The "Choice" of who to hang with..

[SteveO]

I just posted this picture in another thread and it got me thinking. So many people feel that you need to hang out with people that support your business or entrepreneurship direction. I have disagreed with the statement that you are the average of the five people you hang out with the most.


In this picture is a police officer, massage therapist, doctor, mid-level sales manager, real estate investor, and professional sports team owner. The other half of the team that is not pictured consisted of a librarian, long term Honeywell employee, real estate agent, teacher, housewife, and engineer.

It is obvious what united us as friends and acquaintances. We hung out on a regular basis as part of a running club. We would meet up 3-5 times a week and train together.

Why would I ever consider dumping them as friends? We have something in common that we enjoy.

I currently run 3 times a week with a guy that has spent 3 stints in jail for theft. He drinks a bit, smokes pot, and probably does other things that society may not approve of. But he runs my speed and is pleasant to talk to. Who am I to judge? He paid his price. There is no negative affect on my business.


This picture is mostly our softball team. Slowlane folks all the way by definition. But they are fun to hang around with. We did this bike ride event in support of our teammate with diabetes. It was fun.
This photo is filled with doers. You can tell the difference, right? Almost all successful business owners.


This one also. This is the trip to Africa that @biophase organized. Almost all entrepreneurs and most are on this forum. It was a blast.

But, I cannot distinguish the fun with each individual from any of the events based on what they do. It was fun for what we had in common at the time.

 

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[SteveO]

.... and I spend the most time with these losers. They contribute very little to our relationship and always want things. At least they tell people to stay away by constantly yelling at them...

 

[Argue]

.... and I spend the most time with these losers. They contribute very little to our relationship and always want things. At least they tell people to stay away by constantly yelling at them...
View attachment 14983

Lmao this is awesome!

 

[Xavier X]

My opinion is.. it depends where you are in life, and the kind of person you are.
The more established you are as a person, the less external influences will alter your trajectory.

If you're 25 and been flipping burgers with 4 of your closest buddies since you were 16, chances are you'll be stuck doing that for a while.
Most might not realize they're stuck as a group, because it's just what "everyone" does anyway.
By "everyone," they consider their group of friends a microcosm of society, and rationalize it all away. Classic cognitive dissonance.

You on the other hand are much less likely to leave your golf course to flip burgers at BK, because you've recently acquainted with someone who does.

Personally, I don't believe people should become assholes and snobs, because they're chasing or attained some entrepreneurial goals.
However, I do believe in consistent reassessment of how every ongoing long-term relationship affects your life.

 

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[Fortune5ive]

I'd say, that's a good average for the OP. Keep in mind, that adage about being the average of our five closest friends is a tongue-in-cheek comment, I believe, about values but we often confuse it to be a comment about income/education.

 

[Lafandriel]

I think it is easier when you spend your time with people who have the same goals than you because no one will question your motivation or your actions ... but thanks god we are not bound to one goal

As long as your selfconfidence is strong enough so you can stick to your decisions I see no problem in hanging out with other-minded people as well ... it might even give you new impulses.

 

[SteveO]

If you're 25 and been flipping burgers with 4 of your closest buddies since you were 16, chances are you'll be stuck doing that for a while.
Most might not realize they're stuck as a group, because it's just what "everyone" does anyway.
By "everyone," they consider their group of friends a microcosm of society, and rationalize it all away. Classic cognitive dissonance.

I don't disagree with what you are saying here. I worked some shit jobs when younger. It was difficult to have the confidence to hang with people that seemed superior. There was a party once to show off a remodel at a beach house. The invited all the workers also. I was part of the landscape crew. The owners were very nice but I felt so out of place and uncomfortable.

It would support your premise to state that I actually moved 30 mile away to get away from bad influences.

But I feel that you should keep all that separate and can do so by choice. Hang out with who you WANT. Make your decisions by what you WANT.

 

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[SteveO]

I think it is easier when you spend your time with people who have the same goals than you because no one will question your motivation or your actions ... but thanks god we are not bound to one goal

As long as your selfconfidence is strong enough so you can stick to your decisions I see no problem in hanging out with other-minded people as well ... it might even give you new impulses.

Agreed!!! Your issue is that you "care" about how others see your choices. That is what most people need to work on!

 

[Imgal]

I'm pretty split personality on this. I think the "average of the five people you hang with" can make a huge difference, but I also think the reason why is often quite selfish.

For me, the times I love this are the times when it's not such a smooth road.. having people around me following the same journey (or taken it already) who can relate and offer me advice/condolences is when I cherish them the most. Can I say when it's all running smoothly that I really cared whether or not the people around me are anything like me? Not one darn bit. I just want to enjoy them and the moment.

 

[SteveO]

I'd say, that's a good average for the OP. Keep in mind, that adage about being the average of our five closest friends is a tongue-in-cheek comment, I believe, about values but we often confuse it to be a comment about income/education.

I believe that it is less about values and more about fear of what other people think. Which would support your feelings on values.

 

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[SteveO]

having people around me following the same journey (or taken it already) who can relate and offer me advice/condolences is when I cherish them the most.

Will you really take someone's advice? Seems like most people do want some sort of commiseration but really just want advice if it matches what they are thinking. We will tend to go toward what makes sense for us. Lots of people ask me for advise but very few listen.

I just want to enjoy them and the moment.

Bingo!!!

 

[Imgal]

Will you really take someone's advice? Seems like most people do want some sort of commiseration but really just want advice if it matches what they are thinking.

In all honesty? For a long time - hell, no... and if they didn't give the right kind of commiseration I'd ignore them totally and be a little miffed. It was the point when I kept repeating the same mistake and they refused to advise me anymore my ears started turning on.

Well it was either that or I've just got so old that the wisdom switch finally turned on!

 

[SteveO]

Haha.... It is pretty clear that this topic is controversial. At least I don't agree with most everyone else. In that case it is not really controversial is it? Fairly weighted the other way... Good thing that I don't care much. I like to beat this dead horse though.

 

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[SteveO]

and they refused to advise me anymore my ears started turning on.

Must resist .... must.... not.... comment.... on.... MENTORING....

 

[SteveO]

For a long time - hell, no... and if they didn't give the right kind of commiseration

You don't need support. You have YOU!

I love your avatar btw... Some of us don't seem to recognize how creative we are. All we need to do is look at our lives without judgement to see what we have created. You may think others have co-created with you or helped to color the world. It is just one giant work of art that you have created!

 

[Imgal]

You don't need support. You have YOU!
You may think others have co-created with you or helped to color the world. It is just one giant work of art that you have created!

I love that way of looking at it. Stealing and adopting to reprogram my mind with!

 

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[V8Bill]

Some of my most favourite people (friends) are rascals and scoundrels but when we're together we laugh and laugh...oh how we laugh. I just love their company, the conversations are endless and fascinating but they're not business people and some don't believe they'll eve have enough money (I chose not to lecture them about this). If they're happy (or even happy to complain) I'm happy to accept that they accept me.

Some have skills and virtues I envy, others are just great blokes who will drop what they're doing to come and help when needed. They have nothing to do with my business or financial goals (and they'll throw beer cans at me if I start up about it) but that's not why I love their mostly bald little heads. When I want to be influenced in business I seek out those types and spend an appropriate amount of time but I never befriend people based on their incomes or (worse) my desire to elevate my own income by adopting them into my personal circle.

Great thread Steve!

 

[GlobalWealth]

Some of my most favourite people (friends) are rascals and scoundrels but when we're together we laugh and laugh...oh how we laugh. I just love their company, the conversations are endless and fascinating but they're not business people and some don't believe they'll eve have enough money (I chose not to lecture them about this). If they're happy (or even happy to complain) I'm happy to accept that they accept me. Some have skills and virtues I envy, others are just great blokes who will drop what they're doing to come and help when needed. They have nothing to do with my business or financial goals (and they'll throw beer cans at me if I start up about it) but that's not why I love their mostly bald little heads. When I want to be influenced in business I seek out those types and spend an appropriate amount of time but I never befriend people based on their incomes or (worse) my desire to elevate my own income by adopting them into my personal circle.

Great thread Steve!

To be fair, @SteveO is a rascal and a scoundrel

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[GlobalWealth]

@SteveO my view on the 5 average is that it extends beyond just the economic considerations.

I'd say it includes your hobbies (and it seems you do adhere to this), your political views, your religious views, your philosophical views, as well as your income and net worth.

In many cases we can blend into the average with our closest associates, and in some cases we can actively seek out other like-minded individuals.

Or a bit of both.



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[SteveO]

my view on the 5 average is that it extends beyond just the economic considerations.

I agree with this. The average will get very muddied with all the variables though. It will get to the point that there is no longer a value in the calculation.

 

[SteveO]

To be fair, @SteveO is a rascal and a scoundrel

When we all get together, there is enough debauchery to go around for all of us. Rascals and scoundrels abound! We wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[MoreVolume]

I've actually been cutting people out of my life as my business has grown in these past few months. I had a friend of over 6 years who I have stopped hanging out with because hes a drag. Every time I hung out with him I would spend money that I didnt want to spend, and he'd end up doing something that annoyed me.
The last straw was about a month ago when his car broke down while we were on the bad part of town (went to get something to eat). I had been telling him for months to get it checked out but he would always respond "im lazy". His car broke down in a bad side of town, and we were exposed for about an hour. All eyes were on us. People were looking at us like we were prey. Im surprised nothing happened, but as we were on the way home he acted like it was no big deal. Thats when I knew that he didn't give a F*ck about life and only saw me as someone to waste time with.

He actually comfronted me last week at a gas station and I hung out with him for a little bit because i felt bad. I won't go into details but he one again said he was lazy and "didn't care" about certain things in life. On my way home i blocked his number from my phone.

As my business grows I have come to learn the importance of having reliable, goal orientated friends. I'm making too much money to be hanging out with time wasters

 

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[SteveO]

I have stopped hanging out with because hes a drag.

What better reason is there than this?

His car broke down in a bad side of town, and we were exposed for about an hour. All eyes were on us. People were looking at us like we were prey. Im surprised nothing happened, but as we were on the way home he acted like it was no big deal.

My opinion is that this kind of shit is fun. I can recount many stories now that may not have been pleasant at the time. I love to tell them and give the people shit for their role.

And... I hate to say this but perhaps you were giving out vibes that you were "prey". Toughen up!

 

[minivanman]

This has been holding true for many years at the dirt tracks across the country. Last night I hung out with a very rich gentleman on my right and a very poor couple on my left. We all hang out together atleast once a week, sometimes twice. There are many more of us. One guy has worked in his family business for 42 years and they only pay him $12 an hour but he is not very educated yet a pro at his trade (cutting tile and marble). Another guy is retired from the newspaper and he has also bought and sold many classic cars and we think he is loaded as well but he never says. Another guy owns a very large printing company (he is worth over $100 million), another guy that owns a vending company worth over $7 million, a lady and her small daughter that are on welfare, another couple that work regular jobs probably not making over $12-$15 an hour.... and there are more of us but you get the idea. There is one guy who is in his 70's that has owned 5 trash trucks for 40+ years and loves every minute of his work. He drives one of those trucks every day because that's what he loves to do. He is also loaded but you would never know. In Nebraska when I lived there the same was true... I hung out with the original founders of Cabela's, a trial attorney, the owner of the largest dry cleaners in the state, a couple that owns 36 Burger Kings, a lady that made $8 an hour answering phones, a lady that was always trying to kick a drug habit but never did any drug around us. A girl that had a goal of getting up in the morning and finding money to smoke cigarettes and drink Mt Dew all day and a guy that sells brake shoes and makes $2 for every pair he sells. All walks of life hang out all the time and more often than not, the folks that make more money have family that does not and they hang out with them. I've always did my own thing.... if people agreed with it fine and if they didn't fine. Even my rich friends have been amazed at what I made in the cleaning business and how far I've come.

 

[MetalGear]

I think it is good to hang out with people that are different from you. The key is to hang out with people that are positive and uplifting. My biggest supporters are a graphic design artist and a chef. So happy that you have found your tribe. I am still looking for mine.

MG

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

I just don't hang out with losers. You know, negative people with victim mentalities.

Other than that, I don't care what they do or anything else. Do we get along, enjoy each other's company? Yes? Then why not?

One of running buddies is a school teacher, another is in sales. One of my friends is a paralegal. One's a shrink. All cool people that I enjoy hanging with. I don't care what they do for a living.

I even have close friends that are liberals.

 

[GlobalWealth]

I agree with this. The average will get very muddied with all the variables though. It will get to the point that there is no longer a value in the calculation.

I have personally found that I gravitate toward those that are more like-minded philosophically.

I am also very success minded this tend to spend time with other successful people.

However my definition of success is not necessarily economic. It is more the mentality of the person who want to improve themselves and achieve more in life. That affects all aspects of ones life.

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[Lafandriel]

I've actually been cutting people out of my life as my business has grown in these past few months. I had a friend of over 6 years who I have stopped hanging out with because hes a drag. Every time I hung out with him I would spend money that I didnt want to spend, and he'd end up doing something that annoyed me.
The last straw was about a month ago when his car broke down while we were on the bad part of town (went to get something to eat). I had been telling him for months to get it checked out but he would always respond "im lazy". His car broke down in a bad side of town, and we were exposed for about an hour. All eyes were on us. People were looking at us like we were prey. Im surprised nothing happened, but as we were on the way home he acted like it was no big deal. Thats when I knew that he didn't give a F*ck about life and only saw me as someone to waste time with.

He actually comfronted me last week at a gas station and I hung out with him for a little bit because i felt bad. I won't go into details but he one again said he was lazy and "didn't care" about certain things in life. On my way home i blocked his number from my phone.

As my business grows I have come to learn the importance of having reliable, goal orientated friends. I'm making too much money to be hanging out with time wasters

We all have special behavior we prefer on people and that might change over time when we make new experiences. I understand that you don`t want to hang out with him any more because you don`t see any sense in his behavior of beeing lazy or let´s say not beeing able to get important things done because you are in bussiness which implies that you are responsible - otherwise you wouldn`t be in bussiness for too long...

 

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[Choate]

So many people feel that you need to hang out with people that support your business or entrepreneurship direction.

Not necessarily this, but rather spending time with people who are opposed to your entrepreneurial direction, willingly shoot down your ideas just for the sake of controversy and are stuck in their ways, is very draining.

When you have not already made it, the peanut gallery is louder. Those who have only had a taste of fastlane or are tirelessly working on their business after their 9-5 should be careful who they associate with and who they openly talk about their ideas with.

When you have already made it people just see you as the successful business guy and are more likely to support you and whatever your next idea may be rather than go out of their way to exert negative energy.

I grew up with a book smart friends circle who studied hard and went to good schools. They are now actuaries, managers, engineers, and accountants. They have some of the safest job security possible. I haven't talked to them in over a year because our interests simply diverged and after one too many negative conversations I had to call it quits.

I now have much smaller circle of 4-5 people who know of my aspirations, are willing to call out a bad idea if they hear one, but don't go out of their way to shoot down the idea of entrepreneurship. Open mindedness is a value that is important to me if one is going to be a close friend.

 

[MetalGear]

Quite honestly, another group of my biggest supporters are people that have made it already. Anytime you want to "climb" in any sense, you will get some haters. "I will only support and root for you until you are doing better than me" types.

I have found very few people in my same realm that support my ambitions because they are afraid I will grow out of the box they put me in. Admittedly, I used to be be "that guy" years ago, but as I climb and got stuck in my journey I realized how stupid it is. There is no single piece of the pie.