In my short 31 years of life, I've never really feared failure. Actually, I've been often described as fearLESS by many of my friends and colleagues and ngl, I take huge pride in that. 
I wouldn't say that I'm entirely fearless, however. I've recently discovered through this entrepreneurship journey that I may in fact suffer from a "fear of success."
"Wtf does that even mean, Perla?" I'll tell you, kind stranger. We often talk about the fear of failure, which is totally normal for most people. Trying new things is scary and if we fail at said new thing, it can mess with our self-esteem and perception and make us apprehensive about trying new things in the future... Again, completely normal. Trying life-changing new ventures and succeeding is low-key paralyzing to me.
If I do this and fail, nothing about my life will change. I will probably still be a code monkey at some mid-sized company making a pretty good salary for about 20 to 60 hours worth of work per week, slowly building my nest egg through temporal prostitution, and trading my time at a negative ROI. BUT! If I do this and succeed, just about everything about my life could potentially change.
Intellectually, I know that it'll most likely change for the better, but psychologically, it's hobbling for some idiotic reason. I think that the fear of success ultimately boils down to the fear of the unknown. I KNOW what's behind door #1. I have no idea what I'll find behind door #2. My "fear of success" often manifests as self-sabotage. That was actually one of my reasons for deciding to have co-founders (other than the fact that this project is a massive undertaking for a single person). I can talk myself out of just about anything (even if it's a good idea), rationalize it with Simone Biles levels of mental gymnastics, and sleep like a baby afterward. Now that I essentially have stakeholders that I'm beholden to, I can't back down from this without destroying my relationship with these brilliant women whom I respect, which would gut me.
I'm realizing that I still have so much more work to do on myself. Entrepreneurship has taught me more about my psychological shortcomings in two months than my therapist has in two years.
I wouldn't say that I'm entirely fearless, however. I've recently discovered through this entrepreneurship journey that I may in fact suffer from a "fear of success.""Wtf does that even mean, Perla?" I'll tell you, kind stranger. We often talk about the fear of failure, which is totally normal for most people. Trying new things is scary and if we fail at said new thing, it can mess with our self-esteem and perception and make us apprehensive about trying new things in the future... Again, completely normal. Trying life-changing new ventures and succeeding is low-key paralyzing to me.
If I do this and fail, nothing about my life will change. I will probably still be a code monkey at some mid-sized company making a pretty good salary for about 20 to 60 hours worth of work per week, slowly building my nest egg through temporal prostitution, and trading my time at a negative ROI. BUT! If I do this and succeed, just about everything about my life could potentially change.
Intellectually, I know that it'll most likely change for the better, but psychologically, it's hobbling for some idiotic reason. I think that the fear of success ultimately boils down to the fear of the unknown. I KNOW what's behind door #1. I have no idea what I'll find behind door #2. My "fear of success" often manifests as self-sabotage. That was actually one of my reasons for deciding to have co-founders (other than the fact that this project is a massive undertaking for a single person). I can talk myself out of just about anything (even if it's a good idea), rationalize it with Simone Biles levels of mental gymnastics, and sleep like a baby afterward. Now that I essentially have stakeholders that I'm beholden to, I can't back down from this without destroying my relationship with these brilliant women whom I respect, which would gut me.
I'm realizing that I still have so much more work to do on myself. Entrepreneurship has taught me more about my psychological shortcomings in two months than my therapist has in two years.
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