Please critique my landing page

[BigBrianC]

Hello,

I have finally finished my landing page. I was wondering if you guys could look at it and critique it, everything from design to copy -- don't hold anything back!

http://gamepln.com

Thank you!

 

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[blackhat]

IMO, you're asking for too much information. Each field reduces the chances of someone filling it out.

Also, I think it would be better to give a specific offer than to say exclusive deals. i.e. Get X months free or $X off your subscription.

At the bottom it says "Pre-Register Today -- before it is too late!" Too late for what?

 

[AlterJoule]

I agree, you're asking for entirely way too much of the customer for the amount of benefits that you are giving. When creating a landing page, always look for the uneven trade-off.

What I mean by uneven trade-off is you MUST provide the potential customer more benefit than the work you request of them to receive it in the first place. If you want my name, you better give me two amazing things before I do. Want my name AND email...Wow..You better give me like 4 things.... As a rule, try to think of the benefit to request ratio as a 2:1. If you can keep that in mind, you may find it easier to get bites. It may be better to get a name, and email. Provide an awesome email with great information, and THEN ask for further information once you "WOW" them.

You also need to work on the "How". How are you completing the task for me? You don't need to go into crazy detail but I NEED to know how you plan to accomplish the promise you're making to me. Just telling me you'll do it for me doesn't help me. Is it going to be timely? Done correct? Efficiently accomplished? Is it completely hands-off or do I still need to do something?

You need to make them believe the process is so unbelievably painful that I MUST utilize your service to remedy it. Assume I don't know it's an issue....Make it an issue...Tell me how you fix the issue...Tell me to use you so that I can take advantage of your expertise on the issue which ultimately eliminates the aforementioned issue for me.


I'd also like to comment on the overall appearance. It needs work. I would highly recommend you do a quick Google search for the Top 10 Performing Landing Pages.. Find one you like, and model it. Take each section one by one and recreate it. People read in "F" patterns, (review heat-maps if you want proof).. People look at images and headlines looking for something to catch their eye, are you making sure you have plenty of great headlines and images? Do you know what the most appealing colors are? Do you know what words to avoid? Do you know which words encourage people to act? Do videos perform better or do images?


How many ways can you incorporate these into your offers?

1. Survival, enjoyment of life, life extension.
2. Enjoyment of food and beverages.
3. Freedom from fear, pain, and danger.
4. Sexual companionship.
5. Comfortable living conditions.
6. To be superior, winning, keeping up with the Joneses.
7. Care and protection of loved ones.
8. Social approval.
9. To be informed.
10. Curiosity
11. Cleanliness of body & surroundings
12. Efficiency
13. Convenience
    
14. Dependability or Quality
15. Expression of beauty & style
16. Profit
17. Bargains

^^*List from the book Ca$hvertising*^^ <<Have you read it? Why not?



Good job on taking action. Welcome to phase two....Time to tweak, test, refine, & polish...



Goodluck



A.

 

[DaRK9]

Do name, email for the initial sign-up. Then send a confirmation to a register with the rest of the info if you need it.

This guide is about apps, but I use it for webpages as well.
http://gettingreal.37signals.com/

 

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[GuestUser116]

The registration boxes at the top look like garbage.

 

[CJC3392]

If I just stumbled on this page I literally would have no idea what it is you're asking for or what this page is about. All I know is it's something sports related but I don't understand your lead statement "The only way to convert office hours to victory laps." I'm sort of lost. When I scroll down I realize it's a coaching app but the benefits IMO aren't really that clear.

This was my impression, hope it helps.

Good work btw if you made this from scratch, not bad for your first time! Keep it up

 

[BigBrianC]

Thanks for the awesome feedback everyone, ill get straight to work making changes. This is my first entrepreneurial venture, and I have an extremely limited budget, so im doing everything myself, from design to copy (and im not much of a designer!). I do hope and want the product to do well, but also im using this as a learning opportunity.

 

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[BigBrianC]

Alright guys, I've made some changes, what do you think of it now? I mostly just changed the copy, changed a little bit of the design but not total redesign. I'm going to read some stuff about design and also keep getting feedback before I do anything drastic with that.


http://gamepln.com

 

[Andrew C]

Question: How do you plan on marketing this site?
Unless you are talking to people you already have a REALLY STRONG relationship with, you really want to raise the bar with design.

It looks like you have some background in HTML/CSS, but I would put your site onto the WORDPRESS platform.
It's free, and is often a 1-click install on your hosting server.

To create a great impression, use these as a standard for quality:
http://athemes.com/collections/best-app-showcase-wordpress-themes/
(By the way, that is the first gallery I came across on a google search, I have no affiliation with them or anything.
Just search "Wordpress app themes".)

Just pay the money and buy a good quality template.
In the end, it's worth it.

Customize the content to reflect the benefits/features in a much clearer way.
I like some of the suggestions above from AltarJoule for generating the language for the site.

Sounds like a clever app idea, and with a much clearer communication of its benefits, marketed strategically to coaches...
Could be a winner!

I greatly respect you for having the courage to put your work out there for constructive criticism from people who can help you.

Success to you

 

[randomnumber314]

http://thetechreviewer.com/tech-tips/web-design-101-what-does-above-the-fold-mean/

 

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