Common Mistakes Made when Asking For Advice

[AroundTheWorld]

The road to financial freedom requires us to learn new behaviors, learn from others, expand our minds, and network.

It can feel like a lonely road at times.... the people all around us think we are crazy. Perhaps they don't understand the deals we do or the 'risks' we take on. They may argue with us or otherwise be un supportive. That is part of the reason we have so many active participants on a board such as the fastlane. It feels so refreshing to find like minded individuals! It feels so nice to find successful people that are willing to take the time to answer our questions and write helpful posts!

When we do finally find successful, like minded individuals, it is an amazing opportunity to learn - and to perhaps ask for advice.

Here are some of the mistakes I have either made, witnessed, or experienced in the 'ask for advice' area.

Common Mistakes Made When Asking For Advice​

1. ASK TOO MUCH. It is one thing to ask for a point in the right direction. It is another thing entirely to ask for a partnership on a huge project. If you are asking for something from a very successful person - - - it likely also means they are a very BUSY person. Be respectful of their time and only ask for a little. If you prove yourself, and figure out a way to give back, there is always an opportunity of building a long term relationship, but you need to start slow and keep it balanced.

2. ARGUE. It is difficult to be open minded and arrogant at the same time. If you know it all, then why are you asking? If you don't know it all, and you must not if you are asking for advice, than be humble enough to listen respectfully to the response you get. Remember: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you are asking for advice, then you must also be willing to change your behavior.

3. ASK THEM TO HOLD YOUR HAND. If you are given some valuable information or food for thought - then it is time for you to run with it. They won't do it for you. The plan must be yours and you must execute it.

4. FAIL TO FOLLOW UP. If they took the time to help you, then follow up with a thank you. If you have experienced a success since your encounter - let them know! This is a great way to start building a longer term relationship with the individual.

5. ASK THE WRONG PERSON. If you have a legal question, don't ask a web site guy. This is a waste of your time, and of theirs.

 

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[EasyMoney_in_NC]

LOL........interesting. Timing is everything........no? :smxB:

 

[Runum]

Those are great ATW. +++speed May I add some more?

Before you ask your question please show some initiative. Please use the search function on the forum. Also, please use the search engines on the internet. You are just as capable as anyone to perform searches.

This goes along with number 2 above. If you ask for advice, the advice may not be what you want. Like ATW said, that is not the time to argue. It is, however, very appropriate to say "Thank you."

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Those are great ATW. +++speed May I add some more?

Thank you ++ Great Point.

And, sorry... I should have added:

Please - add your own! What is on your do and don't list for asking advice?

 

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[rcardin]

My number 1 is at least have a clue what you are asking before you ask. Along the lines of don't be disappointed with the answer.

 

[Jonleehacker]

My favorite is from Rich Dad (I think, memory is shaky)...

ask first how you can help out, or to put it another way, give before you receive.

Even if the person doesn't want anything from you, they'll respect your request a lot more.

 

[mtnman]

My favorite is from Rich Dad (I think, memory is shaky)...



Even if the person doesn't want anything from you, they'll respect your request a lot more.

Couldn't agree more.

Don't ask for anything, offer, and see where it takes you. :icon_fU:

Although I have to admit, I've made that mistake before out of excitement.

 

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[Yankees338]

Nice post, ATW! Rep+++

I've been around the forums here long enough to realize who I'm dealing with. When I created this thread, I was feeling pretty disgruntled and frustrated about my situation. I had actually planned on starting a thread basically to vent, but I eventually realized I could turn it into a more constructive thread with a more general -- less individually targeted towards me -- aim.

Of course, it didn't entirely turn out that way because you're all too caring )), but I think I still got a better reception than I would have had I just ranted.

My point is this: (Kind of along the lines of Jon Lee's post) I think people are more willing to help when they get the sense that they're creating a discussion rather than just answering a specific question about someone or something.

 

[ElectricG]

My point is this: (Kind of along the lines of Jon Lee's post) I think people are more willing to help when they get the sense that they're creating a discussion rather than just answering a specific question about someone or something.

I strongly agree with this. I've always found that people are willing to give away alot more information if you appear to be showing genuine interest in that person's life rather than simply trying to learn all thier success secrets for your own personal gain.

 

[fanocks2003]

Mistakes I see when people email me about things (not always, but most of the times):

1) They rarely define the problem so I can understand it. Explanation on a 4 year olds level is always nice.
2) They rarely define what they want me to help them with.
3) They rarely define what they have done up until the point they asked me to be part of their problem.
4) They rarely define what's in it for me. Why should I invest several hours of my time, or even 10 minutes on helping this advice seeker in the first place?

Number 4 is something I do for free on this forum. But if you ask me outside this forum I will invoice you. I am not altruistic unless I really want to (which is rarely the case. But if I see something that I will gain on less money, I will give for free. This forum has taught me a lot already so that is why I give back freely also). People don't have to pay me cash. I accept shares, royalties etc etc also. I am rather flexible.

 

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[veli]

fanocks: Is reward in heaven enough?

ATW: You make some valid points.

Its not directly related to this topic, but I think as this forum grows and gets more known its just inevitable that more people who dont really want to think for themselves, and lazy people will enter this forum and just except to be told "do this and you'll become rich".

I havent been part of this forum for a long time, but boy am I glad I found it! Ive read books, and tried searching for valuable info different places on the net. It's almost always ended with the same results; rarely something I didnt know from before. I've not been close to find the vast amount of valuable info that is found here on this site.
I guess I shouldn't be negative, but I must admit that I am a bit concerned about the future. What will happen when this site gets 500-1000 new members? Will it be flooded with new topics and rants from people who are eager to see their own opinion on screen than actually providing valuable help and info? Will that cause Runum, ATW, fan, JS,SteveO, Diane and other great contributors to vanish?
Ive seen it with sites that have startet out before. You get a nice group together, but as it grows new people will ruin it and a new "atmosphere" will be created. Of course any site that grows is good, and one shouldnt really strive to keep something static.
Anyway, I really hope we can keep it as it is now with posters/posts for a loong time yet, even with a lot of new members entering

Before I finish, let me thank all of the contributors on this list. I mostly lurk, but rest assured that I read 90% of the threads and that I appreciate both the questions and answeres given. Keep it up folks, and have a great weekend!

 

[neverfastenough]

Common Mistakes Made When Asking For Advice​

1. ASK TOO MUCH. It is one thing to ask for a point in the right direction. It is another thing entirely to ask for a partnership on a huge project. If you are asking for something from a very successful person - - - it likely also means they are a very BUSY person. Be respectful of their time and only ask for a little.
   
2. ARGUE. It is difficult to be open minded and arrogant at the same time. If you know it all, then why are you asking? If you don't know it all, and you must not if you are asking for advice, than be humble enough to listen respectfully to the response you get.
   
3. ASK THEM TO HOLD YOUR HAND. If you are given some valueable information or food for thought - then it is time for you to run with it. They won't do it for you. The plan must be yours and you must execute it.
   
4. FAIL TO FOLLOW UP. If they took the time to help you, then follow up with a thank you. If you have experienced a success since your encounter - let them know!
   
5. ASK THE WRONG PERSON. If you have a legal question, don't ask a web site developer. You will waste their time, and your own.

ATW,

Very solid advice. I find that in situations like these I do my best to choose my words very carefully (actually I'm always very careful about how I phrase things) .

Another point that I personally would add is to not ask for advice that is easily found online. It's a waste of everyone's time

 

[headmic]

When I ask for advice I always try to make sure that my communication is succinct and to the point as if I'm talking to a CEO or some other high ranking professional. By doing this I assure him that I've taken the time to use terminology he/she is familiar with and that I've done my research to assure him/her I don't want to waste anybody's time.

There have been times I've shied away from situations such as asking for a business card or another professional to be my mentor. Do you ever find it effective to just be up front with the individual by letting them know your new to this (nervous) about asking something from them because you don't want to offend them or ruin an opportunity?

 

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[msa1]

Best advice i've heard?

If you want to be rich, ask a rich guy how he did it.

Second (from RK) is if you have poor friends....get new friends. Most people aspire as far as the means of their group of friends.

Not only that but work-a-days will tell you a thousand reasons why what you're doing wont work. You dont need the negativity while building up your dreams. It only gets in the way.

 

[andviv]

One I've noticed many times here... somebody new to the forum comes and asks a generic question (should I sell/buy/do/make/etc) and people here don't have any background on who the poster is, or his/her current situation. It is tough to provide any help/guidance/opinion in that way.

Remember, you are unique, just like everyone else

 

[AroundTheWorld]

One I've noticed many times here... somebody new to the forum comes and asks a generic question (should I sell/buy/do/make/etc) and people here don't have any background on who the poster is, or his/her current situation. It is tough to provide any help/guidance/opinion in that way.

Remember, you are unique, just like everyone else

So True!!

We see things like:

What should I do with $XX
Where should I invest $XX
Should I move to XXX
Should I start an internet business or invest in real estate?


No one can answer these questions effectively. You are the only one that can answer that for yourself! And they only way you can answer that for yourself is to go through a planning process. Get to know yourself, your values, your interests and competencies, your dreams, and your plan.

Once you have done that.... you will be able to answer those questions for yourself!

For more on how to do that, - Read This Thread.

Which leads me to another common mistake:

When you are asking these generic questions (whether it is in a thread or to a high profile person) what are you really asking for?

Are you asking them to - do it for you? lead you? Are you asking for a magic pill?

Turn to yourself first.

Ultimately, you will guide your future more effectively than anyone else (high profile or not) will be able to!

 

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[kurtyordy]

Remember, you are unique, just like everyone else

I thought I would help people visualize your point

 

[Peter2]

.....

 

[Double D]

I have to chime in. Many of these points are valid. Unfortunatley there are many newbies who are just not going to follow them, so, lets talk a little about what to do about it and how to respond. If we are cold shouldered and ignore everyone who makes this mistake and treat them like they are loosers they will be offended and probably go away. Is that what everyone wants? Because they dont do a search or take time to read all of the peliminarys is it really a sin? Now before you answer please note that I dont like it either but I dont want to treat someone like crap because they dont fit the mold. Just my 2 cents. I was a newbie too........

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

Double D,

I think that is a great point. Perhaps we can sticky this thread - along with a few others. Then, if we see someone that would benefit from reading these threads, we can simply point them to that section. I know Russ has a due diligence thread going that also helps out the newbie.... and recently there is the "find a mentor" thread.

 

[Double D]

Good idea. Maybe when we see those types of posts we can patiently direct them to some of these threads. I know that would probably have helped me.:coco: But then again I need all the help I can get!

 

[mark_sunbelt]

The road to financial freedom requires us to learn new behaviors, learn from others, expand our minds, and network.

It can feel like a lonely road at times.... the people all around us think we are crazy. Perhaps they don't understand the deals we do or the 'risks' we take on. They may argue with us or otherwise be un supportive. That is part of the reason we have so many active participants on a board such as the fastlane. It feels so refreshing to find like minded individuals! It feels so nice to find successful people that are willing to take the time to answer our questions and write helpful posts!

When we do finally find successful, like minded individuals, it is an amazing opportunity to learn - and to perhaps ask for advice.

Here are some of the mistakes I have either made, witnessed, or experienced in the 'ask for advice' area.

Common Mistakes Made When Asking For Advice​

1. ASK TOO MUCH. It is one thing to ask for a point in the right direction. It is another thing entirely to ask for a partnership on a huge project. If you are asking for something from a very successful person - - - it likely also means they are a very BUSY person. Be respectful of their time and only ask for a little.
   
2. ARGUE. It is difficult to be open minded and arrogant at the same time. If you know it all, then why are you asking? If you don't know it all, and you must not if you are asking for advice, than be humble enough to listen respectfully to the response you get.
   
3. ASK THEM TO HOLD YOUR HAND. If you are given some valueable information or food for thought - then it is time for you to run with it. They won't do it for you. The plan must be yours and you must execute it.
   
4. FAIL TO FOLLOW UP. If they took the time to help you, then follow up with a thank you. If you have experienced a success since your encounter - let them know!
   
5. ASK THE WRONG PERSON. If you have a legal question, don't ask a web site developer. You will waste their time, and your own.

specially when you are trying to start your own venture...it's advisable to talk it out with a business broker...they can help..:icon_super:

 

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[hatterasguy]

In the Mercedes forum I help moderate we have a helpfull sticky in the tech forums on "how to get the most from your post". Ie include basic stuff like which car you have, year, mileage, history, search a bit before posting etc. Some people ignore this and are quickly set to right by the other members.

I would say this is a pretty good thread to use to help educate newer members. This way when a new guy posts something, lets say its a "Where is the best place to put $50k" topic, you link them to this thread and tell them nicely to try again, and you will get better responses. If they are serious they will, if not forget about them.

We have good people in charge here, I'm not worried about it going down hill as it grows. They have shown that they are willing to remove the riff raf when they show up.

 

[servicefly]

ATW, Speed++

My 2 cents: A helpful tool to asking advice is to present advice already found or given, then asking for a "agree" or "disagree" explanation. Something like this:

Robert Kiyosaki says "Multi-level Marketing is a good business." What do any of you think?

Then you can give details about you situation like: "I am currently thinking of getting into Quixtar, but not sure about..."

Side note: MLMs are only good teaching tools unless you are the founder, especially the failure part IMHO. Even as a founder, their are certain ethical implications.

 

[gary29910]

You get a lot more out of a mentor than just
asking all the time.

It's best to ask what they need first & then your
needs will be filled.

 

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[365]

My favorite is from Rich Dad (I think, memory is shaky)...

Even if the person doesn't want anything from you, they'll respect your request a lot more.

Great advice! you can apply this to many areas of your business. Give people great free content and establish trust before you even think of asking them for money (unless they come screaming and just want to hand you the money for the product:smx1

 

[Thraken]

I know that I'm new here and all, but if you don't mind I would like to add. Don't be afraid to ask. Sometimes you don't have the answer even if you think you do.

 

[Russ H]

Don't be afraid to ask. Sometimes you don't have the answer even if you think you do.

I'm a bit confused, Thraken.

If you think you already know the answer, then why would you ask?

(please don't take this an an attack-- I just don't understand your point, and am looking for clarification.)

-Russ H.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I think ... if you think you have the answer and still ask, wouldn't that be "confirmation?"

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Well..... I guess a way of getting a different POV