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I'm jealous of those who say they feel better in their thirties. I'm 34 now and despite having objectively a better life (more money, no financial worries) I don't believe I'll live a long, healthy life. And on many days, I don't even care.
I get injured multiple times a year and am worried I'll eventually become an amalgamation of broken things.
These are just the three recent things but each year I now deal with at least 10-15 different injuries. Some get fixed by my PT during one visit, some require multiple visits, and some (very few of them) heal by themselves.
Did I get injured when I was in my twenties? Sure. But as far as I remember, it was maybe 1-2x a year and usually all it took to recover was taking some time off or one PT visit. These days I go to my PT so often that I see him more often than most of my friends.
Then there's overall energy. I have way less energy these days and way less willingness to do anything that requires work. I can still work but can I work all day long like I did was when I was in my twenties? Lol no way.
Then there's weight control. I struggle mightily to maintain my weight. I eat emotionally. I binge eat. I have to use a variety of tactics (like eating with a stopwatch and with chopsticks to eat more slowly) to barely stay at the same weight. Granted, in my twenties I weighed food and counted every single calorie as I was always dieting. It eventually led to an eating disorder and I'm still struggling with it these days. Still, I now weigh about 10 kg more than on average in my twenties and last year even weighed 20 kg more (I lost that 10 kg last year).
Digestive issues and random belly aches I never had in my twenties? Check.
Headaches? Well, I've had them since forever and a year ago finally learned I suffer from migraines. I got prescribed some supplements and thankfully they reduce the frequency.
Then there's a general lack of enthusiasm for life, nihilism, and other mental issues. It gets better when I can be in a place where I can freedive, swim and/or surf as these help my mental state a lot. But in my twenties I had less access to that yet felt on average better (though winters have always been terribly tough for me).
Is my state the result of my abysmal life choices?
This is why I don't agree with that generalization that the way you feel is your life choices. It isn't for me as I do virtually every single thing you're suppposed to do to feel healthy. Yet I don't feel like that.
I wish I could know why I feel like that. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I care as I don't see how this can get better if I'm as optimized as I can be.
Now tell me it's depression, send me to a shrink who will prescribe a F*ckton of chemicals to numb my brain and recommend a therapist to talk over my childhood traumas
I get injured multiple times a year and am worried I'll eventually become an amalgamation of broken things.
Ever since I injured my knee doing Turkish get-ups in June last year (and I was doing them with a light weight and really paying attention to my form, filming myself multiple times), the knee bothers me on and off. When it bothers me a lot (all it takes is to do bodyweight squats), for several days I can't get up without intense pain. I need to get up slowly and use support like an old man or get up in a way that doesn't involve bending my knee. I've had multiple PT visits and I've tried stretching/mobility programs to fix the knee (all they did was causing even more extreme pain). So now I just avoid bending the knee.
A couple of months ago I noticed that my left pinky sometimes doesn't want to easily bend, gets stuck, or there's a sensation of something grinding inside. How did this happen? No idea. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. Even though it's a small thing, it's scary. What if my other fingers start behaving like that?
Last week I wanted to test pressing a heavier kettlebell as I had been lifting the same weight for about six months. After a few reps I lost control of the kettlebell while it was overhead. I heard something snap in my shoulder and the pain intensified so much by the next day I had to go to the ER thinking I tore a muscle. Thankfully it was just a mild strain, or my physical therapist even said it was just an overstretched muscle and no fibers were torn. I still feel pain and really hope it'll be over soon as my last shoulder injury took about a year to recover from.
A couple of months ago I noticed that my left pinky sometimes doesn't want to easily bend, gets stuck, or there's a sensation of something grinding inside. How did this happen? No idea. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. Even though it's a small thing, it's scary. What if my other fingers start behaving like that?
Last week I wanted to test pressing a heavier kettlebell as I had been lifting the same weight for about six months. After a few reps I lost control of the kettlebell while it was overhead. I heard something snap in my shoulder and the pain intensified so much by the next day I had to go to the ER thinking I tore a muscle. Thankfully it was just a mild strain, or my physical therapist even said it was just an overstretched muscle and no fibers were torn. I still feel pain and really hope it'll be over soon as my last shoulder injury took about a year to recover from.
These are just the three recent things but each year I now deal with at least 10-15 different injuries. Some get fixed by my PT during one visit, some require multiple visits, and some (very few of them) heal by themselves.
Did I get injured when I was in my twenties? Sure. But as far as I remember, it was maybe 1-2x a year and usually all it took to recover was taking some time off or one PT visit. These days I go to my PT so often that I see him more often than most of my friends.
Then there's overall energy. I have way less energy these days and way less willingness to do anything that requires work. I can still work but can I work all day long like I did was when I was in my twenties? Lol no way.
Then there's weight control. I struggle mightily to maintain my weight. I eat emotionally. I binge eat. I have to use a variety of tactics (like eating with a stopwatch and with chopsticks to eat more slowly) to barely stay at the same weight. Granted, in my twenties I weighed food and counted every single calorie as I was always dieting. It eventually led to an eating disorder and I'm still struggling with it these days. Still, I now weigh about 10 kg more than on average in my twenties and last year even weighed 20 kg more (I lost that 10 kg last year).
Digestive issues and random belly aches I never had in my twenties? Check.
Headaches? Well, I've had them since forever and a year ago finally learned I suffer from migraines. I got prescribed some supplements and thankfully they reduce the frequency.
Then there's a general lack of enthusiasm for life, nihilism, and other mental issues. It gets better when I can be in a place where I can freedive, swim and/or surf as these help my mental state a lot. But in my twenties I had less access to that yet felt on average better (though winters have always been terribly tough for me).
Is my state the result of my abysmal life choices?
- I have very low stress since I have no responsibilities.
- I'm vegan and have a healthy, plant-based diet. I also take supplements.
- I've been fasting for about 12 years now, usually for at least 20 hours a day.
- Depending on the season and where I am, I exercise up to 10-15 hours a week, including strength training, cardio, flexibility, walking, etc.
- I get exposed to natural light or a very strong SAD lamp (when it's dark outside) every morning.
- I'm in nature every day.
- I keep the same sleep routine each day and sleep as much as my body needs. I recently even installed blackout curtains. I also tried mouth taping which didn't work.
- When I don't have access to my favorite outdoor activities, I keep myself occupied with language learning and/or study other skills.
- I do regular, expensive complete check-ups. The last one I did in May and the doctor said my arteries were as clean as those of a newborn. My other blood tests were all perfect, too.
- I got way, way better at relaxation, being present and controlling my stress levels through proper breathing (freediving training helps a lot with that).
This is why I don't agree with that generalization that the way you feel is your life choices. It isn't for me as I do virtually every single thing you're suppposed to do to feel healthy. Yet I don't feel like that.
I wish I could know why I feel like that. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I care as I don't see how this can get better if I'm as optimized as I can be.
Now tell me it's depression, send me to a shrink who will prescribe a F*ckton of chemicals to numb my brain and recommend a therapist to talk over my childhood traumas
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