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Why should I have kids?

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

GMSI7D

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Not looking to others for validation. Having your own “style” in doing things. Having independent thought and having opinions on things and not just parading what they’ve heard.


how many people can really do that ?

according to research, near 10 % of people

most people are just programmed to follow the system

the real thinkers outside the systems are found most of the time in the rational types of the MBTI theory

according to this book, most people are just sheep who follow the sytem in place

whether the system makes sense (according to intelligence) or not



lone.jpg


this is what INTJ guys like me and other Masterminds say anyway:


people are sheep


and this is why they have already lost in the game called " society "
 
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BrooklynHustle

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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.
Have them if you want to. Don't if you don't.

Why on earth should anyone try to convince you to do something else?
 

Brian Suh

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how many people can really do that ?

according to research, near 10 % of people

most people are just programmed to follow the system

the real thinkers outside the systems are found most of the time in the rational types of the MBTI theory

according to this book, most people are just sheep who follow the sytem in place

whether the system makes sense (according to intelligence) or not



View attachment 21904


this is what INTJ guys like me and other Masterminds say anyway:


people are sheep


and this is why they have already lost in the game called " society "
As much as I hate using the term "matrix" because I think it is corny as F*ck I really do think most people are just casualty's in the game of life. Every morning, I feel like a spring board ready to jump out and pounce on my dreams and kill this life but most people grog through their day. Like wtf?! Life is meant to be enjoyed not suffered through.
 

The Abundant Man

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As much as I hate using the term "matrix" because I think it is corny as f*ck I really do think most people are just casualty's in the game of life. Every morning, I feel like a spring board ready to jump out and pounce on my dreams and kill this life but most people grog through their day. Like wtf?! Life is meant to be enjoyed not suffered through.
Exactly, I only have one life on this planet. Why suffer?
 
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ljb7

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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.

I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.

If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?

For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

"They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money."

Ironically, I could swear you're talking about my first few years in business here. Guess what though: they will flourish!

And more importantly, you're negating everything good about raising a child. I speak from absolutely no experience. I'm 23 and have sat in a similar camp to you before. But this all seems pretty obvious to me nowadays.

"Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life."

True. I've been pondering recently on just how tough parenting actually is. You can be the best goddamn parent in the world, and your kid can still come out the other end of their teenage years completely messed up. Conversely, you can be the biggest deadbeat parent, failing to ever instil any life lessons on your child and they come out of that thing and end up making a huge, positive impact on society. What were talking about here largely is one's own genetic ability and inner potential. In simpler terms, the uncontrollable.

I know when I decide to start a family that my job as a father will be to create a stable, healthy environment, instilling as much wisdom, love, attention and joy as I can with my wife, giving our future children the best shot at becoming net positive members of society. I'm not ever going break a sweat over trying to control the uncontrollable.

"In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity."

Fair enough. I don't think for the most part that humans look at having kids like that. But you bet your a$$ we still have an innate, primeval desire to procreate and keep our line of blood flowing.

"I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that."

Absolutely understandable. But I feel like at 22, its, at the very least, naive to assume you know what you'll want in 10 years. Our values, morals, and mindset is constantly evolving. I can look back at myself 3 years ago and see how much I've developed in that short space of time. I can also tell you that I know already that I don't want to be 50 and alone.

And I'm not trying to change your mind here. But I would like to ask, what to you is living your life to the absolute fullest? What does that actually entail?

I don't see how having kids and a family would change that either. In fact, I know that when I get married and decide to have children it'll be on my own terms. I started a business to generate wealth so that I can live my life how I want to. I think a lot of people get wrapped up, even in business, and forget that there is a lot more to life than just that (although its important!). The way I view money and riches in a monetary sense is like this:

Having a lot of money is akin to standing in a lavish entrance hall. It's a breathtaking site, with beautiful antiques and artwork plastered across all 4 gilded walls. The ceiling is high with a beautiful chandelier set in the middle, luxurious pieces of furniture dotted around the room. There's also a lot of closed, locked doors around the walls. More than you can count. The last thing you notice is the number large mirrors every which way you turn so that you can admire yourself anywhere you look. Lastly, you hold a big set of keys in your hand.

I see a lot of people getting stuck in this grandiose room, admiring the material beauty of it, and of what they have seemingly achieved. But I think the real winner here is the person who uses that set of keys to open up all those different doors and explore parts of life that most couldn't dream of experiencing. And I would absolutely love to give my children an abnormal life whereby they can experience some of these things too. How rewarding would that be?

"As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish."

Again there is a lot of truth here but its easy to get caught up in this red pill mentality. It can be toxic if it becomes your inner dogma. But what you say is right, you're asking some of the right questions (though I think from the wrong angle). Were you actually able to come up with answers though? If so I'd like to hear them.

"If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways"

That's a noble idea but it doesn't come across as a genuine one.

I don't care so much if my name lives on either. But not for the same reasons as you.

"so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?"

Lost you here.
 

Brian Suh

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"They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money."

Ironically, I could swear you're talking about my first few years in business here. Guess what though: they will flourish!

And more importantly, you're negating everything good about raising a child. I speak from absolutely no experience. I'm 23 and have sat in a similar camp to you before. But this all seems pretty obvious to me nowadays.

"Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life."

True. I've been pondering recently on just how tough parenting actually is. You can be the best goddamn parent in the world, and your kid can still come out the other end of their teenage years completely messed up. Conversely, you can be the biggest deadbeat parent, failing to ever instil any life lessons on your child and they come out of that thing and end up making a huge, positive impact on society. What were talking about here largely is one's own genetic ability and inner potential. In simpler terms, the uncontrollable.

I know when I decide to start a family that my job as a father will be to create a stable, healthy environment, instilling as much wisdom, love, attention and joy as I can with my wife, giving our future children the best shot at becoming net positive members of society. I'm not ever going break a sweat over trying to control the uncontrollable.

"In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity."

Fair enough. I don't think for the most part that humans look at having kids like that. But you bet your a$$ we still have an innate, primeval desire to procreate and keep our line of blood flowing.

"I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that."

Absolutely understandable. But I feel like at 22, its, at the very least, naive to assume you know what you'll want in 10 years. Our values, morals, and mindset is constantly evolving. I can look back at myself 3 years ago and see how much I've developed in that short space of time. I can also tell you that I know already that I don't want to be 50 and alone.

And I'm not trying to change your mind here. But I would like to ask, what to you is living your life to the absolute fullest? What does that actually entail?

I don't see how having kids and a family would change that either. In fact, I know that when I get married and decide to have children it'll be on my own terms. I started a business to generate wealth so that I can live my life how I want to. I think a lot of people get wrapped up, even in business, and forget that there is a lot more to life than just that (although its important!). The way I view money and riches in a monetary sense is like this:

Having a lot of money is akin to standing in a lavish entrance hall. It's a breathtaking site, with beautiful antiques and artwork plastered across all 4 gilded walls. The ceiling is high with a beautiful chandelier set in the middle, luxurious pieces of furniture dotted around the room. There's also a lot of closed, locked doors around the walls. More than you can count. The last thing you notice is the number large mirrors every which way you turn so that you can admire yourself anywhere you look. Lastly, you hold a big set of keys in your hand.

I see a lot of people getting stuck in this grandiose room, admiring the material beauty of it, and of what they have seemingly achieved. But I think the real winner here is the person who uses that set of keys to open up all those different doors and explore parts of life that most couldn't dream of experiencing. And I would absolutely love to give my children an abnormal life whereby they can experience some of these things too. How rewarding would that be?

"As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish."

Again there is a lot of truth here but its easy to get caught up in this red pill mentality. It can be toxic if it becomes your inner dogma. But what you say is right, you're asking some of the right questions (though I think from the wrong angle). Were you actually able to come up with answers though? If so I'd like to hear them.

"If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways"

That's a noble idea but it doesn't come across as a genuine one.

I don't care so much if my name lives on either. But not for the same reasons as you.

"so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?"

Lost you here.
I know. I know how much of a F*cktard i have been for my parents so it scares me to take care of a kid as crazy i was. Hopefully with more experience i will be ready to have a kid. I wrote this when i was carried away on the highs that life gives (naturally, not drug induced) and thought to myself why would I need kids if I feel this good? Then I realized life isn’t about feeling good all the time and that fulfillment comes through struggles. For example, the struggle of a business, though it may not be pleasant , in the end, is worth every drop of blood and sweat. I think kids do the same.

My main problem I guess is that people do it for the wrong reason like most things. I think 80% of people have kids because it is socially conditioned and to keep up with friends so they don’t experience FOMO. WRONG. You should have kids IMO for the joy of raising another child and to show them what you’ve learned to build an epic life so that they can share that joy with others.
 

Rawseed

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I have a five-year old daughter and she truly helps me think better.

She's always asking me why. My first instinct is to answer like my parents did. "Because I said so."

But, instead I pause. And, think.

50% of the time, I have no idea why I do the crap I do. It's just dogma that I learned from my parents, teachers, friends, and the media.

She really helps me remove the self-imposed limits I place on myself.

Kids are big thinkers. At least until adults kill their creativity.

Having a kid can open your mind to the unlimited possibilities around us.

It also creates a high stakes situation. Which could be good or bad.

On one hand, a kid could make you work harder in order to provide for them

On the other hand, they could make you stay on the slow lane for fear of being unable to provide for them.

Theres no right or wrong answer.

Good luck with figuring it out.
 
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Andy Black

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I'm 36 and my wife and I just had our first, two months ago.

I'm wishing we had done it 5+ years ago lol.

As far as the OP, at 22 I don't think it's best to have kids. You're not even really done maturing yet (brain doesn't finish maturing until 25, AFAIK). Wait and see how you feel in 5 years.
Yep. I became a dad at 37. It could have been 5 years sooner, but there you go.

Before that, forget it. Being single, partying, and riding motorbikes was all that mattered.

Becoming a dad changed my life. The world makes sense now.
 

Madame Peccato

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As far as the OP, at 22 I don't think it's best to have kids. You're not even really done maturing yet (brain doesn't finish maturing until 25, AFAIK).

I was very surprised when I discovered that the Prefrontal cortex only stops developing when we reach 27-28 years old, some studies suggest it keeps developing until our early 30s.

As for the question in the OP, I have been having a similar discussion on another forum, and if I were to have a child right now, I'd much rather adopt one. I'm still a youngster (26), so this is by no means the definitive answer to how I'm going to tackle the situation going forward, it's just how I feel at this exact moment.

Children are supposed to be our biggest asset. Nurturing a child is the final step in finally growing into a complete adult. Unfortunately with the way the script works, children are seen as an impediment for a lot of young couples, as if having a kid is gonna ruin your fun nights out or whatever. While it is seen as out of this world to not have a child after a certain age (though a lot more acceptable recently than it was in the past). I know a lot of people my age and slightly younger who think children are just "an extra expense of time and money", they don't really seem to comprehend that that's not all there is to it.
 
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I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.
I totally agree with @DennisDuty. It's up to you. It's not up to anybody to provide a compelling argument for or against having kids. I appreciate your question and it's good that you're trying to approach this decision conscientiously, but I hope I don't need to caution you not to rely on the opinions of anonymous strangers on a forum to base your decisions.

That being said, here's my subjective take. If you do decide to have a kid, it's a job you can never quit. Like any worthwhile job (and you won't have a CLUE how worthwhile it is until you have a child) it takes patience, tools, training and commitment. You owe it to yourself, your kid, your wife and the world to be the best damn dad you know how to be. More harm in this world has been done out of ignorance or carelessness than out of evil or malice, and the world is full of people who have paid the price for their parents' ignorance and/or carelessness, as well as many who are perpetuating it.

I don't think there will ever be a good argument "on paper" to have kids. The same is true of pets. Yet, my daughter and my dogs have brought me more joy than anything else in the world. But that's just me.

As for you, the best I can offer is, "Know thyself."
 
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To me my kids and wife are my why. The reason I get up and work on my business. The reason I am In the fast lane at all.

Sure kids can sometimes be a pain. They cost you sleep, they cost you money, and they can even cost you “freedom” but to me there is nothing better than walking down the stairs of my house and having my 1 year old smile her cheesy grin at me.
My kids don’t keep me from building a business, they are the reason why I am. My kids don’t keep me from having a full life, they are one of the reasons why my life is full.
 

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Genetical modification. Consider it as a project where you can create super humans. Well, at least I would like to do that. It depends on what your goals are.
 

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For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

You shouldn't! The Earth is overpopulated anyway and there is no logical excuse to do that. Unless some biological controller inside you gives you hints that now it's time in whatever form or impulses.

Whenever it happens, though, for some parents, there are no means to describe or compare the feelings of the experience of looking at, thinking of or engaging with your kid. It just let's you feel stuff. If I wouldn't have kids, and someone showed me how it feels, I would start to do everything to get some born. (not sure this one works with adopted ones)
 

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I am also really curious, why do you care so much about something that has not happened yet and that you don't seem to want at all at the moment? After all, you could have have written a similar post about dogs, sports, good nutrition, investment strategies and other "critically-acclaimed" stuff
 
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Yep. I became a dad at 37. It could have been 5 years sooner, but there you go.

Before that, forget it. Being single, partying, and riding motorbikes was all that mattered.

Becoming a dad changed my life. The world makes sense now.

Just another reason confirming why I like you so much! I was a year older than you, and had all the same pre-child priorities you had, lol!

Last bike was an old 'L shape' GSXr 750 (classic!). Missus sort of made me promise not to ride again, which I kind of, might, not stick to... track day anyone? :)))
 

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You shouldn't! The Earth is overpopulated anyway and there is no logical excuse to do that. Unless some biological controller inside you gives you hints that now it's time in whatever form or impulses.

Whenever it happens, though, for some parents, there are no means to describe or compare the feelings of the experience of looking at, thinking of or engaging with your kid. It just let's you feel stuff. If I wouldn't have kids, and someone showed me how it feels, I would start to do everything to get some born. (not sure this one works with adopted ones)
I’ve already decided I’ll have kids when I’m 1000% secure with my future and the future of my kids and their kids. The reason I brought up this post is because I see to many idiots raising idiots. I realized having kids wasn’t the problem, the world was.
 

Brian Suh

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I’ve already decided I’ll have kids when I’m 1000% secure with my future and the future of my kids and their kids. The reason I brought up this post is because I see to many idiots raising idiots. I realized having kids wasn’t the problem, the world was.
Also kids keep you on the straight and narrow. Those that don’t have responsibilities are more likely to fall off the edge through the trappings of the world (sex, drugs and alcohol, partying and girls, materialism, food or any other sort of escapism). Having kids makes you less likely to do those things. Now the tricky part is finding a wife that is into being as youthful and feminine as possible who enjoys being a WOMAN.
 
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