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Thoughts on Marriage/Kids and the Fastlane dream

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Darkside

Bronze Contributor
Jul 4, 2010
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San Diego
Well this is just MHO, but if you think its the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, thats pretty much all you need to know.

Im divorced. My first wife was a bitch. All she wanted was to keep up with the Jones'. Debt and more debt, with lots of fighting and arguments. A miserable 3 years because we fought about money all the time. We even had seperate accounts, at her request. NOTHING worked. And I wound up bankrupt for it.

Now Im doing fine. My (current and last) wife and I started with nothing, literally. We had 3 kids, living on about $20k a year, and had to take WIC, food stamps, and government housing. She stuck with me, through the worst. Now we are doing good, and I have a shot at making alot of money. Together we make about $60k a year now, so we arent rich, but Im in the middle of a deal that has the potential to be huge. And Im always working on other ideas. We dont fight, or argue. Sure there are spats, when money is tight, because stress is high. And I will say its tough convincing her we need to take money from our personal account for this venture, when we have bills to pay. But she helps me work it out. And thats what its all about. If you have to fight about money, or sign pre-numptuals, or keep secrets, you already on the wrong track.

I never worry about her leaving when we start making alot of money. If she stuck around through all that, shes happy.



This is the major problem that I see with marriage. Once you tie the knot, most women will feel that they can decide how you should spend your money; it's no longer possible for you to just go out and spend it however you like; you have to get her permission first or else there will be arguments.

This hinders fastlane progress in my opinion, because an entrepreneur will sometimes need to go to hungry or without buying nice things to make their dream a reality and if your wife or husband is not on the same boat, then you're screwed. So, yes if you can find a woman or man who shares the same mindset, marriage can work but if not then you're shackled.
 
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xmartel

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Guys,
What is your thoughts on getting married and having kids while trying to build your business at the same time? Is it a positive or a negative? I'm struggling with this idea right now because I left my corporate job last year and started an online business which is doing well enough for me to travel and have complete freedom. I'm nowhere near a millionaire yet but I know that I can be in a few years if I follow my plan.

During my travels, I met a girl and things are getting more serious and I'm wondering what you guys think about this for those of you who have experienced it. I know MJ isn't married nor does he have kids, but does that mean its a bad thing to do if you want this lifestyle?

I just made a comment on another thread with the same topic.

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/ge.../32973-have-have-not-marriage.html#post169921

Short answer, it's love, you have to follow your heart.
 
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DrummerDad

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Apr 8, 2011
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This is the major problem that I see with marriage. Once you tie the knot, most women will feel that they can decide how you should spend your money; it's no longer possible for you to just go out and spend it however you like; you have to get her permission first or else there will be arguments.

This hinders fastlane progress in my opinion, because an entrepreneur will sometimes need to go to hungry or without buying nice things to make their dream a reality and if your wife or husband is not on the same boat, then you're screwed. So, yes if you can find a woman or man who shares the same mindset, marriage can work but if not then you're shackled.



I guess if you view it as a problem, then it is. I think its perspective. My family has always been blue collar, and I have no rich relatives. So I have noone to talk to about the process. I literally dont know anyone who is as successful as I want to be. And anytime I try and talk to them its the same old " just be happy with what you have" or "thats not going to work", so my wife is the sounding board. She listens, and helps me stay focussed. And she sees things that I might miss, because Im doing everything else for the company. She really helps me stay on track.

Maybe it would be easier without the bills, and responsibility. And if you view a wife and children as a brake that slows you down, then you should avoid them. But my wife an kids are the reason I get up in the morning, and they mean everything to me. If I had to choose between money and them, I would be broke. But I dont have to do that. And I certainly dont ask permission to do what I need to do.
 
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DrummerDad

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How's that going so far? Any updates?

Yes. Its going well. We have the first run of ten in, and we are making the physical corrections. When he gets them to me (should be a week or so), then Ill assemble them, and send them to the magazines. We are shooting for print in November, so its available at the show. Then we just have infrastructure issues to deal with, and I can start taking orders.

July has been crazy. Im changing jobs next week (afternoon position at a more stable company, just in case), we just got off our first vacation ever (been married 13 years and never had the means) and Im doing this deal. Also waiting on two lawyers (patent and LLC papers pending) to finish vacation, and working with friends to get another part for this project made in my spare time. Looks like I might also be working on another company or partnership with another idea I had, because a friend has a good idea that would work in the same area. We might go in together and see what we can do there. Im bound and determined something is going to work out.
 

Darkside

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Jul 4, 2010
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San Diego
I guess if you view it as a problem, then it is. I think its perspective. My family has always been blue collar, and I have no rich relatives. So I have noone to talk to about the process. I literally dont know anyone who is as successful as I want to be. And anytime I try and talk to them its the same old " just be happy with what you have" or "thats not going to work", so my wife is the sounding board. She listens, and helps me stay focussed. And she sees things that I might miss, because Im doing everything else for the company. She really helps me stay on track.

Maybe it would be easier without the bills, and responsibility. And if you view a wife and children as a brake that slows you down, then you should avoid them. But my wife an kids are the reason I get up in the morning, and they mean everything to me. If I had to choose between money and them, I would be broke. But I dont have to do that. And I certainly dont ask permission to do what I need to do.



Quick example. I was watching a CNBC biography on Sam Walton which aired yesterday. When he was first starting out and he wanted to expand to multiple stores, Sam Walton needed to get a huge loan and he needed his wife to co-sign with him. She didn't think it was a good idea because she felt that the family already had enough money to survive on and she didn't want them to go into debt, but eventually he convinced her to co-sign.

Because of that loan he was able to start his empire and eventually become the wealthiest man in America. If he had listened to his wife and not gotten the loan, he would just be a middle class guy who owned one store which made enough money for his family to survive on.
 

Sid23

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Aug 9, 2007
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They are definitely not mutually exclusive, but I will give you a personal example. (As a happily married man)

I cannot buy a fixer upper in a crappy part of town and live in it for 24 months while rehabbing it because my wife, while very understanding and supportive of my dreams, has issues with safety and won't feel safe in a neighborhood like that.

So while it doesn't stop you from being a millionaire, it limits you from doing certain things.

I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything and I'm very happy, but my younger brother who is single, works on the internet and travels the world obviously has more options and freedom. I'm still on my way, but had to make certain compromises along the way that a single person wouldn't.

That said, the unconditional love and support certainly doesn't hurt when you have failures, bad days, etc.
 
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Darkside

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Jul 4, 2010
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They are definitely not mutually exclusive, but I will give you a personal example. (As a happily married man)

I cannot buy a fixer upper in a crappy part of town and live in it for 24 months while rehabbing it because my wife, while very understanding and supportive of my dreams, has issues with safety and won't feel safe in a neighborhood like that.

So while it doesn't stop you from being a millionaire, it limits you from doing certain things.

I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything and I'm very happy, but my younger brother who is single, works on the internet and travels the world obviously has more options and freedom. I'm still on my way, but had to make certain compromises along the way that a single person wouldn't.

That said, the unconditional love and support certainly doesn't hurt when you have failures, bad days, etc.



A girlfriend could provide the same support without having a say over your finances. I'm glad that you have a great marriage. I'm just saying that I believe marriage hinders entrepreneurs on their path to wealth more than it helps them. Bill Gates once said that he waited to get married until later in life because he knew that he wouldn't be able to devote as much time to his business if he did get married since he'd feel guilty about not spending time with his wife and kids. He's famously known for not having taken a single day off from work during his twenties while he was building Microsoft into the global powerhouse that it became.


ELT200709092341224216971.JPG


billg_2D00_2.jpg_2D00_500x375.jpg


20100830192440813.jpg



After he became wealthy, he married, which I think is the smarter way to go. So, since you're mixing your finances with your partner you have the problem of having to get their approval to do anything risky with your money and you also have the problem of not spending enough time at home. If you're already married then obviously, you have to make it work somehow. But, for young people who are single that want to become wealthy, I think they should hold off marriage until they reach their goals.
 

Rickson9

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It's difficult to sympathize with individuals who have had bad experiences with 'gold diggers' if said individual is focused on the materialistic things that money can buy and unashamed to flaunt it.

As the insightful saying goes, "everybody gets what they want".

If you don't want flies, don't cover yourself in crap.

Just putting it out there.
 

Likwid24

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After he became wealthy, he married, which I think is the smarter way to go. So, since you're mixing your finances with your partner you have the problem of having to get their approval to do anything risky with your money and you also have the problem of not spending enough time at home. If you're already married then obviously, you have to make it work somehow. But, for young people who are single that want to become wealthy, I think they should hold off marriage until they reach their goals.


The problem I see with this is that the odds are heavily stacked against you that after your wealthy, most girls will want you because of your money. How would you know if a the woman truly loves you or is just with you because she found a wealthy man to take care of her. If your with a women who was with you through the tough times while you were on your path to wealth or even before you ever even started on your journey, that's true love. You know she's going to stick with you through thick and thin.

I have known a few people who were pretty well off, married a "gold digger", went through some unfortunate events and their wives left them because they couldn't live the wealthy lifestyle anymore. If I married after I became wealthy, I would always have it on the back of my mind if she is truly with me because she loves me or if it's because of the money.
 
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Ferrari Girl

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I already have a kid so it's too late for me! But, if I didn't, I think I would not want one if I could not afford it or if all my attention was going to have to be in building a business. I might wait on that until my business was a success and I had the time to spend with my child. As far as getting married, I would say if it is the right person and you want to, do it, but if you plan on having a business and a considerable amount of wealth some day, a prenup sounds like a good idea.
 

vectorfrog

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Jul 27, 2011
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Honestly, if you are thinking about how marriage is going to be detrimental to your lifestyle/business, don't get married. Not because marriage is going to automatically be detrimental to your business/lifestyle, but because you don't have the right mindset to make a marriage work.

A person who is ready to get married would be worried if their lifestyle/business is going to be detrimental to their marriage.

Marriage is not a partnership, it is willing and gleeful servitude.
 

Jeremy

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Jul 25, 2011
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A few thoughts on "waiting" until you're rich before getting married/having kids. These thoughts ASSUME that you want marriage or kids, but you are purposely delaying them for business reasons (obviously if you don't want kids, you don't want kids whether rich or poor).

1. There's no guarantee you will EVER get rich. Therefore, you might miss out on both marriage/kids and wealth.

2. Particularly for women, there is an expiration date on having children. Age 20-35 are your prime reproductive years. Yes, you can have kids after 35, but it become harder. It becomes nearly impossible by your mid-40s. And risks of complications increase massively. You can make money at age 50, but you generally can't give birth at age 50.

3. Golddigging is a huge problem. I have a friend who was upper middle class through highschool, but by the time he was 30, his family business was worth more than a billion. He was very wary of dating anyone who he didn't know from before his family was rich. He eventually did get married, but it was an issue. So golddigging will be an issue.

To me, the first reason is the most compelling assuming you want marriage/kids and that those would make you happy. Depriving yourself of something that would make you happy for the long-shot (and becoming wealthy IS a long shot, though following MJ's advice helps your odds) is not a good trade off for many people.

There are people who would be happier with a 100% chance of a middle class life with a loving spouse and kids than giving that up for a 10% chance of hitting it big working all hours and days of the week on a business.

In the end, these are intensely personal questions that turn on your own internal value systems. There's really no generic advice that applies to everyone, other than you need to stop listening to other people and do soul searching to determine what you really want out of this life.
 
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ClintonSkakun

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I never assume kids and marriage will make me happy. Statistics are against it. I don't think so many marriages end in divorce because they found true love or happiness.

Raising kids, while being probably the most important job, is largely a thankless job unless you enjoy watching them go through the motions of growing up, just to have them destroy your values when they mature. (sorry if it offends)

I've put countless hours and days of thought into these areas over the past 1-2 years. I end up always coming up with 60 reasons not to get married and 100 reasons not to have kids.

I'd rather regret not having kids than having them. Both decisions are permanent, one costs less and has its safety nets. One of the safety nets being, hey I can always adopt if I want kids bad enough.

I look at the average soccer-dad types who look like they lost their identity and their passion for life. Seeing these types of people and what kind of kids they make, makes me want to go get a vasectomy.

And hey, if I had kids, there's a chance they'd grow up to look like me. That alone is reason not to have kids.(couldn't put a kid through that)
 

CalleZorro

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Apr 25, 2011
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The journey is no good if you don't have someone to share it with. The destination is no good if you don't have someone to appreciate and enjoy it with. Money is no good if you don't have someone to share it with.

At the same time, a spouse who is into lifestyle, who cares LOT about appearances, etc. will probably be too much of a drain for you to make it.

Also, look closely at your prospective partners family. If they are entreprenuerial, then they will understand what you are striving for and will likely support you. If they are lifelong slowlaner's, then they will likely not understand and will likely fight against you during tough times.

Lastly, make sure it is really love instead of lust. Too many times the guy is thinking about endless sex while the girl is thinking about what kind of house they will live in, what the kids name's will be, etc. and neither one of them really know each other and they have nothing in common.
 

Darkside

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Jul 4, 2010
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The problem I see with this is that the odds are heavily stacked against you that after your wealthy, most girls will want you because of your money. How would you know if a the woman truly loves you or is just with you because she found a wealthy man to take care of her. If your with a women who was with you through the tough times while you were on your path to wealth or even before you ever even started on your journey, that's true love. You know she's going to stick with you through thick and thin.

I have known a few people who were pretty well off, married a "gold digger", went through some unfortunate events and their wives left them because they couldn't live the wealthy lifestyle anymore. If I married after I became wealthy, I would always have it on the back of my mind if she is truly with me because she loves me or if it's because of the money.


Well, if I became wealthy and I wanted to find a woman to marry that wasn't interested in me for my money then I wouldn't flash my cash around to her and I would make her sign a pre-nup. A real gold digger will flee if she finds a wealthy man who is frugal with his money because she'll figure he'll be the same way if he gets married to her; think of Warren Buffet's lifestyle for instance. I read that one of Sam Walton's sons drives a beat up Ford truck as his ownly vehicle and lives in a modest house, even though the fortune he inherited is something like 12 billion dollars.

However, I should state that I don't plan on getting married. I think it's an outdated concept that was introduced to humanity because of religions trying to keep people from sinning. I'm an atheist; I believe humans are nothing but intelligent animals. So, I don't see it as immoral for people to want to desire multiple partners throughout their lives, instead of being shackled to one person even when the passion fades.
 
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Darkside

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Honestly, if you are thinking about how marriage is going to be detrimental to your lifestyle/business, don't get married. Not because marriage is going to automatically be detrimental to your business/lifestyle, but because you don't have the right mindset to make a marriage work.

A person who is ready to get married would be worried if their lifestyle/business is going to be detrimental to their marriage.

Marriage is not a partnership, it is willing and gleeful servitude.



Scary but true. That's why I plan on staying a free man.
 

Rickson9

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If a person has millions (or billions) of dollars and can't conceal their wealth from a woman, that speaks to an ego problem not a gold digger problem.

There are a lot of difficult tasks in the world, but hiding a fortune is not one of them.

Seriously.
 

Darkside

Bronze Contributor
Jul 4, 2010
795
137
San Diego
I never assume kids and marriage will make me happy. Statistics are against it. I don't think so many marriages end in divorce because they found true love or happiness.

Raising kids, while being probably the most important job, is largely a thankless job unless you enjoy watching them go through the motions of growing up, just to have them destroy your values when they mature. (sorry if it offends)

I've put countless hours and days of thought into these areas over the past 1-2 years. I end up always coming up with 60 reasons not to get married and 100 reasons not to have kids.

I'd rather regret not having kids than having them. Both decisions are permanent, one costs less and has its safety nets. One of the safety nets being, hey I can always adopt if I want kids bad enough.

I look at the average soccer-dad types who look like they lost their identity and their passion for life. Seeing these types of people and what kind of kids they make, makes me want to go get a vasectomy.

And hey, if I had kids, there's a chance they'd grow up to look like me. That alone is reason not to have kids.(couldn't put a kid through that)



I'm with you on this. I've worked retail as a cashier and most of the parents that I've seen with young children look unhappy and frustrated. Why would I want to put myself through taking care of kids during the difficult childhood years, the rebellious teenage years, and pay for their college expenses just for the few moments when they do something cute? I personally don't care if my genes survive or not as humanity will be fine without me making a contribution to it's future through my sperm. I'm young so I might change my mind later, but that's how I feel at the moment. Maybe when I'm 40 I will develop an urge to have kids; can't say for sure that I won't.
 
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Darkside

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Jul 4, 2010
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If a person has millions (or billions) of dollars and can't conceal their wealth from a woman, that speaks to an ego problem not a gold digger problem.

There are a lot of difficult tasks in the world, but hiding a fortune is not one of them.

Seriously.


Yes, I think the kind of men who attract gold diggers are the ones who flash their cash. So, if you don't want to be with a gold digger, the simple solution is to live modestly and don't flash your cash to impress women. The kind of women who will be impressed by you flashing your cash are the ones you want to steer clear of. If you're just looking to have a good time, then go right ahead and flash your cash, but if you want a woman who is wife material then it would be a stupid idea to do so as all you'll attract are women who want your money and will leave you as soon as you lose it.

This video is a perfect example of what I mean. Look at how this gold digger approaches the guy in the lamborghini. He's flashing his wealth and she wants him to invite her into the car but either he doesn't notice her or doesn't care since he drives off:

[video=youtube;eDbMSO0jSt0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDbMSO0jSt0[/video]
 

MJ DeMarco

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[video=youtube;eDbMSO0jSt0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDbMSO0jSt0[/video]

How do you know she's a gold-digger?? That's a bold generalization, maybe she just likes cars?!

There are a lot of difficult tasks in the world, but hiding a fortune is not one of them

Actually it is difficult because ultimately on dates, you have to be very obtuse, non-specific, and generalized. This gives off the impression that I am either disingenuous, hiding something, or lying. My *work* is a very big part of my life -- dating is hard enough - trying to hide my work, date after date, makes it even harder.

Having been on 143,003 dates in the last few years, I can tell you that the battle between full-disclosure and concealment is a no-win game. :nonod:
 

Darkside

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MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 171103" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
How do you know she's a gold-digger?? That's a bold generalization, maybe she just likes cars?!

That's possible as well. Even if she isn't a gold digger, my point still stands that flashing your wealth is detrimental to finding a woman who isn't a gold digger.



MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 171103" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
Actually it is difficult because ultimately on dates, you have to be very obtuse, non-specific, and generalized. This gives off the impression that I am either disingenuous, hiding something, or lying. My *work* is a very big part of my life -- dating is hard enough - trying to hide my work, date after date, makes it even harder.

Having been on 143,003 dates in the last few years, I can tell you that the battle between full-disclosure and concealment is a no-win game. :nonod:


Unless you lie, and say you're doing x y z to hide the fact that you're wealthy, she will know that you're being evasive, as you pointed out. It's probably one of the most difficult challenges for wealthy people who are single; finding someone who they believe is not interested in them for their money. You can never be 100% sure unless you knew that person before you became wealthy.
 
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Rickson9

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It's probably one of the most difficult challenges for wealthy people who are single; finding someone who they believe is not interested in them for their money. You can never be 100% sure unless you knew that person before you became wealthy.

It's not that difficult.

Unless an individual just has poor social skills or is in/famous.
 

Darkside

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Jul 4, 2010
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It's not that difficult.

Unless an individual just has poor social skills or is in/famous.


How would you handle the wealth issue when you're first dating that person. If you try to hide the fact that you're wealthy, the person will realize that you're being evasive about something and therefore might not trust you from the beginning. If you don't hide your wealth, then you can never be 100% sure that the person you're dating isn't interested more in your money than they are in you.
 

Rickson9

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Good question. So how do you think I dealt with questions about my finances? What kinds of questions could I possibly be asked that I would have difficulty answering?

From my experience, dating involved only superficial questions about money and finance. That experience may be different from others. I had no problem with it.

Just like in successful sales, successful dating involves talking less about yourself.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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It's not that difficult.

Spoken like someone who's been married and hasn't been in the game for a long time.

What kinds of questions could I possibly be asked that I would have difficulty answering?

Uh ... how about "What do you do for a living?"

If you expect to conceal or sideswipe this topic, expect the your date to have her BS meter ringing on FULL BLAST. Tell the truth and you cloud things -- tell the mistruth, and the date gets awkward as you try to change the subject.

So here's a smorgasbord of options on how to answer "So what do you do for a living?" question.

Answer #1:
Retired.
Her assumption: He must be wealthy.
Answer #1 is a bad answer.

Answer #2:
Me: Author
Her: Oh cool, what book did you write?
Me: Uhhh, a self-help/motivational book.
Her: What's the title?
Me: Uhhh, I have to go to the bathroom.

Answer #3:
Me: I'm an entrepreneur
Her: Oh, what is your business?
Me: Uh, I own a publishing business.
Her: Cool, what kind of books?
Me: Uh, my own book that I wrote.
Her: Cool, what is the name?
Me: Uh, I have to go to the bathroom.

Answer #4
Me: I'm a blogger.
Her: Oh how cool, what is your website?
Me: (Say blog and HOPE she doesn't go to it.)

Answer #5
Me: I'm unemployed and in between jobs
Her: I've got to go to the bathroom. (Calls friends, says this guy is a loser.)

Answer #6
Me: I'm a teacher.
Her: Cool, at what university?
Me: Well, its not exactly a school, its a thing I started.
Her: What is that?
Me: Uh, hmmm, its a blog. (See answer #4)

Answer #7:
Me: I own a business
Her: Doing what? What do you sell?
Me: I used to own an internet company, but now I just sell a book.
Her: What kind of book?

As you can see, there is no easy way to handle it. The more I deviate from the real answer, the closer the answer is to a full-blown lie.

These questions eventually come out naturally, through the "get to know you" process. If they don't, that also is a red-flag: I once went out with a gal who never asked what I did -- as far as she knew, I could have been the porn king of Phoenix and pimping gals on Van Buren street.

Full disclosure and you cloud things. Be evasive, and you set-off her BS "he's hiding something" meter.

Just like in successful sales, successful dating involves talking less about yourself.

Absolutely however at some point, the conversation usually starts to turn toward yourself. When you show genuine interest in a woman, she eventually reciprocates the interest and returns the questions back to you. This is when the challenge comes into play.
 

hakrjak

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Colorado Springs
LOL -- it's funny that some of you guys with the big net worth have trouble concealing your wealth from the ladies.

When I was single, I had the exact opposite problem. I had women all the time that assumed that I was worth millions. It must just be some vibe I put off or whatever, but when they would find out that I was just another struggling single Dad, they would act pretty dissapointed sometimes. haha -- I mean, I guess I understand -- if I met someone who was all consumed by investments, starting companies, owning corporations, real estate, etc -- I would probably think I had hit the jackpot also.

Maybe this is just a common problem fastlaners have in general because of our attitude ;)

- Hakrjak
 

ClintonSkakun

Contributor
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Mar 26, 2011
138
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MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 171343" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
Spoken like someone who's been married and hasn't been in the game for a long time.
Haha, some people are so lucky. They get what they want before they even know they want it. Playing the feild is confusing enough without all of the dating coaches, puas and wirlwind of nutty advice out there.
MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 171343" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
Uh ... how about "What do you do for a living?"

If you expect to conceal or sideswipe this topic, expect the your date to have her BS meter ringing on FULL BLAST. Tell the truth and you cloud things -- tell the mistruth, and the date gets awkward as you try to change the subject.

So here's a smorgasbord of options on how to answer "So what do you do for a living?" question.

Answer #1:
Retired.
Her assumption: He must be wealthy.
Answer #1 is a bad answer.

Answer #2:
Me: Author
Her: Oh cool, what book did you write?
Me: Uhhh, a self-help/motivational book.
Her: What's the title?
Me: Uhhh, I have to go to the bathroom.

Answer #3:
Me: I'm an entrepreneur
Her: Oh, what is your business?
Me: Uh, I own a publishing business.
Her: Cool, what kind of books?
Me: Uh, my own book that I wrote.
Her: Cool, what is the name?
Me: Uh, I have to go to the bathroom.

Answer #4
Me: I'm a blogger.
Her: Oh how cool, what is your website?
Me: (Say blog and HOPE she doesn't go to it.)

Answer #5
Me: I'm unemployed and in between jobs
Her: I've got to go to the bathroom. (Calls friends, says this guy is a loser.)

Answer #6
Me: I'm a teacher.
Her: Cool, at what university?
Me: Well, its not exactly a school, its a thing I started.
Her: What is that?
Me: Uh, hmmm, its a blog. (See answer #4)

Answer #7:
Me: I own a business
Her: Doing what? What do you sell?
Me: I used to own an internet company, but now I just sell a book.
Her: What kind of book?

As you can see, there is no easy way to handle it. The more I deviate from the real answer, the closer the answer is to a full-blown lie.

These questions eventually come out naturally, through the "get to know you" process. If they don't, that also is a red-flag: I once went out with a gal who never asked what I did -- as far as she knew, I could have been the porn king of Phoenix and pimping gals on Van Buren street.

Full disclosure and you cloud things. Be evasive, and you set-off her BS "he's hiding something" meter.
I can see how this would be a no-win situation. If you tell her everything, and she doesn't seem effected by it, you'll still have in the back of your mind that maybe she's putting on her poker face and playing you. I listen to chicks talk all the time, they overlook rarely anything about the guys they're dating.

On the other hand it might not be bad for them to know you're made. Some are gold diggers that just want your wallet, but women in general seem attracted to wealth because it shows that a man can be a good provider, just like a women finds abs attractive.

I'm sure it's more than possible to find what you're looking for. Look at Gene Simmons, he ended up with a decent women, even though she said if it wasn't for his money she wouldn't stick around. The money made him more attractive, but she seemed to have a deep sense of what's really important. In the end his money didn't save his relationship when he continued to put work first, even when his family was in crisis. Shows that quality women are attracted to more than just dollars.
 
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Rickson9

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
Sep 4, 2010
1,686
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Canada
MJ DeMarco" data-source="post: 171343" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">
Uh ... how about "What do you do for a living?"

Exactly. Everybody who has dated has encountered this question. It happens all the time.

Speaking for myself, when an issue happens all the time, one needs to think of a solution. Just like in sales, business, and investing, some problems occur repeatedly. Over and over. The choice is never black and white (ie. To tell the truth or to lie). Marketers are brilliant at this. They don't do either, but can convince many.

With regards to the personal comment about my dating/being married I can only say that like making money, if I lost it all I have no doubt that I could be successful again.

In the end, we may need to agree to disagree. I never had a problem that was important to me that I couldn't create a solution for including when I was dating.

Best regards.
 

davidstorm

New Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Jul 26, 2011
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Ohio
Personally, I think it just depends. Marriage isn't for everybody, and if you are a fastlaner, and an intelligent idea guy/gal, then being legally and emotionally bound to a sidewalker would not only be bad for your business, but bad for your life!

I am married and my wife supports my interest in business. At first she didn't quite understand why a teacher would suddenly take an interest in business and money, but now she is 100% on board. In fact, we have a newborn and she is very cool with watching the baby for hours while I type, consult, etc. Since I run about 35 miles a week, she also understands that exercise is necessary for me to be happy and rarely does she pull the "it's your turn to watch the baby" card (for the record ladies, I do watch the baby). She is reading the MF book right now, and understands that it is a better use of time for her to entertain the baby while I work my butt off to start this business.

I also know guys that have shifted from a slowlane or sidewalker mentality mid-marriage, and their wives and kids weren't prepared to make the change. One I know actually told his wife and teenage daughter to either get on board or he'd have to move on. They did! It was funny because when he told his daughter he could never work for someone else again, she replied "well how will you make money then?"

I will admit my wife and kid can be major distractions at times, but sometimes my business is a distraction to enjoying my wife and kid!
 

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