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Andy Black

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You're very idealistic. I thought I had it all worked out too -- until I got to those forks in the road...
I've had a pretty hard life but it causes wisdom and you can look back and see how things happened to make you grow... most importantly I never gave up, you have to be idealistic to survive but the key is to take action on your ideas whilst keeping the overall perspective that it's all meant to cause you to grow.
 

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Without consequences or rewards, I suddenly didn't care about the game any more. I guess I'd rather not play, than play for nothing.

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

when-playing-a-game-the-goal-is-to-win-but-277649.jpg
 

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I've had a pretty hard life but it causes wisdom and you can look back and see how things happened to make you grow... most importantly I never gave up, you have to be idealistic to survive but the key is to take action on your ideas whilst keeping the overall perspective that it's all meant to cause you to grow.
I too have had a hard life. And it didn't stop when I became an adult. It just changed forms. Those rough experiences have changed me in phases -- creating a series of eras that have created different understandings in my life. I'm just suggesting that you keep your heart and head open to the natural changes that come with the years of your life.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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This thread inspired this video by me, relating to unease or worse, depression...

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzF2_AYjqak&t=3s


Note: I'm not implying @biophase that you are depressed, but I've heard many stories like yours of "What now?" that just grow worse. I think Robin Williams is a great point of massive success, and then *something* happens where they find no purpose in life, no meaning to carry forward.

MJ, you know I was kind of happy with my new Vegas home until I saw yours. Now, all I think about is how to get a house with an indoor basketball court. I've been looking at homes on larger lots for that sole purpose. I even contacted my HOA to see what the building height limit is on my current home! LOL

Perhaps this is part of your unrest?

It made you realize that you do want something and right now it is out of reach -- not because you can't afford it (you can) but such a thing in a house is extremely rare. On top of that, once you find a house that has one, you have to like the house and the area. It's like you've worked hard to win a prize, but you can't take possession of the prize, and it remains a low probability. I've been looking at houses for 7 years and reviewed literally 1000s (no exaggeration) of houses ... of those 1000s, I only saw 3 homes with indoor basketball courts, and I bought one of them.

If this is of great importance (it sounds like it is) you might have to find a home owned by an NBA player who is moving... you know that has to happen pretty often. I know *things* like BB courts don't make someone happy, but working hard for X and succeeding, but not being able get that reward won't either.
 

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I resonate with the sense of meaninglessness that biophase and MTF have shared on this thread and elsewhere. I used to be filled with hopeful optimism, ambition, drive, and deep enjoyment in the pursuit of my goals. Now, it has all been replaced overall with a feeling of, "Why bother?"

This has even stripped the fun out of things that used to offer me the greatest thrill in life, such as skiing. I remember driving up to the Colorado mountains to ski a few years back and being startled that instead of being filled with childlike wonder and excitement, I was struggling with feelings of, "What's the point? Is this a waste is time?" And even when I got there, I couldn't find that enjoyment that used to be there. It felt like an endless exercise of "go up the ski lift...go down the hill...repeat." It was kind of like the feeling I got when I rode a merry-go-round when I was about 12 years old, where I was too old to get the thrill that the younger kids were getting.

I was devastated to find that this was the case. Skiing used to be the best thing ever! And I was similarly devastated to find that same experience of meaninglessness creeping into every area of life.

Believe me, I didn't WANT to see the world this way. Life is way more fun when you are in pursuit of the grand adventure. I remembered how much wonder and purpose and vibrancy I used to experience. I missed it. But I couldn't get it back or "snap out of it," any more than 12-year-old me could snap back into having the same delight in the merry-go-round that the toddlers were having. The best I could do was pretend.

That’s not to even speak of what you may gain after you leave this life, which I am working on being more conscious of myself. Maybe you don’t believe in heaven or even any other afterlife? Well... many people do.
As a committed Christian who believes in heaven, even this is not enough to combat that feeling of meaninglessness. (It apparently wasn't for Solomon, either, in the book of Ecclesiastes.) For me, the only difference is that I think, "I just need to survive this existence until I get to die, and then the good times will finally start."

But the duration of my lifespan still stretches out ahead of me, punctuated with "What's the point? Why bother? Why exert myself?" at every turn.

By the way...some have suggested altruism, self-sacrifice, or philanthropy as a way out of this mess. I thought the same thing. I had already tried various iterations of this, back before this feeling of meaninglessness took over. I had volunteered for 6 months to help drug addicts and the homeless. I had volunteered for another 9 months to teach school at an orphanage in Haiti. I had volunteered for 5 years teaching classes to women in the local county jail. I had done other things here and there. In earlier days, this was a way for me to do something that mattered, something to avoid living a mediocre life, something to increase my satisfaction. When you can do this kind of thing out of the joy of your heart, it's great.

But here's what I ran into. When you try to use "helping a cause you care about" as a means to increase your purpose in life (when you're in the midst of feeling meaningless), it doesn't work. Instead, it can leave you extra vulnerable to making things way worse for yourself.

How it played out for me:

I met a man and fell in love with him. He eased the loneliness I was feeling at the time. On the surface, he was the kind of person I would never, never, never consider marrying, not for a second. He was needy (living on disability). He was in poor health (overweight and eating at McDonald's every day for the last 20 years). He was significantly older than me. He was living in a broken down hoarder house that some people were allowing him to live in for free. He was socially inept.

But I was feeling miserable and purposeless, and I really did fall in love with him. I thought, "Well, if I can't be happy myself, at least I can try to cheer someone else up. And maybe that will pull me up as well. I'll find my meaning and purpose in making someone else happy."

We married, despite vocal objections from every single person I knew. And I set out to make him happy.

I succeeded. He went from having a very hard life to having a dream life. His every need was taken care of. He had a loving wife who made him nutritious meals and took him to do things and have experiences that he had never had before.

But this didn't increase my consciousness of any purpose or meaning. Instead, it only highlighted to my attention that it was a one way street of giving. And at the end of the day, he is still sad because he nurses a victim mentality. He doesn't do anything productive, leaving me to do it all. He has an external locus of control, and it wears me down to hear his sidewalk thinking all the time.

So instead of me finding meaning and purpose, I developed full-blown anxiety and depression. Whereas before, I would have questioned whether I was depressed, now I acknowledged it outright.

I know this is an extreme example, and hopefully no one on this forum will make a decision of this magnitude. But I share this as a warning, because when you look for meaning and purpose in altruism, there's always a little voice in the back of your head that says, "You haven't found meaning yet, but if you give more, you might." No. Not true.

At this point in my life, I would say, if you're going to try self-sacrifice in pursuit of meaning, do it the way you'd invest in crypto. Only invest the amount you have to spare, the amount that won't affect you if you lose it all. (The voice in your head will say, "Well, if it doesn't affect you, then it's not really a sacrifice." Ignore that voice.) Self sacrifice and altruism and philanthropy makes lots of people's lives better, but it still doesn't give you meaning.

(Oh, and please don't bother feeling sorry for me. I don't share this story to garner pity, just to add to the conversation a detail that some may have overlooked.)

Edit: I wrote and posted this before seeing the video on MJ's post above mine, so this wasn't targeted at that video as a contradiction. Actually what I suspect is that the loss of the feeling of meaning and purpose stems from a traumatic or emotional situation. I know that MTF and I both share this in common. Previous to our feeling of loss of purpose, we each had a deeply sad experience that rocked us to the core. I suspect this is a common factor for anyone else who loses that feeling of purpose as well. When something like that happens, no amount of money can make up for it, no lofty goal can mask it, and no pursuit in life has the same sparkle that it used to.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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I resonate with the sense of meaninglessness that biophase and MTF have shared on this thread and elsewhere. I used to be filled with hopeful optimism, ambition, drive, and deep enjoyment in the pursuit of my goals. Now, it has all been replaced overall with a feeling of, "Why bother?"

This has even stripped the fun out of things that used to offer me the greatest thrill in life, such as skiing. I remember driving up to the Colorado mountains to ski a few years back and being startled that instead of being filled with childlike wonder and excitement, I was struggling with feelings of, "What's the point? Is this a waste is time?" And even when I got there, I couldn't find that enjoyment that used to be there. It felt like an endless exercise of "go up the ski lift...go down the hill...repeat." It was kind of like the feeling I got when I rode a merry-go-round when I was about 12 years old, where I was too old to get the thrill that the younger kids were getting.

I was devastated to find that this was the case. Skiing used to be the best thing ever! And I was similarly devastated to find that same experience of meaninglessness creeping into every area of life.

Believe me, I didn't WANT to see the world this way. Life is way more fun when you are in pursuit of the grand adventure. I remembered how much wonder and purpose and vibrancy I used to experience. I missed it. But I couldn't get it back or "snap out of it," any more than 12-year-old me could snap back into having the same delight in the merry-go-round that the toddlers were having. The best I could do was pretend.


As a committed Christian who believes in heaven, even this is not enough to combat that feeling of meaninglessness. (It apparently wasn't for Solomon, either, in the book of Ecclesiastes.) For me, the only difference is that I think, "I just need to survive this existence until I get to die, and then the good times will finally start."

But the duration of my lifespan still stretches out ahead of me, punctuated with "What's the point? Why bother? Why exert myself?" at every turn.

By the way...some have suggested altruism, self-sacrifice, or philanthropy as a way out of this mess. I thought the same thing. I had already tried various iterations of this, back before this feeling of meaninglessness took over. I had volunteered for 6 months to help drug addicts and the homeless. I had volunteered for another 9 months to teach school at an orphanage in Haiti. I had volunteered for 5 years teaching classes to women in the local county jail. I had done other things here and there. In earlier days, this was a way for me to do something that mattered, something to avoid living a mediocre life, something to increase my satisfaction. When you can do this kind of thing out of the joy of your heart, it's great.

But here's what I ran into. When you try to use "helping a cause you care about" as a means to increase your purpose in life (when you're in the midst of feeling meaningless), it doesn't work. Instead, it can leave you extra vulnerable to making things way worse for yourself.

How it played out for me:

I met a man and fell in love with him. He eased the loneliness I was feeling at the time. On the surface, he was the kind of person I would never, never, never consider marrying, not for a second. He was needy (living on disability). He was in poor health (overweight and eating at McDonald's every day for the last 20 years). He was significantly older than me. He was living in a broken down hoarder house that some people were allowing him to live in for free. He was socially inept.

But I was feeling miserable and purposeless, and I really did fall in love with him. I thought, "Well, if I can't be happy myself, at least I can try to cheer someone else up. And maybe that will pull me up as well. I'll find my meaning and purpose in making someone else happy."

We married, despite vocal objections from every single person I knew. And I set out to make him happy.

I succeeded. He went from having a very hard life to having a dream life. His every need was taken care of. He had a loving wife who made him nutritious meals and took him to do things and have experiences that he had never had before.

But this didn't increase my consciousness of any purpose or meaning. Instead, it only highlighted to my attention that it was a one way street of giving. And at the end of the day, he is still sad because he nurses a victim mentality. He doesn't do anything productive, leaving me to do it all. He has an external locus of control, and it wears me down to hear his sidewalk thinking all the time.

So instead of me finding meaning and purpose, I developed full-blown anxiety and depression. Whereas before, I would have questioned whether I was depressed, now I acknowledged it outright.

I know this is an extreme example, and hopefully no one on this forum will make a decision of this magnitude. But I share this as a warning, because when you look for meaning and purpose in altruism, there's always a little voice in the back of your head that says, "You haven't found meaning yet, but if you give more, you might." No. Not true.

At this point in my life, I would say, if you're going to try self-sacrifice in pursuit of meaning, do it the way you'd invest in crypto. Only invest the amount you have to spare, the amount that won't affect you if you lose it all. (The voice in your head will say, "Well, if it doesn't affect you, then it's not really a sacrifice." Ignore that voice.) Self sacrifice and altruism and philanthropy makes lots of people's lives better, but it still doesn't give you meaning.

(Oh, and please don't bother feeling sorry for me. I don't share this story to garner pity, just to add to the conversation a detail that some may have overlooked.)

Edit: I wrote and posted this before seeing the video on MJ's post above mine, so this wasn't targeted at that video as a contradiction. Actually what I suspect is that the loss of the feeling of meaning and purpose stems from a traumatic or emotional situation. I know that MTF and I both share this in common. Previous to our feeling of loss of purpose, we each had a deeply sad experience that rocked us to the core. I suspect this is a common factor for anyone else who loses that feeling of purpose as well. When something like that happens, no amount of money can make up for it, no lofty goal can mask it, and no pursuit in life has the same sparkle that it used to.

A lot to unpack here but I don't think this relates to meaning and purpose, but a search to find happiness in someone else, instead of yourself. If you're not happy alone, you certainly won't be happy married, especially when it sounds like (in your own words) you married someone more unhappy/broken than yourself.

When it comes to relationships, two negatives won't make a positive. For me, marriage was never an option in my life until I felt somewhat "self-actualized" and happy ... only then was when marriage (or "settling down") became an option.

As I like to say, you can't change the world if one hasn't learned to change him/herself.

Are you still married to this same man?

Reading your story makes me sad that you had to endure that.
 
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MTF

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Thank you for taking the time to record this video, @MJ DeMarco. I found your description of the difference between goals and purpose thought-provoking.

Actually what I suspect is that the loss of the feeling of meaning and purpose stems from a traumatic or emotional situation. I know that MTF and I both share this in common. Previous to our feeling of loss of purpose, we each had a deeply sad experience that rocked us to the core. I suspect this is a common factor for anyone else who loses that feeling of purpose as well. When something like that happens, no amount of money can make up for it, no lofty goal can mask it, and no pursuit in life has the same sparkle that it used to.

I agree with that. Perhaps I wasn't emotionally-mature enough to process my trauma (plenty of people had way, way, way worse stuff to deal with) but still, to this day it haunts me and I'm not sure how much time it will take to process it (if it ever happens).

What I think works for me to feel better (not to find purpose specifically but to deal with the trauma) is discomfort and/or playing in that mental zone where you think you can die (I said it many times already on the forum but freediving has been extremely therapeutic). I think I better understand why David Goggins inflicts so much pain and discomfort on himself. It's cathartic. I guess it can be some kind of a purpose in life (getting tougher and inspiring others to get tougher), even if it isn't always super healthy.
 

WJK

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I resonate with the sense of meaninglessness that biophase and MTF have shared on this thread and elsewhere. I used to be filled with hopeful optimism, ambition, drive, and deep enjoyment in the pursuit of my goals. Now, it has all been replaced overall with a feeling of, "Why bother?"

This has even stripped the fun out of things that used to offer me the greatest thrill in life, such as skiing. I remember driving up to the Colorado mountains to ski a few years back and being startled that instead of being filled with childlike wonder and excitement, I was struggling with feelings of, "What's the point? Is this a waste is time?" And even when I got there, I couldn't find that enjoyment that used to be there. It felt like an endless exercise of "go up the ski lift...go down the hill...repeat." It was kind of like the feeling I got when I rode a merry-go-round when I was about 12 years old, where I was too old to get the thrill that the younger kids were getting.

I was devastated to find that this was the case. Skiing used to be the best thing ever! And I was similarly devastated to find that same experience of meaninglessness creeping into every area of life.

Believe me, I didn't WANT to see the world this way. Life is way more fun when you are in pursuit of the grand adventure. I remembered how much wonder and purpose and vibrancy I used to experience. I missed it. But I couldn't get it back or "snap out of it," any more than 12-year-old me could snap back into having the same delight in the merry-go-round that the toddlers were having. The best I could do was pretend.


As a committed Christian who believes in heaven, even this is not enough to combat that feeling of meaninglessness. (It apparently wasn't for Solomon, either, in the book of Ecclesiastes.) For me, the only difference is that I think, "I just need to survive this existence until I get to die, and then the good times will finally start."

But the duration of my lifespan still stretches out ahead of me, punctuated with "What's the point? Why bother? Why exert myself?" at every turn.

By the way...some have suggested altruism, self-sacrifice, or philanthropy as a way out of this mess. I thought the same thing. I had already tried various iterations of this, back before this feeling of meaninglessness took over. I had volunteered for 6 months to help drug addicts and the homeless. I had volunteered for another 9 months to teach school at an orphanage in Haiti. I had volunteered for 5 years teaching classes to women in the local county jail. I had done other things here and there. In earlier days, this was a way for me to do something that mattered, something to avoid living a mediocre life, something to increase my satisfaction. When you can do this kind of thing out of the joy of your heart, it's great.

But here's what I ran into. When you try to use "helping a cause you care about" as a means to increase your purpose in life (when you're in the midst of feeling meaningless), it doesn't work. Instead, it can leave you extra vulnerable to making things way worse for yourself.

How it played out for me:

I met a man and fell in love with him. He eased the loneliness I was feeling at the time. On the surface, he was the kind of person I would never, never, never consider marrying, not for a second. He was needy (living on disability). He was in poor health (overweight and eating at McDonald's every day for the last 20 years). He was significantly older than me. He was living in a broken down hoarder house that some people were allowing him to live in for free. He was socially inept.

But I was feeling miserable and purposeless, and I really did fall in love with him. I thought, "Well, if I can't be happy myself, at least I can try to cheer someone else up. And maybe that will pull me up as well. I'll find my meaning and purpose in making someone else happy."

We married, despite vocal objections from every single person I knew. And I set out to make him happy.

I succeeded. He went from having a very hard life to having a dream life. His every need was taken care of. He had a loving wife who made him nutritious meals and took him to do things and have experiences that he had never had before.

But this didn't increase my consciousness of any purpose or meaning. Instead, it only highlighted to my attention that it was a one way street of giving. And at the end of the day, he is still sad because he nurses a victim mentality. He doesn't do anything productive, leaving me to do it all. He has an external locus of control, and it wears me down to hear his sidewalk thinking all the time.

So instead of me finding meaning and purpose, I developed full-blown anxiety and depression. Whereas before, I would have questioned whether I was depressed, now I acknowledged it outright.

I know this is an extreme example, and hopefully no one on this forum will make a decision of this magnitude. But I share this as a warning, because when you look for meaning and purpose in altruism, there's always a little voice in the back of your head that says, "You haven't found meaning yet, but if you give more, you might." No. Not true.

At this point in my life, I would say, if you're going to try self-sacrifice in pursuit of meaning, do it the way you'd invest in crypto. Only invest the amount you have to spare, the amount that won't affect you if you lose it all. (The voice in your head will say, "Well, if it doesn't affect you, then it's not really a sacrifice." Ignore that voice.) Self sacrifice and altruism and philanthropy makes lots of people's lives better, but it still doesn't give you meaning.

(Oh, and please don't bother feeling sorry for me. I don't share this story to garner pity, just to add to the conversation a detail that some may have overlooked.)

Edit: I wrote and posted this before seeing the video on MJ's post above mine, so this wasn't targeted at that video as a contradiction. Actually what I suspect is that the loss of the feeling of meaning and purpose stems from a traumatic or emotional situation. I know that MTF and I both share this in common. Previous to our feeling of loss of purpose, we each had a deeply sad experience that rocked us to the core. I suspect this is a common factor for anyone else who loses that feeling of purpose as well. When something like that happens, no amount of money can make up for it, no lofty goal can mask it, and no pursuit in life has the same sparkle that it used to.
Building a business is simple compared to this conversation. Business-related techniques are the mechanical part of our lives that concentrate on making money, followed by being a good steward of those rewards. This thread is all about what those pursuits and other choices do us as individuals. How do we take care of our inner life during our daily grind?

I have shared several of the steps that you describe. I find the quest to add the meaning element is totally elusive and difficult sometimes. I too have been the perfect wife (and daughter), making others' lives good while I lost my sense of self in the act of giving. I still do a lot of work to help other people. And yes, I too wake up some morning wondering if and when it will be my turn to be the taker rather than the giver.

Here are my thoughts on these desolate valleys we find ourselves in... I think they are not only a wake-up call for change -- but really an integral part of that process. Like Mom used to tell me, "Thing have gotta change because things have gotta change." At those moments, I don't know how or what direction those changes will take. I don't know if it's a tweak or a total remake of my life. If I listen really closely, sometimes those feelings warn me of coming danger. Things just don't feel right -- I know that I need to make course corrections.

Their timing is interesting because the valleys seem to have a mind of their own. There are peak business times when I have been struck with their melancholy. (The reality of the accomplishments just doesn't meet my expectations.) And other times, like you, after I suffered great losses. I have had to accept that my times in those valleys are just part of the normal ebbs and flows. Sometimes they are short and other times they go on for a painfully long time. Some happen suddenly -- like getting dumped on unexpectedly by a ton of bricks. But, they always seem to come along...

I know that many of you on the Forum haven't confronted these problems. And maybe you are lucky to have avoided these challenges.
 

Andy Black

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On the subject of purpose, here’s something I wrote a few years ago:

Sorry about your dog @biophase.

And to others who have lost people along the way.

Loss is hard, and can affect us in strange ways. I know I haven’t slept well for years now.

I don’t have FU money, and I don’t always do things to help people (although that’s a hack of mine that I know works on me). I still love figuring new things out. I try to maintain a childlike wonder at the world.
 
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Thank you for taking the time to record this video, @MJ DeMarco. I found your description of the difference between goals and purpose thought-provoking.



I agree with that. Perhaps I wasn't emotionally-mature enough to process my trauma (plenty of people had way, way, way worse stuff to deal with) but still, to this day it haunts me and I'm not sure how much time it will take to process it (if it ever happens).

What I think works for me to feel better (not to find purpose specifically but to deal with the trauma) is discomfort and/or playing in that mental zone where you think you can die (I said it many times already on the forum but freediving has been extremely therapeutic). I think I better understand why David Goggins inflicts so much pain and discomfort on himself. It's cathartic. I guess it can be some kind of a purpose in life (getting tougher and inspiring others to get tougher), even if it isn't always super healthy.
This process will help you to mature and find yourself among the rubble that trauma inflicts. Maybe you can find a way to forgive yourself for being there in the first place. Sometimes things are just what they appear to be. Now you can choose to be kind to yourself instead of inflicting more pain...
 

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This thread inspired this video by me, relating to unease or worse, depression...

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzF2_AYjqak&t=3s


Note: I'm not implying @biophase that you are depressed, but I've heard many stories like yours of "What now?" that just grow worse. I think Robin Williams is a great point of massive success, and then *something* happens where they find no purpose in life, no meaning to carry forward.



Perhaps this is part of your unrest?

It made you realize that you do want something and right now it is out of reach -- not because you can't afford it (you can) but such a thing in a house is extremely rare. On top of that, once you find a house that has one, you have to like the house and the area. It's like you've worked hard to win a prize, but you can't take possession of the prize, and it remains a low probability. I've been looking at houses for 7 years and reviewed literally 1000s (no exaggeration) of houses ... of those 1000s, I only saw 3 homes with indoor basketball courts, and I bought one of them.

If this is of great importance (it sounds like it is) you might have to find a home owned by an NBA player who is moving... you know that has to happen pretty often. I know *things* like BB courts don't make someone happy, but working hard for X and succeeding, but not being able get that reward won't either.
new video? no way
 

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Perhaps this is part of your unrest?

It made you realize that you do want something and right now it is out of reach -- not because you can't afford it (you can) but such a thing in a house is extremely rare. On top of that, once you find a house that has one, you have to like the house and the area. It's like you've worked hard to win a prize, but you can't take possession of the prize, and it remains a low probability. I've been looking at houses for 7 years and reviewed literally 1000s (no exaggeration) of houses ... of those 1000s, I only saw 3 homes with indoor basketball courts, and I bought one of them.

I’ve felt this way over a year ago. Remember my original post was from January 2021.

I actually think it is the opposite effect because now I have a goal to aim at. Whereas before I was aimlessly looking at real estate anywhere just to buy more.

There are many things that want but can’t afford. I can see a path to buying those things but I don’t want to put in the effort and work to do so. House with a bball court seems doable and well within reach at my current effort level which is why I’m actually researching it.

I also want to point out that I am not depressed by any means. I was just asking the question of what motivates us once the goal of making money is no longer there.
In regards to charity and giving, I have also checked that box so Im looking for more.

This post is the opposite of what a few of comments have said. It’s not me being lazy and feeling blah blah. It’s actually me feeling the opposite asking what else can I do and what is the motivation to do it. If I wanted to just cruise through the rest of life, I wouldn’t have asked this question at all.

I feel that the people who have answered by saying more more money or I’ll always be full throttle till I die will have these same questions 5-10 years from now unless they find a different purpose now. I’m going to use the age card and say, you guys are just young and won’t understand until you get older.

@MJ DeMarco Regarding the purpose you mentioned in your video. What happens when you are on book number 10, I agree that the purpose may still be there, but maybe you don’t want to write another book. Do you shift to a tv show? Movie? Some other method of delivering your purpose? That’s kind of what I’m pondering. I’ve been donating boxes for 6 years now. Maybe I need to switch my delivery system to change/multiply its impact.
 
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biophase

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Now, it has all been replaced overall with a feeling of, "Why bother?"

This has even stripped the fun out of things that used to offer me the greatest thrill in life, such as skiing. I remember driving up to the Colorado mountains to ski a few years back and being startled that instead of being filled with childlike wonder and excitement, I was struggling with feelings of, "What's the point? Is this a waste is time?" And even when I got there, I couldn't find that enjoyment that used to be there. It felt like an endless exercise of "go up the ski lift...go down the hill...repeat." It was kind of like the feeling I got when I rode a merry-go-round when I was about 12 years old, where I was too old to get the thrill that the younger kids were getting.
This is the question I ask about many things. But it’s not a bad question, it’s just that you get less positive answers.

I’ve noticed this amongst many of my friends with hobbies and sports. Things you loved in the past you no longer want to do. Many times it is been there done that many times.

For me, I still enjoy mountain biking. My real estate purchases and dictated by the home’s proximity to biking trails. There is no point in cruising in the mountains besides to cruise in the mountains. There are many things that I still enjoy for the sake of enjoyment but that list is very small now.

I think everyone needs to find at least one of those things. Whether it be off-roading, paintball, keeping aquariums or biking. Find one thing that you love to do and find others that share the same feeling. That’s all you need.

As for skiing, I would never go by myself as skiing isn’t the main reason I’d go. It would be to spend time with friends. But I had a friend that would drive 4 hours and ski by himself every weekend. He truly loved it. He eventually moved to Breckinridge and became a ski instructor. He still loves it to this day. He found his one thing.
 

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I feel that the people who have answered by saying more more money or I’ll always be full throttle till I die will have these same questions 5-10 years from now unless they find a different purpose now. I’m going to use the age card and say, you guys are just young and won’t understand until you get older.
Like you, I have found that each level has its own challenges. Those challenges do NOT become apparent until you get there. To others, who are tracking you, it looks like you have arrived at the easy life. The hard parts have been accomplished. And that assessment can become personally true in some forms. In the face of your new challenges, the former rungs in your journey can look easy -- although they were not at all when you were standing there facing those battles -- especially the first time. Now, those steps to that solution are smoothly laid out and the obvious path is beaten down into a wide roadway. Too bad that we cannot see, read, nor understand those directional maps when we are young and starting out.
 

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@biophase you are the originator of 'the superman speech'.
you changed a LOT of our lives that day in Phoenix.
you have superpowers. you are called to use them for good, brother.

i have a challenge for you:
create the next @biophase 's
teach. give back. show others the way. send the elevator back down.

want an even bigger version? judge yourself by who you teaches teaches.
create 10 people that have done what your company is doing for a cause and will then create the next 10.

you changed my kids lives with the soap business.
you changed mine with the superman speech and getting to see what you are doing all these years.
your new scorecard could be the impact those you impact make

even this whole thread of you not knowing what to do helps inspire. helps cement the line i added to my personal directives to keep me from getting bored in what i do.......

here is the top of my poster i look at daily:

1642885009421.png

you helped me put that there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Give yourself some credit. You are back in town after climbing all the mountains and coming back down from base camp.
Keep reaching out, experimenting, sticking yourself into things. Something will pop up worthy of your full effort.

Love you, bro!
 
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@biophase . I can relate to what you are talking about. I was starting to go through the same thing back when I made the push to really expand.

That did not work out for me.

It turns out that my life crashing and burning gave me a different perspective. Getting sick for 4 years gave me a different perspective as well.

I'm not wishing either of those on you but life has a way of changing how you view it. I'm not saying something bad has to happen. Things will change though.

At 63, I'm probably as happy and challenged as I have ever been. Haven't always felt that way though.
 

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(Kenric I've seen that you feeling different from a year ago, but my post was already written so I left it here, maybe it will help anyway).

When I started MJ's new video, I was already sure what I was going to find in it, because he's speaking of it in Unscripted (p216).

And I couldn't agree more. It seems logical to think that we are all seeking power (whose money is just a form).

Power is a way to change things. I came to the conclusion that changing things is the best definition of existence. We exist because we do. We create. We're making our visions reality.

So at first we search power in order to change our lifes, and then it must be used to change things, of the outside world.

MJ's new purpose is philanthropy, and it's also mine. Since I was a kid, I can't stand the idea that there are homeless people. So if I ever succeed in being powerful, I'm going to invest my power in helping them. With a power that is focused, efficient and above all, expendable.

Helping people is our core vision of entrepreneurship on TFF and I think it is also a very simple and good answer to the meaning of life.

Because I litteraly won't have anything better to do.
 
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WJK

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(Kenric I've seen that you feeling different from a year ago, but my post was already written so I left it here, maybe it will help anyway).

When I started MJ's new video, I was already sure what I was going to find in it, because he's speaking of it in Unscripted (p216).

And I couldn't agree more. It seems logical to think that we are all seeking power (whose money is just a form).

Power is a way to change things. I came to the conclusion that changing things is the best definition of existence. We exist because we do. We create. We're making our visions reality.

So at first we search power in order to change our lifes, and then it must be used to change things, of the outside world.

MJ's new purpose is philanthropy, and it's also mine. Since I was a kid, I can't stand the idea that there are homeless people. So if I ever succeed in being powerful, I'm going to invest my power in helping them. With a power that is focused, efficient and above all, expendable.

Helping people is our core vision of entrepreneurship on TFF and I think it is also a very simple and good answer to the meaning of life.

Because I litteraly won't have anything better to do.
When you get there, teach people to fish rather than give them a fish. I do this every day. I provide the only large group of affordable housing in my community. I help those who help themselves -- so I don't become an enabler. My job is to manage a private community of people for the good of everyone. And I daily help a lot of people and their children.

A lot of homeless people are there by choice -- not circumstances beyond their control. They are committing slow, steady suicide by taking drugs or drinking themselves to death. You cannot save another person from themselves. You cannot stop them -- they must really want to change. That sounds cold, but I know it's true. I was the chairman of the board for a homeless shelter for 5 years that I helped start many years ago. And I'm still dealing with the same issues here at my property.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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BizyDad

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There's so much good stuff being shared here. A lot to chew on. I just wanted to thank everyone for contributing.

Here are my thoughts on these desolate valleys we find ourselves in... I think they are not only a wake-up call for change -- but really an integral part of that process. Like Mom used to tell me, "Thing have gotta change because things have gotta change." At those moments, I don't know how or what direction those changes will take. I don't know if it's a tweak or a total remake of my life. If I listen really closely, sometimes those feelings warn me of coming danger. Things just don't feel right -- I know that I need to make course corrections.

Their timing is interesting because the valleys seem to have a mind of their own. There are peak business times when I have been struck with their melancholy. (The reality of the accomplishments just doesn't meet my expectations.) And other times, like you, after I suffered great losses. I have had to accept that my times in those valleys are just part of the normal ebbs and flows. Sometimes they are short and other times they go on for a painfully long time. Some happen suddenly -- like getting dumped on unexpectedl
I agree 100%.

I'll add that I'm lucky enough to have, at a young age, learned the lesson that this too shall pass. This philosophy has gotten me through many a valley in my life.

It always gets better. Usually not without effort. And it gets worse, then better. Ebbs and flows. Cue the circle of life music.

Idk, I've made the core of my life and identity be about learning the lessons that life has to teach me. Business, personal, relationships, spiritual, etc. I still have a lot of learning left to do. Obviously. And that more than anything is what keeps me going.

I agree with those who say age gives you a different perspective. It does. Which is why I've always appreciated hearing from those older than I.

But younger people and people my own age are also capable of sharing wisdom, and that it what makes this thread and forum so great.

So again I say, Thank you.
 

Raedrum

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When you get there, teach people to fish rather than give them a fish. I do this every day. I provide the only large group of affordable housing in my community. I help those who help themselves -- so I don't become an enabler. My job is to manage a private community of people for the good of everyone. And I daily help a lot of people and their children.

A lot of homeless people are there by choice -- not circumstances beyond their control. They are committing slow, steady suicide by taking drugs or drinking themselves to death. You cannot save another person from themselves. You cannot stop them -- they must really want to change. That sounds cold, but I know it's true. I was the chairman of the board for a homeless shelter for 5 years that I helped start many years ago. And I'm still dealing with the same issues here at my property.

Yes I want to help those who help themself, and not being an enabler as you well said.

I know the behind the scenes of homeless world, and I agree with you. I was thinking of a more results-focused infrastructure, to teach them to fish.

But anyway homeless or not, my point was the philanthropic approach of the new purpose in life.
 

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WJK

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Yes I want to help those who help themself, and not being an enabler as you well said.

I know the behind the scenes of homeless world, and I agree with you. I was thinking of a more results-focused infrastructure, to teach them to fish.

But anyway homeless or not, my point was the philanthropic approach of the new purpose in life.
You can really make a BIG difference by keeping your eyes open and really seeing the people around you. Most of the time, a small act of kindness can really change another person's life -- IF you can see and act on their need. Many think that they must make grand jesters (do something big) to really make a difference. I find that a habit of doing consistent, daily acts of small kindness has the most overall influence.
 

Raedrum

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You can really make a BIG difference by keeping your eyes open and really seeing the people around you. Most of the time, a small act of kindness can really change another person's life -- IF you can see and act on their need. Many think that they must make grand jesters (do something big) to really make a difference. I find that a habit of doing consistent, daily acts of small kindness has the most overall influence.

"If you can see and act on their needs."

Well this is hell of a quote. In any kind of change, one must be able to actually see and act on how things need to be done and not how he want things to be done.

This require much of humility, and insight, in entrepreneurship or personnal life.

I see this as the difference between "Seeking for my truth" and "Seeking for the truth".

This is actually a fundamental problem in all of humanity history and psychology.

I think this is a prerequisite to real power and ambition. As MJ says, this is not about you.
 
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There's so much good stuff being shared here. A lot to chew on. I just wanted to thank everyone for contributing.


I agree 100%.

I'll add that I'm lucky enough to have, at a young age, learned the lesson that this too shall pass. This philosophy has gotten me through many a valley in my life.

It always gets better. Usually not without effort. And it gets worse, then better. Ebbs and flows. Cue the circle of life music.

Idk, I've made the core of my life and identity be about learning the lessons that life has to teach me. Business, personal, relationships, spiritual, etc. I still have a lot of learning left to do. Obviously. And that more than anything is what keeps me going.

I agree with those who say age gives you a different perspective. It does. Which is why I've always appreciated hearing from those older than I.

But younger people and people my own age are also capable of sharing wisdom, and that it what makes this thread and forum so great.

So again I say, Thank you.
You're right. Bad times and good times only have their limited moments. The only thing that has worked for me is to move on no matter what is happening. I get up every morning, put my pants on one leg at a time, put a smile on my face, and then I get one leg in front of the other to get my day started. Yes, it's that simple.
 

WJK

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"If you can see and act on their needs."

Well this is hell of a quote. In any kind of change, one must be able to actually see and act on how things need to be done and not how he want things to be done.

This require much of humility, and insight, in entrepreneurship or personnal life.

I see this as the difference between "Seeking for my truth" and "Seeking for the truth".

This is actually a fundamental problem in all of humanity history and psychology.

I think this is a prerequisite to real power and ambition. As MJ says, this is not about you.
You're right. The question is,

"What is the BEST solution here in this situation?"

You are NOT looking for the fastest, cheapest, the feel-good, and not necessarily the solution that others are seeking. If you can honestly answer that question, you are miles ahead of others around you.
 

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