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Where did all this come from? (Family drama!)

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Brian Suh

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On the way to chasing your dreams you willl have doubters and people who tell you you can’t do it. Well I’m doing it and they are stuck in whatever world they are in. I can handle my “friend” saying this but my dad? No. I can’t. He married a woman who Abused me when I was younger and still decided to be with her. His weak mindedness disgusts me. I know he’s my dad but I don’t care. When did this you have to love your family no matter what come about? I’ve met people who love me more than my own dad and respect and love them more. He gave birth to me? Great. Nothing special that’s been done millions of times. What are your opinions on loving family no matter what? I know for a fact I’m going to be big but I have no intention of sharing that with a neglectful father. People will call me an a**hole but i don’t care.
 

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NMdad

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You can choose what messages & from whom you allow messages inside your head. Almost all families have dysfunction--some far more than others--but we're ultimately in control of what we let inside our heads.

From my own experience, it gets easier to ignore/discount irrelevant opinions/advice as I've gotten older.

At this point in your life, you probably know what to expect from those folks--you've seen them act in similar ways again & again. If you had to bet money on it, you can probably predict how they'd act.

So, you can choose to be angry & hurt--which keeps you in a victim mindset--or you can choose another path. How do you want to feel? What do you need to believe to feel that way?
 

MJ DeMarco

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"Family" to me doesn't mean sperm donation or gestation... but the people who support and inspire you, and are willing to equally invest in you ... two way streets.

As we learned from @Daniel Davis in his thread, "family" should not be a license for someone to treat you like shit. Family or not, if the people in your life are roadblocks and/or bad influences, I'm all for a separation.

RANT - My brother tried to kill me and my family did nothing about it.
 

Mattie

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When did this you have to love your family no matter what come about? I’ve met people who love me more than my own dad and respect and love them more.
This old school thinking from previous generations. The youngest of the Baby Boomers started breaking out of this in the early 1970's, and Divorce became the answer to break out of abusive marriages.

They also happen to have started some of the first programs on various platforms in the Mental Health, Medical Health and Alternative Methods, and often Generation X had to be the first generation a massive scale to maneuver through that whole mess where the family unit collapsed.

And of course, we're all at the stage now trying to break out of the dysfunction, the systems included, and why obviously, I may be in Europe and have been studying different perspectives, to aim at a different approach than what we've done in the past with families, marriage, child abuse, step parents, step families, and the psychological impact.

Fortunately, step parents will always see you as not your problem in some cases for the simple reason, they view you as a road block to their "Entitlement" of their children come first. Their bank account comes first. Other people's children are not their responsibility.

Some people decided to start multiple families, but don't feel it's their responsibility to raise their own children. There are tons of multiple variables, I understand some men and women feel they have the right to treat other people's children badly.

I empathize with your experience, for it's natural to wonder why parents don't stand up for their own children, abandon them, reject them, allow them to be abused by other people.

There's really nothing you can do about this fact, but understand it has nothing to do with you, but their own emotional, mental, spiritual, physical problems and take it out on you.

I have to agree with M.J. , for toxic families can be very brutal emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually, and financially. Some of them will have that mentality, it's okay to by dysfunctional regardless of how many psychologists tell them they have an issue. Often, you will here many Adult Wounded Children who claim, "I don't have a problem. I don't have an issue." They believe the only time they have a problem or issue is when they hit rock bottom and lose everything in the process because of their emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial patterns, and the choices they make.

While it may have worked in past generations previously to just push everything under the rug, tell people to suck it up, and love your family regardless of the abuse, I don't feel this may be passed on much longer.

You're not the only one. As I understand with all of us speaking up right now on many platforms, the systems need to be revamped. I can tell you already that the systems fail, for it is all about Individuation, and the "Me", in every platform, versus family unity, and if you treat the one person, this doesn't mean the whole unit heals. And this is the tragedy, because you can not change the thought process, the emotional process, the belief systems of everyone in your family.

You can not change their choices, their actions, their behaviors. And you can not change what they value. Some people value their relationships with their children and spouse. Some do not. They value drugs, alcohol, sex, food, entertainment, and in most cases divorce and separation is the outcome of many chemical and non-chemical addictions. The way they handle their emotions, thoughts, and feelings.

Rarely do they understand they impact their actions have on the entire family emotionally, mentally, financially, and sexually.

I was listening to a Rabbi speaking on Marriage last night, and I had to laugh, because I just listen to all relationship material from everywhere to get different points of view, but he said, "What do you want to get married for? You're already divorced and separated. I don't recommend you getting married until you've decided to be married to each other."

I understand what he was getting at. Most Masculine and Feminine want to get Married, but they're two single people who want to be married and act single. They want to do everything themselves, their way, or the highway, and of course they're not responsible with themselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and sexually, so if they want to be single and irresponsible, they should remain divorced since they don't want to be responsible.

When you decide to be responsible in all those areas, then perhaps you're responsible enough to be a mother, father, and children, because you're mature enough to make the best possible choices in your relationships.

I believe this maybe why many people are getting rid of Marriage, because most people are divorced to begin with and not ready for marriage, children, success or fiances.

You will find it difficult with your family because it depends on what generation they are. If they're Baby Boomers, they might not like all this changing going on because they believe you just keep abusing one another and stay together regardless, they are older in age, and kind of late in their life in their 70's, while Generation X is in their 60's, 50's, and 40's, and changing the systems and dynamics now and we're kind of in the middle of Baby Boomers and Millennial's as the referee.

In my own experience with my own child, we both get resistance from the Baby Boomers, so I quite understand, because people want to hang on to the old systems, life moves forward, and you have to adapt, adjust, and roll with the tides or it's more painful resisting the changes.

You can't do anything about your family. All you can do is move forward.

For example: If a huge tidal wave is coming towards you, and you warn them to move out of the way, and they are insistent to hold on to their belief, the wave isn't coming, and you know it's coming, are you going to stand their and die with them, or find yourself in safe place where the wave doesn't come and drown you?

Some people will say, "They' re my family. I can't let them drown." Which I hear many times from children who believe their supposed to be faithful, devoted, and dedicated to their abusive mothers or father's. I watched this even in person a few times trying to help some children, and they just wouldn't let go even if they were of legal age to move on.

You can teach people to swim, teach them to float on their backs, and even give them a life ring to pull them in a boat, but if they don't want to exit the abusive relationships they don't.

You see this is domestic violence all the time. Someone will literally get killed physically because they're convinced they're supposed to be a good wife, good husband, or good child, and no matter how many times they've been abused, they keep going back and can't see it's just a matter of letting go of the emotional attachment and other people will walk into their life which are much more healthier and happier to be around.

You have to make your choice whether it's worth being abused or taking the higher road in life.
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Brian Suh

Brian Suh

Silver Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 19, 2018
479
543
241
"Family" to me doesn't mean sperm donation or gestation... but the people who support and inspire you, and are willing to equally invest in you ... two way streets.

As we learned from @Daniel Davis in his thread, "family" should not be a license for someone to treat you like shit. Family or not, if the people in your life are roadblocks and/or bad influences, I'm all for a separation.

RANT - My brother tried to kill me and my family did nothing about it.
My dad treats me like I’m going to be nothing. He makes fun of me. Alll this Does is make me hate him and use that anger as motivation. I can’t StAND people who say family is everything. Really? Even if they treat you like shit. f*ck that. Part of being unscripted is making your own rules and I will only allow people in my dreams and life if they support me and love me unconditionally and I will have their back as well!
 

ShamanKing

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My dad treats me like I’m going to be nothing. He makes fun of me. Alll this Does is make me hate him and use that anger as motivation. I can’t StAND people who say family is everything. Really? Even if they treat you like shit. F*ck that. Part of being unscripted is making your own rules and I will only allow people in my dreams and life if they support me and love me unconditionally and I will have their back as well!

Do you live w/ him?
 
OP
OP
Brian Suh

Brian Suh

Silver Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 19, 2018
479
543
241
This old school thinking from previous generations. The youngest of the Baby Boomers started breaking out of this in the early 1970's, and Divorce became the answer to break out of abusive marriages.

They also happen to have started some of the first programs on various platforms in the Mental Health, Medical Health and Alternative Methods, and often Generation X had to be the first generation a massive scale to maneuver through that whole mess where the family unit collapsed.

And of course, we're all at the stage now trying to break out of the dysfunction, the systems included, and why obviously, I may be in Europe and have been studying different perspectives, to aim at a different approach than what we've done in the past with families, marriage, child abuse, step parents, step families, and the psychological impact.

Fortunately, step parents will always see you as not your problem in some cases for the simple reason, they view you as a road block to their "Entitlement" of their children come first. Their bank account comes first. Other people's children are not their responsibility.

Some people decided to start multiple families, but don't feel it's their responsibility to raise their own children. There are tons of multiple variables, I understand some men and women feel they have the right to treat other people's children badly.

I empathize with your experience, for it's natural to wonder why parents don't stand up for their own children, abandon them, reject them, allow them to be abused by other people.

There's really nothing you can do about this fact, but understand it has nothing to do with you, but their own emotional, mental, spiritual, physical problems and take it out on you.

I have to agree with M.J. , for toxic families can be very brutal emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually, and financially. Some of them will have that mentality, it's okay to by dysfunctional regardless of how many psychologists tell them they have an issue. Often, you will here many Adult Wounded Children who claim, "I don't have a problem. I don't have an issue." They believe the only time they have a problem or issue is when they hit rock bottom and lose everything in the process because of their emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial patterns, and the choices they make.

While it may have worked in past generations previously to just push everything under the rug, tell people to suck it up, and love your family regardless of the abuse, I don't feel this may be passed on much longer.

You're not the only one. As I understand with all of us speaking up right now on many platforms, the systems need to be revamped. I can tell you already that the systems fail, for it is all about Individuation, and the "Me", in every platform, versus family unity, and if you treat the one person, this doesn't mean the whole unit heals. And this is the tragedy, because you can not change the thought process, the emotional process, the belief systems of everyone in your family.

You can not change their choices, their actions, their behaviors. And you can not change what they value. Some people value their relationships with their children and spouse. Some do not. They value drugs, alcohol, sex, food, entertainment, and in most cases divorce and separation is the outcome of many chemical and non-chemical addictions. The way they handle their emotions, thoughts, and feelings.

Rarely do they understand they impact their actions have on the entire family emotionally, mentally, financially, and sexually.

I was listening to a Rabbi speaking on Marriage last night, and I had to laugh, because I just listen to all relationship material from everywhere to get different points of view, but he said, "What do you want to get married for? You're already divorced and separated. I don't recommend you getting married until you've decided to be married to each other."

I understand what he was getting at. Most Masculine and Feminine want to get Married, but they're two single people who want to be married and act single. They want to do everything themselves, their way, or the highway, and of course they're not responsible with themselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and sexually, so if they want to be single and irresponsible, they should remain divorced since they don't want to be responsible.

When you decide to be responsible in all those areas, then perhaps you're responsible enough to be a mother, father, and children, because you're mature enough to make the best possible choices in your relationships.

I believe this maybe why many people are getting rid of Marriage, because most people are divorced to begin with and not ready for marriage, children, success or fiances.

You will find it difficult with your family because it depends on what generation they are. If they're Baby Boomers, they might not like all this changing going on because they believe you just keep abusing one another and stay together regardless, they are older in age, and kind of late in their life in their 70's, while Generation X is in their 60's, 50's, and 40's, and changing the systems and dynamics now and we're kind of in the middle of Baby Boomers and Millennial's as the referee.

In my own experience with my own child, we both get resistance from the Baby Boomers, so I quite understand, because people want to hang on to the old systems, life moves forward, and you have to adapt, adjust, and roll with the tides or it's more painful resisting the changes.

You can't do anything about your family. All you can do is move forward.

For example: If a huge tidal wave is coming towards you, and you warn them to move out of the way, and they are insistent to hold on to their belief, the wave isn't coming, and you know it's coming, are you going to stand their and die with them, or find yourself in safe place where the wave doesn't come and drown you?

Some people will say, "They' re my family. I can't let them drown." Which I hear many times from children who believe their supposed to be faithful, devoted, and dedicated to their abusive mothers or father's. I watched this even in person a few times trying to help some children, and they just wouldn't let go even if they were of legal age to move on.

You can teach people to swim, teach them to float on their backs, and even give them a life ring to pull them in a boat, but if they don't want to exit the abusive relationships they don't.

You see this is domestic violence all the time. Someone will literally get killed physically because they're convinced they're supposed to be a good wife, good husband, or good child, and no matter how many times they've been abused, they keep going back and can't see it's just a matter of letting go of the emotional attachment and other people will walk into their life which are much more healthier and happier to be around.

You have to make your choice whether it's worth being abused or taking the higher road in life.
It truly is messed up but just one more reason why most people aren’t rich, fit, healthy, and happy. They don’t care. They’ve lost purpose and thus wreck havoc on the world around them. It’s sad but this was a bitter pill to swallow. Oh well. Life is about being better not feeling better
 

Mattie

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 28, 2014
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4,050
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Netherlands
It truly is messed up but just one more reason why most people aren’t rich, fit, healthy, and happy. They don’t care. They’ve lost purpose and thus wreck havoc on the world around them. It’s sad but this was a bitter pill to swallow. Oh well. Life is about being better not feeling better
I have to agree. I believe it's simply when you do break out of it, it's then dealing with the fact they want to interfere and don't understand your higher thinking, higher knowledge, and think you've gone mad, because you're not sleeping anymore in the dysfunctional drama.

"What's wrong with you." You don't want to be dramatic? You don't want to be immature anymore? You mean you want to be responsible for your life? Ha ha... there's something wrong with you no matter what you do in people's lives, because of their personal beliefs.
 

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