that crap always fades, and will eventually be replaced by another girl, who you swear is "the love of your life and future mother of your children." Then, the cycle starts all over (until of course you actually do meet the right one).

The one thing that will remain constant through it all is you. If you let a bad breakup F*ck up your journey to success, and start self-sabotaging (and/or not giving a shit), you'll end up regretting the position you put yourself in far worse than whatever pain a breakup would cause. I know from experience.

Keep. Making. Money.
Keep. Improving. Yourself.

Keep. Making. Money.
Keep. Improving. Yourself.

Because, at the end of the day, you'll always have to answer to yourself.

 

[HenkHolland]

Jonathan keep focusing on your fastlane plans.

Believe me, it is always better not having to worry about money, while having to deal with the emotional stress of a breakup.

 

[Bearcorp]

When I went through my divorce I had a mental checklist of why it didn't work. Whenever I started to feel lonely or if I missed her I referred to the checklist, and after 4-5 dot points of the reasons we broke up I felt better again, knowing it was the right thing. Best of luck.

 

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[Johnathan Ta]

You guys are the best.
Thank you. I participate in many forums online - nothing matches the maturity and empathy I've experienced on the Fastlane.

Thrifty thank you, especially with relationships - the words of wisdom from those who walked the walk are lightyears ahead of the bullshit spewed by my peers. I know it's going to work out, it's day one of no contact - rough stuff

Hell, I guess this is just another excuse to put some more time into my personal empowerment goals.
Self improvement and greater confidence will get you laid and rich at the same time.

 

[Mrs. BRKb]

The relationship one is meant to have is the one that DOESN'T explode. It just keeps getting better and better. It's out there.

The day you are standing truly independently in the world knowing you will be okay no matter what, is the day the door cracks open for someone equally independent and ok to enter your life.

You loved in a big way and now you hurt in a big way. It's all good (in the greater scheme of things). Your awaiting true love would not want a guy with no feelings and no emotion.

 

[Boston3432]

It gets easier by the day, man. I'm 23 and can relate. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple months ago. We dated for many years, all through college and even lived together for a year after college. We broke up and I had nowhere to go. Our lease was up in our apartment so I had to figure out my next move while feeling like I was about as low as I could get. I got pretty depressed. Long story short I had to sublet a lease with some random people for the past 3 months. I will now be moving into a new apartment with some friends at the end of the week. Believe me, it's not the easiest but it gets a lot easier.....I am pretty happy now...I do still think about things a lot but it has opened up a lot more oppportunities for me.

You get the chance to really focus on your goals and worry about yourself. You have nobody else to worry about. When you want to do something you do it. You don't have anyone you need to get permission from, or tell where you are going or what you're doing or when you will be back. It has also given me the chance to get out a lot more and meet tons of people, make new friends and make lots of connections. I have already met a lot of new people that are only going to help me reach my goals in the future. Just keep grinding and do what you do and stay focused.

Best of luck man,
Shane

 

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[Nosferatu]

You'll get over it.

 

[zoomzoom]

......

 

[zoomzoom]

I'm sorry Johnathan, breaking up with the person that you thought you would be with forever, is hard... But you said i"it was mean't to end"... Better now than later. You'll be free to find (or be found) by the one that is a perfect fit for you.

Embrace the pain of the breakup for a day or two, go out with your friends and mourn the loss... Then turn the page.

Life is a journey, you're rounding the bend of a new path, have fun exploring it... It does get easier everyday if you keep your eyes to the future.

 

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[buckmajor]

Pain is temporary. You have some money so that sounds like a good place to be in. There is over a million or more other girls on this planet...easy problem solved

 

[CommonCents]

It's natural and normal to run the gamut of emotions. Welcome to being human. Feel your feelings, express them. Don't man up and stuff them like many young guys might advise, because they come out in the future at the MOST inopportune times. (whilst drinking, or in future relationship that doesn't deserve it). On the other hand, another person or relationship doesn't define who you are, even though they were a big part of your life. That's where people getting into trouble, is letting relationships/other people, money, possessions etc...define who they are, and when those things are lost, they are left with nothing.

 

[britnidanielle]

Sorry to hear about your breakup. I can only only imagine how devastated you're feeling after investing time with someone & having it go South. Actually, I don't have to imagine it. Been there, done that.

It hurts. And let it hurt. But don't let the hurt cripple you or make you bitter or afraid to love again (cheesy, I know...but yeah), or keep you in the house. Don't go all Howard Hughes on us, and don't go all player player either.

Take time to heal & keep it pushing.

Unfortunately, not all of the relationships we hoped would last actually last. Take any lessons you can learn from this experience and apply it to your next relationship.

Continue to love, continue to work your Fastlane business(es), continue growing as a person.

Eventually, you'll get over her.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

remember I'm only 21

If you met your 31 year old self today, you wouldn't recognize him. And the woman that each of those individuals would attract, are entirely different as well. Your better self will attract a better woman.

 

[Capital]

Chase pussy and you'll always lose money. Chase money and you'll never lose pussy.

 

[Lauryn]

I agree with everything Thriftypreneur said.

I'm divorced, and believe it or not, it's not what it was, but my ex and I are actually cool. Never thought I'd see the day. He still pushes me to reach for my goals and stay on top of my shiz.

When I went through the most excruciating parts of our split, I would say I was unbearable to be around for many people. I had no reason to smile. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't see the point in anything.

That is when I threw myself into my businesses, etc.

Have you neglected any friendships or family members lately? Perhaps pay them a visit, or treat yourself to a week at a resort. Something to remind you that life is short, that you have to work hard and play hard, and that one day - even if you were "only 21" - that love is meant to be what it is... when it is... and not a moment more.

The lessons you learned in that relationship won't need to be repeated if you've passed the test the first time around.

Indulge in yourself a little bit. Take care of you...and then do what it takes to keep YOU happy and put a smile on your face, homie.

[video=youtube;1AJSu2P4Smg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJSu2P4Smg[/video]

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Chase pussy and you'll always lose money. Chase money and you'll never lose pussy.

This isn't a bar where you're sitting around a table drinking with your 20 year old buddies. I'd appreciate if you'd show some respect to the women that frequent these forums. And change your avatar or Ill change it for you. This isn't a PUA forum. Thank you.

 

[AmyQ]

Sorry, Johnathan. Breaking up with the person you envisioned spending your life with is tough.

I am a person who is prone to escapism, so working my way through problems is the best idea for me. If you are prone to escapism, just stay away from drinking and girls until your head is on straight again. Having a drink can be a great way to celebrate, but since alcohol is a depressant, it is a bad way to deal with problems.

Also, I was lucky and dated nice guys in my early twenties. I was really lucky that I didn't marry any of them and waited until I had more life experience when I started dating my husband in my late twenties.

Consider that 60% of marriages between people who get married between age 20 and 25 year end in divorce. On the other hand, women who have a college education, their own income and wait until after 25 have a divorce rate around 20%. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but from a statistical perspective, waiting to find your partner is probably a win.

 

[Capital]

This isn't a bar where you're sitting around a table drinking with your 20 year old buddies. I'd appreciate if you'd show some respect to the women that frequent these forums. And change your avatar or Ill change it for you. This isn't a PUA forum. Thank you.

Ok.

 

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[Johnathan Ta]

Thanks for all the advice and kind words - I honestly feel so much better when I hear about 'field tested' advice and experience of people who have already walked the walk. I'm going to take some time to de-compress, leave the fastlane business on Auto-Pilot, keep on crushing the gym and just find out who single John is again.

She hasn't been back to the apartment in three days now. I took the time to pack away her stuff and remove my belongings from her furniture. Dragged my a$$ into the gym both days, forcing to still remember who I am. I loved her a lot, really honestly and truly I'll look back and think she was a wonderful person but right now... get your shit out of my house and cease to exist for a couple years! Let's just say I'm trying to expedite this breakup fastlane style and get back to being me.

 

[Kencan98]

I loved her a lot, really honestly and truly I'll look back and think she was a wonderful person

I don't know the situation but you say you two were together for a long time so regardless of who broke up with who, I'd be willing to bet she still feels the same exact way about you. And don't listen to what she says either. Words get thrown around in situations like these sometimes and usually they don't reveal the true feelings of someone.

I went through a breakup 8 years ago that seems similar to yours. Me and this girl were together for about 4 years. I was 23 and she was 21 (when we broke up). We were engaged, wedding set, and it all looked good. For whatever reason I convinced myself that she was going to call off the wedding about 6 months before. I was 100% certain she was going to do it so I ended up breaking up with her and calling off the wedding. Everything was fine up until this point and I totally shocked her with it. It hurt VERY bad for a pretty long time.

Today we are friends and she swears that she wasn't going to call off the wedding. We laugh about it now (how stupid I was) but it wasn't funny back then.

Here's a book I read back then that helped me a lot. It's called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. Here's his author page Amazon.com: Robert A. Glover: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, Kindle

The title is misleading and I bought it because I didn't want to be a "nice guy" anymore which is why I think most guys buy it. But the book is the typical case of selling people what they want and giving them what they need. The book teaches confidence, how to treat a girl right, and how to have a long lasting relationship where both partners are happy.

Two things that don't help are drugs/drinking and other women. I never did the drugs/drinking thing but I certainly tried the "other women" thing and it made me feel much worse. Focus on you, think of it as a fresh start, and grow from it.

 

[Johnathan Ta]

Thank you for your post. I was heavily into pick up when I was a teenager, all the inner confidence stuff and how to better yourself was embedded into me pretty early on. I think I'm very well set as it is. I'm confident, happy and at this point right now - have some very black and white goals and will pursue them to get out of this funk. Literally right now, and I just need to keep reminding myself is that this is temporal. Once I slip out of this darkness, after how many months or years it's going to take I'll be wholey me again.

I'll admit one thing though, this initial dark period has my mind craving some women....
Whatever though, we'll just roll with the punches and keep pushing forward - I'm open to a little company

 

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[MMatt]

Ironically, when you posted this I was about to post a similar thread to vent. I was in a relationship where i gave 110% day in and day out, was always on call whenever she needed me. I thought all was well and one morning out of the blue got a "we need to to talk" and within a couple hours that was it, no more us. Hurts bad, and we all know the drill, "focus on yourself, there's plenty of fish in the sea, don't dwell on it, etc,", but it's much easier said then done. Time heals all wounds I suppose, but the worst part is how abrupt and unexpected it was. I tell myself work on my goals now full time but it's hard to focus with such depressing emotions. I'm sure we will both recover with time but it definitely sucks.

 

[Johnathan Ta]

We're all gonna make it brah!
Got to stay positive, human beings are the most F*cking resiliant machines in the world.

Forcing a smile, it's still a smile, right?
Haha - goodluck dude

 

[FastLearner]

One day you'll meet a woman who'll show you all the reasons why it didn't work with anyone else. Things happen for a reason and whatever reason they may be, we should always stay focused on our goals and dreams.
I know it hurts right now but ask yourself, "will this matter a year from now?" Trust me, it probably wouldn't. I've asked myself that question for a number of years now and realized that some things just don't matter although they seem like it at the time.
Remember, this is the oldest and youngest you have ever been. You, Jonathan, will change and evolve into the man you're meant to be. Trust your path and realize that in pain, the best lessons are learned. You'll be just fine, just stay on track

 

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[Sir Ingenious]

If you met your 31 year old self today, you wouldn't recognize him. And the woman that each of those individuals would attract, are entirely different as well. Your better self will attract a better woman.

I agree with this 1,000%.

I'm 25 now. My 15 year old me wouldn't recognize this guy. Why?

I decided to shed 200+ lbs and kick my a$$ in gear.

I discovered the "truth" in my life by looking back towards my past, present and let it direct me into the future. I connected all the dots and it makes perfect sense. Life suddenly isn't that bad because everything happens for a purpose. I've decided to work with the universe instead of working against it. Go with the wind and let it guide you. When you gain momentum in life, let it do 80% of the work for you.

Throughout school, I was never the type to get girls, I was never really athletic, I was never really confident in myself, I never really had a lot of friends, etc. The true definition of that "fat guy". And I felt really bitter when my school mates would get all these cool growing up experiences that I never had. I felt like shit a lot of times. However, this has to happen to me or else, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have an agenda. I wouldn't be this "version" of me. Everything happens for a reason.

Be mindful of the present and only look at past as a "compass" to your present. That's it and let future be a surprise, blended with all sorts of education and gifts.

You are you and these people that surrounds you are merely characters in your life because the world is YOURS.

 

[EvanOkanagan]

If there's one thing that helped me hugely with getting over my last breakup, it was reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.

Not only is this a good read for everyone, but especially after a serious breakup. It will be a huge eye opener. I've used this to get on the best path possible and have a truly amazing relationship. I really don't know many people who have it like I do in a relationship and I can thank this book.

 

[garyfritz]

Two years ago my wife of 20 years dumped me. This was my best friend and closest confidant for 23 years. She WAS the mother of my children. We had some rough times but I loved her deeply. And then she left, and took my sons (and half our net worth) with her.

I went through over a year of black depression. Couldn't even think about what I'd lost without crying. Couldn't bear the thought of living without my loving partner. (I'm pushing 60 so I'm not all that likely to find a compatible mate for my "declining" years. Especially since most of the women my age look like my grandma. Most of 'em ARE grandmas!)

I had trouble making it through each day. My business suffered badly. Plus I had several other financial disasters last year. My CPA said "Damn, you got ****ed as bad financially this year, as you did emotionally last year!!" Got that right.

And... I pulled out of it. I'm still not happy about being alone. But I've used it to my advantage. I shifted my consulting business to a higher-paying model that required more travel. I figured I could sit at home alone, or sit in a hotel room alone. The hotel room pays a lot better.

So... it sucks. It hurts. And you'll get past it. Be glad that you're young, and you hadn't invested decades of your life with her. Be glad that you didn't have kids, so you won't have to fight with her over child-raising issues for years. Be glad that you're just entering the prime of your life. You'll have plenty of other opportunities to find a mate. Use what you've learned in this relationship to help you pick a better match next time.

Good luck!

 

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[Johnathan Ta]

F*ck guys!!!
You making me shed man tears over here!!!

Thanks so much,
For all your words, recommendations and experiences.
I've almost gotten through the first week, this breakup my head is in a much better place.
I wake up sad in the morning, hop onto my support sources like here on the forums and I've been able to keep to the No Contact rule and keep sane throughout the day. It's boring being single huh? Lol, I guess I spent too much time having sex in retrospect

Thanks everybody, seriously, so much
I genuinely can feel the warmth in your words

Johnathan

 

[Groupie]

Take a month long trip to South East Asia and have fun. You will forget this girl and any other girl you ever dated prior to her.