{PROGRESS + ACCOUNTABILITY} LAURYN'S RECONSTRUCTION: GETTING TO 50 SHADES OF PAID

[Cybria]

I feel you all the way hun. Life can bang you up sometimes. Recently had to move in with my mother to keep from starving to death. But I'm not discouraged. I'm sorry you're going through this in the cold months. But resilience is serving you well. You will survive though. And then you will thrive.

 

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[Lauryn]

Thanks for the support. Things are more crazy than I can even let on by now.

I've stopped taking on cheap clients. You try to strike a deal with them, and they're still not able to come up with the money. And you're still broke as F*ck after the fact. At this point, it's like why bother? If you can't push the money in my hands within 24 hours or less, your bonus is done.

Anyway... working on killing Wild Succulence and getting it released soon.

I've also decided once I fulfill my story with The Playgirl Diaries, I'm not going to keep working under anyone else. I know my audience and market, and I just need to control everything. Nothing bad happened; but I need my market to be mine. No co-signers.

 

[Lauryn]

...So...

I finished an abstract confrontation scene for Wild Succulence. I pushed the edges and created something polarizing. It was a 12 page chapter and a very long scene. But it was needed, because I was getting bored and I needed to figure out something that would allow me to connect the story and push it along for a quick publish. I want it published by Christmas, basically.

(I wish I had written and published this in October or November but you know. Life.)

I shared the scene, raw and uncut, with several people. All but one loved it. The one who didn't said the events within were too much for her - one little detail I won't give away.

I feel very positive about this release because ... well, yeah I'm getting back in my element.

 

[Lauryn]

Wild Succulence is released. Doing a beta read, then client work, then outlining and writing Part 3

 

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[Kreedos Phoenix]

Just wanted to send a comment that this is a great thread! (Love the Goonwrite.com resource you dropped in there by the way)

I only got to read the first page but appreciate you sharing your journey. Specifically, your thoughts on “a sexually empowered woman = a great time in bed without having to blame it on the alcohol.” is a sensitive subject that should be tackled with tact and respect to the overall experience.

Men have a lot to do with this though, being that we can be insecure in ourselves with all of the sex (information and visuals) out there that is available to us at an early age. We tend to objectify women from grade school on.

It gets worse with each new generation of youngins coming up in the game.

I’m going to go back and read this thread throughout the coming days, but wanted to wish you continued success on your journey to excellence.

-Peace

 

[Lauryn]

Thank you so much for the thoughtful post. It means a lot, and I agree with much of what you've said. In general, sex is about primal expression and release. If you can't master that in the bedroom, it's going to show up in every other aspect of your life.

 

[Lauryn]

Just stopping in to say...

If there is anything I've been learning, it's how to let shit go.
Like seriously. I have this desire to help people, even before I help myself. That's all nice and sweet and shit, but it's gotten me nowhere. I don't regret helping people. I think it's imperative to help others. But Lauryn helps people to the point of enabling.

I've been struggling to live on a $40K salary lifestyle since August. I do not make anywhere near that right now. But my landlord doesn't care. My student loans don't care. And my friends, God Bless them, can't afford to care. Why have I been so focused on keeping up with everyone else to help them?

Now that I am where I am, I see how I could have - and should have - put that energy into me. If I released a book INSTEAD of or in addition to letting everyone lean on me for every month I've been out the house, I could have produced rolling income. But I haven't... smh.

Further, as it stands, people who don't want to help themselves are a waste of your time. Too many people in my circle are F*cking HAPPY where they are. I'm grateful for where I am, but I am not complacent. Hanging with complacency has cost me dearly. I can outwork many people... my circle and my focus has always been an issue.

It's something I think about as I sit here in bed - on a real mattress - for once in a long time.

 

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[Selfy]

In general, sex is about primal expression and release. If you can't master that in the bedroom, it's going to show up in every other aspect of your life.

Or is it if you cant master primal expression in real life, it's going to show up in bed?

The toughness of life is what makes the victory tastes sweet, Lauryn.

I'm guessing you have growing subscribers. Maybe you can post how you interact with them.

 

[Lauryn]

No growing subscribers...

But how about... the Apple store turned a cosmetic repair into over $600 worth of work, and removed my hard drive, claiming it was defective without telling me... Silly me. Silly F*cking me.

EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER CREATED THAT ISN'T IN GMAIL or GOOGLE DRIVE is GONE FOREVER. Over 5 years of music, photos, documents, videos (including of my deceased grandmother) gone.

I really wish I knew how to give up. I really wish I did. I have been questioning my existence lately, but it's annoying because when I express how I feel people assume I'm suicidal... or depressed. I'm not suicidal because if I were, I wouldn't talk about it, I'd F*cking act on it. I'm just tired of feeling like I get shafted constantly by life, and I'm doing the best I can, but I want to give up.

I just don't know how to give up. And I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me for that.
I'm just getting numb, angry, number, angrier, numb, cry 1 tear, then go numb and say "Okay F*ck it, what's next?"

And aside of folks on this forum, nobody really has ever been in a position where life seems to be a continuous descent of loss and struggle, just to achieve what you want.

"Get a regular job" or a "temp" agency doesn't work when you have 2 graduate degrees. Believe me, I've tried.

Well, the good news is I'm almost 20k words into Eternal Succulence, I'm almost out of my Playgirl Diaries contract and I was the #1 salesperson at my premium retail department store job on Thursday. So yea, for every 10 pounds of shit that's tossed at my heart, there's always a little half carat of brilliant light shining and saying "OMG you have potential."

F*ck potential. I want to stop F*cking struggling.

 

[Mikhail Joseph]

Everything we take on in life is a trial. Some people get harder trials than other people, but they test your mental strength, try to break you down into nothing. But you can't let it break you, even when you're at your last dying breath you have to get up and fight.. Fight for what you love, fight for what you want to be, fight to get out of the quicksand.. Grab any branch you can, I don't care if your fingertips are bleeding and your nails torn off. Keep on fighting to pull yourself out. Because, as you already realize... Nobody gives a shit about anyone but themselves. Sadly even family can be like that. Just keep fighting!

Those hard times you have, won't always be hard times.

And as hard as it is to sort of think that right now, it will make sense once you are past it.


Just get up and fight - Sharky

 

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[ChickenHawk]

EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER CREATED THAT ISN'T IN GMAIL or GOOGLE DRIVE is GONE FOREVER. Over 5 years of music, photos, documents, videos (including of my deceased grandmother) gone...I really wish I knew how to give up. I really wish I did.

Oh man, how frustrating, to say the least. The fact that you don't give up will make your success all the sweeter when you hit that well-deserved home run. Hang in there, Lauryn. We're all rooting for you!

 

[Selfy]

Lauryn, I can relate. I think it's a function of being in the fast lane; in my case, I react by going numb. Haha!

Sorry about the hard drive. The same thing happened to me, that's why I backup every fri on Dropbox.

 

[RicTur]

Lauryn,

Did they give you your hard drive back? I have a lot of equipment and tools that I use to repair data from non functional hard drives. What kind of laptop did you have? Did you have what they call a solid state hard drive in it? If not, it may be repairable.

-Rick.

 

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[Lauryn]

23,680 words for Eternal Succulence.

I was able to get all my software and most of my school textbooks back. Only the photos, media and other stuff that wasn't on my iPhone are gone for good. At this point, I'm actually over it. I have a clean slate that's slowly building in all areas of my life. Apple and Microsoft are NOT supportive - please know that. -_-

I have been putting my frustration into my survival gig. I think I was #1 salesperson last week and maybe again this week (because I completely destroyed the number I made the week before and stayed a few extra hours trying to get it).

I had an interview with a company, and it seemed so promising until they decided not to move forward with me. It was so funny though. They were personal, and interactive and warm and friendly - then nothing. So when I emailed, I got that cold a$$ rejection letter that said "we appreciate your qualifications"... there was no warm and friendly anymore.

I can't tell you what all I'm chasing, but I've been given complete clarity that, for the most part, unless it has to do with a copywriting project, aside of this regular job, I don't think I'm interested in "looking" for another anything. I just can't stomach it. The holiday gig is about sales and is completely commission based, and sales is an important part of being in the Fastlane. The better you can sell, the more you earn, and I'm allowing the knowledge to soak in. Sales doesn't have to be sleazy, but sometimes my characters are.

If I don't post again - Happy Holidays.

(I have no plans. Alone in Dallas area, so I'll be working on Eternal Succulence. I think I want this to be at least 50-60k words.)

Oh and 3 five star reviews for Wild Succulence, plus 2 for Succulence.

I have a feeling that I just need to finish this series and keep writing. There are 4 covers, so I don't know if I'm going to do a fourth and final book, or a master collection of all three stories with the final installment in the final collection. We will see.

I just like the feeling I get - that with at least a book per month every month, I'll create a rolling momentum and will see improved traction. Because the number one book is still the adult book I did. I have made sales on all other books, but that one seems to continuously shine no matter what. I wish it shined with 5 star reviews but it's still selling. Oh well.

 

[Lauryn]

Ha... life is funny. My MacBook isn't working, the bank is going to let those fools who jacked up my car keep the money, and life keeps pushing.
I have a financial goal to meet by January 6. I'm not sure exactly how I will accomplish it. But I decided it's going to be met and the path will unfold.

Also, will be "let go" on January 31... so it's time to figure something out asap.

It's cool. This all means I may be team no sleep for a while.

 

[Lauryn]

30,460 words completed. I've been starting to get some great reviews and social media shout outs for the Succulence series, which is making me feel awesome. One of the fans told me get off Twitter and go write part three. She can't wait to see what happens now.

I'm excited. About 90 pages into the book. I never really have a "goal" for the number of pages for the book, but I always aim to have over 120 pages. When I would read books, they were always at least 120 - 180 pages, depending on the story, and I like decent length reads that are juicy and interesting but don't drag.

One thing I'm struggling with right now is emotional tension. This is an erotic romance, but this installment is more emotionally complex than the last two installments, because here the characters really get to reflect on their actions and behaviors. Especially Jared, Lauren and Stacy. It's getting really interesting to see how the themes of trust and vulnerability and honesty are intersecting amongst the storylines.

While I don't think I will have this book launched on New Year's, I'm confident it will be released this weekend. Based upon how it ends, I'll have a fourth and final installment - and I've already decided it's not going to be available on Kindle Unlimited. I am not really deeply impressed with Kindle Unlimited for my books anymore, so I don't want to keep putting it out there as an option. I'll do as others are doing and have some KU, some not, and focusing on the catalog of rolling tales. It's just super exciting to see how people are responding to my fiction... and considering the craziness that is my current "work work work sleep work work work dodge bullets and make miracles" life, this is my excitement.

 

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[Lauryn]

I made Succulence free on Christmas weekend. I wasn't impressed by the number of downloads - less than 100 - but it did translate to a few sales for Wild Succulence. Today, Wild Succulence is free and pulling sales. I'm going to hope it increases anticipation for Eternal Succulence. Master Succulence, the fourth and final title, is going to come after Eternal Succulence, which I really hope to release by Sunday.

Ricochet is officially going back on the market. I appreciate the opportunity to work with someone else, but it wasn't for me. The audience didn't respond to the story the way my audience responds to my work, so we parted on a mutual set of terms. I hate the cover - yes, I did it myself - so I'm probably going to make a new cover (Lord.)

I'm excited, because if all goes to plan, by Valentine's Day, I should have 5 fiction books out and be in control of my publishing empire.

I'm off work for the next 4 days. I'm working on finishing Eternal Succulence, training as a dance instructor and getting rest. This retail holiday season was a beast and something has been spreading, so now I'm in bed with a sore throat.

 

[Lex DeVille]

I appreciate the opportunity to work with someone else, but it wasn't for me.

At least you found out early on. Better than finding out a long way down the road!

 

[Lauryn]

I'm a little under 40,000 words and a little over 110 pages in. I have this rush of energy, and despite taking breaks, I have a feeling I'll be hitting publish on this story very soon.

I get addicted to the flow of publishing. I really do. LOL.

PS ...I pushed but I got my old hard drive back. All my information is on there... so thank God.
I have a few edits to do in order to prepare for the fourth and final installment of the series.

 

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[Lauryn]

Need more sex scenes.

I'm writing some crazy stuff in this final section and I'm wondering where it comes from.
I've read too much psycho stuff, or my imagination is very brutal.
Like, there's a violent showdown in one part of the story and I'm like, "Really Lauryn? This is going in the book?"

Part of me is like:

The other part of me is like:

.... I do need more sex scenes with the characters though... less emotional brutality, more sex scenes.
Yes. Sex solves everything.

 

[Lauryn]

Eternal Succulence is currently in queue to be published.
Thank God this next and final installment is 75% completed.



It's a merger of all three Succulence books, plus a fourth and final story and extras - like a collector's special edition...

I KNOW YOU CARE!

I have to just post the video...cuz I'm giddy right now.

 

[Lauryn]

"The faster you focus on your desire, the faster it comes to you."

Eternal Succulence is live - here

This Week:
- Focus on my other goals: dance and branding
- Focus on marketing: 80% of the time, I'm not consistent enough
- Focus on my health: I'm terribly sick - but I think this is due to upper limiting

I need to rest... especially for creative and physical help, but the work is also just beginning for me. I have to push myself past the safety in my comfort zone, because I'm in a place where I can't rely on too many people - or even relate to - most of the people close to me. I share some of what I go through or what frustrates me... and then I hear some dumb shit as a response and I literally get the Russell Westbrook.

I need to consistently focus on my 2015 goals so I can't get caught up in the trappings - and emotional abandonment felt - of my current reality. I must trust that the means and the way to the next level are there, even if I can't see them.

And that no matter what, the people meant to be in my life will reveal themselves along the path. Sadly, without trying, I'm seeing everyone who needs to drop off.

I think this is the Desert of Desertion all over again.

 

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[Cruor Vult]

"The faster you focus on your desire, the faster it comes to you."

Eternal Succulence is live - here

Nice dedication!

 

[Lauryn]

I've dedicated this week to a creative break from writing. I was sadly starting to feel creatively tapped out from my writing, because there were events, relationships and angles I wanted to explore in Eternal Succulence that I just couldn't nail together peacefully or properly. Nevertheless it earned a good 5 star review already, and I'm grateful for the support and feedback.

Clients are poking their heads in and becoming interested in working with me. Not for book writing, but copywriting and content generation. I've finally stopped feeling so crazy and perfectionistic about everything and have started expanding my reach to attract clients as I continue building my backlist. I've also joined a romance writing forum to immerse myself further in the community. Make no mistake, I'm not trying to replace my time here - HERE there is hustle and an energy that has propelled me forward. But I am going to feel my way a little more into the writing industry to strengthen my knowledge and craft.

I have never felt such velocity and synchronicity with everything I am doing. I don't know the full outcome of the path, but it's like suddenly the lights have turned on and the next 4-5 steps have been outlined to make things really align with the flow I'm trying to achieve. I'm becoming a monster, a beast, and I love it...

You are now watching the throne, don't let me get in my zone...

Oh... and my lil boo thang (for now) got the lid off my Ninja Blender. It was stuck for over a year... I'm making smoothies and going semi-vegetarian this month to preserve funds and eat cleaner. Hopefully by the end of this month, I'm in dance class at least twice a week.

 

[Lauryn]

It's been 10 days. Damn. A lot has happened.

• There's been an increase in Succulence book borrows. I tried to see if there were any new reviews or anything. Nothing. I guess natural rankings and growth. Comes with time, I suppose.
• I believe you should write the book you want to read, but SEO is important for marketing. With that said, while others are talking about blog parades and appearances, I'm noticing the real moneymakers focus on consistently publishing, getting better at the design and craft with every book. And they SEO - something I have not deeply practiced. Thus, I'll work on improving my book SEO for Amazon's search engines. (Yes, I was being lazy. I'll get better.)
• I'm also finally gifted with a funny and crazy final plot for the Succulence series. I can't wait to put it together. I will start this week by ironing out the plot... and writing it on my birthday (Wednesday...Jan 21)

My life has been very challenging, especially in terms of the sacral chakra and upleveling. But it's been worth it. I've been having razor sharp moments about fighting so hard, but realizing the only thing I need to fight for is me...and everything I want. As soon as something I'm doing for you no longer feels good, I'm looking around for the exit sign.

 

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[RicTur]

Way to go Lauryn! Your motivation and drive, has gotten you this far so do not give up, and keep on pushing. The end result will pay off if you continue to grow as you have. It's a great feeling to finally accomplish something that you have worked so hard towards as I have finally published my first book as well. I have not yet, but will obtain a copy of your series so that My wife and I can enjoy a little Romantic twist if you will Keep a look out for your wonderful reviews as a thank you for paying it forward with all of this wonderful build up of content, that has forever been a treasure trove of knowledge for self publishers. Again stay strong, and keep pushing!

-Rick


"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen."
-Michael Jordan

 

[Lauryn]

Yesterday was my Dirty 30.

I celebrated by putting a lot of my Kindle catalog on a free promotion. Why?

I had close to 1,000 downloads that day. Can you guess which one stole the show?
Ricochet. It blows my mind how that title managed to grab everyone's attention - 371 downloads.
The cover is horrible - and, I admit, self-made. (I didn't know about GoOnWrite.com)
The story is exceptionally short and abrupt - because I wanted to see if I could write.

I don't know what it is, but I'm amazed and pleased by the energy it attracts. Like the story commands attention, and I think I'm partially intimidated by its success, and that is kind of bad because it makes me fearful of finishing Playgirl Diaries.

Wild Succulence was the 2nd most popular download (209). Succulence was the third most popular (149). Everything else was a from my other, non-fiction pen name.

The promotion just ended a few hours ago, but there were a couple of KU spikes and a few sales as a result of the promotion. I'm pleased about this, because I see the power of promotion. I'm having a hard time justifying advertising at places like BookBub based on their prices. Other places book publishers have recommended are just not as interesting to me - they're free and when I've gone to the sites, I haven't been impressed, or they aren't taking submissions. For marketing, I'd rather build my brand as an author, and I'm somewhat already doing that on my YouTube channel and professional site. I just need to go ahead and add my books to my actual website, and own what I do in a manner that works for me.

I've Adjusted Book Prices

I've adjusted the price on some nonfiction books - and sales remain consistent. This is in spite of reviews - so I'm mind-blown, but happy, because the market can bear the increased prices. However I see things I need to do differently. Book covers designs need to be switched out. Descriptions need to be updated. Content needs refreshment.

And I probably can do a standard "beginner's" book for my niche, as well as a more advanced book with specific tactics I've read about because it seems people want hardcore tactics and ideas.

Prolific publishing is my approach. Honestly, I see that for fiction, the more prolific you are, the better - and fiction has a lot of velocity once you are a great writer who hits that number. I'm sticking to Write, Publish, Repeat and that's that.

 

[Lauryn]

There's been an increase in sales and KU borrows since my birthday promotion. I'm also seeing my sales remain steady at the increased prices, which is good, because this is a substantial increase in profits and personal sales.

ETA: Here is the chart to show the bump. I'm like SUPER EXCITED. I also submitted an author interview and that will be published soon.

I've been battling the urge to burn everything to the ground and run to focus on my publishing and business. I just don't even have the desire to fight to look like what society deems a respectable and hardworking woman. I'm battling my slowlane demons now.

I have my personal fastlane goal set for the year. I can't wait to see what happens when I reach it.

 

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[Lauryn]

Serious increase in KU borrows and sales. Price changes have allowed growth while sales are stable. Spoke with a customer who pointed out keys for improvement in the story line and the plot as I unfold to the final chapter. I decided to make the 4th book a standalone, instead of a compilation and to pay for a "box set" graphic and create the "master collection"...

It's amazing how much people love the writing as I go. I'm pleased I'm able to ... help them find something intelligent, sexy and uninhibited to enjoy.

 

[Lauryn]

I haven't really written much for Master Succulence. I need to step it up because Valentine's Day is right around the corner.

As it stands I've had my highest Kindle month in almost a year. I attribute this success to publishing. I need to publish more often.
One thing I also notice is that there are different kinds of writers/publishers.

Those who talk about what everyone says does and doesn't work - and scream on the life of everything the importance of "marketing" and giving things away and being seen here and there. And reading everyone's books and copying their templates for sales and success.

And those who create strong stories with amazing content, pour themselves into the work, create a marketing funnel that works within an energy of least resistance to gaining customers, and focuses 90 percent of their time on writing books and designing stories they'd want to read with the elements an epic read possesses.

I'd really hope, over time, I prove myself to be more of the second type. Of course there are shortcuts and formulas. But I love writing. I write things I want to read about - that I don't get expressed anywhere else. In a way, it slows down my fastlane, but in the long run I think it strengthens it. At the end of the day, great writers exist everywhere. We do. But there's a difference in being a great writer who isn't intimately and emotionally attached to a specific storyline or delivery process - the emotional experience they want to provide - and a great writer who is because its being birthed from something deeper. Not every story will be so poignant and moving. Some stories will just spew, but I would hope that I will let my work speak for and market itself as I begin to roll forward with it.

Going on another note, I definitely need to keep researching my keywords. And I'm not going to piss myself off with anything else besides Kindle and Kindle unlimited. I'd rather just work with it until it no longer works for me.

I've also completely re-arranged my living situation so book publishing and my business are #1. This feels amazing, and I still have challenges but I'm never giving up. After everything I've been overcoming, I have no reason to stop.