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Move Back in with Parents and Save $$$ or Stay Independent and Gain Opportunities?

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Haelios

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Hey everyone. It's been a while since my last post, but I'm back and am trying to figure out what's the best path.

It's been rough being out of my parents house for a few months now, I've had a bunch of setbacks from medical bills to court fees (ended up getting in a minor fender bender, nothing serious) and am constantly trying to balance my budget so I don't end up broke before my next paycheck. I like my new job as a car dealer, been working at the place for a month now and mostly everyone there treats me with some ounce of respect rather than at some dead-end job. However, doing my calculations shows that I'm not making any significant progress that I would like to do.

I currently have to pay off my debts to my friends for covering for me which is roughly $1000 total. I'm also going to be paying rent shortly after I pay off my friends so that's going to be about $800 after two months, not including utilities and other features. After all my calculations, I'm going to have a little over $500 after 2 months but that doesn't include any food expenses so it'll probably be around $300 if I balance my budget with discipline.

Meanwhile, I chatted with my parents after discussing this and was told that I can come back to the house any time I want to. I wouldn't have to worry about rent or any utility costs, I'd have a good bed and all I'd need to take care of is just paying for food every now and then. I'd also be able to meet my parents again, one of the biggest things I've missed since I moved out back in August. Only problem is, I'd be heading back to Ohio, or as I call it The Big Empty. That's only because my parents live away from the big cities like Cleveland or Columbus. There isn't that much to do when it comes for general job opportunities.

I don't want to lose my friends and colleagues since these are some of the best people that I've met so far. But then again, I could cut down on expenses tremendously. I might make more opportunities if I stick to my friends as we plan on going to Missouri in some of the up and coming regions, but that'll further the literal distance between me and my family and make things harder for expenses. My friends see opportunities in Missouri that aren't options where we're currently at but I don't know if that's where I'd like to be since I can't find what I'm looking for if I don't even know where to look.

I'm still thinking about what'd be the best outcome but I honestly can't tell. I'd like to hear some outside input on what's best.
 

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James Klymus

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My 2 cents: I think you should stay moved out. It sounds like you haven't been very good with money, and living back with your parents where you have almost no financial responsibilities would only hold you back from getting better at budgeting your money.

It sounds like you have loving parents, since they would take you in and not charge you to live with them. But use them as a last resort.
 
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Haelios

Haelios

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It sounds like you haven't been very good with money...
I've actually been fairly decent with money actually. My entire time spent here has been heavily budgeted. I don't engage in any recreational activities outside of the games and film that I already own so there's no expenses there. Most of my budget goes to either my friends or rent as I've got to occasionally buy enough food to feed a group of four, myself included.

If there's any expense that would be unecessary, it'd probably be my gym membership which is $32 a month. I don't want to get rid of it though since I'd like to keep some means of physical activity. Helps as a stress reliever and keeps me fit.
 

James Klymus

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If there's any expense that would be unecessary, it'd probably be my gym membership which is $32 a month. I don't want to get rid of it though since I'd like to keep some means of physical activity. Helps as a stress reliever and keeps me fit.
No way, keep the gym membership.
 

Boychamp

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The ONLY reason I would say move back in is if you have a plan. A specific reason you're going to be saving money with a job lined up, with a financial breakdown of what you're going to be spending each month, saving each month, with a specific goal to achieve it and a timeline of how long it'd take.

For example (totally hypothetical): My goal is to save up enough money for a down payment of roughly $20k to purchase my first rental property. I have a job lined up that I'll be making $40k/year at. I will be saving $2000/month so it will take me 10 months before I reach my goal at which time I will have my rental property ready to go because I will have been doing research this whole time. (obviously numbers are BS but you get the point).

That's my opinion anyway.
 
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Haelios

Haelios

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The ONLY reason I would say move back in is if you have a plan. A specific reason you're going to be saving money with a job lined up, with a financial breakdown of what you're going to be spending each month, saving each month, with a specific goal to achieve it and a timeline of how long it'd take.
That's pretty true, if I were to move back, I don't really have any options lined up for potential jobs. Then again, I don't really have any plans at all when it comes to sticking around where I'm currently at. I haven't really stopped to take a look for where I'm trying to go, simply because I'm not sure what I want.
 

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when I would move back, than only with paying a reasonable rent!
 

Boychamp

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That's pretty true, if I were to move back, I don't really have any options lined up for potential jobs. Then again, I don't really have any plans at all when it comes to sticking around where I'm currently at. I haven't really stopped to take a look for where I'm trying to go, simply because I'm not sure what I want.
I understand. If you have no plans, I would look at which makes you happier. From my initial reaction to your post, it sounds like you're much happier, more fulfilled with more opportunities for learning/advancement/networking in your current situation.

So as a random guy on the internet you don't know, my suggestion would be to stick with what you're doing BUT really start trying to figure out what you want and start striving towards it. Make sure to look up from what you're doing in the trenches and make sure you're steering the ship. Cheers man, best of luck!
 

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Listen, if you can't start something bigger for no cash then probably you won't do it with cash saved on rent (by moving back to parents).

It's good that you go lean and disciplined, these are traits of many successful people.

Only thing that i'd advise is to stretch a bit your end goals.
Add one zero to your desired outcome and work it out from there.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you'll going to do.
 

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DavidTT

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I'll give you my experience with moving back to mom's place; once I got back living with my mom's I managed to get a job at a major bank (customer service) and managed to pay off all of my debt. It was roughly about $17K worth of debt in a matter of 18 months. It also helped my mom since she had her own personal debt and completely wiped it off as well (about $6K). Now both me and her are debt free and it's much easier on both.

Personally, I think the main issue with living at your parent's place is the fact that, although they love you, parents don't respect you. However, if you do help pay off the mortgage and help financially, they'll definitely respect you and listen to you a lot more.

On a side note, I have one of my cousins which never went to university but straight to work out of high school. She got into a big telecom corporation and slowly moved up the corporate latter and is currently a project manager. She also got married but currently is living at her in-laws house (living with her husband at his mom's place). Now we could say that this really sucks but she's currently 27 and managed to save over $150K which IMHO is pretty good.
 
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Haelios

Haelios

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Personally, I think the main issue with living at your parent's place is the fact that, although they love you, parents don't respect you. However, if you do help pay off the mortgage and help financially, they'll definitely respect you and listen to you a lot more.
That's pretty true, even though I've made plenty of decisions for myself, my parents still can't help but see me as the fool, which is understandable as I haven't really been able to prove that I am competent to them, not to mention myself.

If I do stay independent, I maintain control. It's risky as hell, but that's all part of the process. Maybe I'm just looking for the easiest way out of this mess, but that wouldn't guarantee anything good for me down the road.
 

James Orman

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You need to tell us your own business goals. Then figure out how the goals will better align to your living conditions. Do you need the job for it being relevant to the business you want to create? If you want to do an online business, then moving in with parents can be good so you can focus all your time. If its a type of business that is brick and mortar or needs physical presence then I can see it becoming more tricky to plan out. For example the big cities have higher odds of finding clients and opportunities.
 
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Haelios

Haelios

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You need to tell us your own business goals. Then figure out how the goals will better align to your living conditions. Do you need the job for it being relevant to the business you want to create?
In terms of actual business goals, I'll need to plot out specifics but for now I'm working on general sales skills at a car dealership. The type of industry that I've got my eyes on is a physical product but I'm not sure what steps I'll need to take when I feel comfortable prototyping. I can guarantee that I'd be able to find opportunities down in Missouri that would help me reach those goals, but if I head down to rural Ohio where my parents live, I don't think I'd be able to make any progress there due to the lack of activity.

In order to start prototyping, I reckon that I'd need a minimum of $500, maybe $1000 to play it safe. I'd also have to spend a lot of time researching on what could work and what couldn't but that goes without saying.
 

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It's always a good idea to move toward something than away from something. If you don't have a plan for income, then moving back to your parents is not a good idea. OTOH, if you line up a job that has potential, then maybe.
 

EVMaso

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Meanwhile, I chatted with my parents after discussing this and was told that I can come back to the house any time I want to. I wouldn't have to worry about rent or any utility costs, I'd have a good bed and all I'd need to take care of is just paying for food every now and then. I'd also be able to meet my parents again, one of the biggest things I've missed since I moved out back in August. Only problem is, I'd be heading back to Ohio, or as I call it The Big Empty. That's only because my parents live away from the big cities like Cleveland or Columbus. There isn't that much to do when it comes for general job opportunities.
You have a great relationship with your parents and they'll let you stay with them RENT FREE? That's an amazing deal. I always recommend that option to people in a heartbeat.

In order to start prototyping, I reckon that I'd need a minimum of $500, maybe $1000 to play it safe. I'd also have to spend a lot of time researching on what could work and what couldn't but that goes without saying.
$500-$1000 does not seem like a lot of money for any sort of prototyping. Just reading some of the stories in this forum makes that clear. The last thing you want when you start to build momentum is to put the brakes on because you ran out of money.

If I were you I'd move back in with the folks in a heartbeat. Bank that money, find a job that is comfy and low stress and perhaps affords some free time (thinking of desk jobs here) to do stuff online. Pay off all debts and build a nice fat runway cushion, then go forth and start prototyping or whatever. You can do a lot of research and other work online. Then when you are financially stable (no debts + solid emergency fund + entrepreneur monies) you can go 100% energy into whatever it is you decide you want to do. It shouldn't take long if you're living rent free.
 
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Haelios

Haelios

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You have a great relationship with your parents and they'll let you stay with them RENT FREE? That's an amazing deal. I always recommend that option to people in a heartbeat.
I'm the youngest of three at eighteen in my family. Even though I broke my family's hearts by leaving college since I weighed the odds and found it a waste of time, I still kept in touch and managed to not burn bridges. I miss them almost every day and they're offering me to come back and stay rent free if things get too tough.


If I were you I'd move back in with the folks in a heartbeat. Bank that money, find a job that is comfy and low stress and perhaps affords some free time (thinking of desk jobs here) to do stuff online. Pay off all debts and build a nice fat runway cushion, then go forth and start prototyping or whatever.
The biggest problem that I can see if I do move back, is that I may end up getting too comfy and not making any progress. I don't believe that I could discipline myself enough to strive for larger things if I already have them available to me. Being independent for such a long time has taught me to be more tactful in spending habits and also to be grateful for every little thing that comes my way.
 

EVMaso

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The biggest problem that I can see if I do move back, is that I may end up getting too comfy and not making any progress. I don't believe that I could discipline myself enough to strive for larger things if I already have them available to me. Being independent for such a long time has taught me to be more tactful in spending habits and also to be grateful for every little thing that comes my way.
If you feel like you don't have the discipline, then you don't. What makes you think you'll magically get it when you've burned the boats?

The fact is when you are financially secure you are in the best position to make bets and pounce on opportunities. The hero story of the scrappy entrepreneur who starts with pennies and builds an empire is inspiring, but unrealistic. Only when you are in a position of strength can you properly swing for the fences, and you won't be in that position if you're working 9-5, paying down debt, and paying rent.

Secure the base, then build the empire.
 
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Haelios

Haelios

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If you feel like you don't have the discipline, then you don't. What makes you think you'll magically get it when you've burned the boats?
Good point. It's not like that discipline will appear out of thin air.

Only when you are in a position of strength can you properly swing for the fences, and you won't be in that position if you're working 9-5, paying down debt, and paying rent.
I can't say I agree 100% on you there. Sure it'd make things easier if I didn't have to balance my finances like I'm on a tightrope, but there are some crazy success stories around because people were fueled by a strong desire to succeed.
 

EVMaso

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I can't say I agree 100% on you there. Sure it'd make things easier if I didn't have to balance my finances like I'm on a tightrope, but there are some crazy success stories around because people were fueled by a strong desire to succeed.
Was it entirely because of their force of will? Or did they just get a lot of bounces go their way? Those success stories are crazy because a lot of things just lined up for them, up to and including their own skills and hustle, but also market timing, meeting the right people at the right time, but most importantly either somehow avoiding any major setbacks (unlikely) or having a strong safety net to get them back on their feet when they do get a setback (more likely). You don't get bonus entrepreneur points for handicapping yourself, and you shouldn't care whether your back story is heroic or not once you've made it.

Good luck.
 

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Real Deal Denver

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If you feel like you don't have the discipline, then you don't. What makes you think you'll magically get it when you've burned the boats?

The fact is when you are financially secure you are in the best position to make bets and pounce on opportunities. The hero story of the scrappy entrepreneur who starts with pennies and builds an empire is inspiring, but unrealistic. Only when you are in a position of strength can you properly swing for the fences, and you won't be in that position if you're working 9-5, paying down debt, and paying rent.

Secure the base, then build the empire.
You can do it all on your own. You're a failure if you don't. Don't buckle under pressure - be a man.

And other such crap.

Too many people let their egos get in the way of progress.

I just read a story on Quora about a guy that moved back home and saved his money for six months - then launched his biz and never looked back.

Weigh the facts and only the facts. There's no shame in retreating, restarting, or even starting something new and different. There is no such thing as failure until you quit trying. You either succeed, or you're learning. Success comes from good judgment. Good judgment comes from learning from mistakes. Mistakes are great teachers if you step back and learn from them.

I am in "regroup mode" myself, and things are looking very good for me. I know several prominent attornies on a first name basis whom I do business with - and I'm rated #1 for the largest and most sought after client in my market area - which is a very big market area of several million people. I'm in negotiations with the second-largest client in my market area at the moment. Go for the gold! Don't do what everyone is doing. Even lions miss their mark and don't feast every day. Instead of hobbling along, I cut right to the top. It meant going back a few steps - but then I was able to JUMP ahead way further than I would have been able to if I had stayed in "crawl mode." THINK. You have opportunities. Go after them the best way possible, using whatever method is necessary.

If I had let my ego make my decisions, I would have toughed it out and not progressed much. But I let my brain speak, and it said, "OK, this didn't go as planned, so now it's time for a new plan." No shame in that - hey, life happens.

I hope that helps you sort things out. It's math, really. Lay out your plan and look at the big picture. Be willing to swallow your pride if needed. Admit you're not a genius and you have made mistakes, and will continue to do so. The most successful people operate that way. You are climbing a mountain - not running a race.
 

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Hey everyone. It's been a while since my last post, but I'm back and am trying to figure out what's the best path.

It's been rough being out of my parents house for a few months now, I've had a bunch of setbacks from medical bills to court fees (ended up getting in a minor fender bender, nothing serious) and am constantly trying to balance my budget so I don't end up broke before my next paycheck. I like my new job as a car dealer, been working at the place for a month now and mostly everyone there treats me with some ounce of respect rather than at some dead-end job. However, doing my calculations shows that I'm not making any significant progress that I would like to do.

I currently have to pay off my debts to my friends for covering for me which is roughly $1000 total. I'm also going to be paying rent shortly after I pay off my friends so that's going to be about $800 after two months, not including utilities and other features. After all my calculations, I'm going to have a little over $500 after 2 months but that doesn't include any food expenses so it'll probably be around $300 if I balance my budget with discipline.

Meanwhile, I chatted with my parents after discussing this and was told that I can come back to the house any time I want to. I wouldn't have to worry about rent or any utility costs, I'd have a good bed and all I'd need to take care of is just paying for food every now and then. I'd also be able to meet my parents again, one of the biggest things I've missed since I moved out back in August. Only problem is, I'd be heading back to Ohio, or as I call it The Big Empty. That's only because my parents live away from the big cities like Cleveland or Columbus. There isn't that much to do when it comes for general job opportunities.

I don't want to lose my friends and colleagues since these are some of the best people that I've met so far. But then again, I could cut down on expenses tremendously. I might make more opportunities if I stick to my friends as we plan on going to Missouri in some of the up and coming regions, but that'll further the literal distance between me and my family and make things harder for expenses. My friends see opportunities in Missouri that aren't options where we're currently at but I don't know if that's where I'd like to be since I can't find what I'm looking for if I don't even know where to look.

I'm still thinking about what'd be the best outcome but I honestly can't tell. I'd like to hear some outside input on what's best.
I've read a few answers, and a few of your responses on this thread, and all in all, I think you should move back and save some money.

Your parents sound cool, and maybe after being in the city for awhile has rubbed off on you; who knows? Maybe when you get back, you'll find that you've acquired some new skills which will help you fill up the 'Big Empty' with something valuable that it desperately needs.
 

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It feels like this is more complicated than it needs to be - you don't need to move back home.

You should create a detailed budget with your monthly expenses and take home pay. You did this to an extent in this post but it's all over the place - not listing utilities, temporarily owing friends, etc. Get down to the bottom of things and ask yourself, in 3 months, how much money are you going to be able to pocket each month? What will be your total take home versus your total expenses, all things considered?

If you're still in the green, which it sounds like you will be, it seems the better option is to keep going. Work on a side hustle to earn more, get promoted/raised in your main job, and start on your fastlane endeavors.

What do you have to lose? Don't blindly follow your friends to Missouri with nothing but don't end up back at home without a job either. Sounds like you're doing pretty well where you're currently at.
 
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Haelios

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Weigh the facts and only the facts. There's no shame in retreating, restarting, or even starting something new and different. There is no such thing as failure until you quit trying. You either succeed, or you're learning. Success comes from good judgment. Good judgment comes from learning from mistakes. Mistakes are great teachers if you step back and learn from them.
The hardest thing that is weighing my decision by far is my pride. I don't want to look like a failure to my parents and I don't want to let my friends and the people I've met along the way down. I honestly can't say for certain if I'm just walking down a dead end or if this is how it's meant to be. This kind of uncertainty scares the hell out of me because I want to get it right the first time, but I know that's not possible.

You should create a detailed budget with your monthly expenses and take home pay. You did this to an extent in this post but it's all over the place - not listing utilities, temporarily owing friends, etc. Get down to the bottom of things and ask yourself, in 3 months, how much money are you going to be able to pocket each month? What will be your total take home versus your total expenses, all things considered?
In terms of budget, my job pays biweekly. Since it's a car dealership, there's a monthly draw of $1500 that you have to balance out by selling cars. It varies for the amount of cars that you sell but the minimum amount you'll make per car is $250. I'm still on training pay for another month or two which makes my monthly profit $2500.

I owe roughly $1000 to my friends since they've been covering for me when I was looking for a job. This is based around food expenses, rent, as well as a ticket to the Summit. All of this, I'm grateful for but it's also playing a part to where I don't want to make it seem like I wasted my friends time.

I'm going to be paying $240 to my parents when I get the chance as they covered medical expenses for me during my accident.

My monthly rent and utilities are around $400. That includes heat, water, internet, gas, etc. There's also my phone bill which is $20 every month.

To summarize:

+$2500
-$1000
-$400
-$240
-$20
==========
$840

That may seem like a fair amount to hold onto, but I've got to buy a ticket to head on down to Phoenix, Arizona before February for the summit as well as pay for hotel expenses. My roommates plan is to leave for Missouri by late March or so. I still want to get a car for myself but my current budget doesn't really have space for that since insurance would be a real pain at 18. I also don't have the means available to build up credit for myself, so that's been annoying me ever since I got here. I also didn't factor in monthly food expenses as I'm still trying to tally everything up there.

What do you have to lose? Don't blindly follow your friends to Missouri with nothing but don't end up back at home without a job either. Sounds like you're doing pretty well where you're currently at.
Since I've created the thread, I've generated a few ideas, some good and some bad, but I'm still uncertain as to whether or not they'll work or just be another flub like the previous ones. The good ideas have got me curious enough to try them out and I feel my chances are greater down at Missouri. Of course, I've got to work out the finer details of everything and tally up all potential expenses, but I feel that I've got a better chance to do things if I head on down to Missouri.

That being said, I'm still weighing the odds on what path should I take. There are too many uncertainties either way I go. Everyone's offered some sound advice and I keep arguing with myself on who's right, who's wrong, etc. I'll keep stewing on it, but eventually I'll have to make the decision.
 

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You have temporary, one-time fixed expenses like the Summit ticket/airfare, paying back your friends, and paying $250 to your parents. I think these things are casting a cloud over what's actually bothering you. They are good to consider but the bigger picture is 3 months from now, 6 months from now, etc., these expenses won't exist.

Then? Your monthly expenses are only $420 + food. You work in sales. What's there to lose living on your own in this situation?

So, forget the one-time expenses. You'll take care of them in due time. Your real pain points are that you don't have a car, your roomates are moving out in March, and you feel like you don't have a way to build credit.

For a car, you could look at saving up for an older used model for a couple grand or less, with nothing but liability insurance. I used to be a P&C insurance agent myself and Virginia was one of my states, and insurance down there is dirt cheap. You have to do your research and call around, but it's something to think about - if you really need one, that is. The thing is about insurance, the longer you have it consistently, the cheaper it gets. Mercury Insurance is one that I offered in Virginia that is affordable for "high risk" drivers like yourself, and I can't speak to how good they are, but I know they are cheap.

For credit, you could open up a $500 credit card, that's what I did at 18, through Discover, as something to get started. Just put the groceries on it and your phone bill and pay it off within a week so it was as if you were using your debit card. Additionally, I know Equifax (one of the 3 major credit reporting bureaus) will let you add in your phone bill and utilities as factors to be calculated in your FICO score. Worth checking out.

Lastly, on the roommate thing: are they roommates, or good friends?

feel that I've got a better chance to do things if I head on down to Missouri.
To do what, exactly? Higher paying job? Manage expenses? (the fixed ones already seem really low)

I would literally go into Google Sheets if I were you and list out all of your one-time expenses you have to take care of in the next couple of months. Then below that, you can create the columns with your expected income on the left and all of your expenses on the right and start to see where you can make headway.
 
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Haelios

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Lastly, on the roommate thing: are they roommates, or good friends?
The guys who are my roommates have been good friends of mine for over half my life. One browses this forum and has similar end goals. It's not perfect as there are moments that make me want to rip my hair out, but these guys have been supporting me for quite some time now by driving me to work or for spotting me on cash should I not have enough (which I didn't for a few weeks).

If they move, I'm more or less forced to move as I don't believe I could find anywhere I could afford to stay at on my own. There are pros to going with them though. We'd be able to find housing that's more or less equal to what we pay at the apartment complex and it would have a higher quality of life.

To do what, exactly? Higher paying job? Manage expenses? (the fixed ones already seem really low)
I'm not so certain about the higher paying job, but expenses would be invested in something that's less degrading. This apartment complex is managed very poorly and half of the things here either don't work or are incredibly dangerous. It's claustrophobia galore and the neighborhood isn't exactly the safest since someone tried to steal some of my roommates stuff not too long ago. Out in Missouri, we found plenty of alternatives for housing that would be better than this.
 

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