Mental Health & Emotional Intelligence - A personal wake-up call??

[SeePetey]

Good morning,

I haven't been on here in awhile, but in thinking of a place I "trust" that I might solicit some honest no BS opinions from, this forum came to mind, and I have a couple of questions at the bottom of this post.

This rambling "isn't" about entrepreneurship, but then again, it really is. Bear with me.

I (39m) just started the audiobook "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" as I go for my morning walks.

Relevant to the theme of this forum, the authors cite studies that have found direct correlations between emotional intelligence levels and the levels of personal and professional success experienced by people in virtually every field of work. In short, folks with higher EQ's are much more successful in all aspects of life than folks with lower EQ's, and EQ is a much more reliable predictor of success than IQ is.

In listening to the book (I'm still not quite finished), when hearing the examples of some folks with lower EQ scores, I was like, "Umm, yeah, I know people like that..." But then I started really listening, rewinding, listening, and I felt some doubts creeping up.

Part of the book entails taking an Emotional Intelligence test to get a score and get an idea of where you're at EQ-wise.

I'm not sure if I just bombed this somehow but I ended up with kind of a shockingly low score compared to what I was expecting. I was down there with the friggin angry lawyer from the book!

I know it's just an online test, but it was developed by professionals (as opposed to Buzzfeed) so it at least infers some measure of reliability as an indicator.

So now I'm trying to look back at my personal/professional life and figure out how this may have affected me in my various careers, and what this means for me as a person.

I'm just starting to really think about this as of this morning, so I'm nowhere near drawing any conclusions or making any kind of a breakthrough. But it's a bit of a gut-punch to see some outside evidence (reliable or not) that in some ways, I could have been my own worst enemy for many years.

While caring and kind to my siblings and me growing up, neither of my parents could probably be accurately assessed as the most socially adept of people, and I know it hurt my dad's career, and I know my mom made a lot of folks angry for her being the momma-bear. I'm wondering how all of that rubbed off on me.

So, relevant to the theme of this forum, I'm wondering if I shouldn't take a pause and perhaps adjust my priorities a bit here with my day-job and my entrepreneurial aspirations.

Up until now, my personal development efforts have largely been focused on technical and operational capabilities, with little to no effort being spent on this type of emotional development.

To start with, I'm going to finish the audiobook, probably buy the hardcopy to re-read, and really work on following through with that the authors recommend to improve your EQ capabilities.

But now I'm curious, and as this is a uniquely diverse community with people from all points on various spectrums, I was hoping to maybe get some advice and feedback:

Have any of you also experienced a similar painful epiphany that you may be an emotional idiot, and if so, where are you now and how did you get there?

What resources might some of you use or be aware of for someone wishing to improve themselves in the area of emotional intelligence? A quick google search reveals a plethora of similar-sounding books, expensive workshops, and a ton of short articles lacking a lot of substance.

Could this all be a sham, and I'm just fine the way I am?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[heavy_industry]

I'm not an expert on this topic but I think I remember Jordan Peterson saying that "emotional intelligence" is a pseudo-scientific made up term.

Nevertheless, the idea behind the term "emotional intelligence" is very powerful and I strongly believe that being able to control yourself and remain rational will largely determine the outcome of your life. Being an irrational, emotional, impulsive monkey is usually not the best strategy in the modern world (trust me, I've tried it).

There have been countless experiments where kids that were able to forgo eating a cookie for a longer amount of time have done way better later in life than their more impulsive peers. You can call this self-control, discipline, "emotional intelligence" etc.

But what all those words refer to, is the ability to use the pre-frontal cortex of the brain more strongly.

Why the pre-frontal cortex? This is basically the CEO of the brain. It handles long-term goals, strategy, execution, organizing, discipline, impulse control, and many other mental attributes that our society considers to be good "personality" traits. The stronger your pre-frontal cortex, the more control you will have over yourself, and the better the outcome of your life.

You can train this part of the brain by practicing meditation, working hard, practicing discipline in your daily life, and perhaps the most difficult but effective one: endurance training. Nothing in this world will improve your brain more than exercise.

 

[SeePetey]

I'm not an expert on this topic but I think I remember Jordan Peterson saying that "emotional intelligence" is a pseudo-scientific made up term.

Nevertheless, the idea behind the term "emotional intelligence" is very powerful and I strongly believe that being able to control yourself and remain rational will largely determine the outcome of your life. Being an irrational, emotional, impulsive monkey is usually not the best strategy in the modern world (trust me, I've tried it).

There have been countless experiments where kids that were able to forgo eating a cookie for a longer amount of time have done way better later in life than their more impulsive peers. You can call this self-control, discipline, "emotional intelligence" etc.

But what all those words refer to, is the ability to use the pre-frontal cortex of the brain more strongly.

Why the pre-frontal cortex? This is basically the CEO of the brain. It handles long-term goals, strategy, execution, organizing, discipline, impulse control, and many other mental attributes that our society considers to be good "personality" traits. The stronger your pre-frontal cortex, the more control you will have over yourself, and the better the outcome of your life.

You can train this part of the brain by practicing meditation, working hard, practicing discipline in your daily life, and perhaps the most difficult but effective one: endurance training. Nothing in this world will improve your brain more than exercise.

So, you're telling me my whole morning has been a lie? lol

Just kidding, I was actually just starting to get into reading further about the contrary opinions about EQ, honestly I had no idea the controversy behind the term.

I hate this, but at the same time in a wierd way, I'm enjoying the roller coast.

I'm not wedded to the idea of EQ at all, but the author was painting things in such a convincing light. It was as if he were connecting a bunch of dots that seemed to help make some sense of things.

Now there's equally reputable folks (not a big fan of Jordan Peterson, but not for political reasons. He's just annoying) saying this is a buncha BS. But then some Harvard folks say there's a lot to it....

I don't have the time or patience to start getting into the research they were citing about the success/EQ level correlations, but now I'm curious about if those studies really did find "something", what it actually was.

Maybe I won't finish this book. Actually, I probably should, just to firmly make up my mind either way.

Curious about the endurance training idea though.

Currently in PT for a messed up back, so I won't be out and running anytime in the near future. But you're 100% right. I've always been happiest when out exercising and in shape.

 

[heavy_industry]

So, you're telling me my whole morning has been a lie? lol

Just kidding, I was actually just starting to get into reading further about the contrary opinions about EQ, honestly I had no idea the controversy behind the term.

I hate this, but at the same time in a wierd way, I'm enjoying the roller coast.

I'm not wedded to the idea of EQ at all, but the author was painting things in such a convincing light. It was as if he were connecting a bunch of dots that seemed to help make some sense of things.

Now there's equally reputable folks (not a big fan of Jordan Peterson, but not for political reasons. He's just annoying) saying this is a buncha BS. But then some Harvard folks say there's a lot to it....

I don't have the time or patience to start getting into the research they were citing about the success/EQ level correlations, but now I'm curious about if those studies really did find "something", what it actually was.

Maybe I won't finish this book. Actually, I probably should, just to firmly make up my mind either way.

Curious about the endurance training idea though.

Currently in PT for a messed up back, so I won't be out and running anytime in the near future. But you're 100% right. I've always been happiest when out exercising and in shape.

Psychology is not a hard science, therefore most of the constructs described in this discipline are just conceptual models. They are not set in stone and they do change over time, so I think it's better to focus on the underlying phenomenon rather than the word used to describe it (in this case "emotional intelligence").

Without looking at any long term study, I've seen from my own experience a very strong correlation between success and good emotional regulation. Discipline wins. Consistency wins. Being rational wins.

Good luck with your recovery!
If you have trouble with your back, I would highly suggest swimming as a go-to endurance sport. It's basically 0 impact on your joints and might actually strengthen your back muscles and improve your spinal health.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Subsonic]

Good morning,

I haven't been on here in awhile, but in thinking of a place I "trust" that I might solicit some honest no BS opinions from, this forum came to mind, and I have a couple of questions at the bottom of this post.

This rambling "isn't" about entrepreneurship, but then again, it really is. Bear with me.

I (39m) just started the audiobook "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" as I go for my morning walks.

Relevant to the theme of this forum, the authors cite studies that have found direct correlations between emotional intelligence levels and the levels of personal and professional success experienced by people in virtually every field of work. In short, folks with higher EQ's are much more successful in all aspects of life than folks with lower EQ's, and EQ is a much more reliable predictor of success than IQ is.

In listening to the book (I'm still not quite finished), when hearing the examples of some folks with lower EQ scores, I was like, "Umm, yeah, I know people like that..." But then I started really listening, rewinding, listening, and I felt some doubts creeping up.

Part of the book entails taking an Emotional Intelligence test to get a score and get an idea of where you're at EQ-wise.

I'm not sure if I just bombed this somehow but I ended up with kind of a shockingly low score compared to what I was expecting. I was down there with the friggin angry lawyer from the book!

I know it's just an online test, but it was developed by professionals (as opposed to Buzzfeed) so it at least infers some measure of reliability as an indicator.

So now I'm trying to look back at my personal/professional life and figure out how this may have affected me in my various careers, and what this means for me as a person.

I'm just starting to really think about this as of this morning, so I'm nowhere near drawing any conclusions or making any kind of a breakthrough. But it's a bit of a gut-punch to see some outside evidence (reliable or not) that in some ways, I could have been my own worst enemy for many years.

While caring and kind to my siblings and me growing up, neither of my parents could probably be accurately assessed as the most socially adept of people, and I know it hurt my dad's career, and I know my mom made a lot of folks angry for her being the momma-bear. I'm wondering how all of that rubbed off on me.

So, relevant to the theme of this forum, I'm wondering if I shouldn't take a pause and perhaps adjust my priorities a bit here with my day-job and my entrepreneurial aspirations.

Up until now, my personal development efforts have largely been focused on technical and operational capabilities, with little to no effort being spent on this type of emotional development.

To start with, I'm going to finish the audiobook, probably buy the hardcopy to re-read, and really work on following through with that the authors recommend to improve your EQ capabilities.

But now I'm curious, and as this is a uniquely diverse community with people from all points on various spectrums, I was hoping to maybe get some advice and feedback:

Have any of you also experienced a similar painful epiphany that you may be an emotional idiot, and if so, where are you now and how did you get there?

What resources might some of you use or be aware of for someone wishing to improve themselves in the area of emotional intelligence? A quick google search reveals a plethora of similar-sounding books, expensive workshops, and a ton of short articles lacking a lot of substance.

Could this all be a sham, and I'm just fine the way I am

Bad mental health is the modern black plague. Id reccomend you to get into meditation and gratitude journaling. Just look them up on youtube or google. The practice for those will take you 10 to 15 minutes a day and fully transform your life. I dont trust myself to really explain the benefits because its a bit complicated and i dont want to throw you off. But doing those will fix your emotional intelligence problems to a degree.
The cool thing is, that once your mental health is better and you are better with emotions, you will be up to 10x more productive depending on how bad it is. And you will just feel better.

If you really want to learn about this stuff you NEED TO watch "The sience of wellbeing". Its a course on coursera
made by a university professor called Laurie Santos. Its free with no catch or anything. And its absolutely lifechanging for anyone. The Science of Well-Being
This is the link, again i dont gain anything from this. If you dont trust me just look it up.

I hope this was helpful, im somewhat new here.

 

[SeePetey]

If you dont trust me just look it up.

At least you didn't say "do your own research" lol.

Thanks for that, I'll definitely watch the course!