Execution Diary

[puredot]

My Execution Diary

9 months ago I wanted to be a digital marketer. I was working abroad at the time as a physical worker. I decided that I want to start my journey to be a digital marketer. I started with free stuff: articles and official papers. But it wasn't enough. I bought a course and started learning from it. While I was abroad learning was a disaster. I was managing to learn like for 2 hours maximum. I was ultra exhausted at the time. 12-14 hours with riding to the destination and back. I tried to use every free time in a work to peek to the materials on my phone.

When I got back to my country I started to learn things more rapidly, but I know it wasn't the pace I am capable of. It was an okay pace, good in general. I studied more and more, but I could learn more, I was just lazy. Living with the parents back then made me lazy as hell. After 2 months I stopped for 2 months. I was just laying in my bed. Alone and unemployed. I dropped out from the collage earlier. After the 2 months of doing nothing period I came back to learning a bit. In general I am not happy from the pace I am doing things. Most of the time I think I am not disciplined enough, or maybe even at all.

I was learning and all and months ago I started figuring out that in my country is a program that I can join to. They pay me for learning digital marketing and after that they pay me for my internship for 3 months. But there are 2 problems - first one - I need to move to the different city in order to be able to even try to join the program. Second one - It is the last 3 days to join and they said it is impossible to do the whole paper work and all. At first I panicked, then accepted the failure, but after that I focused on doing the right things (my psychologist helped me - I fund it myself by money I earned abroad). I actually did most of the work in 1 day, second day I had to do one last thing. That was great feeling.

And now I found the internship, done the courses and yeah, I pushed myself into the 9-5 prison. I didn't even notice that. Today was officially my first day there. In the meantime, approximately 3-4 months ago, I bought INSIDERS. I tried to do something with that, but I just managed to read some things that were useful, but I didn't even have courage to actually do them. Every time I read about something I don't do these things. I am kinda sick of it, but I have to work through it I guess.

I forgot about the whole fastlane vision and I cannot just give up while working a 9-5 job so I decided to make a diary here. Hopefully it'll be helpful for some of you guys.

The whole idea is to make a very small but consistent steps in the right direction (the fastlane direction). Let's see if I can manage to do that.

Stay safe

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Welcome and thanks for sharing your journey.

The whole idea is to make a very small but consistent steps

That works wonderfully - the small steps build into larger jumps.

 

[puredot]

Thank you for your reply MJ! Yeah, hopefully it'll turn this way.

I had a very busy yesterday, but I could plan it better to send a post here (because writing a diary means to write in it everyday, isn't it?). Yesterday (and some hours of today) I went the Extreme Way of the Cross. I do not believe in any religion, just wanted to go because my friend asked me. Basically you go alone or in small groups for some sick miles and mostly do not talk. Half of our way we were going through woods. And yeah, it was all in the night. I didn't make it though. 3 valuable lessons: Do spontaneous things, but be sure you are ready for them; plan things in advance; get plenty of sleep before doing extreme things.

I also realized yesterday one great thing - just reading books related to my job in a commute and learning through courses after my job puts me waaaay ahead of so much people. It is just a matter of time. It is so easy to just come back and do absolutely nothing, it is extremely easy to just lay down and watch netflix while telling yourself that you deserve it. But putting effert after the job feels sooooo much better in the long run. It was good to read two of your books MJ, they helped me to understand the previous thoughts.

 

[puredot]

So apparently I am not able to focus properly. It seems like I cannot focus at all. Like thinking about one thing for half a minute is too much. Steps have to be taken. I've read books about being focused, I know it's not difficult, it just takes time.

While working:

• Phone out of the room, unless not possible - then physically as far away from me as possible;
• One page, bookmark, task at a time, unless not possible - then lower the number of bookmarks, tasks as much as possible;
• Before starting a work - make a short list of tasks (preferably maximum 3 tasks) and prioritize them, unless not possible - then lower the number of tasks as much as possible;
• Staying out of my mind/thoughts as often as possible - it means focusing on external stimulus - colors, textures, smells, sounds, tastes, etc., unless not possible - then looking at my thoughts from a perspective, not engaging emotionally in my thoughts and/or emotions.

How am I going to it's working?

​

I'm getting things done, my emotions don't necessarily ruin my 'getting things done' streak, all seems doable, sooner or later.​

That seems manageable. Just those things. If they're not possible or I feel like I cannot make it - I just focus on external stimulus. That sounds like I can make it - and hopefully it is going to be extremely helpful. I'll inform you tomorrow how it went.

 

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[puredot]

It's almost 1:30 am. I tried the plan, but didn't really worked out. I looked in the wrong direction - it's my phone. It's the whole center of not-being-able-to-focus-properly. It's about not using the phone, it's about being truly bored. That's a progress in its true form.

And I noticed that mostly I don't do things, I just think/dream about them. That's a bad sign. But it is great that I notice those things.

I have a planner. I should use it.

I am tired, let's go to sleep haha.

Stay safe

 

[puredot]

Missed yesterday. F**k that s**t. Just doing stuff I want and really focusing on it is what should be considered to gain focus. That a main ingredient at least. All those things from the list above are correct and helpful, but the foundation should be the true interest to the thing that you spend most of your time with (or you consider time spent with it the most valuable).

I totally randomly met a person who can help me to improve my professional skills in future. And it's not randomly, I actually went out to work out, so as MJ said - to have a chance you actually have to be out there (that wasn't a quote).

I found a forum about my profession and that's a goldmine - I actually didn't know how valuable are forums. You learn all your life. Let's dive into it. (And I should really consider to dive into this one, but right now I focus on my profession to get something out of it).

 

[puredot]

Let's go! It was a good day. I appreciate all the things that happen today.

First of all - I love to talk with the other employee. It's about his view. He is definitely more experienced in the field than me, so I love to hear him talking about the things. Of course I try not to talk to much, because I've read somewhere that the relationship between mentor-student should be within very strict rules. But yeah, his view and experience are super valuable to me. And he is a cool guy to talk to too. That's mostly because the boss most of the time is not here, because he has other business. I appreciate him and his efforts as an entrepreneur, but I know that I shouldn't focus on more than a one biz, especially at the beginning (guess from whom I know that hahaha).

I've seen what does it mean to live on your own rules and know your value. I won't talk about it more right now, but it was awesome, great experience.

I've come up with some tips on how to reduce efforts that eyes has to put to everyone who spends time with computer and/or phone:

• Turn on night mode on your computer all the time
• Turn on night mode on your phone all the time
• Make font bigger on both things so you will lean from them as you use them

Hopefully it'll help somebody. I'll rest for a bit this evening. Because why not.

 

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[puredot]

I don't think I am happy. I found that my work and learning about the work is super helpful for my mind, but I still feel like I am lacking something and I don't know what is missing precisely.
I found myself full of disadvantages. The most important thing is that I make it ultra hard for me to take responsibility for my life, my actions, my feelings. It is so convenient to just drift with waves and blame everybody but yourself. Focusing on work and all the stuff is helpful, but I feel like I am running from something, but even if I wanted to catch it I can't. Maybe I don't try to catch it or maybe I don't want to.
It is much more pleasant to just think about the future, the past and don't focus on now. It's so easy to write about those things, instead of actually doing something about them. The best things is that I am aware of them but I don't feel like there is going to be an event that will change me. I feel like it'll be forever, until I make something about it.
I don't know.

 

[UnderdogStrategy]

Do you have a specific, realistic goal at the moment?

Do you find yourself thinking or day-dreaming about having some sort of help from the outside? Like someone who pushes you, some who believes in you and such

P.S.: if you haven't yet, take a look at Jordan Peterson's material on YT, specifically about "taking responsibility"

 

[puredot]

Do you have a specific, realistic goal at the moment?

Do you find yourself thinking or day-dreaming about having some sort of help from the outside? Like someone who pushes you, some who believes in you and such

P.S.: if you haven't yet, take a look at Jordan Peterson's material on YT, specifically about "taking responsibility"

Hey Underdog! I assume you watched the undercover billionaire show from your nickname, am I right?

No, my goals aren't really super specific, I have never set goals a proper way.

I have a psychologist but that's it. I am afraid that a person who is not qualified to help others can hurt them by addicting those people from their help, if that sentence makes sense. I feel like I should be able to figure out things on my own. Even better - I am able to figure out things on my own.

I think I have watched that. I've read a great article today, about taking responsibility for your life and all the other things. That was good, informative and all. The hardest part is to start, or is it? I don't know.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it!

(I count this reply as a part of diary)

 

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[UnderdogStrategy]

Hey Underdog! I assume you watched the undercover billionaire show from your nickname, am I right?

Not really, I don't know what show is that.

No, my goals aren't really super specific, I have never set goals a proper way.

I have a psychologist but that's it. I am afraid that a person who is not qualified to help others can hurt them by addicting those people from their help, if that sentence makes sense. I feel like I should be able to figure out things on my own. Even better - I am able to figure out things on my own.

I've asked you that question because I've noticed lots of people around me living in the same bubble of confusion/depression/apathy.

The common denominator is absence of a clear goal.
When you're mission-driven a lots of things fall into place naturally.

Perhaps setting a specific, achievable and short-term goal might be useful for you?

---

One of the most important feature in people who get results is self-determination.
It's okay asking help sometimes, but if you can't keep moving forward when everything is against you, it's a problem.

I've been there and I changed my approach when:

1. I accepted that no one was gonna come to save/help/push me.
2. I took responsibility for myself: you can start looking at yourself as someone you care for (imagine having a child, or a dear friend) - wouldn't you help them? wouldn't you support them?

Good luck

 

[puredot]

Not really, I don't know what show is that.




I've asked you that question because I've noticed lots of people around me living in the same bubble of confusion/depression/apathy.

The common denominator is absence of a clear goal.
When you're mission-driven a lots of things fall into place naturally.

Perhaps setting a specific, achievable and short-term goal might be useful for you?

---

One of the most important feature in people who get results is self-determination.
It's okay asking help sometimes, but if you can't keep moving forward when everything is against you, it's a problem.

I've been there and I changed my approach when:

1. I accepted that no one was gonna come to save/help/push me.
2. I took responsibility for myself: you can start looking at yourself as someone you care for (imagine having a child, or a dear friend) - wouldn't you help them? wouldn't you support them?

Good luck

Oh, my bad.

About the goal - well, that sounds like a solution to many common problems, for me at least. I could try that.

We are going so deep here I probably shouldn't share more about myself. But yes, that sounds useful, I could try that as well.

Thank you for your advices, good luck to you as well

 

[puredot]

I wasn't posting here for a while - that's how putting off looks in action.

Underdog is right - I have some vague goals, but they don't mean a thing in the end - they are too foggy and aren't written down.

In general I'm good, slowly progressing in my skills, I like that.

 

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[puredot]

Living with anti-self-disciplined person is hard. But it all is my choice. I have to be disciplined. I want to be self disciplined. All I have to do is write down my plans.

I made a huge progress with my psychologist, I am thankful for that.

Breathing is super important.

@UnderdogStrategy is right - I need to treat myself well and pick those goals. I prefer them to be tiny, so I can actually achieve them. Planning strictly is hard for me so I am going to start small. I've read that making your plans public makes you do them. Let's find out. It will not be public, since I don't know people here and you probably don't know me, but still.

So right now I'm aiming to get a client from abroad who will be paying me 100$ a month - as a side hustle/freelance. I want to spend max. 6 hours a week for that.

Tomorrow I will:

• read 50 pages of the book;
• do job chores;
• will watch materials (for the next week) from the course I got.

I, puredot, will do those things. If I don't I will do naked yoga on the main street for 30 minutes and will be recording this and I will put this on youtube. That's weirdly specific hahahah

I don't want to do the yoga

 

[UnderdogStrategy]

I, puredot, will do those things. If I don't I will do naked yoga on the main street for 30 minutes and will be recording this and I will put this on youtube. That's weirdly specific hahahah

WTF lol
I think you'll find yourself in jail before the end of the session ahah

"Guy handcuffed and arrested during Urdhva Hastasana"

Keep it up man,
Stay Hard

 

[puredot]

It's not happening. I have a chance to have a client abroad. $25+/hour, 4h/week.
That looks amazing. It's my one shot, I have to get that.

About the plan I had for today - I read 50 pages of the book and did job chores. I didn't the the course I mentioned but I did different one and I will do another one in a couple of minutes.

Hopefully it counts, because I really don't want to do the yoga hahaha.

Tomorrow I will:

• do the best I can to find as much additional information about the job as I can
• +will revise notes I already have about the job.

Let's do this!

 

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[puredot]

Okay, so it was a long time since I posted here. I was doing a lot of learning after my job, even my closest told me that I work every waking hour and they want to spend some time with me. I always wanted to be it this way, but now I see I can be way more effective. It is good to just sometimes binge with unimportant stuff and feel like "well - I am busy so that's okay". It is not. It is so hard to really do those things and at the same time think about being more effective in doing them.

The thing is - I think you can always be more effective and that's unending battle, but it is worth it.

About the client - we are going to have a first planning/strategy conversation in the next week. I am so excited. I am really prepared right now, but I am going to be even more prepared. I've never really done the thing but hey - I did a couple of courses on the topic and doing another one. There has to be practice. Let's go.

 

[puredot]

I feel empty and tired. I want to stop for a moment but at the same time I can't. I want to spend some time on my own but I can't because I share room with someone. In my job I am with other employers. In commute I am with other people. I just want to spend some time alone. I don't know.

Client has a hard time communicating with me, but she send me a message today. It's all good, we'll be discussing details soon. I am doing courses and getting certificates. But it is all slow, and I am getting slower and slower with each day. I want to rest, but I can't. Jeez, that's pathetic, the whole ranting.

Let's get back to work.

 

[puredot]

So I've talked to a client, we are good. Soon I will be working on her account. That's great, let's see what'll happen.

I have an opportunity to have another side-hustle, this time copywriting. If it's going to work out I will be able to make a lot of money and have additional experience. It is not what I want to do for the rest of my life but it is something. And it's a serious cash (for me, for now). But there are other people trying to get the contract (of course) so tomorrow I'll know if I am the chosen one. Let's wait.

My psychologist told me that I don't do things I want because of fear. That's true - the underlying fear. I was concerned about focusing but most of the problem requires from from me to just do a plan and stick to it. The plan can't be strict, it has to be like a checklist but not with timeboxes. I can divide those to priority, important and non-urgent. I love that - the planner I mean.

Something striked me like 2-3 days ago - I've seen what I have to do to achieve what I want. I've seen all of it in like maximum 10 seconds. As soon as it striked me it stopped. Now I know I am not as intelligent as other people (I am not a genius as well, it's just I am not stupid) and I am able to do things I really want and figure out how to do it on my own. It just requires being focused. Not even that - just be present. That's all.

Be present. And plan. And do the plan. That's important as well.

 

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[puredot]

I really am tired, but that's because I did bad to myself yesterday. I went to sleep late, I slept less than 6 hours, yet I was kinda rested, but now (12 hours later)I know that was mainly coffee. I am afraid of doing things actually. I know there is something called fear setting by Tim Ferris, but I avoid doing it. I really am making myself harder than it would be.

Writing here on one hand makes me feel like an egoistic person. I feel like maybe people read this and I feel kinda proud or whatever. On the other hand I rationalize it to myself that one day I'll be where I want to be and people will see my thought process through the whole journey, so they can see that it can be done, even when you don't feel great. Hopefully the second option is the truth, but I imagine it's both. Most of the people are like that, at their core. At least that's what I've read in psychological books.

Why can't I do things? I know I have to just plan my day, I have the planner, I can have time, I just extremely avoid it. I know it can be done. I know I can do this. Why am I doing this to myself?

I feel like the client is avoiding me as well. Oh yeah - the copywriting thing didn't go well. I mean they didn't reply in the end. That's okay. It would be too time consuming anyway.

I can't get the da*n certificate. I didn't pass the test for the third time. This time I bought notebooks so I can make notes and actually beat the test.

I have no idea where I am going. The psychologist took a free day when I had a visit, so now I have to wait 2 weeks. It'll be a test for me. We'll see. I make stupid decisions and now I am stressed out and afraid. Hope it'll turn out good for me.

Cheers

 

[puredot]

Quick update - I don't know what to do (at least that's what I am telling to myself). I am getting tired of all of this. I am not effective in my learning, I just binge, do everything ineffective (I was teaching my friends how to learn faster with various of techinques but I don't use them myself).

No idea what to do, I feel clueless and hopeless right now. And at the same time I know I know exactly what should I do but I don't do it. Well - your life your choices I guess.