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Why people (after everything) still don't change...

Discussion in 'The Unscripted Entrepreneurial Mind' started by Kung Fu Steve, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Kung Fu Steve
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    Kung Fu Steve Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Have you ever wondered why people don't change?

    We've seen this a lot on the forum lately.

    Someone asks a great question, they get outstanding feedback from experienced people, and yet -- they don't change what they need/wanted to change...

    Why?

    If you were at the Fastlane summit this year, I briefly covered it... but let's break it down to a simple idea:

    It's because they are addicted to the problem.

    On an advanced level -- it meets the majority of their human needs.

    On a basic level, what's the most addictive drug in the world? Is it cocaine? Alcohol? I'd argue it's problems.

    People get ADDICTED to having problems because it gives someone a reason to be significant in a world that celebrates significance.

    If you're unique, special, different, or you're the best in the world at something? Everyone adores you. They follow you on Instagram. They want to take pictures with you...

    But the easiest and fastest way for someone to become significant is to have a big enough problem.

    Someone posts a problem and says "I just *have* to solve this!"

    Advice, advice, advice...

    "Oh yeah... great advice!"

    They didn't want the advice... they didn't want to fix it... they didn't want to change... they wanted to talk about their problem and get into the spotlight in the moment.

    And it's not because they're bad people. It's not because they're assholes. It's because they are so addicted to the problem that they don't WANT to change it -- it's how they feel important!

    Someone who constantly claims they are CLINICALLY depressed, they have THIS disease, they had THIS trauma happen to them -- it's probably all true -- and we should support them... however -- if they've had this challenge for any prolonged period of time it's no longer because they didn't have a solution to fix it... it's because they want to keep that problem.

    This is a massive conversation and I can't do it justice in a short forum post -- but if you're frustrated with some posts on the forum right now I'd like to give you an alternative understanding to the psychology behind the posts:

    They are addicted to the problem because it makes them feel important.
     
  2. Deluxe
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    Deluxe New Contributor

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    Wow. Amazing post.

    You hit the nail on the head.

    When I think about how many conversations I'm around where it's just people complaining.

    I'd say my family is really bad for this.

    (don't get me wrong I have a great relationship with my family)

    With my friends we occasionally complain but at least it's in a funny, light hearted joking way. Also at least advice is given and received well in my group.

    Also I definitely think this comes up alot around my S/O.

    Thanks for the heads up on this. I really need to be more aware. Asking a trusted person for advice is one thing, but I think I got a sort of satisfaction from complaining about my business. Almost like, look at me I'm so important with my business (Real Estate Investing). Listen to my tenant stories ect. Ect.
     
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  3. Kung Fu Steve
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    Kung Fu Steve Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Spot on.

    And I'm just as guilty as the next person!
     
  4. Tanu1234
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    Tanu1234 Contributor

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    Hi.
    I am truly agree with you.

    I have seen these kind of people in my real life.

    They have problem with every solution as they love the problem and people ‘s attention.

    Also, if they solve problem, there will be new responsibilities which they dont want.

    This is not applicable to all. But some people.
     
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  5. PureA
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    PureA Winners never quit Speedway Pass

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    Medicine - THANK YOU.
     
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  6. MJ DeMarco
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    MJ DeMarco Raving Lunatic Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Admin Post
    You're touching on IDENTITY.

    The problem is woven into their IDENTITY.

    I'm an alcoholic.
    I'm an introvert who just can't leave the house.
    I'm depressed.
    I'm in an abusive relationship.
    I'm a failure.


    Non-action keeps the identity in tact. Solving the problem endangers their IDENTITY.

    This is the simple reason why people NEVER change and WON'T change. You're asking someone to change their identity, and identity is one of the strongest impetuses for action, or no action.

    Identity fights for its truth. If the truth is status quo, the person does nothing.

    So if you identify with the problem, you're mind views it as a harmonious state of affairs.

    And when identity doesn't match the reality, it fights for equilibrium.

    More info here:

    *UNSCRIPTED* - Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo

    NOTABLE! - Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...
     
  7. missNB
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    missNB Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    SPOT ON!

    I used to ask my clients "what would happen if this (the problem/challenge/upset/*whatever*) changed right now?" Extremely revealing of one's agenda when said client turns greenish white and needs a barf bag :rofl:
     
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  8. GoGetter24
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    GoGetter24 Silver Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I disagree.
    "Action faking" adequately describes it.
    Reading books, watching videos, going to seminars, venting their feelings about their situation to strangers. All of these are pleasurable. Work on the other hand, hurts. Therefore they do the former -- creating a multibillion dollar industry for those willing to do the latter.
     
  9. Mattie
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    Mattie Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I would probably agree with you 95% of the this information, but there's the other side of it when you put 100% effort into it and continuously jump over the obstacles, break free from everything, and because people are addicted to sabotaging themselves and others at the same time, it makes it a challenge.

    One because they're not educated. Two because they're conditioned by society to believe any job and saving money equals success (Sidewalk) and (Slowlane), You just work hard for 40 years at a slow pace, and Fast Lane is a foreign language they can't comprehend.

    I think there is two sides of this equation in some situations as we've spoken about in this forum plenty of times. As I have even heard some say that even when you do have money, other people still are resistant to it, you have your haters, naysayers, and critics.

    I believe also communication has a lot to do with this. The way one communicates is based on their belief system, education, knowledge, and insight. You have to remember human nature isn't void of jealousy,envy, rage, bitterness, and anger. We see this all the time in business and competition. I believe people sabotage themselves and others not always deliberately, but because they are just plane not educated.

    You speak of being addicted to the problem. I believe the roots, bottom line is generations of addictions in various forms. The addictive mindset and co-dependency is passed on generation to generation. This is the victim mentality. This creates the chaos and confusion in families, the idea we must create a crisis for us all in the family unit to learn some kind of hard lesson in the experience whether it's about drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, gaming, other women or men, and relationship addictions. Addicted to problems is just the surface.

    The root of it is why does one have the need to create chaos and the crisis in the first place? This lacks responsibility for the cause and effect one has in the bigger group as a whole. One person in the group can have a domino effect and impact the rest of the whole group.

    For example, You can see this in divorce. As Jordan Peterson states in one of his video's, Divorce is a bad investment. Than you would have to say in some cases Marriage is a bad investment for the simple reason in most cases when two people get married, in my culture anyway, they do not take 100% responsibility for their actions, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

    The majority of people get married in their twenties, and have no clue what they are getting married into in the first place. The idea of marriage is kind of distorted and based on the 1950's model, a wife stays home and takes care of the children, while the husband goes out and makes the money. This probably worked for previous generations, but not always the case for the last two generations.

    The statistics on addictions, abuse, and violence are high in 2018. This means people are caught up in the Karpman Drama Triangle. I would say people are more addicted to creating drama and trauma in addictive families and even if you explain it to them, they don't get it and keep doing it anyway.

    I believe some of this is because they're taught in some systems, that the other person is the problem. And other systems are teaching it's about the self and how you have a cause and effect on the situation. Be 100% responsible for your self.

    There's a conflict in teachings and therapies. If you look at different therapists online, you will find for example, The Son goes to therapist A, Mother goes the therapist B, and Sister goes to therapist C. They are blaming it on one another to each therapist, playing victim, and complaining about the same behavior in one another. They are told by the therapist to break away from the dysfunctional family in each therapists office. The other two don't know they are being told the same information. They are all told to project the idea the other one is the Villain and it's not their fault, they didn't deserve it, and they weren't wrong feeling the way they feel.

    They all three suffer from addictions in some form, escapism, and co-dependency.

    The family comes back together in the unit and starts projecting on to on another, what the other therapist stated, and so their is more conflict and chaos because they don't understand they're all learning the same lessons about an Alcoholic or Addictive family. This usually amounts to division in the family and blaming everyone else and playing the victim. No one understands why they can't get along. This has just been my observations. They will keep exchanging roles of the Karpman Drama Triangle until one of them gets off the Karpman Drama Triangle and stops playing the role, sets personal boundaries and move out of the drama and trauma.

    They will learn to communicate effectively, and usually is the one who is the Entrepreneur in some cases. Entrepreneurs are more about long-term gains and not short-term gains. They go the extra mile. They're willing to break out of the mold, be innovative, adjust, adapt, problem shoot, problem solve, and be solution focused.
     
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  10. diegorueda
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    diegorueda Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I'm struggling with this right now. The next steps I need to take put my identity in great danger.

    The thing is that I know it intellectually, and I fall into my own trap of thinking that I can solve this on my own.

    No. I can't. I've been even afraid of looking for help because that could put me on the spot.

    But, in the end, you have to gulp your fear and take a decision.
     
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