Why only certain people "enjoy" the process? (Or is it something else?)

[Kung Fu Steve]

Very Interesting thanks.

So I've just woken up and checked my shipment in China to see if it's cleared customs yet. No it's still on hold. Has been for 3 days now. We've got no stock of 80% of our lines. Sales are down drastically.

My other supplier has sent me a Skype message saying an order is ready to ship and needs payment. I can't pay because of the delays from the first order has caused a major cash flow problem.

If I had money then the first problem wouldn't be great but certainly not as stressful as it's making me now and the second issue wouldn't exist because I'd simply pay for the goods.

Processes haven't changed but my enjoyment of them would be drastically different.

Of course I could be then unhappy about something else but at least it's on a rung higher up the ladder.





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I feel like you're confusing the word process with the word problem. And you might think it's semantics, but it's not. Language is SO important because the way we describe an experience becomes the experience.

This particular situation is what we call a problem. Sure it's a part of the greater process of building a business -- but that's what a business IS, finding solutions to problems and then delivering on that again and again and again.

Now the truth is you probably like dealing with some problems more than others, right?

You enjoy solving the problem of 'how do I collect money' or 'how do I ship this item' -- and I'm guessing you've already solved these problems. Or at least come up with a solution that's repeatable.

The challenge that you're having right now is frustrating and pissing you off because you haven't solved the problem yet.

And if I may be so bold -- the reason that is is because your emotional state in this moment is blocking your creativity -- blocking your resourcefulness.

When you're in a state of frustration, angry, lethargic, pissed off, overwhelmed, overloaded, sad, depressed you AREN'T going to come up with a bunch of different ways to solve the problem -- and this is where you are right now.

How do I know? Because if you only have 2 options -- you've failed. I don't know you so I don't mean to shove this in your face but from what I understand the only way you can solve the inventory problem is by paying the money... and the only way you can pay the money is if you get the inventory. No wonder you're in this zone!

If you were *in this moment* in an emotional state of gratitude, confidence, certainty, power, strength, happiness, joy, excited, motivated, creative -- you're going to say something like:

"Well what if I call the supplier and try to negotiate 90 day payments even though no one else has been able to do it?"
"What if I put this on a 0% interest credit card and then repay that in 90 days?"
"What if I ask a friend to invest for a couple of weeks while I solve this cashflow problem?"
"What if I find a different supplier that will work with me on this?"
"What if I can find a supplier that will supply smaller order sizes until I can afford a larger order?"
"What if I can partner with my supplier to create a win-win situation for us both?"
"What if I can partner with my customers to create a win-win situation?"

NOW you have options. When you have options you're in control. When you feel like you're in control? THAT'S when the process becomes fun. THAT'S where you turn this feeling of overwhelm into a feeling of POWER.

And if you think I'm just blowing smoke -- ask any of the top entrepreneurs on the forum here. The reason this community is so powerful is because when you're in a shitty emotional state you can call someone and say "hey man, I've got this problem. What do you think I can do?"

... which is kind of what you've done right here. Maybe the question in your next post should be "I'm having cashflow issues, what are some creative ways to solve it?" I guarantee you you'll find gold.

But last thing I'll say is that if you're in one of these negative emotional states you're going to respond to every one of those questions with:

"I can't. No one can. They said no. I don't have any friends. There aren't any suppliers. No one will do smaller order sizes. I can't partner with my supplier. I can't partner with my customer. That's stupid. That'll never work."

So to come full circle and answer the question one last time...

You've got to start from a place of gratitude, brother. If you aren't grateful for these problems you're having you have forgotten (in this moment) what a freaking awesome life you lead to be able to do something like this. Can you imagine the 60k-desk warriors who are going to be there for the rest of their lives until they get laid off? Can you imagine the people who can't start a business because they are terrified out of their wits at what you're facing now? You are a F*cking warrior -- a gladiator!

Look how much further ahead you are. Look at what you've already accomplished. Look at your mindset and how it's different than the vast majority of people around you. And then start to get grateful for the shit you've forgotten. Like your health, your family, your wealth, the roof over your head, the technology you didn't have to invent that you run your business on now -- hell the ability to HAVE a problem like you're currently having.

When you're grateful, when you're happy, when you're excited. You enjoy this thing we call a process.

No one said it would be easy. They only said it would be worth it.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

No it's not. Actually a Range Rover would be desirable but it's not at the top of my list. I had brand new Mercedes Cars before and i know that after the initial buzz the excitement wears off. I would though without a shadow of doubt enjoy the processes more if i was earning £20,000 a month and could afford to travel more. That's my number 1 aim before any bigger house, car, etc.

I dunno man, I've struggled with the same feelings you have most of my life.

I've traveled a LOT...boring.

Nice cars...boring.

I took home about $80,000 last month...boring.

The only thing that worked for me was finding a "why" that was bigger than myself.

My kids. Charity work. My God. All bigger than myself. But still not enough...

My "why" ended up being the process itself.

It is important for you to be able to enjoy what you do. Sometimes I dig holes with a shovel that are 5' deep. It is pretty hot where I live. I may not enjoy taking each shovelful of dirt but I also don't lament the process. I also may not like the dust or mud that sticks to me as I work in the hole. But getting problems fixed makes me feel better.

This ^^^^

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

At the end of the day there is a science to achievement. You follow certain formulas and you achieve a certain result. Like a recipe. MJ and the Fastlane reveal one of these formulas. There's laws, there's steps, if you follow them -- you will find the success.

On the other hand there is an ART to fulfillment. What fulfills you will be drastically different than what fulfills me.

It is a **MUST**, not a should to figure out this part of life.

You can achieve all the success in the world, you can make everyone else happy -- but if you can't make yourself happy? If you can't master the art of being fulfilled? Well, you end up like a Chris Farley, a Kurt Cobain, or a Robin Williams.

Being fulfilled doesn't mean you're happy all day, every day. In fact, it usually takes a little discomfort to find out what your true path is and what truly fulfills you -- and the reason it's called an ART is that there are a million things you can do to be fulfilled... but I will warn you that not a single one of them involves an event.

You remember MJ talking about process versus event, right?

The challenge for most of us (me included) is that there have been several times in our lives where we think "if only THIS would happen, then I can be happy."

A financial goal, a thing goal, a relationship -- a whatever. 100% of the time though I guarantee the moment you hit a goal -- something you've wanted to achieve there will be a point where you say "is this all there is?"

It happens to every single human being.

Astronauts who go to the moon, return to a ticker tape parade, dinner with the president, and then they become alcoholics... because what is there to do once you've been to the moon? Something you've trained your entire life for? And you realize that EVENT that THING that you wanted so bad and achieved? Well it wasn't really the thing itself...

We're all looking for a feeling. An emotional state called happiness. Satisfaction. Pride. Winning. Whatever you want to call it. But the dangerous part about seeking the event over the process is that state is temporary -- that's why we all ask "is this all there is?"

So to answer your original question I'd highly recommend while you think being in love with the process is bullshit -- you must find a way to love it.

You must find a way to make the day-to-day work fulfilling because the danger if you don't is that you may end up bored, you may end up frustrated, you may end up lethargic, you may end up depressed, sad, angry, pissed off, you may end up feeling like "what's the point?", and ultimately you may end up living a life unfulfilled.

And I would argue that's the ultimate pain.

Where you let yourself become so dead inside that you can't enjoy the adventure of a smile. Where you won't let yourself get excited because you've been let down so many times that it would be foolish and naive to allow that to happen again. Where you spend 8-12 hours of your day slaving away at work that you hate, work that isn't fulfilling, work that doesn't support you.

I agree most people are saying they "love the process" simply because Gary V says it and it's cool. But I've got to say if you don't find a way to be fulfilled in your work -- there's a good chance it's going to lead to a miserable existence.

There's my 3 cents... I had an extra penny in my pocket today...

 

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[Harti]

We spend most of our lives trying to escape our fear of death.

Why do we want to make money? To feel secure and live long.
Why do we want to be healthy? To feel secure and live long.
Why do we want to have good relationships? To feel secure and live long.

Feeling like we're escaping death gives us a certain pleasure which most people confuse with happiness. It's the rush we get from buying a new car or getting a new girl.

What happens once we make enough money is that we don't know what to do anymore because we're so used to running away from death. We're trying to avoid the fear of nothingness / purposelessness that's getting more and more present, the less we have to run away from. We search for meaning.

We start new businesses or project our desire for purpose into another area that we can improve on ("now that I have money, I can focus on getting the body of my dreams and THEN life will be perfect").

Of course, this also won't happen. If you are fortunate enough to be at this stage of life, then the solution is to stay with that fear until it's gone, without reacting to it. It's just a feeling and will cease after enough time spent with it. What comes afterward is the real joy.

How does that all relate to enjoying the process?

It's quite simple actually: Whenever you're still in the process of building your business, you're likely running away from death. Nobody enjoys running away from something, this is why the process can feel dreadful and motivation decreases.

Whenever you're not happy working, ask yourself "Is my real motivation to work right now to escape death?" (aka. make ends meet?). Most of the time, if not all the time, the answer will be a yes.

In this stage, if we exchange the running away from with a running toward, life changes.

If you're working for a higher goal than surviving, which also concerns other people ("I really want to teach X how to do Y, that's why I'm creating my course!"), then you need less will power to sit down and work.

If you, in addition, decide to spend time with your fear of death (or the more dominant manifestation of not making enough money), you have less and less to run away from and more and more to run toward.

Happiness increases, quality increases, output increases, income increases.

 

[MTF]

If you're making $25,000 a month or whatever your desired figure is then yes i believe you will be enjoying the daily process.

I'm much less motivated to work now than when I was struggling to make money. I try to, but I don't have the same work ethic as before and sometimes even refuse opportunities to make more money simply because I'd rather have time or don't want to deal with the headaches of whatever is needed to make more money.

If you're not making much, the hunger keeps you going. If you're making way more than you need, it's much harder to convince yourself to keep working because you know that going from, say, $25,000 to $30,000 per month won't change much.

If you can't "enjoy" the process now, it will be only harder once you start making much more than you need. Not that it's going to be worse once you make it - it's just a new challenge that comes with the next level.

 

[SteveO]

Nope. Not akin to going to work for someone everyday. YOU have your own choices. YOU setup your processes. Someone did not do that for you. You are where you are by your own decisions.

Being happy and challenged is your own choice as well.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Diamonds probably don't enjoy the process either....

But that pressure is ultimately what causes that rock to shine.

 

[Ika]

I'm struggling with this a lot of parts of my life.

What helped me so far was to set process related goals instead of event related goals.

Short example from my training:
I always wanted to hold a handstand, becaus it's fun and cool. My goal was something like "hold it for 30sec" or "hold it for 1min", depending on how confident I was.
Naturally I failed to reach the goal with the first tries. And while I got better, I was still working towards that one point in time, that " would make me enjoy handstands more".

Not long ago, I realised it is not working this way. So I set the goal of "training everyday for 5min".
Now everytime I trained for 5min, I reached my goal and enjoyed it.
Naturally I became better. I might reach the 30sec stand faster with an event related goal, but this way I'm enjoying it more.


The real challenge is that event related goals are really important.
I can set the goal to " cold call for 1h a day" and enjoy the process - because I acomplish the goal every day.
But if I don't reach my event-goal of "10 new customers", the business would die.


I hope this helps you somehow!
~Ika

 

[SteveO]

It is important for you to be able to enjoy what you do. Sometimes I dig holes with a shovel that are 5' deep. It is pretty hot where I live. I may not enjoy taking each shovelful of dirt but I also don't lament the process. I also may not like the dust or mud that sticks to me as I work in the hole. But getting problems fixed makes me feel better.

There is a large list of things that could be complained about. In fact, I do jokingly complain about them. It is all part of the adventure though.

 

[MidwestLandlord]

Do you think however you needed to experience those things though personally in order to rule them out?

I don't wanna sound like I've "made it", because that's not true. I'm not 100% fastlane yet.

But yeah, probably. I'm not quite there yet either though, so I guess I'm not sure.

It was more of a product of me realizing that no matter what I did, I was never happy with it. I'm a very high energy guy, and contentment, gratefulness, and satisfaction have not come easy.

Nothing was ever good enough. Always more! more! more!

Always living in the future. If I had this, or did that, then I could finally be happy.

And that's no way to live.

I'm still working on it though haha.

 

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[jsk29]

I believe many successful people say it because achievements are fleeting, but the process is everlasting.

Events (achievements) are snapshots of life, while process is the entire film.

A personal example: When I was in high school, I used to dream about living in Thailand by myself, supporting myself via online poker. A couple of years later, after hundreds of hours of studying poker theory and grinding out hands, I was there. I was standing on my apartment balcony in Chiang Mai one night, looked out over the city and lights, and thought to myself, "I'm f**king miserable."

The effort and dedication I devoted to mastering a skill contributed more to my happiness and self-confidence than the external achievement.

 

[SteveO]

I understand it must also be difficult for my wife and kids to live with someone who thinks like i do. It's hard enough for me and there are times i wish i could be that person who's content with what's he's got. That's just not me though. Not at the moment

Here is your real challenge. What you have is what you've got. If you are not happy today, you will not be happy next year.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

So...you'd enjoy the process more if you had a Range Rover in the driveway?

Do you really think that's true?

 

[Paul David]

I hear successful entrepreneurs say it quite a lot on motivation youtube videos or seminars.
Instead of focussing on the end goal, enjoy the journey and process along the way they say.

Personally for the majority of people in business i think it's bullshit. If you're just starting out in business and you're all excited about how much money you're going to make, or how you are going to change people's lives, give them value etc then yes i believe you will enjoy the "initial" process.

If you're making $25,000 a month or whatever your desired figure is then yes i believe you will be enjoying the daily process.

For anybody else, especially those who have been in the process for a number of years when the initial excitement has long gone and you've not reached your desired level, i believe the process becomes akin to those who go to work for somebody else every day.

It's Monday morning now, it's raining as usual and i've just taken kids to school. I'm just about to go on my daily 3m run then i will sit down and start work for the day. I can work from home or go to the office, which is exactly how i like to work compared to having to sit in a car stuck in traffic like a lot of people. So that side is all well and good.

However i wouldn't say i'm going to exactly "enjoy" what i'm going to do today. I don't look forward to sitting at my screen all day whilst the rain pounds against my window. Sure it's better than a lot other alternatives and i don't wish to sound ungrateful but if i had woken up this morning and seen that i'd made my desired target X amount of sales would i enjoy the process a lot more? Hell yes.

If i could afford to spend every school holiday away in the sun somewhere, drive a Range Rover, not have my wife work, be debt free etc how would i feel about spending this very same Monday. It would be great. I wouldn't want to do anything different.

Unless someone can perform a mindset change on me without evasive surgery i personally don't believe it's possible to enjoy the process unless you're a startup or have a desired financial income.

 

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[biophase]

I hear successful entrepreneurs say it quite a lot on motivation youtube videos or seminars.
Instead of focusing on the end goal, enjoy the journey and process along the way they say.

If you're making $25,000 a month or whatever your desired figure is then yes i believe you will be enjoying the daily process.

If i could afford to spend every school holiday away in the sun somewhere, drive a Range Rover, not have my wife work, be debt free etc how would i feel about spending this very same Monday. It would be great. I wouldn't want to do anything different.

Unless someone can perform a mindset change on me without evasive surgery i personally don't believe it's possible to enjoy the process unless you're a startup or have a desired financial income.

Read the entire thread. Your focus seems to be on not having money. Yes, it is stressful when you can't pay bills or business is going the way you planned. But this focus on if I just made money I would be enjoying the process is not the correct one.

I wouldn't being enjoying it either today. But in 2 months when things are going well, you will be enjoying it. Enjoying the process doesn't mean that every single day is fun. Shit, who wants to do their taxes or count inventory all day. It's the overall process that you should enjoy. If you end up in Dec 2017 + $100,000 profit you will probably look back and say that 2017 was tough but a good year!

It's not about the days, it's about how we string them together to make a life that is fulfilling.

In The Blink Of An Eye Everything Can Change

 

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[Alxander]

I try to look at a stoic/zen point of view towards the 'journey'.
You can look forward towards something, but also be in the 'present moment', meaning; not beating yourself up mentally over your external environment.

I don't want to always try to get to the next thing, without actually appreciating what I already have, and that can include struggle.

 

[MidwestLandlord]

We search for meaning.

I think the meaning of life is literally to create meaning in life.

In the past, our meaning of life was "don't die"

Now, I believe we have to tap into that inner caveman by creating meaning that we can instinctively latch onto.

We have to "create" that in different ways, depending on our personalities. For some, that means blowing up their lives and starting over, or being a business polygamist to get that rush of creating something new. For others, it means still running from that fear of not having enough, by getting "more!"

Neither I think works very well.

For me, that meaning is literally "work hard"

 

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[InspireHD]

The challenge for most of us (me included) is that there have been several times in our lives where we think "if only THIS would happen, then I can be happy."

A financial goal, a thing goal, a relationship -- a whatever. 100% of the time though I guarantee the moment you hit a goal -- something you've wanted to achieve there will be a point where you say "is this all there is?"

It happens to every single human being.

Astronauts who go to the moon, return to a ticker tape parade, dinner with the president, and then they become alcoholics... because what is there to do once you've been to the moon? Something you've trained your entire life for? And you realize that EVENT that THING that you wanted so bad and achieved? Well it wasn't really the thing itself...

We're all looking for a feeling. An emotional state called happiness. Satisfaction. Pride. Winning. Whatever you want to call it. But the dangerous part about seeking the event over the process is that state is temporary -- that's why we all ask "is this all there is?"

Wow, this one brought back a huge emotion and memory.

In 2014, I decided I was going to run my first half-marathon. To give me motivation I signed up for a Rock 'N Roll Half-Marathon. I like t-shirts and medals so it was a perfect fit. I spent all of 2014 training. I went from barely being able to run 5 minutes to being able to run for 2.5 hours. I ran in the rain and I ran on days it was 100 degrees. I had days I went to run and couldn't last 2 miles and had days where I was so in the zone I didn't want to stop. I ran a couple 5k races for fun and really enjoyed it.

Then, the big day came. I didn't run as fast as I wanted to because I was with a friend who kept stopping, but by mile 10 I left him and practically sprinted the last 3 miles. As I passed people on those final miles I could hear people making comments to each other about how fast I was going. It felt great!

Afterward, I went for a walk to stretch out and then when I went home I looked in the mirror and it suddenly hit me....."now what?" I trained so hard for so long, went through ups and downs, and dedicated so much time to running. Suddenly, it was over. What do I do now? I literally started to cry. I just finished a huge accomplishment for myself, but I felt empty.

I decided to sign up for another one on the other side of the US to do a little traveling. It eased the pain of that "now what?" moment, but I never really got back into dedicated running and after running a third half-marathon in 2015 I decided it was time for something new.

I just wanted to share this story because what @Kung Fu Steve is so true and it brought that memory back to me.

 

[SteveO]

Wow, this one brought back a huge emotion and memory.

In 2014, I decided I was going to run my first half-marathon. To give me motivation I signed up for a Rock 'N Roll Half-Marathon. I like t-shirts and medals so it was a perfect fit. I spent all of 2014 training. I went from barely being able to run 5 minutes to being able to run for 2.5 hours. I ran in the rain and I ran on days it was 100 degrees. I had days I went to run and couldn't last 2 miles and had days where I was so in the zone I didn't want to stop. I ran a couple 5k races for fun and really enjoyed it.

Then, the big day came. I didn't run as fast as I wanted to because I was with a friend who kept stopping, but by mile 10 I left him and practically sprinted the last 3 miles. As I passed people on those final miles I could hear people making comments to each other about how fast I was going. It felt great!

Afterward, I went for a walk to stretch out and then when I went home I looked in the mirror and it suddenly hit me....."now what?" I trained so hard for so long, went through ups and downs, and dedicated so much time to running. Suddenly, it was over. What do I do now? I literally started to cry. I just finished a huge accomplishment for myself, but I felt empty.

I decided to sign up for another one on the other side of the US to do a little traveling. It eased the pain of that "now what?" moment, but I never really got back into dedicated running and after running a third half-marathon in 2015 I decided it was time for something new.

I just wanted to share this story because what @Kung Fu Steve is so true and it brought that memory back to me.

Not sure what my point is but I am basically a lifetime runner. Not the prototypical one either. A little on the stocky side, poor lung capacity, not very tall, etc... But faster than shit!

But, I love to run. Miles and miles and miles...

I have run on teams, with clubs, solo, groups. I have run in almost every city that I visited. On almost every trail, road, mountain top, harbor, coastline, canyon... Through the grand canyon, the harbor in Tampa, top of mt whitney, golden gate bridge, death valley, inner city of Vegas, wilderness in Wyoming, Houston, corpus Christy coastline, everywhere in san diego, phoenix, Prescott, Hood to Coast in Portland, through the Columbia River gorge, on the beach in south of France, into the inner city of St. Lucia and out through the banana plantations, the list goes on.

I met my wife while running. I proposed to her in front of our running group.

Many years of team racing, marathons, adventure runs.

Running has been my life. Along with building a business, playing years of softball, raising kids, etc...

 

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[Yoda]

What prevents this from actually happening however is the business does not generate enough profit to make it affordable.

Did you just solve your own problem?

 

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[Van Halen]

I dunno man, I've struggled with the same feelings you have most of my life.

I've traveled a LOT...boring.

Nice cars...boring.

I took home about $80,000 last month...boring.

The only thing that worked for me was finding a "why" that was bigger than myself.

My kids. Charity work. My God. All bigger than myself. But still not enough...

My "why" ended up being the process itself.



This ^^^^

Earning money is in 4 layers:
1. Survival
2. Status
3. Freedom
4. Purpose

 

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[MTF]

@MJ DeMarco - I think that @Kung Fu Steve's post should be featured.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

Interchange process with growth.

Process = Growth

When people say they enjoy the process, my belief is that they actually mean growth. The continuous improvement of your business. Achievement.

That achievement allows your brain to release certain chemicals like dopamine, allowing you to get pleasurable feelings from growth and achievement. If you're not achieving anything, and your brain is not releasing the necessary chemicals for "enjoyment", then you're not enjoying the process.

You need to focus on growth.

And if your brain is wired differently, and you don't enjoy growth, then you need to reconsider being an entrepreneur.

 

[kiwiana]

Unless someone can perform a mindset change on me without evasive surgery i personally don't believe it's possible to enjoy the process unless you're a startup or have a desired financial income.

Hi Paul David,

I just went through a frustrating period so I thought I would share what has been helpful to me and also what didn't work out so well. For context: I was feeling very stuck in my job because I am relying on it for visa purposes. I like my job and I am good at it. But it is a job after all and I know too much to enjoy 9-5 employment now. For a few months, I thought I was stuck in this quagmire because I cannot leave this job without having to leave the country, let alone start an entrepreneurial endeavor. Everyday more resentment built.

There are 3 options (in order of least to most effort required): 1. stew in your discontent and unhappiness and spread it around to everybody else around you, 2. change your mindset without changing the situation, 3. change the situation and get out of this unhappiness.

I did #1 for a few months. It was unpleasant for everybody including myself. My "solution" was to ban everybody from asking me how my day went and how my job is going. If they did, they had to suffer my bad temper. This was obviously not sustainable. Even I hated being around myself.

So recently I transitioned to #2. There's been a lot of good advice about how to reframe the situation to change your mindset including realizing money doesn't solve all your problems and that you might not enjoy everyday but the journey at the end is well worth it. A few things that really helped me here:

• eliminate everything that I didn't like to do that was not necessary to my life. Since I was not super happy in my situation already, why would I hang out with negative friends, eat with my coworkers, or go to Costco on the weekends when I knew that those situations were already hellish to me? Reorganizing my schedule handled all of these things. Putting off friends, scheduling meetings during lunch time so I could eat alone, go to Costco during the weekday evenings, etc.
• a gratitude journal for a few days. I cannot sustain doing gratitude journals for weeks but just a few days is enough to realize things are really awesome in life. Just writing 3-5 things that I liked about my day made life seem so much more enjoyable. When the train arrived just as I got on the platform, it seemed like the world was trying to make me happy whereas in the past I had never noticed small gifts like that. Finding the one last parking spot right in front of the gym when the lot was full as far as the eye can see, again, made me feel like the world was going out of its way to do me little favors to make me happy.
• I also ruled out complaining for a whole week. I got this tip from the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. Everytime I complained I would have to run my finger across my throat as if I were slitting my throat. It's a pretty violent gesture so it began to reinforce no complaining really quickly. Not complaining was really hard in the beginning but after a few days I realized I didn't complain at all or if I did, I would try to reframe the issue. It really opened up a lot of creative space in my head to be able to say "OK here's the situation...no complaining, just stating the facts...now what am I going to do about it so I cannot be complaining about this in 5 minutes?"
• I wish I did meditate more as it does help me feel better every time I do it. It calms me down and opens the space for creative solutions. I probably only did it 2-3 times in the last few months. But it helped every time.
• Reading Felix Dennis' book How to get Rich was also a mind opener. He says multiple times in the book that money will NOT make you happy. Sure, it is better to have it than not, but it doesn't do anything for happiness. In fact, if you are young (which it sounds like you are considering how young your children are), the time you have makes you much wealthier than he is. He would give up all his money in order to be young again. It was a great perspective to know that even when I hit X amount of net worth, it will not change my happiness. In fact, happier people are more likely to attract wealth and be happy when they get rich. Not the other way around (meaning rich doesn't make you happy). This coupled with other advice I read helped me sit down and write a list of all the things that I currently do that do make me happy, which included hanging out with my friends more, cooking, painting, and reading. Guess what? Most of those activities are FREE. Now that I don't do the stuff that I find hellish, suddenly I have more time for things I enjoy. I instituted Sunday night dinners where every Sunday I invite over different friends and cook for them so we can all hang out. It has been an amazing improvement to my life and mood. And guess what? During one of these dinners, one of my friends came up with a solution to help me with my visa situation. It turns out that opening up my life to opportunities for happiness ended up solving my problem.
• exercise. It's like a magic pill that makes everything feel better after.

Which leads me to #3. Changing my mindset led me to finding creative solutions to fix my problem. It's funny how now I am out of the negative, "victim mode" mindset, suddenly I have so many new solutions to fixing my problem. Others have suggested ways to renegotiate with suppliers or ask friends/family for a short-term loan to resolve your cash flow problem. This is the kind of space in your mind you can open up to come up with the creative solutions for yourself. In fact, the actions now seem so easy to me I wonder how was it possible that my mindset was so negative that I could not think of doing these simple things myself?

Keep in mind, this whole thing has taken me something like 6 months so it is not a fast change to make (at least not for me).

I know this post has been super long and partly that is because I am writing this for myself as I may come back in a year or two to re-read it when I find myself in another quagmire which I come to believe is the worst thing ever and I just can't get myself out of it. So just one last thing to wrap up: I took a class called the Philosophy of Happiness in college. I cannot remember most of the information I learned in college but this class was filled with insight that has stuck with me so many years later.

In addition to reading books like Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow, the Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, the Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz, and many other gems, we got to learn about the meaning of life and happiness from ancient Western and Eastern civilizations. In particular, we spent a really long time analyzing the word, Eudaimonia.

The Greeks were really concerned about Eudaimonia and wrote and thought a lot about what it was, how to achieve it, and more importantly, how to keep it. We used to think it meant "happiness" and translated a lot of texts to use the word "happiness". But recently, philosophers have engaged in a hot debate to change the meaning to "human flourishing" and "wellbeing". Our professor made it a huge point to emphasize this reinterpretation to force us to realize that every single day is not going to be a relaxing walk in the park because sacrifice and pain will be inevitable. Especially if you are on an unconventional path because that's where the most gains are to be made. If flourishing, meaning achieving your maximum human potential, and not happiness was the focus, then we can see the grander picture and realize that one crap is just one day. Hopefully you won't have too long of a string of crap days. Ultimately, keeping your eye on the bigger picture, knowing that you are after human flourishing, and not an ephemeral feeling of happiness, that helps you get through the crap days. Because if you are pursuing growth, happiness cannot be expected at every moment. But you will be proud of myself at the end of your journey.

I think this is what it means to enjoy the process.

I do a lot of customer service and people are more often than not annoyed and mean to me because they only email or call me when they have a problem. Most email is not enjoyable to open and read (especially when customers are barking at me). But I feel good knowing that I am one of the best problem solvers on my team. Every time I beat a problem, I feel strong and I know I am ready for the next challenge.

I really hoped this helps you. I'm getting ready to quit the job soon and deal with the US government. So I have a few crap days ahead of me too. Wish me luck .

 

[Paul David]

**UPDATE**

It's been a while since i updated so here's where i'm currently at.

Have i started to enjoy the process more now? I suppose the answer is "yes" and "no" really.
I've spend a long time since writing that initial post really thinking about how i want my life to be, and what i want to do each day.

What i've learned is that i want to create something that's bigger than me, something that will last a long time after i've gone, think of your Fedex's, KFC, Adidas, Canon of the world. Massive companies that were started by one person. If i'm going to devote the majority of time to something it needs to be worthwhile.

What i was doing at the time of writing, was selling Power Adapters on Ebay and Amazon, and a small selection of other random products like RV parts. I didn't care much for the products and to be honest didn't care much for the customers either. A lot would buy the wrong adapter then it would cost me money to resolve the issue. And let's be honest, nobody cares about a power adapter.

It was a commodity based business and certainly not something i'd be proud enough to pass onto my Children when i'm gone. Fast forward to now and i've found something that's along the same lines, selling a physical product online but it's inside a niche that i'm interested in and is something i can build without relying on Ebay and Amazon. Initially i followed the same route i've gone down in the past of seeing a competitor, like their product and basically replicating the product which only a slight change in the design. Basically being a follower instead of a leader. I've now shelved that idea to create unique designs that are mine alone.

At the moment the products are in production (we've had samples but changed the design since), but i can't wait for them to arrive and get feedback from customers. This is something i've created, no-one can copy the design of the product and i can build a loyal following of customers, which i have started to do. I love interacting with them on facebook. I still have my other power adapter and RV products on EBay and Amazon but the aim for 2019 is to phase them all out once the income from my new brand is sufficient enough.

So yes i now enjoy the process more and will continue to do so even more once progress targets are met (phase out old products) but No i don't believe i would be enjoying the old process with the old products had i continued down that path.

 

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[BigRomeDawg]

I'm struggling with this a lot of parts of my life.

What helped me so far was to set process related goals instead of event related goals.

Short example from my training:
I always wanted to hold a handstand, becaus it's fun and cool. My goal was something like "hold it for 30sec" or "hold it for 1min", depending on how confident I was.
Naturally I failed to reach the goal with the first tries. And while I got better, I was still working towards that one point in time, that " would make me enjoy handstands more".

Not long ago, I realised it is not working this way. So I set the goal of "training everyday for 5min".
Now everytime I trained for 5min, I reached my goal and enjoyed it.
Naturally I became better. I might reach the 30sec stand faster with an event related goal, but this way I'm enjoying it more.


The real challenge is that event related goals are really important.
I can set the goal to " cold call for 1h a day" and enjoy the process - because I acomplish the goal every day.
But if I don't reach my event-goal of "10 new customers", the business would die.


I hope this helps you somehow!
~Ika

Nailed it. I've learned to do the same thing in my life and business. Set the big goal then break it down to the daily action. It sure relieves a lot of stress, because once you complete that daily action you know you've definitely made progress.

 

[Paul David]

Nope. Not akin to going to work for someone everyday. YOU have your own choices. YOU setup your processes. Someone did not do that for you. You are where you are by your own decisions.

Being happy and challenged is your own choice as well.

I did not mean from a fundamental point of view i was referring to more about the daily grind, every day is the same type of thing. Living for the weekend etc.

I completely agree what you are saying. However i believe the processes would be enjoyable if i was at the point of earning my desired income from them. If you asked me if there is anything else in the world i would rather be doing to "earn my freedom" than what i'm doing now i'd probably say NO.
I can't think of anything within reason. I wouldn't go as far to say i enjoy it though. I don't jump out of bed and think i can't wait to get started today.
My dream as a young boy like most i suppose in the UK was to be a professional footballer (soccer) player. That ship sailed a long time ago.

I used to work in my own shop 6 days a week for 7-8 years. Absolutely despised it in the end. Now I have the ability in my online business to work anywhere in the world. The processes i've set up allow me to do that. What prevents this from actually happening however is the business does not generate enough profit to make it affordable.

I have the freedom to do things that don't have a certain financial requirement. I can walk out my house now and come back in 4 hours and i won't have a boss screaming at me. I could go on a bike ride. Options are limited however as everyone i know is in work.

I've reached the point where i have the freedom to do the things I want but i don't have the money to pay for them if that makes sense. So essentially i suppose i don't have the freedom at all?

 

[c_morris]

I think the meaning of life is literally to create meaning in life.

Nailed it! There is no meaning until we create it. Don't search for meaning, create it!

 

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[Harti]

Are you using the reference to escaping death/living long as a metaphor or not?
I'll answer those questions you asked with my current mindset:

Why do we want to make money?
I want to make money because first of all i hate the fact that my Wife has to travel 40 mins to work to sit at a job each day she hates. She has to because we need the money. Secondly i want to make more money because whenever my children are off school or whenever i choose i want to leave this country and go somewhere else. Thirdly i want to make money because i want the freedom it will provide me to do whatever i want with my time regardless if it makes more money or not.

It's meant literally.

1. Why do you hate the fact that your wife has to travel 40mins to a shitty job? My guess is because you love her. Why do we love each other and bond? It has developed as a survival mechanism because groups survived better than loners in the past. On a personal level, we love each other because we fear being alone.* Why do we fear being alone? Because our genes say "we die when we are alone".

2. Why do you want the best for your children? Survival. Your genes need to live on.

3. What feelings do you connect with NOT having the freedom you want to have? Being a slave? Wasting your life? What's wrong with that? We fear that our resources are (ab)used without us getting a return (ie. survival of the offspring) from it. Why do we fear that? Our death and the death of our genes.

We can literally connect about everything we do to the fear of death until we've resolved that. This is a painful process for the ego that includes letting go of what we consider the "I" and results in what people call enlightenment.

You start this process by asking yourself the simple question "why?" The deeper you go, the more you'll see that the answers are always feelings. If you stay with those feelings long enough, the truth reveals itself as the clouds vanish.

* Assumed it's not unconditional love which comes from a vast abundance of emotional resources, a state only very few people on this planet have reached.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

@MJ DeMarco - I think that @Kung Fu Steve's post should be featured.

Done.

Also featured a few others.

Also marked GOLD.