copywriting review

Someone asked for a copy review. Thought we'd give it a shot. If you're learning copywriting, and you want my thoughts, reply. I'll write something up, and post it in this thread. It's risky of course. You'll have to put yourself out there. But you'll get my feedback. Just don't send 4,000 word...

Ok here is my copy. Just practicing. I've applied to 6 gigs so far but no luck. Making sure they are YOU focused as well. My strategy is to write a new piece of copy after every chapter i read in copywriting books. Just want opinions. What Gaming Experts Don’t Want YOU to Find Out! This one...