I think the way you start is terrible.

In my case, if I would try to establish a connection with a direct consumer, I might go that route of being funny/chill. But when establishing a connection with other businesses, I think you will be better off by sounding more professional.

 

I was sent on a training about cold calls for a job I had in the past. What we did was send out an email first and then call to follow up. We created a script with a few bullet points that we need to mention during the conversation, just as a helping hand, because sometimes when you're in a call you forget about every single thing you need to cover.

We were taught a few tactics which I can't recall right now, but I do remember that you need to stay in control of the conversation. Don't put yourself in positions where they can easily brush you off. Especially in the beginning, if you start with "Do you have some time?" they will most likely say no because you're immediately giving them the opportunity. Instead start with something like "I'd like to discuss ____ with you for a minute". If they can't talk at the moment, make sure to set an exact time when you should call back. I hated that project.

Another tip is to present your services as a solution and not an offer. Example: Instead of "I can help you increase...." use something like "My/This strategy will increase your....".