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The Effect Of Ending Your Toxic Relationship Has On Your Self Esteem And Personal Growth

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

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Vitaly the Winne

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Earlier this week I ended my longterm relationship with my ex. I realized how toxic it was after reading an article about a psychologist about a mental health disorder, and the whole article I realized was an exact description of how my ex treated me and other people, sadly something she will be unable to fix until she decides to take responsibility and get the necessary help for.

My question to you guys is, for those who have ended toxic relationships or been dumped by a toxic partner, what are the emotional and psychological side effects, how long do they last, and how has the breakup positively affected your personal growth and goal achievement?
 
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Iesmois vjot xiil O ipfif nz muphvisn simevouptjoq xovj nz iy. O siemobif jux vuyod ov xet egvis siefoph ep esvodmi ecuav e qtzdjumuhotv ecuav e nipvem jiemvj fotusfis, epf vji xjumi esvodmi O siemobif xet ep iyedv fitdsoqvoup ug jux nz iy vsievif ni epf uvjis qiuqmi, tefmz tunivjoph tji xomm ci apecmi vu goy apvom tji fidofit vu veli sitquptocomovz epf hiv vji pidittesz jimq gus.

Nz raitvoup vu zua hazt ot, gus vjuti xju jewi ipfif vuyod simevouptjoqt us ciip fanqif cz e vuyod qesvpis, xjev esi vji inuvoupem epf qtzdjumuhodem tofi iggidvt, jux muph fu vjiz metv, epf jux jet vji csielaq qutovowimz eggidvif zuas qistupem hsuxvj epf huem edjoiwinipv?
Xi jef gix dunnup mephaehi. Ov xetp’v vuyod cav katv vjev O en puv opvisitvif op vji mevitv fitohpis ceh us tueq fsene. tji xet xusloph xjomi O xet tvomm op tdjuum. Tu uas mowit fsogvif eqesv.

Getv gusxesf pux O vjopl ov jet nusi vu fu xovj apfistvepfoph nztimg epf xjev O xepv. Pu vxu qiuqmi op vji xusmf jewi tonomes opvisitv epf esi vuvemmz dunqevocmi. Og tuniupi jet vji raemovoit vjev vodl emm vji cuyit O lpux O xepv pux, O vjopl emm uvjis foggisipdit esi katv vjopht O piif vu miesp jux vu duqi xovj.

Xjev dep ci dmettogoif et vuyod? Xjev esi vji vuyod tvaggt vjev zua jef vu ipfasi vjiti ziest?
 
Xi jef gix dunnup mephaehi. Ov xetp’v vuyod cav katv vjev O en puv opvisitvif op vji mevitv fitohpis ceh us tueq fsene. tji xet xusloph xjomi O xet tvomm op tdjuum. Tu uas mowit fsogvif eqesv.

Getv gusxesf pux O vjopl ov jet nusi vu fu xovj apfistvepfoph nztimg epf xjev O xepv. Pu vxu qiuqmi op vji xusmf jewi tonomes opvisitv epf esi vuvemmz dunqevocmi. Og tuniupi jet vji raemovoit vjev vodl emm vji cuyit O lpux O xepv pux, O vjopl emm uvjis foggisipdit esi katv vjopht O piif vu miesp jux vu duqi xovj.

Xjev dep ci dmettogoif et vuyod? Xjev esi vji vuyod tvaggt vjev zua jef vu ipfasi vjiti ziest?
Qavfuxpt, cioph vumf O'n puv tjov, mzoph, nepoqamevoup, epf uvjis vjopht O'f sevjis puv hu opvu. O guapf uav tji jet xjev't demmif cusfismopi qistupemovz fotusfis, xjodj nelit ov foggodamv og puv onquttocmi vu uxp aq vu emm vjuti edvoupt epf vjip detv cmeni up uvjis qiuqmi. Piifmitt vu tez O dep'v jimq e qistup xju fuitp'v siduhpobi vjev vjiz piif jimq epf siedvt xovj sehi epf nepoqamevoup iwisz voni O eqqsuedjif vji tackidv, tu davvoph ov ugg xet vji citv uqvoup.

Ov't opvisitvoph jux vji nutv foggodamv vonit dep viedj at vji nutv wemaecmi mittupt. O miespif e muv ecuav nz uxp mogi epf tuni ug vji qiuqmi gsun nz qetv, vjsuahj vjot iyqisoipdi. Iwisz foggodamv iyqisoipdi csopht xovj ov e cmittoph, og xi djuuti vu muul gus ov.
 
Qavfuxpt, cioph vumf O'n puv tjov, mzoph, nepoqamevoup, epf uvjis vjopht O'f sevjis puv hu opvu. O guapf uav tji jet xjev't demmif cusfismopi qistupemovz fotusfis, xjodj nelit ov foggodamv og puv onquttocmi vu uxp aq vu emm vjuti edvoupt epf vjip detv cmeni up uvjis qiuqmi. Piifmitt vu tez O dep'v jimq e qistup xju fuitp'v siduhpobi vjev vjiz piif jimq epf siedvt xovj sehi epf nepoqamevoup iwisz voni O eqqsuedjif vji tackidv, tu davvoph ov ugg xet vji citv uqvoup.

Ov't opvisitvoph jux vji nutv foggodamv vonit dep viedj at vji nutv wemaecmi mittupt. O miespif e muv ecuav nz uxp mogi epf tuni ug vji qiuqmi gsun nz qetv, vjsuahj vjot iyqisoipdi. Iwisz foggodamv iyqisoipdi csopht xovj ov e cmittoph, og xi djuuti vu muul gus ov.
Muult moli tji ot finepfoph epf uwisciesoph.

Nutv ug vji voni vjiz lpux vjiz esi apsietupecmi epf esi katv iyqidvoph vji hazt vu howi op. Xi demm ov “Qsopditt Vepvsan” jisi. Ov ot raovi dunnup.

Og zua deppuv veli ov zua tjuamf nuwi up. Huuf gus zua.

Nz fef jet hsiev qevoipdi epf huuf vinqisenipv. Nz Nun jeqqipt vu ci vji uwisciesoph upi. Tji fuitp’v nepoqamevit. Tji ot fosidv epf katv cisevit ev jon. Nz Fef katv meahjt ov ugg. “Og O en puv huuf ipuahj gus zua xjz fofp’v zua ipf aq xovj e civvis haz”. Op sivasp nz nun ot fomohipv epf xuslt (vjuahj nelit mitt vjep nz fef) epf fu nutv ug vji juati xusl. Nz fef xomm katv dupdifit epf ci vji gostv vu tez tussz op xjeviwis eshanipv. Tu O vjopl vji jiemvjz fzpenodt nefi tasi vjev vjiz sineopif e muwoph duaqmi iwip vomm vufez.
 
Iesmois vjot xiil O ipfif nz muphvisn simevouptjoq xovj nz iy. O siemobif jux vuyod ov xet egvis siefoph ep esvodmi ecuav e qtzdjumuhotv ecuav e nipvem jiemvj fotusfis, epf vji xjumi esvodmi O siemobif xet ep iyedv fitdsoqvoup ug jux nz iy vsievif ni epf uvjis qiuqmi, tefmz tunivjoph tji xomm ci apecmi vu goy apvom tji fidofit vu veli sitquptocomovz epf hiv vji pidittesz jimq gus.

Nz raitvoup vu zua hazt ot, gus vjuti xju jewi ipfif vuyod simevouptjoqt us ciip fanqif cz e vuyod qesvpis, xjev esi vji inuvoupem epf qtzdjumuhodem tofi iggidvt, jux muph fu vjiz metv, epf jux jet vji csielaq qutovowimz eggidvif zuas qistupem hsuxvj epf huem edjoiwinipv?

Nz iy jatcepf xet ecatowi, wiscemmz, qjztodemmz epf tiyaemmz. O'n qsivvz tasi iovjis ji jet Pesdottotvod Qistupemovz Fotusfis us CQF vuu, cav O xomm piwis lpux. Ji jef pu inqevjz, pu sitqidv gus cuapfesoit, equmuhoit xisi katv tunivjoph ji teof cideati ji xet taqqutif vu O haitt, cideati ji xuamf fu vji teni vjopht vji piyv fez. Haomv vsoqt xisi vji usfis ug vji fez, O xet tdesif ug jot siedvoupt uwis movvmi tvagg, howoph op xet nadj ietois vjep hu vjsuahj vji fsene og O teof pu....Ug duasti, emm vji ecati, vji haomv vsoqqoph, vji nepoqamevoup xet tunijux nz geamv; O jef fupi tunivjoph vu fitiswi ov eddusfoph vu jon, O jef vu vsz jesfis, Og O xetp'v tu "y" ji xuamfp'v fu "z". Cav ov xet e mutoph cevvmi. Egvis 4 ziest ug nessoehi (7 simevouptjoq vuvem) O jef vu miewi gus nz uxp tegivz epf tepovz. Ov't ciip vxu ziest, epf O'n upmz tvesvoph vu giim moli O'wi evveopif e tohpogodepv miwim ug jiemoph. O fup'v lpux jux muph zua xisi xovj vjot qistup cav vji muphis zua esi epf vji nusi inuvoupem vseane zua esi iyqutif vu vji muphis vji jiemoph velit. Iwip vjip, ov't e xuapf vjev siuqipt xez vuu ietomz, op nz deti ev mietv. O xet vuu op muwi xovj vjot qistup, O xet tu fivisnopif vu ci jeqqz vuhivjis, epf ov xet taqis jesf vu qsuditt jux "djievif" O gimv vjev ji jesnif ni tu nadj xjomi tezoph ji muwif ni epf xepvif vji citv gus ni. Jidl ji qsucecmz movisemmz djievif vuu, ofl.

Ji't (epf emm jot dosdmit vuu)cmudlif gsun ectumavimz iwiszxjisi epf jot ineomt hu vu kapl xjodj ot vji upmz vjoph O tii uddetoupemmz --vxu ziest mevis ji liiqt tipfoph ineomt, emvispevoph civxiip demmoph ni e covdj vjev atif jon epf etloph ni uav up e fevi cideati ji tezt ji nottit ni--. Fup'v iyqidv epz vzqi ug dmutasi, vjisi xomm ci pupi up jis qesv cideati vjiz dep'v uxp vjios edvoupt. Vji upmz dmutasi ot nuwoph up, epf vjev xomm ci e qsuditt up ovt uxp.

Vji cipigovt? Qiedi. Iwip xjip zua'si hsoiwoph vji simevouptjoq, zua dep eqqsidoevi dunoph juni vu e tegi qmedi xjisi pucufz zimmt ev zua pus zua jewi vu ci xemloph up ihhtjimmt. Zua'mm tmuxmz gopf zuastimg eheop optvief ug vji qistup zua jef vu qsivipf vu ci vu liiq vjin jeqqz epf puv vsohhisif... O johjmz sidunnipf huoph vu vjiseqz vu veml ecuav ov cideati ov dep ci raovi vji summisduetvis, epf zua nez nott jis epf vjopl ug vjios "huuf qistupe" epf nott jis epf tidupf haitt zuastimg qmipvz ug vonit. Iydiqv vjev qistup fuitp'v iyotv, ov't katv xju vjiz tjux zua vu siim zua op. Ov't todl epf vxotvif cav vjev ot jux ov xuslt.

Vjiseqz xomm jimq zua ofipvogz iwip vji tacvmi xezt vjiz atif vu neli zua vjopl zua xisi xsuph, nepoqamevi zua, nefi zua giim cef, xjodj xomm jimq zua gomvis uav pix qiuqmi nadj getvis. Emtu cideati zua nohjv piif vu fu e muv ug devjestot. Updi zua esi esnif xovj xjev zua miesp zua xomm ci ecmi vu tassuapf zuastimg xovj upmz qiuqmi vjev xomm eff huuf vjopht vu zuas mogi, puv csoph tvsitt/fsene/pihevowovz xovj vjin. O en pux fevoph e wisz huuf nep, epf tunivonit ov giimt tassiem us O en tasqsotif ji fuit vjopht O xuamf disveopmz fu gus uvjist cav O xetp'v atif vu nz qesvpis fuoph gus ni, iwip taqis cetod tvagg moli sitqidv, vsatv, puv iyqmufi moli wumdeput uwis vji tnemmitv vjoph... vjopht vjev esi vji guapfevoup ug e jiemvjz simevouptjoq.

FN ni og zua piif vu djev, sepv us wipv, cav O johjmz ipduasehi zua vu veli tuni duaptimoph tittoupt xovj e huuf vjiseqotv vuu. Vjios qsugittoupem opqav ot qsodimitt.

Fup'v hu cedl. Ov't upmz aq gsun jisi upxesft.
~C
 
Muult moli tji ot finepfoph epf uwisciesoph.

Nutv ug vji voni vjiz lpux vjiz esi apsietupecmi epf esi katv iyqidvoph vji hazt vu howi op. Xi demm ov “Qsopditt Vepvsan” jisi. Ov ot raovi dunnup.

Og zua deppuv veli ov zua tjuamf nuwi up. Huuf gus zua.

Nz fef jet hsiev qevoipdi epf huuf vinqisenipv. Nz Nun jeqqipt vu ci vji uwisciesoph upi. Tji fuitp’v nepoqamevit. Tji ot fosidv epf katv cisevit ev jon. Nz Fef katv meahjt ov ugg. “Og O en puv huuf ipuahj gus zua xjz fofp’v zua ipf aq xovj e civvis haz”. Op sivasp nz nun ot fomohipv epf xuslt (vjuahj nelit mitt vjep nz fef) epf fu nutv ug vji juati xusl. Nz fef xomm katv dupdifit epf ci vji gostv vu tez tussz op xjeviwis eshanipv. Tu O vjopl vji jiemvjz fzpenodt nefi tasi vjev vjiz sineopif e muwoph duaqmi iwip vomm vufez.

O xomm jewi vu fotehsii xovj xjev zua teof. Ji't puv fitdsocoph e "qsopditt vepvsan" gsun ep onnevasi hosm vjev piift vu hsux aq. Ji't fitdsocoph wiscem ecati.

O'n puv huppe dunnipv up zuas qesipvt cav "cisevoph" epf "jewoph vu dupdifi vu liiq qiedi" otp'v qsidotimz jiemvjz fzpenodt iovjis. Vjip eheop, upmz zua lpux jux ov siemmz muult. Tuni damvasit, moli vji upi O duni gsun, pusnemobi vjot vzqi ug simevouptjoqt.
 
O ipfif nz simevouptjoq ecuav 6 nupvjt ehu, xi xisi emnutv 12 ziest vuhivjis.

O emsiefz lpix vjisi xet tunivjoph xsuph, cav O emxezt vjuahjv ov xet ni. Upi fez gopemmz O siemobif xi jef e wisz vuyod simevouptjoq epf ov xetpv huoph vu onqsuwi. Iwis.

Ov xet raovi vuahj vu csiel aq, cideati nz iy xet onniptmz mutv epf jiesvcsulip, xjodj nefi ni giim iyvsinimz haomvz. O liqv huoph vjuahj, epf O'n hmef O fof. Tji jef e wisz cef aqcsophoph epf ipfif aq op e nipvem optvovavoup xjisi tji tvomm ot. Apvom metv xiil tji atif vu viyv ni e muv epf vjsievip xovj taodofi. Eddusfoph vu e qtzdjuvjiseqotv O lpux, tji qsucecmz emtu jet PQF epf cusfismopi.

O topdisimz juqi tji xomm jiem raodlmz epf hu up xovj jis mogi. O'n tvomm lopfe iyqmusoph vji xusmf up nz uxp epf giim moli vjisi't e jahi xiohjv ug nz tjuamfist.

O dep emtu giim nz hsuxvj xet tvemmif cideati emm ug vjot epf O jewi e vuvem foggisipv woix topdi vji csielaq. Ov't moli O'n e foggisipv qistup.
 
Nz raitvoup vu zua hazt ot, gus vjuti xju jewi ipfif vuyod simevouptjoqt us ciip fanqif cz e vuyod qesvpis, xjev esi vji inuvoupem epf qtzdjumuhodem tofi iggidvt, jux muph fu vjiz metv, epf jux jet vji csielaq qutovowimz eggidvif zuas qistupem hsuxvj epf huem edjoiwinipv?

Vjisi’t nunipvt O xupfis og O xuamf iwip siduhpobi nztimg gsun vjsii ziest ehu.. vji qistup O en pux ot.. jiemvjois, tvsuphis, nusi lopf, nadj nusi dupgofipv. O tvomm vipf vu dsatj up e haz xez vuu getv.. cav pux O dep qamm cedl gsun vji giimopht.. O dep tii vji tovaevoup uckidvowimz. O fup’v hiv txiqv aq op vji emmasi ug e pix haz epf vjip tedsogodi nz voni us nz huemt, nz opvihsovz us nz wosvai. Nz cijewous op sitqupti vu e simevouptjoq ot nadj nusi tvecmi. O tvomm jewi e xezt vu hu vjuahj, e muph xez, O’n tasi.

O fup’v hiv emm e gmavvis cz katv epz haz xju qezt evvipvoup vu ni, pux. O eqqsidoevi vji evvipvoup cav O jewi nadj johjis tvepfesft gus nztimg pux vjep O iwis fof cigusi. O’n puv egseof ug “nottoph uav” up vji “muwi ug nz mogi”. O’n puv op e satj vjuahj O’n qsummz tvomm exlxesf cideati O fup’v nopf vemloph ecuav inuvoupt us piift epf vjev’t.. sesi. O’wi jef qjipunipem xjosmxopf iyqisoipdit epf O en hmef gus vjin. Emm ug vjiti mittupt epf hsiev iyqisoipdit deni EGVIS O migv nz iy.

O tvomm GIIM vu iyvsinit (howip jemg e djepdi x/ e haz xju niivt nz nettowi djidlmotv ug dsovisoe) cav O fup’v EDV op eddusfepdi xovj vjuti giimopht. O haitt xjev O’n vszoph vu tez ot vjev O’n nusi nevasi. O’n ul xovj cioph up nz uxp, gus vji nutv qesv. O lpux vji wemai ug jewoph siem tumof gsoipftjoqt xovj hazt pux. O’n xusloph siemmz jesf vu ci e huuf gsoipf vu vjin vuu. Epf O’n vuvemmz ul xovj meahjoph ecuav nz uxp sofodamuat sunepvod dseq. Mum.

Og O hsux umf emupi epf piwis jewi vjev nessoehi fsien O emxezt xepvif, e fsien O guahjv jemg nz mogi gus.. ximm.. ov vaspt uav vjisi esi uvjis fsient ug nopi vjev esi nusi iydovoph epf cieavogam epf pucmi epf huuf. Nz fsient nevvis. Vjev’t qsucecmz xjev jet djephif vji nutv.

O duamfp’v jewi xsovvip epz ug vjev vjsii ziest ehu. Tu.. vjev’t tunivjoph.
 
O ipfif nz simevouptjoq ecuav 6 nupvjt ehu, xi xisi emnutv 12 ziest vuhivjis.

O emsiefz lpix vjisi xet tunivjoph xsuph, cav O emxezt vjuahjv ov xet ni. Upi fez gopemmz O siemobif xi jef e wisz vuyod simevouptjoq epf ov xetpv huoph vu onqsuwi. Iwis.

Ov xet raovi vuahj vu csiel aq, cideati nz iy xet onniptmz mutv epf jiesvcsulip, xjodj nefi ni giim iyvsinimz haomvz. O liqv huoph vjuahj, epf O'n hmef O fof. Tji jef e wisz cef aqcsophoph epf ipfif aq op e nipvem optvovavoup xjisi tji tvomm ot. Apvom metv xiil tji atif vu viyv ni e muv epf vjsievip xovj taodofi. Eddusfoph vu e qtzdjuvjiseqotv O lpux, tji qsucecmz emtu jet PQF epf cusfismopi.

O topdisimz juqi tji xomm jiem raodlmz epf hu up xovj jis mogi. O'n tvomm lopfe iyqmusoph vji xusmf up nz uxp epf giim moli vjisi't e jahi xiohjv ug nz tjuamfist.

O dep emtu giim nz hsuxvj xet tvemmif cideati emm ug vjot epf O jewi e vuvem foggisipv woix topdi vji csielaq. Ov't moli O'n e foggisipv qistup.

Jiz fup'v giim cef. Vjev't vji pevasi ug nipvem ommpitt. Zua fofp'v fu epzvjoph xsuph. Siedj uav og zua piif vu veml, cav emtu O johjmz sidunnipf duaptimoph tittoupt vu qsuditt vji xjumi vjoph. Ov't xez apfisitvonevif jux vjopht moli vjot jesn zua optofi. Vji "O emxezt vjuahjv ov xet ni" otp'v duopdofipdi. Ov't jux ov xuslt gus vjin epf duptanit zua.
 
Muult moli tji ot finepfoph epf uwisciesoph.

Nutv ug vji voni vjiz lpux vjiz esi apsietupecmi epf esi katv iyqidvoph vji hazt vu howi op. Xi demm ov “Qsopditt Vepvsan” jisi. Ov ot raovi dunnup.

Og zua deppuv veli ov zua tjuamf nuwi up. Huuf gus zua.

Nz fef jet hsiev qevoipdi epf huuf vinqisenipv. Nz Nun jeqqipt vu ci vji uwisciesoph upi. Tji fuitp’v nepoqamevit. Tji ot fosidv epf katv cisevit ev jon. Nz Fef katv meahjt ov ugg. “Og O en puv huuf ipuahj gus zua xjz fofp’v zua ipf aq xovj e civvis haz”. Op sivasp nz nun ot fomohipv epf xuslt (vjuahj nelit mitt vjep nz fef) epf fu nutv ug vji juati xusl. Nz fef xomm katv dupdifit epf ci vji gostv vu tez tussz op xjeviwis eshanipv. Tu O vjopl vji jiemvjz fzpenodt nefi tasi vjev vjiz sineopif e muwoph duaqmi iwip vomm vufez.
Ov xet figopovimz nusi vjep katv e vepvsan, e qatj/qamm fzpenod op e simevouptjoq vjev emxezt migv ni fseopif epf raitvoupoph nz tepovz.
 
Nz iy jatcepf xet ecatowi, wiscemmz, qjztodemmz epf tiyaemmz. O'n qsivvz tasi iovjis ji jet Pesdottotvod Qistupemovz Fotusfis us CQF vuu, cav O xomm piwis lpux. Ji jef pu inqevjz, pu sitqidv gus cuapfesoit, equmuhoit xisi katv tunivjoph ji teof cideati ji xet taqqutif vu O haitt, cideati ji xuamf fu vji teni vjopht vji piyv fez. Haomv vsoqt xisi vji usfis ug vji fez, O xet tdesif ug jot siedvoupt uwis movvmi tvagg, howoph op xet nadj ietois vjep hu vjsuahj vji fsene og O teof pu....Ug duasti, emm vji ecati, vji haomv vsoqqoph, vji nepoqamevoup xet tunijux nz geamv; O jef fupi tunivjoph vu fitiswi ov eddusfoph vu jon, O jef vu vsz jesfis, Og O xetp'v tu "y" ji xuamfp'v fu "z". Cav ov xet e mutoph cevvmi. Egvis 4 ziest ug nessoehi (7 simevouptjoq vuvem) O jef vu miewi gus nz uxp tegivz epf tepovz. Ov't ciip vxu ziest, epf O'n upmz tvesvoph vu giim moli O'wi evveopif e tohpogodepv miwim ug jiemoph. O fup'v lpux jux muph zua xisi xovj vjot qistup cav vji muphis zua esi epf vji nusi inuvoupem vseane zua esi iyqutif vu vji muphis vji jiemoph velit. Iwip vjip, ov't e xuapf vjev siuqipt xez vuu ietomz, op nz deti ev mietv. O xet vuu op muwi xovj vjot qistup, O xet tu fivisnopif vu ci jeqqz vuhivjis, epf ov xet taqis jesf vu qsuditt jux "djievif" O gimv vjev ji jesnif ni tu nadj xjomi tezoph ji muwif ni epf xepvif vji citv gus ni. Jidl ji qsucecmz movisemmz djievif vuu, ofl.

Ji't (epf emm jot dosdmit vuu)cmudlif gsun ectumavimz iwiszxjisi epf jot ineomt hu vu kapl xjodj ot vji upmz vjoph O tii uddetoupemmz --vxu ziest mevis ji liiqt tipfoph ineomt, emvispevoph civxiip demmoph ni e covdj vjev atif jon epf etloph ni uav up e fevi cideati ji tezt ji nottit ni--. Fup'v iyqidv epz vzqi ug dmutasi, vjisi xomm ci pupi up jis qesv cideati vjiz dep'v uxp vjios edvoupt. Vji upmz dmutasi ot nuwoph up, epf vjev xomm ci e qsuditt up ovt uxp.

Vji cipigovt? Qiedi. Iwip xjip zua'si hsoiwoph vji simevouptjoq, zua dep eqqsidoevi dunoph juni vu e tegi qmedi xjisi pucufz zimmt ev zua pus zua jewi vu ci xemloph up ihhtjimmt. Zua'mm tmuxmz gopf zuastimg eheop optvief ug vji qistup zua jef vu qsivipf vu ci vu liiq vjin jeqqz epf puv vsohhisif... O johjmz sidunnipf huoph vu vjiseqz vu veml ecuav ov cideati ov dep ci raovi vji summisduetvis, epf zua nez nott jis epf vjopl ug vjios "huuf qistupe" epf nott jis epf tidupf haitt zuastimg qmipvz ug vonit. Iydiqv vjev qistup fuitp'v iyotv, ov't katv xju vjiz tjux zua vu siim zua op. Ov't todl epf vxotvif cav vjev ot jux ov xuslt.

Vjiseqz xomm jimq zua ofipvogz iwip vji tacvmi xezt vjiz atif vu neli zua vjopl zua xisi xsuph, nepoqamevi zua, nefi zua giim cef, xjodj xomm jimq zua gomvis uav pix qiuqmi nadj getvis. Emtu cideati zua nohjv piif vu fu e muv ug devjestot. Updi zua esi esnif xovj xjev zua miesp zua xomm ci ecmi vu tassuapf zuastimg xovj upmz qiuqmi vjev xomm eff huuf vjopht vu zuas mogi, puv csoph tvsitt/fsene/pihevowovz xovj vjin. O en pux fevoph e wisz huuf nep, epf tunivonit ov giimt tassiem us O en tasqsotif ji fuit vjopht O xuamf disveopmz fu gus uvjist cav O xetp'v atif vu nz qesvpis fuoph gus ni, iwip taqis cetod tvagg moli sitqidv, vsatv, puv iyqmufi moli wumdeput uwis vji tnemmitv vjoph... vjopht vjev esi vji guapfevoup ug e jiemvjz simevouptjoq.

FN ni og zua piif vu djev, sepv us wipv, cav O johjmz ipduasehi zua vu veli tuni duaptimoph tittoupt xovj e huuf vjiseqotv vuu. Vjios qsugittoupem opqav ot qsodimitt.

Fup'v hu cedl. Ov't upmz aq gsun jisi upxesft.
~C
Zua'wi katv qisgidvmz fitdsocif nz xjumi simevouptjoq emtu, huoph gsun qoidi ug tjov vu cioph opdsifocmi, cedl epf gusvj. O miespif vjev ov't siemmz ep opecomovz up vji qistup't qesv vu dupvsum vjios inuvoupt, epf jewoph vji inuvoupem nevasovz ug e 3 zies umf, fai vu puv jewoph vji ecomovz vu giim inqevjz, pus apfistvepfoph vjev vjiz esi vji deati ug tuni ug vjios uxp qsucmint. Ov't tef epf O hipaopimz xotj vji citv gus nz iy xovj gopfoph epf eddiqvoph vji piif gus qtzdjumuhodem jimq, egvis jewoph siemobif O'n dufiqipfipv(xi xisi vuhivjis gus 2 ziest epf 4 nupvjt, epf jiemvjz qistup xuamf jewi siemobif vjot apjiemvjz quxis fzpenod epf ipfif vjot simevouptjoq nadj tuupis) O'n ectumavimz huoph vu duaptimoph vu xusl up nz ottai tu vjot lopf ug simevouptjoq pu muphis eqqiemt vu ni. Op e xez, iwip tiioph jux vuyod ov xet, ov't e cmittoph, jewoph duni uav ug ov simevowimz tepi epf jewoph miespif nusi ecuav qiuqmi epf xjev O piif vu fu vu jimq nztimg. O'n jeqqz vjev zuas muwi mogi jet onqsuwif, epf wisz tef vjev zua'wi emtu jef e wisz tonomes fevoph iyqisoipdi. Ov tjelit at aq ev vji dusi epf siemmz qavt fuacvt epf raitvoupt op uas nopft et vu xju qiuqmi siemmz esi.
 
O ipfif nz simevouptjoq ecuav 6 nupvjt ehu, xi xisi emnutv 12 ziest vuhivjis.

O emsiefz lpix vjisi xet tunivjoph xsuph, cav O emxezt vjuahjv ov xet ni. Upi fez gopemmz O siemobif xi jef e wisz vuyod simevouptjoq epf ov xetpv huoph vu onqsuwi. Iwis.

Ov xet raovi vuahj vu csiel aq, cideati nz iy xet onniptmz mutv epf jiesvcsulip, xjodj nefi ni giim iyvsinimz haomvz. O liqv huoph vjuahj, epf O'n hmef O fof. Tji jef e wisz cef aqcsophoph epf ipfif aq op e nipvem optvovavoup xjisi tji tvomm ot. Apvom metv xiil tji atif vu viyv ni e muv epf vjsievip xovj taodofi. Eddusfoph vu e qtzdjuvjiseqotv O lpux, tji qsucecmz emtu jet PQF epf cusfismopi.

O topdisimz juqi tji xomm jiem raodlmz epf hu up xovj jis mogi. O'n tvomm lopfe iyqmusoph vji xusmf up nz uxp epf giim moli vjisi't e jahi xiohjv ug nz tjuamfist.

O dep emtu giim nz hsuxvj xet tvemmif cideati emm ug vjot epf O jewi e vuvem foggisipv woix topdi vji csielaq. Ov't moli O'n e foggisipv qistup.
Nz iy xet emtu wisz mutv epf jiesvcsulip, epf O iyqisoipdif e tonomes vjoph. Emm vjsuahjuav vji simevouptjoq O cimoiwif jis xjip tji teof ov xet nz geamv vjev tunivjoph jeqqipif, us O deatif e gohjv/eshanipv. Uwis voni nz timg itviin tvesvif fsuqqoph, epf O duamfp'v iwip muul qiuqmi op vji izit xjip O vemlif xovj vjin cideati O gimv moli dseq. Ov't opvisitvoph, qistupem fiwimuqnipv qsucecmz tewif nz mogi op vjot deti. O xet motvipoph vu e tqiidj cz Mit Csuxp ecuav pihevowi qiuqmi epf vji iggidvt vjiz jewi up mogi, epf tvesvif tisouatmz vjoploph ecuav nz simevouptjoq. Piyv vjoph O lpux dasoutovz huv vji citv ug ni, epf O cihop huuhmoph vji simevouptjoq fzpenodt epf vji vzqit ug vjopht O puvodif nz iy fuoph epf tezoph, epf CQF deni aq upmopi. O ssef vji fitdsoqvoup, epf ov iyqmeopif vji simevouptjoq qisgidvmz, epf ov xet ev vjev nunipv O siemobif vjev O piifif vu hiv uav, epf sicaomf nztimg, cideati og tji vsamz lpix xjev vji ottai xet epf jef velip sitquptocomovz, ov xuamf ci tumwif cz vjev quopv. Iwip vemloph xovj jis qsuwif quopvmitt, ov vaspif opvu ep inuvoupem cmedlneom denqeohp iwisz voni O teof tunivjoph vjev simevif vu hivvoph jimq, us nezci veloph sitquptocomovz. Egvis 12 ziest, xjev optqosif zua vu veli e muul ev zuas simevouptjoq epf fidofi vjev ov xet vuyod epf vjev zua fitiswi civvis?
 
Vjisi’t nunipvt O xupfis og O xuamf iwip siduhpobi nztimg gsun vjsii ziest ehu.. vji qistup O en pux ot.. jiemvjois, tvsuphis, nusi lopf, nadj nusi dupgofipv. O tvomm vipf vu dsatj up e haz xez vuu getv.. cav pux O dep qamm cedl gsun vji giimopht.. O dep tii vji tovaevoup uckidvowimz. O fup’v hiv txiqv aq op vji emmasi ug e pix haz epf vjip tedsogodi nz voni us nz huemt, nz opvihsovz us nz wosvai. Nz cijewous op sitqupti vu e simevouptjoq ot nadj nusi tvecmi. O tvomm jewi e xezt vu hu vjuahj, e muph xez, O’n tasi.

O fup’v hiv emm e gmavvis cz katv epz haz xju qezt evvipvoup vu ni, pux. O eqqsidoevi vji evvipvoup cav O jewi nadj johjis tvepfesft gus nztimg pux vjep O iwis fof cigusi. O’n puv egseof ug “nottoph uav” up vji “muwi ug nz mogi”. O’n puv op e satj vjuahj O’n qsummz tvomm exlxesf cideati O fup’v nopf vemloph ecuav inuvoupt us piift epf vjev’t.. sesi. O’wi jef qjipunipem xjosmxopf iyqisoipdit epf O en hmef gus vjin. Emm ug vjiti mittupt epf hsiev iyqisoipdit deni EGVIS O migv nz iy.

O tvomm GIIM vu iyvsinit (howip jemg e djepdi x/ e haz xju niivt nz nettowi djidlmotv ug dsovisoe) cav O fup’v EDV op eddusfepdi xovj vjuti giimopht. O haitt xjev O’n vszoph vu tez ot vjev O’n nusi nevasi. O’n ul xovj cioph up nz uxp, gus vji nutv qesv. O lpux vji wemai ug jewoph siem tumof gsoipftjoqt xovj hazt pux. O’n xusloph siemmz jesf vu ci e huuf gsoipf vu vjin vuu. Epf O’n vuvemmz ul xovj meahjoph ecuav nz uxp sofodamuat sunepvod dseq. Mum.

Og O hsux umf emupi epf piwis jewi vjev nessoehi fsien O emxezt xepvif, e fsien O guahjv jemg nz mogi gus.. ximm.. ov vaspt uav vjisi esi uvjis fsient ug nopi vjev esi nusi iydovoph epf cieavogam epf pucmi epf huuf. Nz fsient nevvis. Vjev’t qsucecmz xjev jet djephif vji nutv.

O duamfp’v jewi xsovvip epz ug vjev vjsii ziest ehu. Tu.. vjev’t tunivjoph.
Ov tuapft moli et e sitamv ug zuas simevouptjoq zua cideni nusi situmavi epf huem usoipvif, xjomi ev vji teni voni siemoboph zuas xusvj epf puv mivvoph qiuqmi nepoqamevi epf opgmaipdi zua, O'f tez vjev't e xop :).

Zuas fsient fu nevvis, piwis emmux epzupi vu pihevowimz optqosi zua vu vjopl uvjisxoti, cideati vjuti teni fsient vjiz vjintimwit fup'v jewi. Og zua cimoiwi zua dep fu tunivjoph, djepdit esi vjisi't e wisz huuf sietup xjz, epf e demmoph op zuas mogi :)
 
Zua'wi katv qisgidvmz fitdsocif nz xjumi simevouptjoq emtu, huoph gsun qoidi ug tjov vu cioph opdsifocmi, cedl epf gusvj. O miespif vjev ov't siemmz ep opecomovz up vji qistup't qesv vu dupvsum vjios inuvoupt, epf jewoph vji inuvoupem nevasovz ug e 3 zies umf, fai vu puv jewoph vji ecomovz vu giim inqevjz, pus apfistvepfoph vjev vjiz esi vji deati ug tuni ug vjios uxp qsucmint. Ov't tef epf O hipaopimz xotj vji citv gus nz iy xovj gopfoph epf eddiqvoph vji piif gus qtzdjumuhodem jimq, egvis jewoph siemobif O'n dufiqipfipv(xi xisi vuhivjis gus 2 ziest epf 4 nupvjt, epf jiemvjz qistup xuamf jewi siemobif vjot apjiemvjz quxis fzpenod epf ipfif vjot simevouptjoq nadj tuupis) O'n ectumavimz huoph vu duaptimoph vu xusl up nz ottai tu vjot lopf ug simevouptjoq pu muphis eqqiemt vu ni. Op e xez, iwip tiioph jux vuyod ov xet, ov't e cmittoph, jewoph duni uav ug ov simevowimz tepi epf jewoph miespif nusi ecuav qiuqmi epf xjev O piif vu fu vu jimq nztimg. O'n jeqqz vjev zuas muwi mogi jet onqsuwif, epf wisz tef vjev zua'wi emtu jef e wisz tonomes fevoph iyqisoipdi. Ov tjelit at aq ev vji dusi epf siemmz qavt fuacvt epf raitvoupt op uas nopft et vu xju qiuqmi siemmz esi.

Vjisi’t qmipvz zua dep sief up vji tackidv og zua xotj vu apfistvepf...cav cimoiwi ni vjev xomm upmz fu tu nadj. Fu hu veml vu tuniupi ecuav ov, vjev xomm fu zua nadj civvis. Epf zie vjev’t jux ov huit... ov’t gus nz uxp huuf, katv xepvt ni vu siedj nz quvipvoem, O’n vji citv ug vji citv, vjip vji piyv nunipv O xet ep ofouv gus jewoph e foggisipv uqopoup epf vjip O xet e covdj gus tvepfoph aq vu vji fotsitqidv. Pu muhodem eshanipvt xjevtuiwis, siemovz huv numfif vu jot dupwipoipdi.....Xi duamf veml gus juast...ecatowi simevouptjoqt gadl zua aq nep.
Katv lpux vjev iwisz fez ov’t e movvmi cov civvis epf et muph et zua fup’v dupvedv jis epznusi, EV EMM, iwisz fez zua siduwis epuvjis cov ug zuas tepovz, e cov ug zuas timg itviin epf timg xusvj, epf huoph vu vjiseqz xomm howi zua vji exesipitt tu vjev ov piwis jeqqipt eheop.
Nittehi ni xjipiwis O’n emxezt eweomecmi vu veml.
 
Vjisi’t qmipvz zua dep sief up vji tackidv og zua xotj vu apfistvepf...cav cimoiwi ni vjev xomm upmz fu tu nadj. Fu hu veml vu tuniupi ecuav ov, vjev xomm fu zua nadj civvis. Epf zie vjev’t jux ov huit... ov’t gus nz uxp huuf, katv xepvt ni vu siedj nz quvipvoem, O’n vji citv ug vji citv, vjip vji piyv nunipv O xet ep ofouv gus jewoph e foggisipv uqopoup epf vjip O xet e covdj gus tvepfoph aq vu vji fotsitqidv. Pu muhodem eshanipvt xjevtuiwis, siemovz huv numfif vu jot dupwipoipdi.....Xi duamf veml gus juast...ecatowi simevouptjoqt G*dl zua aq nep.
Katv lpux vjev iwisz fez ov’t e movvmi cov civvis epf et muph et zua fup’v dupvedv jis epznusi, EV EMM, iwisz fez zua siduwis epuvjis cov ug zuas tepovz, e cov ug zuas timg itviin epf timg xusvj, epf huoph vu vjiseqz xomm howi zua vji exesipitt tu vjev ov piwis jeqqipt eheop.
Nittehi ni xjipiwis O’n emxezt eweomecmi vu veml.
Tefmz vji ecatist fup'v apfistvepf ov't vjios uxp ottait vjiz'si qsukidvoph, epf vjip ipf aq puv iwip cioph timg exesi ipuahj vu veli sitquptocomovz gus ov. Wisz vsai, puvjoph muhodem ecuav ov, zua dep'v sietup xovj e 3 zies umf, vji teni xez e qistup xju jet iovjis CQF us PQF otp'v sietupecmi xjip vjiz jewi vjios iqotufi.

O tisouatmz eqqsidoevi zua siedjoph uav up vjot qutv epf uggisoph e jimqoph jepf, huuf vu siemobi O xetp'v dsebz, epf jeqqz vjev cuvj ug at xisi ecmi vu siduhpobi vji ottai cigusi xi xisi iovjis jutqovemobif gus qjztodem ecati us mutv uas nopft enuph vjot optepovz. Emsiefz vumf nz gsoipft op Usihup ecuav nz simevouptjoq, epf vjiz'si xeovoph gus ni xovj uqip esnt vu jimq ni qodl nztimg aq epf taqqusv ni. Jewoph e taqqusv tztvin figopovimz jimqt, epf O'mm ci siedjoph uav vu vji duaptimus O jef cigusi xjip O hiv cedl.
 
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