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FAILURE Embarrassing posts on various forums using real name.

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Galaxy16

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A friend from my earlier school made embarrassing posts on various online forums at age ~13, whose topics are related to love and sex. His nickname was his real name, and his real name is rather rare.

Let's just say: he has been a naughty pervert.
And he could delete posts or threads, but not on all forums, and he can not delete posts he was quoted.
Ah yes, in 2011 and 2012, he also made second-hand-embarassing(to me) Wikipedia edits using his real first name as a part of the account name, which he resents today.
Well, his edits were often factually correct, but on sites regarding love and sex.

He did not use his brain before pressing "post".
Surprisingly, his account has never been blocked despite some warnings. But obviously, a few years later, he realised, that he has done a traceful mistake, to say at least.

I tried to tell him, that sex is not a guilty pleasure, but that does not make his edits less embarrassing, and he is worried, that some day, some potential future enemies will harm him using these posts he made without thinking much.

Now, I know what you may think: "How can persons be so foolish?!". Yes! I know, it was not the smartest idea, but I am seeking for some advice to give him on what he can do about it now.

Past is past.
 

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LaraJF

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Is it possible to log into those forums and change the user name? I have no suggestions for the wikipedia edits. I guess he could do an end run and make a blog post saying he was 13 and knows more now and apologizes for his indiscretions and has learned so much in the past xx years and looks forward to growing and learning more. That way, anyone who tries to use it against him looks petty and vindictive.
 

ApparentHorizon

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A friend from my earlier school made embarrassing posts on various online forums at age ~13, whose topics are related to love and sex. His nickname was his real name, and his real name is rather rare.

Let's just say: he has been a naughty pervert.
And he could delete posts or threads, but not on all forums, and he can not delete posts he was quoted.
Ah yes, in 2011 and 2012, he also made second-hand-embarassing(to me) Wikipedia edits using his real first name as a part of the account name, which he resents today.
Well, his edits were often factually correct, but on sites regarding love and sex.

He did not use his brain before pressing "post".
Surprisingly, his account has never been blocked despite some warnings. But obviously, a few years later, he realised, that he has done a traceful mistake, to say at least.

I tried to tell him, that sex is not a guilty pleasure, but that does not make his edits less embarrassing, and he is worried, that some day, some potential future enemies will harm him using these posts he made without thinking much.

Now, I know what you may think: "How can persons be so foolish?!". Yes! I know, it was not the smartest idea, but I am seeking for some advice to give him on what he can do about it now.

Past is past.

If these are US based sites, <13 years can only give out their information with their parent's consent. (COPPA 1998). You'd have a legal basis for a Google DMCA take down request. If contacting the site owner doesn't work, that is.

Otherwise you could bury the results for his name with SEO. Setup linkedin, other popular forums, etc. and populate it with positive info.

apologizes for his indiscretions and has learned so much in the past xx years and looks forward to growing and learning

Don't do this. You'll lose all plausible deniability.
 

Galaxy16

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You need new friends man. Yours seem to always have ridiculous problems.
1. How do I find new friends? How does "surrounding myself" work?
2. I can not just cut off friendship to him and dump him. I can have less contact to him, but we are very trusted to each other, and I posted this thread because what happened to him could disrupt his Fastlane road trip.
 

Galaxy16

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If he is in the EU, he can apply to get all the stuff de-listed from search engines. Just search "EU Right to be forgotten" for more info
That might work short term, but some day, somebody could still discover his posts.
 

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Late Bloomer

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Many people have done dumb stuff while younger... for example, last week.

In the modern Western world, second chances are often more possible than you might think. There are people who have been convicted and imprisoned for securities fraud, and yet were able to convince others to hand over their life savings for new scams. There are people whose misappropriation of religious ceremonies have literally killed people through negligence and bullying, and yet after they were out of prison, all was forgiven and people continued to pay for their guruship. There are people who've lied about their supposed cancer cures that have actually killed patients, and yet new medical tourists come into the country for that service all the time.

Your friend could change his name at 18. Or he could go by a pen name for his career. Or he could just not mention the old embarrasing stuff, and flood the Internet with manipulated positive links about his great business skills and how he took over funding Mother Teresa's orphanage, so the dumb kid's sex posts are way down on page 50 of the search results. If anyone asks he could just say, "I was a dumb kid back then, I know better now, and my current career has nothing to do with sex. By the way, would you like to place your order now?"
 

Late Bloomer

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I posted this thread because what happened to him could disrupt his Fastlane road trip.

You could also have suggested that using a pen name, he post on his own behalf. It's kind that you want to help your friends by offering advice they seem to need, but you also seem to have a knack for turning that kind desire into a crushing burden upon yourself.

When my beloved needed surgery, we agreed that it didn't show any lack of love on my part that I couldn't take a decade to go to medical school and learn how to the the surgeon she so desperately needed. Instead, we found someone who was already an experienced surgeon. If that's true of caregiving for a life partner with cancer, surely it can also be true of wishing well for one's young friends.
 

Galaxy16

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You could also have suggested that using a pen name, he post on his own behalf.
I already suggested this to him, but he wishes not directly to discuss his problem online, because he is too frightened of haters.
I told him: In the world of business, there will be much greater haters! Better get used to it.
But he still did not want to interact directly.
 

ZF Lee

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1. How do I find new friends? How does "surrounding myself" work?
2. I can not just cut off friendship to him and dump him. I can have less contact to him, but we are very trusted to each other, and I posted this thread because what happened to him could disrupt his Fastlane road trip.
Go to new places. New school clubs. Meetups. Church. Charities.

You can look into interacting with people, and getting to know a bit about them by doing tasks alongside them.

'Hi, how are you doing?' and 'Do you need help there?' are good ice-breakers lol. And from there, you look for common interests and life principles that you both share. Or great experiences that the other person might have, that you don't. Take time to find out, though.

And yes, on your friend, you can keep some minimal contact, but be ready for anything.
Don't hate him, but don't invest too much either, that you break your emotional bank.


Otherwise you could bury the results for his name with SEO. Setup linkedin, other popular forums, etc. and populate it with positive info.
I like this route more. Lots of ways to go about it.
Even here on TFLF, after our first crap posts, that's how we turn over an online new leaf!
 

Mr.Brandtastic

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Your "friend":

 

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Fox

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Just ignore them and move on.

If someone went to the effort of finding posts I made online at 13 I would be more inclined to mock them than get embarrassed myself.

"You are going through posts some kid made 10 years ago - pretty weird dude."

His effort (and yours) would be better spent focusing on the future rather than worrying about something they wrote a decade ago.
 

Real Deal Denver

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Just ignore them and move on.

If someone went to the effort of finding posts I made online at 13 I would be more inclined to mock them than get embarrassed myself.

"You are going through posts some kid made 10 years ago - pretty weird dude."

His effort (and yours) would be better spent focusing on the future rather than worrying about something they wrote a decade ago.


My thought through this entire thread. Who cares what a 13 year old thinks? We were all 13 at one time.
 

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Late Bloomer

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@Galaxy16, is your friend in the EU? Has he watched the entertaining and informative clip from John Oliver that introduces the right to be forgotten? Looked up the relevant laws on taking down info? Checked if his original login at 13 was invalid anyway due to terms of service? Found someone at the business side of Wikipedia who deals with these questions? There's plenty of great info from many people on this forum. It's up to your friend to take some action now... his own action, not your doing it for him... if this really does matter to him about his own life!
 

Ninjakid

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1. How do I find new friends? How does "surrounding myself" work?
Join an MMA gym. You'll met people who I guarantee don't a shit about what their 13 year old self wrote online.
2. I can not just cut off friendship to him and dump him. I can have less contact to him, but we are very trusted to each other, and I posted this thread because what happened to him could disrupt his Fastlane road trip.
And see that's exactly the thing. Your friend is not actually doing anything to better himself. He's spending his time concerned about what some stranger may think of him in the future. And worse yet, he's got you invested in his worry to.
Come on man. If he's a grown a$$ man who can't just laugh off what his pubescent self said online, he's got some other issues he needs to sort out.
 

Private Witt

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Interesting thread. Im currently in a long-term Internet war with this famous horrific dirty racist poker industry troll that has dragged a lot of my old stuff out. He even got into my Facebook and attacked my friends and family. Went to six different platforms and attacked me there.

Im glad to say Im pretty clean but he takes things out of context and tries to get me there. He is a sad person and has left a trail of horrifying behavior that connects to his real identity and I bide my time and will take care of him when the right timing presents itself.
 

active employ

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Options?
Ignore it. It was years ago.
or
Hire a cleaner from the darknet.
what is the time and cost worth to you?
are you in a position where this information would cause real concern down the road?
because if not, you are wasting time on something that really doesn't matter.
If it really. really does, look into finding a cleaner. This is someone who will pm forum owners to delete data or force remove.
 

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