The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success
  • Sell-Me Saturday is Now Live!

    Have something to sell? Want to promote your design service or a YouTube channel? SELL-ME SATURDAY is your opportunity to self-promote anything within the sphere of entrepreneurship on one thread... and at no cost. Go There
    Note: Indiscriminate SEO backlinking to questionable material is not allowed.
  • Join 50,000+ entrepreneurs who are earning their freedom and living their dream.

    "Fastlane" is an entrepreneur discussion forum based on The C.E.N.T.S Framework outlined in the two best-selling books by MJ DeMarco (The Millionaire Fastlane and UNSCRIPTED®). From multimillionaires to digital nomads to side hustlers who are grinding a job, the Fastlane Forum features real entrepreneurs creating real businesses with one goal in mind: Freedom— both financial and temporal.

    Download (Unscripted) Download (Millionaire Fastlane) Register
    Registering for the forum removes this block.

Alcoholic housmate needs to go

Veloman

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Feb 10, 2018
74
99
121
Austin
My wife and I have rented a room in our house to this guy for about 4 years on a month to month basis. I've been wanting to get him to move out for about a year. He's got a lot of emotional baggage, is dirty, have to remind him to do his share of cleaning, doesn't want to pay for shared house supplies, falls asleep randomly and creates hazards, an alcoholic with a bad temper, gets in verbal fights with his gf who stays over half the time, but mostly just has this bad attitude and gives me a bad feeling. He gets on my nerves often and it seems more often that something happens that puts me over the edge and I'm so close to telling him to move out during one of his fits with me (not a good time). Usually he is a nice guy and calls us his friends. He usually is very socialable, likes to offer samples of his cooking etc. He's told me a lot of his deep troubled past. I do things to help him out, I try to be friend when he needs help. He does pay his rent relatively on time and holds a full time job.
We have not raised his rent and the area has gotten quite more expensive. He can afford to live in this city only because of our cheap rent.
My wife was hoping he would move in with his gf but he doesn't want that. (They're not in a healthy relationship).
I really want his negativity out of our life and after tonight's incident I don't trust him. He was asleep on the toilet again with the bathtub water running for an hour. I had to bang on the door a lot to wake him up and he was all pissed at me, claiming it was only a few minutes. Then I could hear him talking to his gf about me like I was this big bad guy and talking crap about me. So I don't trust him anymore. I fear he's going to get violent. He yells to the point where its almost like I feel the need to call the police.

I am wondering how to go about giving him his one months notice to move out, without enraging him. Because I know he will take it very badly and we'll become his enemies likely. He is very "woe is me" and has expressed many stories of the people that he says have made his life so terrible.
I just want him out with as little risk of lashback as possible. We care about him but the time has long passed where he needs to go.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

RazorCut

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 3, 2014
1,742
5,851
1,296
England UK
Awkward situation. Are you able to handle him if it turns nasty? Problem is if you give him a months notice and he is the vindictive sort he could wreck the place or cause a lot of issues during that period. Obviously its why when you are let go by a company some get you to clear your desk and leave right away.

Can you take him to a bar for a heart to heart and tell him it's now time for him to move on as having a lodger no-longer fits in with where you and your partner want to go? Try to defuse it as much as possible and he will be in a public environment so hopefully won't want to kick off and make a scene. If he does and the police get involved you have a good reason not to let him back into the house.

I think its about being kind but firm. Offer help where you can but say it was never meant to be a permanent thing and time has now run its course.

Obviously once he is gone get the locks changed ASAP.
 

Stargazer

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Mar 8, 2018
188
367
190
47
England
Can you take him to a bar for a heart to heart and tell him it's now time for him to move on as having a lodger no-longer fits in with where you and your partner want to go?
I would second this.

Just tell him you and your wife no longer need a lodger and want to have the house to yourselves going forward.

Suggest January if it makes you feel better and you can live with him another 4 months.

If you feel the message would result in toxic behaviour - either mentally or physically; bearing in mind you have a wife - then you want to remove him pronto.

Dan
 

RazorCut

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 3, 2014
1,742
5,851
1,296
England UK
Oh one more thing. If you do have a heart to heart tell him it's not due to anything he has done, it is just that you and your partner want more personal time or whatever. If you start laying blame he will get defensive, the barriers will go up. The anger will flare.

Use issues with you and your partner as a basis for needing more intimacy or something and ask him for his help. If you can get him on side so that him moving out is a way to help you save your relationship then it may go a lot smoother. Better the carrot than the stick approach.
 

Ernman

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Feb 8, 2019
488
923
331
60
Florida, USA
I agree with RazorCut and Stargazer. Make sure your partner is in on the plan so you both present a consistent message, "we want the place to ourselves so we can work on our relationship". Very hard for anyone to argue or take offense to that. If he asks you for a letter of recommendation simple put in writing the time period he rented from you and that he either paid on time or had x late payments. Do not make any quality judgements that you or his new landlord can use against you.
 

D.Navi

Bronze Contributor
Aug 26, 2016
51
104
120
22
+1 for everything said here.

I'd say go about this as if you were about to break up with a psychotic girlfriend.

Take him out to a public place and give him the 'it's not you, it's me' treatment. Be understanding and consider his perspective when presenting your decision.

Most importantly, stay strong and don't buckle. If you back down now it's going to be 100X harder for you the next time.

Also do take the necessary precautions like changing the locks and warning your wife to keep an eye out for trouble.

Based on his previous actions he's given you quite a clear idea of how easy it is for him to turn hostile on you.
 

YoungnBroke

New Contributor
Jul 21, 2018
17
7
14
I know lying is bad but just tell him your wife is pregnant and you need the space for your child, if he's not able to pay the rent in the city hes probably moving. I know I sound like a monster but I have dealt with people with a greater drug problem and that's the only way to get their negativity out of your life.
 

E-Sharp

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jun 9, 2015
115
287
174
he will be in a public environment so hopefully won't want to kick off and make a scene. If he does and the police get involved you have a good reason not to let him back into the house.
This could be illegal and create more problems even if it seems like "a good reason". Getting belligerent and making a scene doesn't remove a tenant's rights.

Since tenant is a semi-nightmare already with the potential to become an even bigger nightmare for OP, I would think about consulting an attorney
 

Tourmaline

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 4, 2019
649
652
264
Texas
I know lying is bad but just tell him your wife is pregnant and you need the space for your child, if he's not able to pay the rent in the city hes probably moving. I know I sound like a monster but I have dealt with people with a greater drug problem and that's the only way to get their negativity out of your life.
Hmm as much as I dislike lying this seems like a good option.

If he is likely not going to be reasonable when simply asked or told then this will likely cause him to be reasonable.

Also op, do you have a lease or contract or anything?
 

Champion

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Apr 12, 2019
329
288
115
Hamburg, Germany
I agree with what RazorCut said. Dont make it anything personal and make it clear to him that the reason you want him out is NOT because of him, but because you and your wife want more privacy etc...

I used a similar method when I quit my job, without making my boss get pissed at me. After all was over, he actually liked me more now lol. It was only because I made it "nothing personal" though and really made him believe that the reason for quitting was nothing to do with him (even though there were many reasons that had to do with him, but thats another story).

Best,
Champion
 

ChrisV

Platinum Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 10, 2015
2,441
4,558
1,152
Islands of Calleja
I am wondering how to go about giving him his one months notice to move out, without enraging him. Because I know he will take it very badly and we'll become his enemies likely. He is very "woe is me" and has expressed many stories of the people that he says have made his life so terrible.
I mean do you have a relationship aside from that landlord/tenant one? If not, I wouldn't worry about offending him. You can't enable people. If he gets upset he gets upset.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

A_Random_Guy

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
May 27, 2019
119
114
124
I mean do you have a relationship aside from that landlord/tenant one? If not, I wouldn't worry about offending him. You can't enable people. If he gets upset he gets upset.
Rightly said. Thinking about all the worst-case scenarios for hours will do nothing. It will only make you worry more and more and you'll be blind to radical thoughts. I'd take suggestions from the people here and just act on it.

I shared a room with a druggist who also used to drink, visit brothels and smoke and worked for a Tech scam company. I suffer from asthma so it was problematic. When it became unbearable, I went up to him and told him that I respect him and expect better from him. I used to accompany him to dinner, join him on some evening walks and talked to him more. Eventually, he stopped visiting brothels, only consumed alcohol once a month and his weed consumption was not so frequent. He offered me some of the best advice in life. This book was recommended to me by him when I was feeling down.

When you respect someone and want him to change for the better, he will notice. If he still refuses, kick him out, he should respect your time.
 

JAJT

Ha Ha! Business
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Aug 7, 2012
2,700
14,304
2,806
Ontario, Canada
While it's obviously nice to graciously ask people and hope they agree - I would 100% formalize this.

Figure out what your eviction processes are for where you live and present the eviction with your explanation (if you feel the need to do this).

I also wouldn't be opposed to making up a story about how you need the room for other reasons rather than just "it's you - get out". Examples:

- your wife is pregnant and you need the space
- you have a nephew from out of town who needs the room for college
- you plan to move/sell soon and need to evict first so you can update/repair/vacate the property in advance of all the showings and such
- whatever else

A white lie will help take the focus off him being the bad guy and shift it towards him being a victim of circumstance, which still sucks but it's an easier pill to swallow.

This way, you can now have a heart to heart if you wish but you also present the formal eviction and make sure they know that this IS happening whether they like it or not.

Absolutely do not negotiate. Have the eviction ready and make it clear that it is what it is.
 
OP
OP
Veloman

Veloman

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Feb 10, 2018
74
99
121
Austin
I think the reason of working on marriage and needing privacy is the best, and it's partially true.

We just had a verbal contract of month to month, with a deposit I think. My wife had dealt with it back when he moved in, as I wasn't an owner of the house yet.

The key is to be on good terms before bringing this up.
 

Bertram

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Oct 25, 2015
575
794
302
Arizona and Maine
My wife and I have rented a room in our house to this guy for about 4 years on a month to month basis. I've been wanting to get him to move out for about a year. He's got a lot of emotional baggage, is dirty, have to remind him to do his share of cleaning, doesn't want to pay for shared house supplies, falls asleep randomly and creates hazards, an alcoholic with a bad temper, gets in verbal fights with his gf who stays over half the time, but mostly just has this bad attitude and gives me a bad feeling. He gets on my nerves often and it seems more often that something happens that puts me over the edge and I'm so close to telling him to move out during one of his fits with me (not a good time). Usually he is a nice guy and calls us his friends. He usually is very socialable, likes to offer samples of his cooking etc. He's told me a lot of his deep troubled past. I do things to help him out, I try to be friend when he needs help. He does pay his rent relatively on time and holds a full time job.
We have not raised his rent and the area has gotten quite more expensive. He can afford to live in this city only because of our cheap rent.
My wife was hoping he would move in with his gf but he doesn't want that. (They're not in a healthy relationship).
I really want his negativity out of our life and after tonight's incident I don't trust him. He was asleep on the toilet again with the bathtub water running for an hour. I had to bang on the door a lot to wake him up and he was all pissed at me, claiming it was only a few minutes. Then I could hear him talking to his gf about me like I was this big bad guy and talking crap about me. So I don't trust him anymore. I fear he's going to get violent. He yells to the point where its almost like I feel the need to call the police.

I am wondering how to go about giving him his one months notice to move out, without enraging him. Because I know he will take it very badly and we'll become his enemies likely. He is very "woe is me" and has expressed many stories of the people that he says have made his life so terrible.
I just want him out with as little risk of lashback as possible. We care about him but the time has long passed where he needs to go.
What do you gain by his continuing to be there?
The old reasons are expired now that he's turned into a manipulative, menacing idiot.
You both need him to go.
Falling asleep on toilet plus rage plus stress can mean pathological causes. He could kill you.
You sound afraid of him for good reason.
Lock up the valuables, hide weapons and knives, then give him notice. Install webcams. He can be evicted by police if he commits a crime against you.
He controls the situation by the sheer threat of tantrums.
I don't think you and your wife are 100 % safe.
 
Last edited:

ChrisV

Platinum Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 10, 2015
2,441
4,558
1,152
Islands of Calleja
making up a story about how you need the room for other reasons rather than just "it's you - get out". Examples:

- your wife is pregnant and you need the space
- you have a nephew from out of town who needs the room for college
- you plan to move/sell soon and need to evict first so you can update/repair/vacate the property in advance of all the showings and such
- whatever else
On the other hand, sometimes people need a cold dose of reality for them to take a good look in the mirror. There's sometimes this balance between niceness and honesty. For example if your friend asks "did I gain weight?" (he did...) You can be nice and say "nahhhh you look fine," or you can be like "no, you fat F*ck.. you look like a beached whale." The first one spares his feelings, but the second one many times has the effect of having people take a good look in the mirror and change their lives. With the second one, you could very well see him in 3 months having lost 20 lbs.

Sometimes the nicest thing you can do is be an a**hole.
 

MHP368

the man, the myth, the Pseudo-Apollodorus
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Aug 17, 2016
543
835
328
33
Sahuarita AZ
Your inadvertebtly enabling him

Maybe bottoming out homeless is what he beeds

Abd this is coming from a recoverd alcoholic that works as a psych nurse

Ultimatum time my man
 
OP
OP
Veloman

Veloman

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Feb 10, 2018
74
99
121
Austin
Update:
Housemate is completely moved out (room is empty and key returned, but still has stuff on back patio).
2 months ago we asked him to think about a date of when he could move out as my wife and I wanted to live alone so we could work on our marriage and family. He paid Oct rent and immediately spent every night at his girlfriends place since then. He didn't start emptying his room for a few weeks and its taken about 5 weeks to do so. We didn't charge him October utilities or November rent for his stuff. There was never a date set for move out, and we got lucky that things went smoothly without drama.
I don't recommend this strategy as it could be very risky. My wife wanted to make it easy on him as we knew him for over 5 years.
It's good to not have that stress anymore.
 

Mattie

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 28, 2014
2,929
3,914
916
Netherlands
My wife and I have rented a room in our house to this guy for about 4 years on a month to month basis. I've been wanting to get him to move out for about a year. He's got a lot of emotional baggage, is dirty, have to remind him to do his share of cleaning, doesn't want to pay for shared house supplies, falls asleep randomly and creates hazards, an alcoholic with a bad temper, gets in verbal fights with his gf who stays over half the time, but mostly just has this bad attitude and gives me a bad feeling. He gets on my nerves often and it seems more often that something happens that puts me over the edge and I'm so close to telling him to move out during one of his fits with me (not a good time). Usually he is a nice guy and calls us his friends. He usually is very socialable, likes to offer samples of his cooking etc. He's told me a lot of his deep troubled past. I do things to help him out, I try to be friend when he needs help. He does pay his rent relatively on time and holds a full time job.
We have not raised his rent and the area has gotten quite more expensive. He can afford to live in this city only because of our cheap rent.
My wife was hoping he would move in with his gf but he doesn't want that. (They're not in a healthy relationship).
I really want his negativity out of our life and after tonight's incident I don't trust him. He was asleep on the toilet again with the bathtub water running for an hour. I had to bang on the door a lot to wake him up and he was all pissed at me, claiming it was only a few minutes. Then I could hear him talking to his gf about me like I was this big bad guy and talking crap about me. So I don't trust him anymore. I fear he's going to get violent. He yells to the point where its almost like I feel the need to call the police.

I am wondering how to go about giving him his one months notice to move out, without enraging him. Because I know he will take it very badly and we'll become his enemies likely. He is very "woe is me" and has expressed many stories of the people that he says have made his life so terrible.
I just want him out with as little risk of lashback as possible. We care about him but the time has long passed where he needs to go.
I am not sure you can reason with an alcoholic or avoid the "Villain" approach. You might just have to evict him and deal with the consequences. You're always walking on egg shells with an alcoholic.
 

Ernman

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Feb 8, 2019
488
923
331
60
Florida, USA
Update:
Housemate is completely moved out (room is empty and key returned, but still has stuff on back patio).
2 months ago we asked him to think about a date of when he could move out as my wife and I wanted to live alone so we could work on our marriage and family. He paid Oct rent and immediately spent every night at his girlfriends place since then. He didn't start emptying his room for a few weeks and its taken about 5 weeks to do so. We didn't charge him October utilities or November rent for his stuff. There was never a date set for move out, and we got lucky that things went smoothly without drama.
I don't recommend this strategy as it could be very risky. My wife wanted to make it easy on him as we knew him for over 5 years.
It's good to not have that stress anymore.
Glad you're through that. You're good people to put up with it as long as you did.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

Fastlane Liam

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Feb 10, 2018
325
468
228
22
United Kingdom
Update:
Housemate is completely moved out (room is empty and key returned, but still has stuff on back patio).
2 months ago we asked him to think about a date of when he could move out as my wife and I wanted to live alone so we could work on our marriage and family. He paid Oct rent and immediately spent every night at his girlfriends place since then. He didn't start emptying his room for a few weeks and its taken about 5 weeks to do so. We didn't charge him October utilities or November rent for his stuff. There was never a date set for move out, and we got lucky that things went smoothly without drama.
I don't recommend this strategy as it could be very risky. My wife wanted to make it easy on him as we knew him for over 5 years.
It's good to not have that stress anymore.
Well done man
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Sponsored Offers

  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Lex DeVille's - Advanced Freelance Udemy Courses!
I bought 4 of his courses about freelancing / copywriting. I'm halfway through the first. The...

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Monthly conference calls with doers
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom