What's Worse than Death?

Almantas · Jul 24, 2020

With this post I am going for GOLD - grab a cup of coffee and let's go for a ride...

I haven't posted for a long while and there is a good reason for it - Although I had made a decent recovery before (please read my story HERE), I had slipped through the cracks again. Badly. As the saying goes "ships don't sink, because of the water around them - ships sink, because of the water that gets in them" - this is exactly what happened to me. I let all kinds of negative emotions kick and drag my soul to the deepest darkness you can imagine. I stopped going to gym. Started eating junk food. To make things worse, I even began to drink alcoholic drinks to numb my pain...

On the surface, I was still performing relatively OK. I managed to produce average quality work (as per my own standards) and customers are still happy. Although I procrastinated to the last second, I somehow managed to drag my a$$ through the tightest of cracks. I would drink and eat junk for days and then finish a huge project in a single day or multiple small projects at the very last minute. I became an Olympic Procrastinator and would beat myself for all my failures on a daily basis and then drink again to numb the pain.

What's the result?

My weight has reached 125kg - 24/07/2020.
I became a VERY toxic person - due to my bleeding soul (angry, jealous, over-reactive...you name it).
Most of my business development ideas remained on the shelf, gathering dust.

...The list is endless.

Instead of posting a success story AFTER an event - I am offering a journey from the lowest point of darkness all the way up to the sunny surface. Every day I will be making detailed notes and looking for strategies and TESTING, TESTING, TESTING...at the end of a week I will update this thread (yep, every week - religiously) with the findings of what worked best and results. So others could use it for guidance. I have nearly committed suicide because of this emotional pain...so, if this thread shines a light on at least a single soul, my effort was well worth it.

Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.

I will run this tread for a year. Here is what I will aim for during this hustle period:

Drop down to at least 90kg - will post photo of my physique for verification/inspiration purposes.
Move from 'self-employed' to 'business owner' by launching a financially successful, scalable business (have 2 verified business models already).
Become a calm, zen-like person who appreciates himself, others and abundant opportunities that surround us.

There are just 3 main goals for entire year. However, when I reach them - I will become ENTIRELY different human being. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be probably one of the toughest fights of my life - you will witness relentless struggle, blood and tears...all at once. I will be 100% transparent on my updates and will post on a weekly basis. You will witness fat, negative, hardcore procrastinator turn into shredded, zen-like individual who doesn't only write down goals, but hunts them down mercilessly.

Thanks for reading and being part of my journey <3

JordanK · Aug 11, 2020

Running a successful business is like climbing a mountain. You need to be mentally and physically fit to reach the peak. I think you would really benefit from going back into steady employment (9-5 with a good solid routine). Take the extra time you have then and focus on getting your body and mind back under your control. My own personal advice and experience would be to do the 75HARD program by Andy Frisella. After coming back to Ireland from the summit in February I completed it and its been a game changer (This is coming from someone who already was in a good headspace and was physically fit with a fastlane business). It took me to another level.

You need to walk before you can run.

I have kept an eye on most of your threads throughout the last few years as there is only a few of us Irish dudes here on the forum. The common theme of them is bursts of manic inspiration for a few weeks or months and then back to long periods of downtime. You really don't have to do all that much in one go. Just hit 2-3 good small things every single day and aim to make progress over the next 2-3 years.

Here is an example of a solid plan to be executed over the next few months to get you back on track in a sustainable way.

* Pick one day of the week and go do a big shop in Lidl/Aldi with healthy food only. You only want healthy food in your fridge/presses. I actually have a meal prep company that delivers me meals twice a week so I don't have a choice to eat unhealthy.

* Delete all food delivery apps. The new rule is if you really want the burger, kebab or pizza enough you gotta jump in the car and go collect it (Eliminates about 80% of my orders).

* Go for a 30-45 minute walk EVERY SINGLE morning or evening. Clears the head of negative thoughts and burns calories at the same time.

Optional but recommended:

* Get a 9-5 job in an industry that you can learn skills that would benefit you in an eventual Fastlane business. Benefits of this include: steady income, work friends (social and romantic life improves), solid routine where your sleeping schedule will fix itself, ability to stack considerable money away in savings to deploy in your Fastlane business.

I know this may sound tough to read but I think the real problem mentally for you is that you know you are capable of so much more but your actions aren't living up to the image you have of yourself. Build a solid foundation, change your lifestyle permanently.. not just a roller-coaster of ups and downs.

You are CAPABLE of much more and I believe in you.

Would love to meet up at some point in the near future. I'm based in Galway.

Almantas · Aug 15, 2020

UPDATE NUMBER THREE

First of all, I would like to send a heartfelt appreciation to all who have already shared wisdom bombs in this thread - some of them I read like 3 times and took notes in order to drill some concepts deeper into my skull. I was expecting some activity in this thread, but I am simply amazed by generosity of this amazing community in terms of advise sharing and support. You all will make this trip a lot more smoother.

Imagine being blind for like 6 years and then all of a sudden wake up with a vision. Imagine not seeing colors for entire 6 years...and then, all of a sudden...seeing all of the amazing colors that surround you. This week was something comparable to this experience. I would personally label it as some form of enlightenment. Although I was aware of the information before, I didn't implement it...don't know why.

Ok, so beginning of week was somewhat tough. Monday and Tuesday I had one joint each evening - I felt upset and somewhat scared of what future will bring me. Felt like swimming across the lake and half-way considering to turn back and swim back to the shore. Until Wednesday...

What happened on Wednesday? I don't know. It was day as usual. Nothing special. It seemed.

I was lying in my bed thinking about my life. Contemplating about my negative emotions and why I am so sad/angry most of the time...I didn't look for answers. I was simply going deeper into myself and all of a sudden - Ding Ding Ding! Like a phone message I had been waiting for all those 6 years...

Most of my negative emotions can be attributed to my PERCEIVED failures in life. In my own terms, I failed to build a scaleable business and instead created a job for myself. In my own terms, I failed to build a body I would be proud of. In my own terms, I failed to find a girlfriend and build a solid foundation for my life. The list goes on and on...all of those PERCEIVED failures were like a rotten tomato still rotting in my mind and soul - I felt jealous of others and constantly mentally terrorized myself for those PERCEIVED failures...which resulted in excessive drinking and then smoking pot in order to lessen emotional pain and stop the bleeding of my soul for some time.

As @JordanK rightly pointed out - As soon as I managed to recharge 5% of my battery I set myself huge goals - I tried to compensate for PERCEIVED failures and lost time by killing my 6 year goals in 1 year...which resulted in extreme collapse. I was cutting my already bleeding soul even deeper. It was an insane lifestyle...constantly contemplating about suicide and feeling like a complete failure.

What I had personally realized, reminded me of our talk in real life with @Andy Black. Andy mentioned how he manages to accomplish big things by approaching situations with a calm and zen-like mindset (If I correctly understood his message). I realized exactly that...I always thought that by taking things in a calm and smooth manner I will be a loser and will not achieve greatness. I was blinded by all those quotes "sleep is for losers", "sleep when you dead", "100x your goals" or "hustle till you collapse".

I realized that in my own case, persistence is crucial. How can I remain persistent every-time I fail to reach my gigantic goals (imagine not being at the gym for a year and going straight to 150kg bench press)? In my case, it was impossible. So, I realized that if I took things smoothly...compounding effect will take care of the rest. Instead of trying to lift that 150kg, I should go to the gym and train gently with a 50kg barbell...eventually weights will increase, bit by bit I will reach that 150kg - and what's the best thing? With every incremental advancement I will feel more confident, happier and overall healthier...

Lessons from the previous week:

By slowing down, I can conserve my mental resources and go much more further in long term. Not to mention added benefits mentioned above.
Self-love is everything. Even if you moved only an inch further - be proud of that. Concentrate on persistence instead of achieving end goal. Process is a marathon, not a sprint.
Compounding effect is KING - have you spent entire month looking for product that nets you only €5 a day? How many products would you find in a year? 12. How much would that be? €60 a day and €1'800 a month. Even if you failed to improve product research strategies in one year's time (highly unlikely), you would expand your portfolio by another €1'800 a month - at the end of year two you would make €3'600 PROFIT every single month. I know, your products could be taken by other competitors (highly unlikely if you only make like 50c per product and sell like 10 a day), but this fictional story is only for comparison purposes - what can happen when you apply similar strategy to your life.

Results from previous week:

In terms of business, I hadn't done much. I just opened a Business Account and did some research. As mentioned, last week was extremely spiritual one - which will be a fuel for the following weeks.
Resisted temptation of drinking/smoking on Friday - instead, I borrowed a book from my friend about addictions and how to overcome them.
WENT TO THE GYM! Today is my second day since starting going to the gym. I will follow my own 75-day challenge: going to gym, reading at least 10 pages of non-fictional book a day and following Keto diet without a single bite of junk food.
Although I indulged in junk food eating Monday and Tuesday, I managed to pick myself up from Wednesday onwards and lost another 2kg. I stand at 118kg now. Should lose roughly 5kg more the following week.

Results from Friday's workout

Today's workout

Instead of killing myself with weights from day 1 - I applied principles and realizations mentioned above and made a treaty with myself to ONLY go for a walk/jog on a treadmill entire month for 1 hour. I HATE running/walking and don't have patience - therefore, this activity will not only help me lose unnecessary weight, but also strengthen my will and mindset in general. Not to mention the fact that I spend most of the time listening to audiobooks while training - so it's training/education time for me.

Goals for the following week:

Stick to Keto entire week and go to the gym entire time. This should result in dropping another 5kg and reaching a 113kg goal - if I succeed, I will have lost 10kg since starting this tread. Imagine losing a backpack of 10kg you had been carrying out entire time? Will feel amazing.
Finish Master's project for a customer and submit it on Monday.
Finish proofreading 2 websites for a customer of mine.
Prepare my older car for sale and put it online.
Order parts for my current car and finish the paint work (my friend will do this).
Finish 40% of my website - Home Page and Terms and Conditions.

My current goal is to get rid of those small tasks, so to free my mind for the bigger hunting goals - the website I am talking about can literally be my ticket to financial freedom, so it's of utmost importance.

LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR FOLLOWING/CONTRIBUTING TO MY JOURNEY <3

MJ DeMarco · Jul 24, 2020

Good luck! Will follow along, wishing you better health, minimally.

Almantas · Aug 23, 2020

UPDATE NUMBER FOUR

If anyone had told me four weeks ago (prior to commencing this thread) that I would feel the way I feel now, if I followed certain actions - I would have ignored them at best. Although it seems like a short amount of time, changes are insane. For some, this update will sound a bit too religious - having promised complete transparency, I will proceed.

As indicated in my previous updates, Update Number One, Two and even to some extent Three were relatively turbulent. It was extremely uncomfortable. Felt unnatural. This week, something very strange had happened. Last Sunday, I was lying on my bed and contemplating about the purpose of my life...I knew I am finally on the right track, but felt lost in many ways. I am not religious in a traditional way, but believe there's a source of energy up there, which is part of us - as weird as it sounds, I also believe that our thoughts transfer some form of a frequency, which that 'energy form from above' understands in some way. I told you, it will get crazy. So, lying on my bed, I closed my eyes and from a deepest part of my heart sent a 'thought message' straight up there, directly to that energy form, some people call God. I didn't ask to make things easy - I simply asked to provide me with tools, so I can strengthen myself emotionally, spiritually, physically...I want to become someone I couldn't have dreamed of becoming. In exchange, I promised to assist that 'source of energy' here on earth in any way I could - In order to do so, I asked to send me any sort of a message that my assistance is needed and I will do my best to make it happen.

I BELIEVED 100% that transaction was made. In some strange way, I felt relieved. Assured. I hit the sack and...next morning woke up at 7am extremely motivated. Ok, I started completing tasks I had delayed in the past - during that day I performed like 200/300% better than when I was depressed... Tuesday was similar - woke up at like 6:30 and completed insane amount of work (comparing to what I could have done like 4 weeks ago), Wednesday as well...Thursday - I completed almost entire week's work in that single day! Friday...again...insane performance. And what's the best part? Although I still feel those negative emotions from time to time - jealousy, comparing myself to others, etc. - every time such emotion starts polluting my mind, 'something' smoothly eliminates it from my mind and changes it into something positive...it's weird...very weird. I don't know maybe it's related to changes in diet, routine, etc. - I know only one thing for sure - it's awesome!

I'm no David Goggins yet, but I had just started crawling out of my death bed. So, I wouldn't compare his current progress with my recovery. Instead, I compare me with myself and look at guys like Goggins and other performance athletes for inspiration and motivation. I know I will get there sooner rather than later. I feel like that Lambo handbrake (mentioned in previous threads) is finally down.

Accomplishments from a previous week:

1. Completed like 70% of client orders that were due in a very short amount of time.
2. Created multiple posters and business cards for my freelance research and copy-writing business.
3. Registered a new business name that correlates to my brand (main business).
4. Went to gym 5 days - each session consisted of more than one hour of jogging, more than 500kcals burned each session.
5. No junk food entire week.
6. Currently stand at 115kg - Lost about 10kg since starting this thread.

Goals for the following week:

1. Complete x2 business plans (for clients).
2. Complete entire website from scratch (for a client).
3. Complete any small gigs I get (no more waiting times).
4. Go to gym at least 5 days a week.
5. Stick to Keto diet all week.
6. Wake-up at 6:30 every single morning - this is one of the biggest challenges.

IMPORTANT: I would like to appreciate everyone for contributing to this thread. Although I do not reply to each and every of you, I take detailed notes and feel extremely thrilled knowing so many of you share your personal experiences and suggestions of what may help me. I take detailed notes, experiment and then decide what works best. So, HUGE THANK YOU!

LESS IMPORTANT: Apologies for lack of structure and some grammatical errors, I never edit my posts, unless it involves structured arguments, which then require double and triple-checking. As long as you get my message - it's all that I care about!

Love you all

Almantas · Aug 31, 2020

UPDATE NUMBER FIVE

From now on, I will try to make my updates a bit more structured, so they are easier to follow. First, I will begin my revealing how many goals I reached, then lessons learned and finally goals for the next week. I will try to keep my updates as short and packed with information as possible.

Goals Reached:

4 out of 6 - which is super good, considering the fact that I am a recovering chronic procrastinator. I completed 2 business plans, entire website from scratch, all small gigs and followed Keto without a single cheat meal - ok, I had a glass of wine at my friend's house - but temptation to drink MORE is no longer there. I simply drank a glass of red wine with a red meat and that's it.

Lessons Learned:

Due to lack of self-esteem and desire to make everything PERFECT I had struggled with procrastination for a very long time. Every time I crawled out of my comfort zone and completed projects for various customers, I charged literally 50-70% less than the same quality service normally deserves. Multiple customers asked me why I charge so little for such a good quality. For instance, I write business plans for like €400 and created a website for a cleaning company for €300 yesterday - which is packed with many features, photos, so on and so on. I sent website requirements to local Web Dev company and the price was something in the range of 600 - 1000. I still charge minimal prices with an excuse that I will get out of my comfort zone and begin charging more.

This lack of self-esteem and perfectionism resulted in procrastinating to build a real business for like 5 years. Instead, I built a job that is made up of multiple small gigs for which I charge very little. Yes, I make a living, I pay for my rent/food and other expenses and I managed to save like 20/30k as well. BUT, I have 0 satisfaction in doing what I am doing - deep down inside, I know I am capable of much more and DESIRE to build a solid business instead of floating with small fish and little crumbles - in fact, multiple entrepreneur friends pointed this out to me, saying with my capabilities and skills, I should be running a big company already and not toying around with small gigs and customers who rarely value what they get. I take it as a compliment and continue my crumble hunting process.

So, this thread will be more than just a recovery from depression. In this progress thread I will also track progress of building a business. I will still do these small gigs on the side, so to make money for living, but I will begin shifting my focus and concentration on building a business, which would make me feel good about myself, help me fill a void in the market and make money for proper lifestyle. The priority at this stage is to feel good - every day I work on that business creation (e.g. creating a website), it feels so good - deep down somehow I know that this is what I should be doing. Hard to explain.

Another small one - DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF 10 TIMES A DAY. Really, I always check my weight. When I wake up, go to bed and even after some toilet sessions :rofl:

. In some cases I even weigh more in the evening than in the morning - it's mind boggling. Instead, weigh yourself once a week. Or even better, forget weight and start measuring yourself - this is the best way to track weight loss in my opinion. If you are lifting weights or even running - muscle replaces fat and knowing that muscle weighs more than fat it doesn't come as a surprise that scales doesn't show a big difference - measurements do.

Following Week Goals:

1. Complete website for my business (it doesn't matter if I forget a comma somewhere, I am pretty sure many websites are not GODLY PERFECT. It's time to start. No more analysis-paralysis BS).

2. Create Facebook account for my business (instead of going after 10 channels, I will use one).

3. Open a Business Account (used personal previously).

4. Stick to Keto diet and go to gym at least 4 times a week.

5. Begin meditating.

Instead of terrorizing and blaming myself for all PERCEIVED loses due to inaction, I now take things smoothly, but consistently. I no longer set myself 100 goals a week in order to punish myself. I treat myself as my own best friend and going step by step towards happiness. In fact, I never believed that I will accomplish so much in less than a month - BY GOING SLOWER.

Thanks for following <3

Almantas · Oct 15, 2020

It's been almost a month since my previous update. I was caught in an unexpected fight with an inner demon I thought I had slayed multiple years ago. This couldn't be further from the truth. It got me. It got me very bad...

This update is going to be a very open one - I hope my experience will open at least one forum member's eyes, so not to repeat my mistakes. Back in a childhood, I was raised by a single mother who worked 8-22, so I was pretty much staying home all day everyday since like 4. Sometimes I spent some time at my relatives, but it wasn't so often. Although I learned many valuable skills and was seen by many family friends as some sort of a child prodigy due to my cognitive abilities at a very early age, I developed various illnesses... I could argue that as early as 4 or 5 I was already suffering from a mild anxiety and depression (at the age of 7 I was already a regular visitor at our family Psychologist). In addition to these, I have also developed anxious attachment.

What's anxious attachment, you ask?

I was crying for hours when my mom left for work. Imagine waking up at like 9am and being in the house by yourself with books, crosswords and puzzles. I was crying upon waking up, every time my mom left to work and when I generally felt abandoned, which was during most of my childhood. I became extremely clingy and anxious. Most adults labelled me as a spoiled child who was demanding too much attention. Nobody tried to see my situation for what it was.

This condition has been following me everywhere ever since my childhood. I am now much more aware of this and do not put pressure on women when dating. I observe them, treat with attention and gifts, but try not to get attached too much. Couple of months ago I met a wonderful woman, she was 34 and I am 28 - she had 2 children and was (in my then opinion) a matured person. Instead of repeating my previous mistakes, I was calm and not clingy...in fact, she was the one asking when are we going to meet again and invited to stay at her home instead of a hotel. She was always texting me how much she misses me. Was the one who introduced me to her friends and even asked me to accompany her to her friend's weddings...

…All sounds great. Does it? Do not get me wrong - deep down inside, I was already attached to her. Was always thinking of her and wishing time flies faster so I can meet her again. However, I didn't show my clingy behavior. Then, all of a sudden (literally over night) she started texting me that my attention makes her feel somewhat uncomfortable (didn't get clarification for this and she always complimented me on my romantic behavior and attention) and highlighted that she doesn't believe our relationship will get far.

I have one quality I am particularly proud of: even though my heart is bleeding and drowning in sorrow, I never chase women like this. I accepted her decision, seeing how serious it was. I explained to her that she still matters to me and went no contact. Few days later I found out that her ex-boyfriend crawled back into her life after 6 months and she was debating taking him back and giving him another chance. She and her friends had told me how toxic he was and how happy she was to divorce him, but she decided to jump into a playbox again. Good luck to her.

What happened to me?

I was already having difficulty trusting women. Had multiple cheating encounters previously. This experience was like a nail in a coffin. I was already suffering from somewhat low self-worth, this experience hasn't made anything better. Oh yeah, guys with anxious attachment often worry that a partner will abandon him/her - this was my case as well, which became a self-fulfilling prophecy. After she left me...I was craving for closeness and intimacy (not necessarily sex) like mad - just simply having her by my side. My body was filled with the same sensations I had felt when I was 4 or 5 - I felt as if losing a part of myself. This was insanely painful...

Although I had lost like 10kg prior to this emotional storm, I had put most of it back as I started eating junk and even drinking to numb my pain. I felt damaged, destroyed and bleeding from inside...although from outside it seemed like I got everything sorted, inside game was a totally different story - I was crying and screaming from pain. The last two weeks were particularly difficult. I couldn't even motivate myself to write an update on this forum and pushed my projects to the very last minute (customers didn't experience any issues with this).

So this is that...I am still taking care of my gigs, even though I feel like a rotten pear. I hadn't been to the gym for like a month now...will continue my journey on Monday with healthy diet and workouts. And one MAJOR thing is happening in my life, which will DRAMATICALLY change the course of everything - business in particular:

From Monday, me and my close friend (he's killing on Amazon, makes very decent money, but lacks motivation as he lives by himself in a country house with just a dog) will be moving to a co-working space and then office. We will have set hours, motivate each other and work alongside each other. This will help me establish a healthy sleeping pattern, eating and training habits and will help create many more productive habits...not to mention that the performance of my work will literally skyrocket - I will update and compare my performance working from home and from office environment. I am 100% convinced it will be a game changer that will change my life 360 degrees and you will witness it from a first row.

Do I feel like crap succumbing to my emotions? Yes. But I cannot change the fact that I am a human being. We all have certain advantages and disadvantages and option how we are going to react in certain situations. In my current situation my choice is clear - RETREAT AND REGROUP.

Thanks for continued support and weekly updates from the following Friday will follow as normal.

sparechange · Jul 24, 2020

How is your social life? I think it could be unhealthy to self isolate during down times, and the drinking doesn't help aswell (infact worsens depression)

Besides work, are there some hobbies you like to enjoy? Do you know your purpose on earth? You will be dead within a few decades anyways, might aswell enjoy it, don't take life to serious imo, it's just a game to be played.

Compare yourself to others in worse situations frequently, they say comparison is the thief of joy but I beg to differ. Someone on the other side of the planet is sleeping outside with no access to clean water or food, and needs to worry about getting mauled by a wild animal.

Almantas · Aug 1, 2020

Update Number 1

I realized something very important last week - instead of hunting my bad habits one by one, I should concentrate on a chain reaction and identify habits that cause it. For instance: My addiction to Facebook and endless scrolling chews significant amount of time every day - which results in going to bed late at night hence waking up at lunch time. In addition, Facebook addiction results in minimal hours spent on building a business and feeling awful for this and other related reasons (jealousy comparing my worse life moments to highlights of those people living IN Facebook).

Therefore, last week I bought a new phone and didn't install Facebook, WhatsApp or other apps. Result? Instead of dreading to lose potential clients, I am now feeling much more in control of my life and emotions; of course, result is minimal, but moving forward is moving forward.

Last week could be labelled 'Divorce from Facebook Addiction' - I am now going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, which helps me complete more work and feel better about myself.

Completed this week:

Analyzed competitor's website and their so-called marketing strategy.
Purchased a new business name + ordered virtual office + purchased a freephone.
Moved one giant step towards a full divorce from Facebook addiction.
Completed few copy-writing projects (my day job I created for myself) I was dreading so much about.

Goals for the next week:

Start going to gym from Monday (I haven't been there for like 5 months - this is a big one).
Remain on Keto entire week without a single cheat - first giant workout for my willpower.
Wake-up at 6am and go to bed at 12am every single day - another test for a willpower.

Following week will be a tough one (I am being positive already) - therefore, I will concentrate my entire willpower on these changes. Due to my so-called chain reaction, here are the potential benefits these changes will create:

Going to gym will be a first step towards not only losing weight, but regaining muscle. This will help me build self-esteem, which will result in better overall mood - this should translate into more positiveness when building business/writing projects. These are just some of the benefits of this single change.
By going Keto full-time, I will begin a journey towards immense weight-loss (goal is to lose roughly 30-40kg). Seeing scales going down will inject more self-belief, which will create more benefits - most of them mentioned already in points made above.
Waking up and going to bed at the same time will result in getting more stuff done and feeling more in control of my life - this should push my self-belief further and help me complete more stuff in a single week.

Important finding: Never regret of your past lessons. Yeah, I could have launched my business when I was 20 - by now I should have probably been a millionaire or at least built a more powerful skill-set. Following this limiting belief is like burning $100 only because you lost $10 on a wrong bet - in a five years time, you could be looking back at where you are today and not even imagine how far you will go in such a short amount of time. The choice is ours - burn the rest of money or used it to make millions.

Your past mistakes/lessons are just an investment you had to make in order to build a better future.

Almantas · Aug 8, 2020

Update Number 2

This week was a rough one and motivating myself to write this update was a challenge. In terms of diet, I am finally starting to see some results, which is inspiring in itself. Considering there's a direct relation between my heavy weight and lack of self-esteem that translates into a lot of negativity. Therefore, with every lost kilogram I gain an inch of additional self-esteem that translates into some positivity.

At the beginning of this week, I was faced with multiple challenges and tense situations. Which resulted in smoking few joints and eating all kind of junk food you can imagine. However, from Wednesday onwards I finally got myself together and started eating keto. Today, I was at my friends house and most people were drinking - however, I kindly refused and ate only food I am allowed to (which is a small win - considering I felt very down this evening).

Achievements of this week:

Created a logo and chose a business model that suits best my market niche.
Opened a bank account - never had separate bank accounts for personal and business.
Lost 3 kg - currently stand at 120kg.
Started waking up at 7am.

Goals for the following week:

Remain entire week on keto.
Start going to gym from Monday onwards.
Start creating a sleeping pattern (hit a sack at 12 and wake-up at 6).
Meditate every morning and evening and read a book at least 30 minutes in the evening.
Finish Master's research project for one of my clients (3k words research document).
Finish my entire website, except Terms and Conditions (will leave this till the very end).

MY BIGGEST ENEMY:

I CAN'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS - THEY CONTROL ME

I feel very down most of the week. Especially now. This very moment. I just want to cry. It's like a storm of emotions coming from all directions:

I am disappointed in myself that I didn't hit more goals this week (feel like failure).
I know people claiming benefits and working illegally (makes me feel jealous for the fact that they can chill out for most part and enjoy free money).
Due to lack of self-esteem, I am still a victim of procrastination - most of the projects (like 98%) I completed, exceeded customers's expectations and my reputation is insanely good - I am somewhat an authority figure by now when it comes to my gigs, which I made into my full-time salary. Nonetheless, I procrastinate and keep telling myself what a failure I am...this kills me.
This one is gonna be a weird one. This week I spent more time than usual contemplating why I attract toxic women to my life - not gonna lie, the last 5 or so dates I had...all of the women had partners, but hunted for a better option. Each lie lowered my trust in women. I had maaaaany dates; however, even though I am feeling terribly lonely - I am not gonna settle with a woman that disrespects and lies to me from the onset. Most friends think I have very strict criteria and will never find anyone - whereas I don't care what the girl works, studies, how much she makes or any stuff like that...I just want someone who is truthful, honest and respectful. That's all. Looks change easily - character doesn't; therefore, I am looking for the latter.

I realized one critical factor:

I can try by best to shift my life for the better, but with current negative mindset it will be like sitting in a Lambo with a handbrake on and expecting to travel 150km (my goals) distance in 1 hour (time allocated). What would happen to lambo? You would see a lot of smoke and hear big noise (my current negative emotions - anger, jealousy, sadness...) and the car would slowly break down...starting by killing off tires (my will power, self-belief, motivation, etc.) and ultimately resulting in potential permanent damage to the engine (heart failure). So, the car wouldn't reach destination and would be damaged permanently...only because of that handbrake.

Therefore, instead of looking at reading books and practicing meditation and related coping techniques as 'nice to do's' - I should see them as mandatory things in my life. I am 100% convinced that in let's say 3 months (hell, even in a months time) I would be a lot more in control of my thoughts and emotions if I'd known how to better control them or simply let them go - I believe meditation and embarking on a journey of The Power of Personal Vibration will be my tools that will help me to slowly lower that handbrake before it's too late. I know one thing - I will never quit my goals, so I either complete the distance or blow-up the car (see metaphor above).

I was about to write an apologetic ending paragraph about lack of structure in this post, but considering my today's state of mind, it's the best I can do. As mentioned in the beginning of this thread - this is going to be a rough road...Today I wanna cry and would love to simply disappear - however, I am 100% convinced I will read this post in a few months time and realize that this emotionally tough moment was a crucial life lesson. The fight had just begun.

Thanks for following my journey - means more than you think.

WJK · Aug 8, 2020

Almantas said:
Update Number 2

This week was a rough one and motivating myself to write this update was a challenge. In terms of diet, I am finally starting to see some results, which is inspiring in itself. Considering there's a direct relation between my heavy weight and lack of self-esteem that translates into a lot of negativity. Therefore, with every lost kilogram I gain an inch of additional self-esteem that translates into some positivity.

At the beginning of this week, I was faced with multiple challenges and tense situations. Which resulted in smoking few joints and eating all kind of junk food you can imagine. However, from Wednesday onwards I finally got myself together and started eating keto. Today, I was at my friends house and most people were drinking - however, I kindly refused and ate only food I am allowed to (which is a small win - considering I felt very down this evening).

Achievements of this week:

Created a logo and chose a business model that suits best my market niche.

Opened a bank account - never had separate bank accounts for personal and business.

Lost 3 kg - currently stand at 120kg.

Started waking up at 7am.

Goals for the following week:

Remain entire week on keto.

Start going to gym from Monday onwards.

Start creating a sleeping pattern (hit a sack at 12 and wake-up at 6).

Meditate every morning and evening and read a book at least 30 minutes in the evening.

Finish Master's research project for one of my clients (3k words research document).

Finish my entire website, except Terms and Conditions (will leave this till the very end).

MY BIGGEST ENEMY:

I CAN'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS - THEY CONTROL ME

I feel very down most of the week. Especially now. This very moment. I just want to cry. It's like a storm of emotions coming from all directions:

I am disappointed in myself that I didn't hit more goals this week (feel like failure).

I know people claiming benefits and working illegally (makes me feel jealous for the fact that they can chill out for most part and enjoy free money).

Due to lack of self-esteem, I am still a victim of procrastination - most of the projects (like 98%) I completed, exceeded customers's expectations and my reputation is insanely good - I am somewhat an authority figure by now when it comes to my gigs, which I made into my full-time salary. Nonetheless, I procrastinate and keep telling myself what a failure I am...this kills me.

This one is gonna be a weird one. This week I spent more time than usual contemplating why I attract toxic women to my life - not gonna lie, the last 5 or so dates I had...all of the women had partners, but hunted for a better option. Each lie lowered my trust in women. I had maaaaany dates; however, even though I am feeling terribly lonely - I am not gonna settle with a woman that disrespects and lies to me from the onset. Most friends think I have very strict criteria and will never find anyone - whereas I don't care what the girl works, studies, how much she makes or any stuff like that...I just want someone who is truthful, honest and respectful. That's all. Looks change easily - character doesn't; therefore, I am looking for the latter.

I realized one critical factor:

I can try by best to shift my life for the better, but with current negative mindset it will be like sitting in a Lambo with a handbrake on and expecting to travel 150km (my goals) distance in 1 hour (time allocated). What would happen to lambo? You would see a lot of smoke and hear big noise (my current negative emotions - anger, jealousy, sadness...) and the car would slowly break down...starting by killing off tires (my will power, self-belief, motivation, etc.) and ultimately resulting in potential permanent damage to the engine (heart failure). So, the car wouldn't reach destination and would be damaged permanently...only because of that handbrake.

Therefore, instead of looking at reading books and practicing meditation and related coping techniques as 'nice to do's' - I should see them as mandatory things in my life. I am 100% convinced that in let's say 3 months (hell, even in a months time) I would be a lot more in control of my thoughts and emotions if I'd known how to better control them or simply let them go - I believe meditation and embarking on a journey of The Power of Personal Vibration will be my tools that will help me to slowly lower that handbrake before it's too late. I know one thing - I will never quit my goals, so I either complete the distance or blow-up the car (see metaphor above).

I was about to write an apologetic ending paragraph about lack of structure in this post, but considering my today's state of mind, it's the best I can do. As mentioned in the beginning of this thread - this is going to be a rough road...Today I wanna cry and would love to simply disappear - however, I am 100% convinced I will read this post in a few months time and realize that this emotionally tough moment was a crucial life lesson. The fight had just begun.

Thanks for following my journey - means more than you think.

You are going through a lot of changes right now. You're human. Forgive yourself. Change hurts. And it's hard in the beginning. Change is like pushing a car from a standstill. It takes a lot of effort until you get it rolling. Then it takes less effort. There's no I know that likes to be floundering with big changes. We only like to do what we do well. And newbies usually don't do those new things easily. They have a learning curve that includes a lot of failures. Who likes to fail?

The other thing is that you are dealing with your feelings by putting them in your emotional closet as far away from your life as possible. You're trying to stuff them down deep into yourself. That's when they grow into monsters that break down the walls of that self-built closet. There are consequences for pinning them up. You get weird chronic pains. You get ugly sick -- like your heart attack you're worried about. You lash out at the people who are closest to you. Give yourself 5 minutes to feel all of your feelings. Write them down. Look at them. Turn them over to see what you have failed to see. What do they really mean? Really let yourself feel them. You won't break. They are a message from the core of your being. Honor that message. Then decide what to do about it. How can you create plans and goals that honor you as a person? May times it takes a tweak -- not a u-turn, or a radical change.

Track your progress. The most life-changing quests are many times the smallest daily changes you make. I have major health problems since I was a teenager. I can't drink or eat a lot of things that others can. I know how you feel. I'm always the designated driver and the sober person at the parties who must pass up the goodies. (I just don't go to the parties most of the time -- I'd rather do something else.) I could sit and throw ashes on my head over it. But, what I focus on is the fact that I'm still here. And I'm healthier than many others around me that are my age. The longer you do it, the easier it is to keep on the program.

Hang in there. Work on yourself. Become the kind of person you would like to meet. That will make you attractive to a good woman. I married my friend and fishing buddy when I was 50 years old. And many years later, he's still my best friend and we're still married. He recently told me that I'm his whole world and he means every word.

Almantas · Aug 9, 2020

Back in the day when we still had rep bank some forum members inquired me why my balance was 0. I received a lot of rep points, but my balance stood at zero. The replies of this thread is an awesome explanation of this - everybody is so supportive and understanding that I never kept rep points to myself.

Although I have some friends and family members, none of them really understand what I'm going through. This forum is like a virtual family of mine.

Thanks all!

WJK · Aug 31, 2020

Fiftytwos said:
I just read through your whole thread and want to say I'm so proud of you! You're doing tremendous work on your mindset which is doing wonders for you in all departments! Your self talk has changed a lot from when you first started this thread, and its reflective of the changes you're making! Keep up the great work, you're building so much momentum that now you won't stop making more and more positive change. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your progress soon. Small consistent action every day far outweighs big one time actions with no follow up .

I sure agree with, "Small consistent action every day far outweighs big one time actions with no follow up". Those consistent actions are also known as habits. It's not just actions -- it also includes thought patterns & paradigms. Those daily habits either make or break your life.

ZF Lee · Jul 25, 2020

@Almantas, you are back!

Glad you are alright, even in your current state.
I smell it will be an absolutely great thread. We haven't had many such threads here the last few weeks.

Almantas said:
Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).

Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.

Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.

Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.

Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.

You might be surprised that I have encountered all five of these.
Except the drinking, though.

And these are more common than you think- even for college kids my age.
But that doesn't mean they aren't dangerous.

I'll share a few highlights of what I did to at least mitigate each of them.
Probably in your testings, you can either try them out or expand on them:

1. No sleep pattern.
I realised one of the reasons I actually delayed myself from going to bed, was because sleep felt boring to me.

So in order to go to bed at the right time, not only did I need to ensure my day's important workload was done- but also to ensure that sleeping was REWARDING to go to.

Not too rewarding until you overindulge in it.
Rewarding enough to just sleep and wake up right.

I would do as much work at night until 11pm-12am, then read something more gentle or listen to a sermon (only takes as short as 5 mins)...and then go to bed more ready for sleep.

Cause my brain was put in a more tired state, sleep seemed as great as water in a desert.

For waking up, I can wake up in two ways:
(a) Put the phone alarm near the bathroom so I can go in immediately for a cold shower.
(b) Get some clients texts around 7-8AM (so keep your networking and leads up!)

2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry person.
There are many reasons why you might feel these- but for myself, I felt these negative emotions very often, because I was afraid.

Afraid I wouldn't get what I want.
Afraid of missing out on something.
Afraid of failing to give what I promised to.

What I've found useful, was to work to eliminate the neediness that leads to these fears.

Example?
I was ranting on my progress thread yesterday about some shitty copywriting clients.

EXECUTION - ZF's progress thread

WARNING. LONG STORY AHEAD Alright, at first I was reluctant to share this because I hadn't seen the results I truly wanted. But I saw a few threads here at risk of action-fake, so I thought some balance is needed... Anyways... I went to a seminar. Paid, in the thousands. I didn't shell out...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

Yet, during the feedback sessions, I just explained my position very calmly, and even told them (politely) that I wasn't afraid of being fired.

After all, Upwork invites still hopped into my inbox, my profile visits were increasing, and I had my other email project to do.

While the other copywriter on the call was freaking out about intense deadlines, lack of info on the briefs, bla bla bla...

I cut out as much fear-bringing elements from the picture.

Result? I left the call with a request to do Facebook chatbot copy.

I used to rage at clients, threaten to cut them off immediately and so on...but this round, I just took on the DJ voice that Chris Voss advocated in Never Split The Difference.

There are more examples, but this one was very recent.

3. Junk Food.
If you can tackle the earlier two, one way or another, I suppose this issue will be a lot less serious.

In my case though, 'junk food' for me is basically 85% of cafe, restaurant or takeout food.
(if you dig down the rabbit hole on food prep methods, you'll know why)

The easiest thing I did was to replace the junk food with something healthier...some organic biscuits, chocolate (dark or has nuts...not just sugar), fruit and nuts...

Or I just have a cup of instant coffee, and it usually does the trick to cut off the urge for the rest of the day.

4. Spending about 80% of my time on Facebook
Two ways you can go about it:

(a) Make your time on FB USEFUL
I'm writing more Facebook ads and content marketing for clients these days, so not only do I check on my News Feed and competitors for angles and story leads, I also look at great content marketers and the Ads Library to build my brain.

You can take on work that touches on FB, so you can use FB time for something that at least earns you dough.

(b) Make your time on FB BOOORRIING or plain distasteful
As you are using a PC or phone to go on FB, I would suggest linking it to something very uncomfortable.

Example?

Having some picky clients ring me up on my phone now and then already makes me feel less comfortable about playing my phone all day long.

So I've come to associate my phone with work.

You can use other things, like accountability partners, anti-porn apps or paste Voldemort's armpit hair as the PC background to disassociate yourself from the device.

5. Procrastination.
For this, I think you can safely procrastinate....

IF you have turnkey systems, a stack of briefs or research notes or customer forums (as in my copywriting work) available on hand or other ready resources- so all you need to do is to just assemble stuff on the fly.

As for self-love and self-sabotage, keep meeting great people, as @sparechange mentioned.
Not just here on TFLF, but in church, meetups, etc.

You may run into weird folks, but for the most part, a good organization or 'tribe' whose values that MOST share would be able to replenish your emotional bank account.

Also, take care of your closest family around you.
Help them out, thank them, compliment them. They'll then be strong enough to support you as well.

Much of these things I suggested and did are iterations of James Clear's Atomic Habits.
You can also subscribe to the Altucher Confidential- the guy shares a lot of harsh episodes in his life, and what he did to counter them.

sparechange said:
Besides work, are there some hobbies you like to enjoy?

Besides reading Ben Settle's stuff (he keeps an entire stash of free emails on his blog- which are addictive to read), I like Minecraft haha.
Still need to finish a few houses for my desert village fort.

LordGanon · Aug 1, 2020

I don't want to make the impression I'm someone who has figured all of this out, yet, and don't want to play online therapist, but:

The way you write shows quite a lot about your perspective on things, and it is filled with anger and resentment towards yourself. Also, it seems like you're going through this self-imposed program like your own drill instructor. (Been in the military? Did you like the way you were treated? I didn't.)

While I can fully understand being unhappy with the situation and can only compliment you on acting on your desire for change: I don't think a lot will change about the way you feel unless you take a look at that. Achievements often can't cure that itch. And that will result in frustration, again.

I'm not trying to preach complacency (keep going!) but suggesting a little more compassion towards yourself.

.edit: I'm also saying that because I was in a similar situation the first time I quit the bottle. I was amazed what I could accomplish sober after feeling like a failure for years. But after a really big thing I crossed off my list - there was just this horrible feeling of "And now what?"

sparechange · Aug 16, 2020

Almantas said:
UPDATE NUMBER THREE

First of all, I would like to send a heartfelt appreciation to all who have already shared wisdom bombs in this thread - some of them I read like 3 times and took notes in order to drill some concepts deeper into my skull. I was expecting some activity in this thread, but I am simply amazed by generosity of this amazing community in terms of advise sharing and support. You all will make this trip a lot more smoother.

Imagine being blind for like 6 years and then all of a sudden wake up with a vision. Imagine not seeing colors for entire 6 years...and then, all of a sudden...seeing all of the amazing colors that surround you. This week was something comparable to this experience. I would personally label it as some form of enlightenment. Although I was aware of the information before, I didn't implement it...don't know why.

Ok, so beginning of week was somewhat tough. Monday and Tuesday I had one joint each evening - I felt upset and somewhat scared of what future will bring me. Felt like swimming across the lake and half-way considering to turn back and swim back to the shore. Until Wednesday...

What happened on Wednesday? I don't know. It was day as usual. Nothing special. It seemed.

I was lying in my bed thinking about my life. Contemplating about my negative emotions and why I am so sad/angry most of the time...I didn't look for answers. I was simply going deeper into myself and all of a sudden - Ding Ding Ding! Like a phone message I had been waiting for all those 6 years...

Most of my negative emotions can be attributed to my PERCEIVED failures in life. In my own terms, I failed to build a scaleable business and instead created a job for myself. In my own terms, I failed to build a body I would be proud of. In my own terms, I failed to find a girlfriend and build a solid foundation for my life. The list goes on and on...all of those PERCEIVED failures were like a rotten tomato still rotting in my mind and soul - I felt jealous of others and constantly mentally terrorized myself for those PERCEIVED failures...which resulted in excessive drinking and then smoking pot in order to lessen emotional pain and stop the bleeding of my soul for some time.

As @JordanK rightly pointed out - As soon as I managed to recharge 5% of my battery I set myself huge goals - I tried to compensate for PERCEIVED failures and lost time by killing my 6 year goals in 1 year...which resulted in extreme collapse. I was cutting my already bleeding soul even deeper. It was an insane lifestyle...constantly contemplating about suicide and feeling like a complete failure.

What I had personally realized, reminded me of our talk in real life with @Andy Black. Andy mentioned how he manages to accomplish big things by approaching situations with a calm and zen-like mindset (If I correctly understood his message). I realized exactly that...I always thought that by taking things in a calm and smooth manner I will be a loser and will not achieve greatness. I was blinded by all those quotes "sleep is for losers", "sleep when you dead", "100x your goals" or "hustle till you collapse".

I realized that in my own case, persistence is crucial. How can I remain persistent every-time I fail to reach my gigantic goals (imagine not being at the gym for a year and going straight to 150kg bench press)? In my case, it was impossible. So, I realized that if I took things smoothly...compounding effect will take care of the rest. Instead of trying to lift that 150kg, I should go to the gym and train gently with a 50kg barbell...eventually weights will increase, bit by bit I will reach that 150kg - and what's the best thing? With every incremental advancement I will feel more confident, happier and overall healthier...

Lessons from the previous week:

By slowing down, I can conserve my mental resources and go much more further in long term. Not to mention added benefits mentioned above.

Self-love is everything. Even if you moved only an inch further - be proud of that. Concentrate on persistence instead of achieving end goal. Process is a marathon, not a sprint.

Compounding effect is KING - have you spent entire month looking for product that nets you only €5 a day? How many products would you find in a year? 12. How much would that be? €60 a day and €1'800 a month. Even if you failed to improve product research strategies in one year's time (highly unlikely), you would expand your portfolio by another €1'800 a month - at the end of year two you would make €3'600 PROFIT every single month. I know, your products could be taken by other competitors (highly unlikely if you only make like 50c per product and sell like 10 a day), but this fictional story is only for comparison purposes - what can happen when you apply similar strategy to your life.

Results from previous week:

In terms of business, I hadn't done much. I just opened a Business Account and did some research. As mentioned, last week was extremely spiritual one - which will be a fuel for the following weeks.

Resisted temptation of drinking/smoking on Friday - instead, I borrowed a book from my friend about addictions and how to overcome them.

WENT TO THE GYM! Today is my second day since starting going to the gym. I will follow my own 75-day challenge: going to gym, reading at least 10 pages of non-fictional book a day and following Keto diet without a single bite of junk food.

Although I indulged in junk food eating Monday and Tuesday, I managed to pick myself up from Wednesday onwards and lost another 2kg. I stand at 118kg now. Should lose roughly 5kg more the following week.

Results from Friday's workout

View attachment 34484

Today's workout

View attachment 34485

Instead of killing myself with weights from day 1 - I applied principles and realizations mentioned above and made a treaty with myself to ONLY go for a walk/jog on a treadmill entire month for 1 hour. I HATE running/walking and don't have patience - therefore, this activity will not only help me lose unnecessary weight, but also strengthen my will and mindset in general. Not to mention the fact that I spend most of the time listening to audiobooks while training - so it's training/education time for me.

Goals for the following week:

Stick to Keto entire week and go to the gym entire time. This should result in dropping another 5kg and reaching a 113kg goal - if I succeed, I will have lost 10kg since starting this tread. Imagine losing a backpack of 10kg you had been carrying out entire time? Will feel amazing.

Finish Master's project for a customer and submit it on Monday.

Finish proofreading 2 websites for a customer of mine.

Prepare my older car for sale and put it online.

Order parts for my current car and finish the paint work (my friend will do this).

Finish 40% of my website - Home Page and Terms and Conditions.

My current goal is to get rid of those small tasks, so to free my mind for the bigger hunting goals - the website I am talking about can literally be my ticket to financial freedom, so it's of utmost importance.

LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR FOLLOWING/CONTRIBUTING TO MY JOURNEY <3

My advice on the fitness stuff (I just lost around 40 pounds) is don't be so strict on your diet, I know it sounds crazy but you will drive yourself insane without your usual eating habits. Don't go cold turkey and start making massive changes all of a sudden, it might work for some, but for us normal fat people food is to dam good. Instead look into intermittent fasting, personally I just skip breakfast and it's been quite helpful actually doing workouts on an empty stomach, might take you some time to get to that point, sometimes it makes me feel nauseous myself.

And don't go crazy with the gym stuff otherwise you will burn yourself out, 2-3x a week is all you need unless you are one of those people that enjoys the grind. I eat like total crap and still managed to drop a ton of weight, just wanted to throw that out there. It'll also be alot more fun if you start mountain biking or playing some sports instead of the gym thing.

Absolutely take a vow to not drink, booze alters all those fancy chemicals in your brain which I'd bet my life savings on is the root of all your negative emotions. While I'm not a drinker and consider myself a happy go lucky person, having a bottle of wine makes me question the purpose of even getting up the morning after.

If such a vow is a problem for you, then at the very least promise yourself to maybe a small portion set aside on the weekend as a ''toast'' and celebration to all the goals you've achieved for the week.

Try to cut out sugar slowly aswell, it can spike your dopamine levels up and cause you to crash, also if you drink coffee cut that out completely aswell, caffeine is a horrible drug.

Still feeling down?? Starve yourself for a whole day and visit your local homeless shelter, go eat there with all the broken souls there and listen to their stories, some people say not to compare yourself to others as it's the thief of joy, but I disagree.

All the best!

Almantas · Jul 25, 2020

I am overwhelmed by the support of this amazing community - I would like to express sincere appreciation for advice and support! <3 You will make this journey a lot more enjoyable.

WJK · Aug 1, 2020

Almantas said:
Update Number 1

I realized something very important last week - instead of hunting my bad habits one by one, I should concentrate on a chain reaction and identify habits that cause it. For instance: My addiction to Facebook and endless scrolling chews significant amount of time every day - which results in going to bed late at night hence waking up at lunch time. In addition, Facebook addiction results in minimal hours spent on building a business and feeling awful for this and other related reasons (jealousy comparing my worse life moments to highlights of those people living IN Facebook).

Therefore, last week I bought a new phone and didn't install Facebook, WhatsApp or other apps. Result? Instead of dreading to lose potential clients, I am now feeling much more in control of my life and emotions; of course, result is minimal, but moving forward is moving forward.

Last week could be labelled 'Divorce from Facebook Addiction' - I am now going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, which helps me complete more work and feel better about myself.

Completed this week:

Analyzed competitor's website and their so-called marketing strategy.

Purchased a new business name + ordered virtual office + purchased a freephone.

Moved one giant step towards a full divorce from Facebook addiction.

Completed few copy-writing projects (my day job I created for my self) I was dreading so much about.

Goals for the next week:

Start going to gym from Monday (I haven't been there for like 5 months - this is a big one).

Remain on Keto entire week without a single cheat - first giant workout for my willpower.

Wake-up at 6am and go to bed at 12am every single day - another test for a willpower.

Following week will be a tough one (I am being positive already) - therefore, I will concentrate my entire willpower on these changes. Due to my so-called chain reaction, here are the potential benefits these changes will create:

Going to gym will be a first step towards not only losing weight, but regaining muscle. This will help me build self-esteem, which will result in better overall mood - this should translate into more positiveness when building business/writing projects. These are just some of the benefits of this single change.

By going Keto full-time, I will begin a journey towards immense weight-loss (goal is to lose roughly 30-40kg). Seeing scales going down will inject more self-belief, which will create more benefits - most of them mentioned already in points made above.

Waking up and going to bed at the same time will result in getting more stuff done and feeling more in control of my life - this should push my self-belief further and help me complete more stuff in the same week.

Important finding: Never regret of your past lessons. Yeah, I could have launched my business when I was 20 - by now I should have probably been a millionaire or at least built a more powerful skill-set. Following this belief is like throwing another $100 only because you lost $10 on a wrong bet.

You're sure taking a lot all at once. Can you concentrate on all that at the same time? I'm changing my life too... Only in baby steps.

About three months ago, I achieved a major component of a goal that I've been working on for 35 years. I achieved another major component of that goal 2 weeks ago. I got the closing papers in the mail yesterday. And I'm within shooting range for finishing that goal totally within the next few months.

What was this goal????? I have wanted to be debt-free for all of those 35 years and I've worked very hard at it. Being debt-free is tough to do for a business person with real estate holdings. I've had horrible setbacks time and time again. Stuff happened -- like recessions, riots, fires, deaths, business failures, and other disasters. And then there were those deals and opportunities I just couldn't pass up... I've needed working capital at times and had to go back to the lending well several times to make things happen. Yes, some of these events were my choice. Some were not. But, the bottom line is that I am totally responsible for ALL of my actions and reactions.

Am I happier? That's the funny part. Not yet. I have been wrestling with the fatalist thought that maybe I wasted those years on chasing that debt-free goal -- while the people around me were out having a good time. I counter that thought with the reality that I'm in a better place today than they are money-wise.

We still pinch pennies out of a lifetime habit of making assets stretch. I don't have anyone left to impress these days. If my husband and I want something, we can go out and buy it. Most of the time we simply don't want more stuff. We come to the conclusion that we don't want to be owned by our stuff... All the while, I'm watching the people around me pinch pennies out of necessity with a sense of desperate scarcity. That graphic picture reminds me of why I struggled with my goal for all of those years.

We're busy "downsizing" our life by selling, giving, and throwing away everything that we no longer need or are using. One of my baby steps is to get rid of, or clean-up, one thing every day. Yesterday I canceled a whole bunch of domain names that I no longer need. (The business fell apart this last spring. Thankfully before I put too much money into it and the virus started. Oh well. Next!) And I counted those cancellations as my daily win in my log. Last week we sold some heavy equipment that we aren't using anymore. The buyer's mover came with the 18 wheeler semi-truck and picked them up. Today, I'll take a pile of discarded boxes over to the transfer site for recycling. It doesn't take a big win to make my daily log -- just something to add my list.

Anyway, my point is that change takes time -- lots of time for some goals. And I don't try to do too much all at once or make huge changes. I tend to get lost in the process. I take it just one small baby step at a time, done consistently day after day. If I fail for a day, it's not the end of the world. I can double up the next day and make up for my omission without it hurting too much. I find a week to be too long to concentrate. It's overwhelming. And I really am that busy... I know that sounds dumb, but I break down my goal pursuits to one small win, one day at a time. Grand jesters only work for me over the long haul.

WJK · Aug 1, 2020

LordGanon said:
I don't want to make the impression I'm someone who has figured all of this out, yet, and don't want to play online therapist, but:

The way you write shows quite a lot about your perspective on things, and it is filled with anger and resentment towards yourself. Also, it seems like you're going through this self-imposed program like your own drill instructor. (Been in the military? Did you like the way you were treated? I didn't.)

While I can fully understand being unhappy with the situation and can only compliment you on acting on your desire for change: I don't think a lot will change about the way you feel unless you take a look at that. Achievements often can't cure that itch. And that will result in frustration, again.

I'm not trying to preach complacency (keep going!) but suggesting a little more compassion towards yourself.

.edit: I'm also saying that because I was in a similar situation the first time I quit the bottle. I was amazed what I could accomplish sober after feeling like a failure for years. But after a really big thing I crossed off my list - there was just this horrible feeling of "And now what?"

You're right. I agree with you. Self-punishing is counterproductive. Be gentle and kind to yourself. It works much better.

And I have also struggled with the after-hyper-achievement-moments. When you have been to the top of the mountain, what do you do then? It's that "'And now what?' let-down feeling" that you cited. How can you ever top your past? Where do you find new meaning and direction? Can you find another mountain to climb that will give you the same level of acknowledged accomplishment? Do you have the grit to make another run at a new all-consuming goal? What if you fail this time? What if you just quit? If you do quit, can you live with yourself?

There are many layers and levels of success. Each step in your climb has its own challenges.

LordGanon · Aug 9, 2020

Almantas said:
Update Number 2

...

Once again: Language is a dead giveaway. Watch the way you think about things. Your inner monologue defines the way you perceive things and therefore has a heavy impact on your mood. Therefore: Good that you're starting meditation. There's only three books I can recommend on the topic (there's so much garbage on the market and YouTube): "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa (which will probably float your boat more than my other suggestions, it's written by a practicioner who is also a neuroscientist), "Eight Lectures on Yoga" by Aleister Crowley (who really broke down what it is actually about for a Westerner) and the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali (the one and only original).

1. You hit SOME goals this week, which is quite an achievement in comparison to what happened before. And you DID start, which puts you ahead of the vast majority of people. Can't see failure in that.

2. Either rat them out or simply don't care about it. I know these people, too, and have a distinct hatred for a bunch of them. Just how does this affect YOU? Through taxes, maybe. Other than that: Not at all, unless you think about it. It's because you perceive it as unfair that they get something you want without putting in the work you do. Show pride in the work - not the money. There's always going to be leeches (and these people certainly aren't the parasites you should REALLY care about, there's bigger mosquitos to squat).

3. Can't help with that one. Got the same problem.

4. Women, women, women. I know I'm supposed to keep the locker talk to a minimum, but I had to feed some harsh truth to a friend yesterday, which I am going to feed you now, too. Women will NOT make you happy. In most cases, women will be the reason you're UNHAPPY. Sure, everything's great and gloomy for a few weeks. But more often than not, they won't enrich your life to a degree that justifies the degree to which they make your life more complicated. To their defense: It's not their responsibility to make you happy.

See: I thought I had finally found the one woman who was honest and kind and loyal (and that she was, she stood with me through my alcoholism). Until two weeks ago when she cheated on me with her ex-husband. Personally, I don't mind if my women sleep around. But I hate being lied to. The only thing I'd have to be sure about is that if I land in the hospital, I can give them as my emergency contact and can trust them with that. And honestly: I'd never give a woman, I always give my best friend and my sister.

I don't get what all the fuzz is about. I used to need women to feel validated. After a few dozen of them, I realized none of them would ever make me feel whole. That is MY responsibility.

I don't even blame women for the shit they pull. They do what mother nature programmed them to do: Select the genetic optimum for possible offspring and partners who are successful in the evolutionary landscape and therefore can provide for said offspring. It becomes kinda sad when they get into the years when they are not even that fertile anymore and still think of themselves as some kind of goddess and actually don't bring that much to the table. Same goes for men who think of themselves as the pinnacle of evolution.

"But women are more than looks and fertility!", I hear you shout. They indeed are. But if I don't want to sleep with them or have children with them, I can just be friends with them.

I'm totally PRO being romantic, but at some point, some realism is actually helpful. And I'm pretty sure that the woman you're looking for doesn't exist. Not in the long run.

So you've got a choice: Give up chasing women and focus on yourself, which is what I'd suggest you do, because a woman is not the panacea for quality of life. Or change what you expect from a relationship, but still feel horrible after things go south because hormones are hormones and people are people.

To cut it short: You're not attracting toxic women to yourself. You're attracting women. By the way, this here is a perfect summary of the endless cycle of relationships:

Generally, about your mental state:

You quit alcohol. I don't know how much you have consumed, but even a moderate drinker who has only had a few drinks once needs about 21 days to reach his former level of dopamine. I can tell you from experience that you'll notice a lot of differences even months later. This process takes time. The only way to speed it up is a sports regimen and everything else that contributes to neuroplasticity because your brain needs to rewire.

Also, cut the Mary Jane. It's a bad habit. I'm totally pro legalization. But in the end, pot makes people stupid and lazy. Potheads will tell you that it makes them inspired and active. No, it doesn't. They are potheads. There's nothing wrong about a joint from time to time. But there's something wrong about a joint from time to time when you're depressed. Period. That shit doesn't help with that. Glaucoma, back pain, headaches, menstrual problems, whatever, ok. But not depression.

And now, Ad Astra!

Photool · Aug 12, 2020

Almantas said:
Being a prisoner of my own negative emotions my entire life.

Thank you for sharing and taking a moment to introspect.

It fascinates me how we all hold both the prison cell and the keys to the prison cell - the one that gets chosen determines the quality and reflection of our life.

WJK · Aug 16, 2020

Almantas said:
UPDATE NUMBER THREE

First of all, I would like to send a heartfelt appreciation to all who have already shared wisdom bombs in this thread - some of them I read like 3 times and took notes in order to drill some concepts deeper into my skull. I was expecting some activity in this thread, but I am simply amazed by generosity of this amazing community in terms of advise sharing and support. You all will make this trip a lot more smoother.

Imagine being blind for like 6 years and then all of a sudden wake up with a vision. Imagine not seeing colors for entire 6 years...and then, all of a sudden...seeing all of the amazing colors that surround you. This week was something comparable to this experience. I would personally label it as some form of enlightenment. Although I was aware of the information before, I didn't implement it...don't know why.

Ok, so beginning of week was somewhat tough. Monday and Tuesday I had one joint each evening - I felt upset and somewhat scared of what future will bring me. Felt like swimming across the lake and half-way considering to turn back and swim back to the shore. Until Wednesday...

What happened on Wednesday? I don't know. It was day as usual. Nothing special. It seemed.

I was lying in my bed thinking about my life. Contemplating about my negative emotions and why I am so sad/angry most of the time...I didn't look for answers. I was simply going deeper into myself and all of a sudden - Ding Ding Ding! Like a phone message I had been waiting for all those 6 years...

Most of my negative emotions can be attributed to my PERCEIVED failures in life. In my own terms, I failed to build a scaleable business and instead created a job for myself. In my own terms, I failed to build a body I would be proud of. In my own terms, I failed to find a girlfriend and build a solid foundation for my life. The list goes on and on...all of those PERCEIVED failures were like a rotten tomato still rotting in my mind and soul - I felt jealous of others and constantly mentally terrorized myself for those PERCEIVED failures...which resulted in excessive drinking and then smoking pot in order to lessen emotional pain and stop the bleeding of my soul for some time.

As @JordanK rightly pointed out - As soon as I managed to recharge 5% of my battery I set myself huge goals - I tried to compensate for PERCEIVED failures and lost time by killing my 6 year goals in 1 year...which resulted in extreme collapse. I was cutting my already bleeding soul even deeper. It was an insane lifestyle...constantly contemplating about suicide and feeling like a complete failure.

What I had personally realized, reminded me of our talk in real life with @Andy Black. Andy mentioned how he manages to accomplish big things by approaching situations with a calm and zen-like mindset (If I correctly understood his message). I realized exactly that...I always thought that by taking things in a calm and smooth manner I will be a loser and will not achieve greatness. I was blinded by all those quotes "sleep is for losers", "sleep when you dead", "100x your goals" or "hustle till you collapse".

I realized that in my own case, persistence is crucial. How can I remain persistent every-time I fail to reach my gigantic goals (imagine not being at the gym for a year and going straight to 150kg bench press)? In my case, it was impossible. So, I realized that if I took things smoothly...compounding effect will take care of the rest. Instead of trying to lift that 150kg, I should go to the gym and train gently with a 50kg barbell...eventually weights will increase, bit by bit I will reach that 150kg - and what's the best thing? With every incremental advancement I will feel more confident, happier and overall healthier...

Lessons from the previous week:

By slowing down, I can conserve my mental resources and go much more further in long term. Not to mention added benefits mentioned above.

Self-love is everything. Even if you moved only an inch further - be proud of that. Concentrate on persistence instead of achieving end goal. Process is a marathon, not a sprint.

Compounding effect is KING - have you spent entire month looking for product that nets you only €5 a day? How many products would you find in a year? 12. How much would that be? €60 a day and €1'800 a month. Even if you failed to improve product research strategies in one year's time (highly unlikely), you would expand your portfolio by another €1'800 a month - at the end of year two you would make €3'600 PROFIT every single month. I know, your products could be taken by other competitors (highly unlikely if you only make like 50c per product and sell like 10 a day), but this fictional story is only for comparison purposes - what can happen when you apply similar strategy to your life.

Results from previous week:

In terms of business, I hadn't done much. I just opened a Business Account and did some research. As mentioned, last week was extremely spiritual one - which will be a fuel for the following weeks.

Resisted temptation of drinking/smoking on Friday - instead, I borrowed a book from my friend about addictions and how to overcome them.

WENT TO THE GYM! Today is my second day since starting going to the gym. I will follow my own 75-day challenge: going to gym, reading at least 10 pages of non-fictional book a day and following Keto diet without a single bite of junk food.

Although I indulged in junk food eating Monday and Tuesday, I managed to pick myself up from Wednesday onwards and lost another 2kg. I stand at 118kg now. Should lose roughly 5kg more the following week.

Results from Friday's workout

View attachment 34484

Today's workout

View attachment 34485

Instead of killing myself with weights from day 1 - I applied principles and realizations mentioned above and made a treaty with myself to ONLY go for a walk/jog on a treadmill entire month for 1 hour. I HATE running/walking and don't have patience - therefore, this activity will not only help me lose unnecessary weight, but also strengthen my will and mindset in general. Not to mention the fact that I spend most of the time listening to audiobooks while training - so it's training/education time for me.

Goals for the following week:

Stick to Keto entire week and go to the gym entire time. This should result in dropping another 5kg and reaching a 113kg goal - if I succeed, I will have lost 10kg since starting this tread. Imagine losing a backpack of 10kg you had been carrying out entire time? Will feel amazing.

Finish Master's project for a customer and submit it on Monday.

Finish proofreading 2 websites for a customer of mine.

Prepare my older car for sale and put it online.

Order parts for my current car and finish the paint work (my friend will do this).

Finish 40% of my website - Home Page and Terms and Conditions.

My current goal is to get rid of those small tasks, so to free my mind for the bigger hunting goals - the website I am talking about can literally be my ticket to financial freedom, so it's of utmost importance.

LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR FOLLOWING/CONTRIBUTING TO MY JOURNEY <3

Remember, if you slip up, it's not a total failure -- it's being human. Forgive yourself. You can get back on the horse and continue on your journey. Don't quit! You don't have to 100% right to still give yourself an A in your self-imposed routine. Small regular wins add up to be huge accomplishments.

WJK · Aug 23, 2020

Almantas said:
UPDATE NUMBER FOUR

If anyone had told me four weeks ago (prior to commencing this thread) that I would feel the way I feel now, if I followed certain actions - I would have ignored them at best. Although it seems like a short amount of time, changes are insane. For some, this update will sound a bit too religious - having promised complete transparency, I will proceed.

As indicated in my previous updates, Update Number One, Two and even to some extent Three were relatively turbulent. It was extremely uncomfortable. Felt unnatural. This week, something very strange had happened. Last Sunday, I was lying on my bed and contemplating about the purpose of my life...I knew I am finally on the right track, but felt lost in many ways. I am not religious in a traditional way, but believe there's a source of energy up there, which is part of us - as weird as it sounds, I also believe that our thoughts transfer some form of a frequency, which that 'energy form from above' understands in some way. I told you, it will get crazy. So, lying on my bed, I closed my eyes and from a deepest part of my heart sent a 'thought message' straight up there, directly to that energy form, some people call God. I didn't ask to make things easy - I simply asked to provide me with tools, so I can strengthen myself emotionally, spiritually, physically...I want to become someone I couldn't have dreamed of becoming. In exchange, I promised to assist that 'source of energy' here on earth in any way I could - In order to do so, I asked to send me any sort of a message that my assistance is needed and I will do my best to make it happen.

I BELIEVED 100% that transaction was made. In some strange way, I felt relieved. Assured. I hit the sack and...next morning woke up at 7am extremely motivated. Ok, I started completing tasks I had delayed in the past - during that day I performed like 200/300% better than when I was depressed... Tuesday was similar - woke up at like 6:30 and completed insane amount of work (comparing to what I could have done like 4 weeks ago), Wednesday as well...Thursday - I completed almost entire week's work in that single day! Friday...again...insane performance. And what's the best part? Although I still feel those negative emotions from time to time - jealousy, comparing myself to others, etc. - every time such emotion starts polluting my mind, 'something' smoothly eliminates it from my mind and changes it into something positive...it's weird...very weird. I don't know maybe it's related to changes in diet, routine, etc. - I know only one thing for sure - it's awesome!

I'm no David Goggins yet, but I had just started crawling out of my death bed. So, I wouldn't compare his current progress with my recovery. Instead, I compare me with myself and look at guys like Goggins and other performance athletes for inspiration and motivation. I know I will get there sooner rather than later. I feel like that Lambo handbrake (mentioned in previous threads) is finally down.

Accomplishments from a previous week:

1. Completed like 70% of client orders that were due in a very short amount of time.
2. Created multiple posters and business cards for my freelance research and copy-writing business.
3. Registered a new business name that correlates to my brand (main business).
4. Went to gym 5 days - each session consisted of more than one hour of jogging, more than 500kcals burned each session.
5. No junk food entire week.
6. Currently stand at 115kg - Lost about 10kg since starting this thread.

Goals for the following week:

1. Complete x2 business plans (for clients).
2. Complete entire website from scratch (for a client).
3. Complete any small gigs I get (no more waiting times).
4. Go to gym at least 5 days a week.
5. Stick to Keto diet all week.
6. Wake-up at 6:30 every single morning - this is one of the biggest challenges.

IMPORTANT: I would like to appreciate everyone for contributing to this thread. Although I do not reply to each and every of you, I take detailed notes and feel extremely thrilled knowing so many of you share your personal experiences and suggestions of what may help me. I take detailed notes, experiment and then decide what works best. So, HUGE THANK YOU!

LESS IMPORTANT: Apologies for lack of structure and some grammatical errors, I never edit my posts, unless it involves structured arguments, which then require double and triple-checking. As long as you get my message - it's all that I care about!

Love you all

Now, build in some quiet moments and breaks in your day so you don't burn out... Sprint and rest. Sprint and rest...

Fiftytwos · Aug 31, 2020

I just read through your whole thread and want to say I'm so proud of you! You're doing tremendous work on your mindset which is doing wonders for you in all departments! Your self talk has changed a lot from when you first started this thread, and its reflective of the changes you're making! Keep up the great work, you're building so much momentum that now you won't stop making more and more positive change. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your progress soon. Small consistent action every day far outweighs big one time actions with no follow up

.

Almantas · Sep 12, 2020

UPDATE NUMBER FIVE

This week was somewhat chaotic in terms of workload - I wasn't able to work on my business at all due to a relatively high workload coming from various gigs. Although they are my source of income at the moment, something deep down inside of me feels very bad and even depressed - feeling as if I am getting too distracted by following breadcrumbs. Difficult to explain in proper terms.

Goals Reached:

1/5 - on the surface it looks as if I have performance issues, which is not completely true. Instead, although I set goals which I honestly intend to follow - I get too distracted by side-gigs coming from various clients (I do not advertise my services anymore). Also, I religiously followed keto diet and went to gym 5 times a week - I lost another few KGs and measurements from all over the body, such as waist, hips and so on. In terms of confidence levels, I am feeling a bit better than the previous week, which is great.

Lessons Learned:

I plan a lot and strategize yet don't have a solid schedule. I still wake up whenever (about 7-ish AM) and do whatever tasks drop on my desk. This lack of structure in my life is literally killing me. Although I make plans to execute on my business, always something gets in my way and I get distracted. This is a good thing, as I make some money - this provides peace of mind knowing I am generating income. Yet, its cost could be a lot bigger in terms of lost opportunities by ignoring my main business and potential financial and emotional benefits it could deliver.

So, having proper schedule is of a critical importance - yet being flexible is also important. So, I have to somehow work out a solution for following a strict schedule yet being flexible when it comes to small gigs that require a small chunk of my daily time.

Another big thing - I always request a payment for a work completed AFTER it is delivered to the customer. I have been operating like this for almost two years now - initially, I had an excuse - most people didn't know me, so I had to take risks in order to build credibility. Now, most customers come from referrals, yet I am still following the same strategy. What's wrong with this? A LOT. I pour my heart and soul into each gig and most customers have to be chased for payment - c'mon it takes you 4 days to check a damn e-mail? You forgot to make a payment? What else? An alien abduction? Sure, money matters a lot - but with every lie and missed payment I feel as if my soul is being torn apart...I feel terrible, I know I should work on controlling this - yet better solution would be to simply take a deposit or a full payment for smaller gigs - something I will implement from next week onwards.

Another big thing - my pricing is still the same as it was two years ago when the quality of my work was much lower. Many clients ask me why I am underpricing and undervaluing myself. It's because of lack of self-esteem and belief that I am not worth much. This sucks. Terribly. This results in being hesitant when it comes to requesting an up-front payment and raising my prices slightly, so it corresponds to the value customers get. A slight 10/20% raise in pricing could in fact result in more customers, as people tend to think higher pricing relates to higher quality - this could be my marketing tool in itself then.

As a result of missed update, I am not going to set following week's goals - I will post an update from the previous week in a minute. It would feel weird setting goals, knowing how my previous week went, lol. Following update will be one of my toughest so far.

BellaPippin · Sep 13, 2020

HERE COMES THE THERAPY TRAIN, CHOO CHOO~

Go to therapy. You've got all I had, plus the alcohol. I never got there, instead I skipped straight to suicidal ideation. I'm gonna happily say I'm in remission, though idk how long it is to be "official". It's been 7 weeks according to my doctor with stable updates. Like you, I'm always high functioning, I myself only know what happens when I have a crisis. It stays behind doors. It's ugly. Uuuugly. Here's the reason. Just like me, you have the self-awareness, and you have the introspection to work things out. HOWEVER. It plays against you because like you said you have unresolved issues that pretty much tint your view of the world around you. On the science end, all your thoughts are second nature and are carved like my hair side part.

The following is a bit of an hyperbole but all these goals and accountability and trying to be productive and basing your worth based on how many things you cross out doesn't treat the root of the problem.

Your number #1 mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go tell all these things to a professional counselor and have your thoughts challenged, over and over and over again, each session.

You say "I didn't get to do this/I've remembered the horrible thought of people leaving me/I skipped gym today"

And they answer "but what did you accomplish today?" "what did your support system told you?"

"Meh I did one business plan" "They told me to take it easy, eat healthy" - you say.

"One business plan? Was the client happy?"

"Yes"

"Then why are you thinking about what you didn't accomplish?

The 50th time thoughts get challenged something starts to sink in, and your pattern of thoughts start opening up. I can't make justice to my experience of going in and having every F*cking thing I complained or felt bad about rebutted, and instead being reminded of all the things I've done well so far. It's cool to make lists yourself and stuff but there's something about it when you go and they're like "dude, you did this, this, and this...do you know how awesome that is? do you know how many people can't even write a resume?" They take the shitty sunglasses off and put you right there with everyone. Just as worthy, just as lovable, just because you exist. And to top it off, a swift reminder of all the things you've done well, that you obviously don't think about bc your brain prefers to think like a douche.

I highly encourage you to compliment what you are doing to go just talk about the week to a therapist. You won't regret it. It's the tool you're missing, no joke. I used to do once a week/twice a month depending on mood at first, last few months I'm down to one a month, maybe one every other month. My journaling/regular brain dump helps a lot and my negative self talk is controlled.

Don't get me wrong, I'm kind of a volcano person, but as long as the negative self talk is controlled, the whole thing is controlled.

WJK · Aug 9, 2020

LordGanon said:
Once again: Language is a dead giveaway. Watch the way you think about things. Your inner monologue defines the way you perceive things and therefore has a heavy impact on your mood. Therefore: Good that you're starting meditation. There's only three books I can recommend on the topic (there's so much garbage on the market and YouTube): "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa (which will probably float your boat more than my other suggestions, it's written by a practicioner who is also a neuroscientist), "Eight Lectures on Yoga" by Aleister Crowley (who really broke down what it is actually about for a Westerner) and the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali (the one and only original).

1. You hit SOME goals this week, which is quite an achievement in comparison to what happened before. And you DID start, which puts you ahead of the vast majority of people. Can't see failure in that.

2. Either rat them out or simply don't care about it. I know these people, too, and have a distinct hatred for a bunch of them. Just how does this affect YOU? Through taxes, maybe. Other than that: Not at all, unless you think about it. It's because you perceive it as unfair that they get something you want without putting in the work you do. Show pride in the work - not the money. There's always going to be leeches (and these people certainly aren't the parasites you should REALLY care about, there's bigger mosquitos to squat).

3. Can't help with that one. Got the same problem.

4. Women, women, women. I know I'm supposed to keep the locker talk to a minimum, but I had to feed some harsh truth to a friend yesterday, which I am going to feed you now, too. Women will NOT make you happy. In most cases, women will be the reason you're UNHAPPY. Sure, everything's great and gloomy for a few weeks. But more often than not, they won't enrich your life to a degree that justifies the degree to which they make your life more complicated. To their defense: It's not their responsibility to make you happy.

See: I thought I had finally found the one woman who was honest and kind and loyal (and that she was, she stood with me through my alcoholism). Until two weeks ago when she cheated on me with her ex-husband. Personally, I don't mind if my women sleep around. But I hate being lied to. The only thing I'd have to be sure about is that if I land in the hospital, I can give them as my emergency contact and can trust them with that. And honestly: I'd never give a woman, I always give my best friend and my sister.

I don't get what all the fuzz is about. I used to need women to feel validated. After a few dozen of them, I realized none of them would ever make me feel whole. That is MY responsibility.

I don't even blame women for the shit they pull. They do what mother nature programmed them to do: Select the genetic optimum for possible offspring and partners who are successful in the evolutionary landscape and therefore can provide for said offspring. It becomes kinda sad when they get into the years when they are not even that fertile anymore and still think of themselves as some kind of goddess and actually don't bring that much to the table. Same goes for men who think of themselves as the pinnacle of evolution.

"But women are more than looks and fertility!", I hear you shout. They indeed are. But if I don't want to sleep with them or have children with them, I can just be friends with them.

I'm totally PRO being romantic, but at some point, some realism is actually helpful. And I'm pretty sure that the woman you're looking for doesn't exist. Not in the long run.

So you've got a choice: Give up chasing women and focus on yourself, which is what I'd suggest you do, because a woman is not the panacea for quality of life. Or change what you expect from a relationship, but still feel horrible after things go south because hormones are hormones and people are people.

To cut it short: You're not attracting toxic women to yourself. You're attracting women. By the way, this here is a perfect summary of the endless cycle of relationships:

Generally, about your mental state:

You quit alcohol. I don't know how much you have consumed, but even a moderate drinker who has only had a few drinks once needs about 21 days to reach his former level of dopamine. I can tell you from experience that you'll notice a lot of differences even months later. This process takes time. The only way to speed it up is a sports regimen and everything else that contributes to neuroplasticity because your brain needs to rewire.

Also, cut the Mary Jane. It's a bad habit. I'm totally pro legalization. But in the end, pot makes people stupid and lazy. Potheads will tell you that it makes them inspired and active. No, it doesn't. They are potheads. There's nothing wrong about a joint from time to time. But there's something wrong about a joint from time to time when you're depressed. Period. That shit doesn't help with that. Glaucoma, back pain, headaches, menstrual problems, whatever, ok. But not depression.

And now, Ad Astra!

I was going to respond to what you said about women. But, then I realized that you would have no frame of reference. I wish you well and an expanded view of the man/women thing. A good relationship can mean the world to you and your life. The sign we have over our bed says, "Marriage is having a sleepover with your best friend every night." I hope someday you can have that kind of relationship.

You're right about the weed. It's legal where I live, but it makes people so passive that they waste away their lives doing nothing important. Usually, they don't even bother to show up -- even when they need to take care of business. And, it gives people the munchies for everything that they shouldn't eat.

Alcohol is interesting as an outsider looking in. I watch people who drink. Many people think that they are OK -- until they quit. And it does take a long time for it to clear their systems -- months and sometimes years. You're right. I've never met anyone who feels good when they stop drinking until they've been sober for a while. It also depends on when they started drinking. Young people and teens stop growing up. It takes a couple of years for them to really start catching up. Some keep drinking and never do. (We're dealing with one of those right now -- my assistant's exhusband. He's less mature than her teenage sons.) And it makes it hard for everyone. And it sure doesn't mix with business...

Ing · Aug 9, 2020

Dont smoke weed, when you re down.
Put training shoes on and run! 45 minutes!
The result for you is the same. Only its not a shortcut.
And you will get your weight problem under control, too!

Keep on rocking!

WJK · Aug 11, 2020

Photool said:
@Almantas - What is worse that death? From your experience and recent learning lessons if you were to summarize a succinct sentence of whats worse than death, what would it be?

Dying doesn't scare me. Living, without being to care for me, is terrifying.

Almantas · Aug 12, 2020

Photool said:
@Almantas - What is worse that death? From your experience and recent learning lessons if you were to summarize a succinct sentence of whats worse than death, what would it be?

Being a prisoner of my own negative emotions my entire life.

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