why do I work harder for other people than myself?

[Soulrize]

I'm not sure why but I work hard at my job however when it comes to stuff for myself such as cooking, cleaning, or use of my free time, it is mostly unconstructive. While I do listen to pod cast and apply it to work, when It comes to my own time after being clocked out , I don't do much. I do the bare minimal for college, and just about bare minimal for everything else like playing games some nights until its time to sleep and go to work the next day again. Work is moving fast and I've been complimented on my work ethic by both my immediate supervisor and manager and its progressing. Also when friends ask for help such as moving, I also put a lot of effort (not in my eyes ) because I'm just doing my best and in the same sense get complimented. Yet coming home I kind of questions myself and where is the drive for myself is at.
Any thoughts on this hang up or mental block I guess?

(also noted in my mind is everything I've done was once started with a friend and family member. For instance, Gaming started with a best friend in 11th grade, learning a new language started with a good inspiring teacher that first taught me the beginnings of the language, investing in stocks started with my dad in 8th grade, and working out started with another best friend post high school . While all of these habits are still around , something's stick around while other don't. It believe it was my individual experience with it , it was fun with the person or it was very fruitful in the results. I just notice that's how all my habits today both constructive and wasteful came about. )

 

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[Merging Left]

It sounds like you have an accountability issue. You work harder when there are external consequences to not performing. In other words, you're more okay with letting yourself down than letting others down. Find somebody who will be disappointed when you don't hit your own goals.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

The vast majority of people will do more for others than they will for themselves.

What we could do is incredible... what most people will do is usually disappointing.

I'm willing to bet in your personal book of rules "how life should be" -- there's a rule that says something along the lines of "it's important to help other people" and also "other people's needs are more important than my own" and also "I can feel good by helping other people".

None of these rules are inherently wrong -- it's the rules you've created throughout the experiences of your life to feel good (AKA meet your needs).

The difference between helping others versus taking time for yourself is you feel like one is a 'must' and the other is a 'should'.

"I should take more time for myself, I should workout more, I should make more calls, I should advertise, I should..." -- most people spend their entire lives shoulding all over themselves.

The reason you help others first is clearly because it's a must for you. "I must help out, I must help them move, I must drive them to the airport, I must take care of other people."

There's many reasons why you could believe it's a must instead of a should... but if you wanted an answer here it is: because it's a must instead of a should

 

[ApparentHorizon]

Sounds like you're productive when people validate you. (Nothing wrong with that, love is a basic human need)

Which would be more beneficial to your goals:
1. Figuring out a way to let go of that desire? (Maybe it's how you were raised, how people treated you in school, etc.)
2. Starting a blog where you're accountable to someone other than yourself?

 

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[RogueInnovation]

Ha, start viewing buyers as your boss

 

[MitchM]

I'm not sure why but I work hard at my job however when it comes to stuff for myself such as cooking, cleaning, or use of my free time, it is mostly unconstructive. While I do listen to pod cast and apply it to work, when It comes to my own time after being clocked out , I don't do much. I do the bare minimal for college, and just about bare minimal for everything else like playing games some nights until its time to sleep and go to work the next day again. Work is moving fast and I've been complimented on my work ethic by both my immediate supervisor and manager and its progressing. Also when friends ask for help such as moving, I also put a lot of effort (not in my eyes ) because I'm just doing my best and in the same sense get complimented. Yet coming home I kind of questions myself and where is the drive for myself is at.
Any thoughts on this hang up or mental block I guess?

(also noted in my mind is everything I've done was once started with a friend and family member. For instance, Gaming started with a best friend in 11th grade, learning a new language started with a good inspiring teacher that first taught me the beginnings of the language, investing in stocks started with my dad in 8th grade, and working out started with another best friend post high school . While all of these habits are still around , something's stick around while other don't. It believe it was my individual experience with it , it was fun with the person or it was very fruitful in the results. I just notice that's how all my habits today both constructive and wasteful came about. )

You need a clear vision of what you want in the long term and within a shorter period of time. A vision of your ideal future will give you something to move towards. After this, you want a closer vision that is in alignment with your long term vision so that you can make reliable plans to get there.

Your goals should have deadlines and you should write out at least 5 ways that achieving these goals will improve your life and write out what sacrifices you are willing and must make to achieve your goals.

If you feel the connection between your actions and the purpose that they serve in an immediate sense, your action will follow suit. Often it is not a simple matter of motivation. Motivation comes from our desires, and if we do not consciously direct our desires towards their highest ends then they are likely to serve more immediate gratification (eating junk food).

Know exactly what you want. Know why you want it. Make a plan to get there. Make a commitment to act on this daily.

I recommend the future authoring program from Jordan Peterson if you are cool with spending some dough.

 

[Soulrize]

Thank you for all the responses, I came down to a few things and discussed it with a close friend of mine.
1. My strongest habit occurred out of competition with a visual or my case a very specific person that fired me up to beat them.
2. To shift my action behind being the best worker for my boss to actions behind how to be their boss.
3. Most importantly. While its true I do very well with validation, I need to figure out how to be self-driven or else I'll be a good worker and nothing more.
I've seen many examples of good leaders/ entrepreneurs, and from the start, they were always against the grain of their peers and sometimes spouse. It took a tremendous amount of self-belief and action with no validations for a while before they achieved something worthwhile and if I need validation to start or stick to anything I'm in for a world of trouble in terms of creating my own outlet and making it a success.

 

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