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Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting rich?

Discussion in 'Progress/Execution Threads' started by Talkintoy, Oct 6, 2007.

  1. Talkintoy
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    Talkintoy New Contributor

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    Can someone share story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting rich, investing, business etc...? Thanks everyone!
     
  2. randallg99
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri


    its a waste of time if she is set in her ways.

    just knock her up so you can have her watch the family and then you can pursue your interests.

    bold, but realistic.

    heh.
     
    PoGOOD and Kak like this.
  3. Yankees338
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    Yankees338 Bronze Contributor

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Haha :rofl: I think that's only feasible if the spouse has no problem with being hands-off with family financials.
     
  4. nomadjanet
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    I just don't even know what to say to this.
    :smash:
     
  5. randallg99
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    randallg99 Bronze Contributor

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    >> I just don't even know what to say to this.<<

    after re-reading it, I thought it might have been a little offensive... but that is absolutely never my intention as I was only trying to be a little jestful from my own experience

    anyhow, relating to my own experience with the pressure of a consolidating business, being sued by a an ex-employee, a foreign real estate deal, a malfunctioning property manager all in conjunction with a pregnant wife taught me a very harsh reality: when the going gets tough... keep it out of the house! ... every biz has its ups and downs... and people who are not business/money/real estate inclined will not accept it so easily.

    my family life is the most important aspect of my existence and nothing else I ever own or pursue to own matters a bit without the very people I live for and I wish I could emphasize this enough as I simply cannot wait until my baby wakes up in the morning so I can see her point at me and say `yayayaya` and then gulp a chunk of banana ...

    this said, my wife very much into the family. She spends time with her sister, nephews, neices, our daughter, her and my parents. She is not all that interested in developing wealth, and quite frankly, I cant blame her... our life means nothing unless we have children around us smiling. She really has no idea about our net worth but it is really not a problem to her as long as food is on the table and my baby Bella laughs at my stupid faces...

    there is more to life than trying to fulfill financial dreams...sometimes it works with families, but sometimes its irrelevant... and this was my answer to this thread.
     
  6. S928
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Finances is one of the first things that should be talked about before marriage. However, if it wasn't, you can draw up a proposal and explain the benefits of moving up the ladder instead of treading water and staying in the same location. You can also point out the nicer things that you can have if you work together to achieve higher goals. Be a salesman, and ask "wouldn't you like to be your own boss, more vacations, true freedom, etc.?". Sell the lifestyle and freedom, not the materialistic stuff. Although, either will probably work.
     
  7. yveskleinsky
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    If I could only knock up my husband, I'd be set! lol. He has no desire or interest in business and real estate and desperately wants to start a family. I am totally not ready for kids, and I have tried to sell him on the lifestyle- more free time together etc., but to no avail. I know that he would be really into things if he could see that it actually works (makes money). As soon as a meet with the book keeper, I will be able to quantify things for him, which I really believe will help him get on board. ...Having the same mindset is huge, and really should be discussed before you get married!
     
  8. nomadjanet
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri


    Randall, I wasn't offended, and I wasn't judging, I was just speechless and this being an unnatural state for me I thought I would share the experience.
    :rofl:
    Janet
     
  9. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Well, in my case this was one of the most difficult things to do.

    My way to do it? I started telling her that there was more in life. She just didn't know it was possible. She just simply didn't know. I started telling her about rich people. About how life is way better for those that can afford it. That it is up to her if your kids go to public or private school. That is up to you what neighborhood to live in, to choose what car to drive, to have options. To not depend on your employer or family to get something in your life.

    So I said it and said it and said it again. I told her that was what I wanted in life. That I was not up for thinking small. The problem was, once you know something, you can't 'forget' it. Once you know there is another way of living then you just can't ignore it. When I did my first big deal and walked away with a 40K check she then started to pay more attention.

    So, she finally recognize that she didn't know the possibilities. She thought it was impossible to overcome the obstacles and make it happen. Once she recognized it and started understanding that it wasn't impossible then she started to pay more attention.

    What finally did it was the Rich Woman book that Kim Kiyosaki signed for her. She read that book and got inspired. Now she is in the learning process and now she knows there are things she needs to know, so now she tries to learn and pays attention to business opportunities and real estate deals available.

    All in all it took like 4 years to change a little bit her mindset.

    But, that was my case. What is your current situation? Why she doesn't care? Is she a government employee and thinks she is set with a pension plan? Is she in the military and thinks the same thing? She doesn't know or just doesn't want to know.
     
  10. Bilgefisher
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    Bilgefisher Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    I have found that the cashflow game does wonders for opening minds. Many friends and family skeptical of what I am trying to do were much less so after playing the game. It may not completely change their opinion but you can't expect to change the course of the Mississippi river overnight. Also RDPD is an amazing book to change opinions. If you can convince them to read it, you never know.
     
  11. Talkintoy
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri


    Well... She's a stay at home mom raising 3 of our boys going to 3 different schools. At time they get off school different times also. That's because one of my boys is in High School and other 2 used to be in same school. My second wanted to have avid class (advance students) but it wasn't offered in same school as my younger so he had to transfer to a school that offered it. I also understand if this moms who's stay at home where getting paid, they'd get paid more than what most people are working for since it's a 24 hour job. Only thing is she thinks i'm doing all this for myself. I guess she's beginning to understand after i drew the things i needed to explain and show rather than say it by words. I gave her a challenged the other day when we talked about all this things. The challenged was "I bet you after we talked about this things we'll be back on same topic again someday". I wanted to know once and for all if she's with me or not. I knew that if she's not that it'll be possibly harder to accomplish the plan of freedom. This was like the so many times we talked about this subject etc... I'm waiting for her to either challenges her mind or she'll simply say "what the hell is he talking about?" or "what is that mean?" forget about it then move on knowing that it was not resolve and end up same again rather than face it and resolve a solution. I am yet to see anything yet.:cool:
     
  12. Legacy Dad
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  13. Sid23
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Talkintoy,

    Sounds to me like you haven't really "sold" her on it. You have talked to her and impressed upon her the importance of it, but haven't sold her. Don't threaten her, challenge her, etc. How did you convince her to marry you? What is important to her? Start thinking about "getting through" to her on HER terms, not yours.

    Look at her like a prospect. Every prospect needs to be sold differently - what does this particular prospect need to hear? That you'll have lots of money? Time freedom? That she can shop anywhere she wants? Drive a BMW? Great colleges for the kids? etc, etc, etc

    You can't just "tell" people things and expect them to get it. You sell on EMOTION, not logic. Get her to feel emotion when talking about this subject.

    That is how you get her to hear you.
     
  14. nomadjanet
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Forgive me for getting involved here but wanting a person to commit once and for all to something is slightly unrealistic. Everyone, repeat everyone has days or hours or minutes when everything they thought they wanted is not what they want and they get confused. Maybe the problem is that she articulates these thoughts to you and you take them as a final word on her side. Think about it, don't you sometime think & say things that are a temporary blip on the radar. When you watch the girls on the beach and think WOW look what I'm missing you really don't want to run off with someone else you just have a thought. When you have a really messy deal and you get discusted and feel like quitting, it does not mean you will it's just a blip. Even the most commited person has these periods in their life.
    Janet
     
  15. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    SO, the conversation could go like this:

    You: 'Honey, wouldn't be great if the three of them were going to a private school that we decide?'

    Her: 'Of course, but we can't afford it!!!'

    You: 'Correct, for now, but that if we could? what if we can find a way to make it happen?'

    Her: 'Yeah, right'

    You: 'How much do we need to make that happen?'

    Her: '$3,000 a month'

    You: 'Well, if we work on this financial plan and invest correctly then we can make that happen. If you and I work hard and smart on this we can make that happen in the next three years.'

    and leave it like that. You just showed her that there are things that both of you want for your kids. Now you jut need to work on making this dream become a reality. But now she also has a tangible goal to obtain. Let her dream... mention to her the possibilities if she had a lot of free time in her hands... and get the education that you decide for them (advanced or not, focused on P.E. or math, all day long or just half a day education, etc). This type of motivation is what could make a huge difference in her life.

    If your dream is not big enough then you won't make it. If your dream is not really inspirational for the both of you, it won't happen. This needs to be a top priority for both so you can make it happen.
     
  16. phlgirl
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    phlgirl Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    This is such a tough one. Be patient, as it is bound to take some time.

    Similar to Yves, in my case, it was the husband who needed the convincing. He really had no interest - probably thought I was nuts for wasting all my time reading REI books and crunching numbers on potential deals I found on realtor.com. I would ask him to read RDPD but he just would not pick it up.

    Eventually, I found that the it was the 'show me the money' tactic, which finally struck home. I stopped trying to convince him and went about doing it on my own. Granted, this was likely easier for me, as we were not yet married and the money was my own - no need to ask for permission. After 2 properties, he started to see the checks coming in and he knew it was making our lives more comfortable. People were talking (we were fairly young) and the idea of owning multiple cash-flowing properties was exciting. All of the sudden, he was asking questions and reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad. He still thanks me today for making him read this book.

    My suggestion would be to think about/discuss how your wife might best add value in acheiving your investing goals. What are her skills? What does she enjoy? No one wants to be told what to do so you are going to have to find a way to empower her not demand things from her. Encourage her in different areas and mention how you think she would be really great at X.Y & Z. Try not to overwhelm (sounds like she has her hands full as it is) but take small steps in getting her involved.

    In my case, my husband owned a construction company (mainly hardscaping and concrete work). He had a slew of contacts with contractors and is great with people so he easily moved into the property management/acquisitions portion of the business. Years later - he has long since sold his business - he now manages all of our subcontractors and also scouts for new deals. I don't know what I would do without him!!

    Try to remember that everyone responds to different triggers. As others have said, what gets you excited might not be what does it for her. If she doesn't have time to read, try RDPD on CD (my husband loves these since he spends a lot of time in the car). Above all, try to be as patient as possible. I know it is frustrating but the worst thing you can do is make her feel stupid for not immediately 'getting' what you are talking about. Talk about the long term goals and how you would really like to do this as a Team - that you Need her help, because you value her input in your family decisions. Everyone likes to be needed :)

    Good luck!
     
  17. Sid23
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Another idea that just came to mind...Do you have any rich, successful friends? My fiancee was hard to convince a few years ago, but after spending more and more time with the guys I work with, rich friends, etc she began to ask "how can they live like that?"

    That was my opening and all we needed. It did take many subsequent conversations and reminders, and to this day (in fact last night), I still say things like "Honey, I know you want to spend $50 on all those vitamins, but why not just get the ones you really need and then we'll put the $40 in our freedom account so you can quit work in 2 years."

    She always likes that idea.
     
  18. Talkintoy
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Thanks everyone for the replies... Great stories and advises. I understand and see that it takes time for her to understand coz she was adopted by her grandparents and she always got what she wanted. Somewhat spoiled now i took that responsiblity and trying to cahnge her ways on financial. She's not use to working for her money since it was always given to her. She'd always say we're a balance couple since she keeps up with the kids while i don't have time for them and i keep up with the bills since she doesn't do this. She's a great mom and wife but were in financial struggle. I guess im losing all my luck in different angles and finally need a solution instead of same problem. I've exhausted our finances if you guys saw my post on other thread. She did admit that she has a sickness of buying something to make her feel good. I said that's a good start to admit it to yourself. She wants me to tell her the solution instead on how to stop it. Told her "Maybe its me not giving you enough affection"? or whatever you call it. Told her also to read RDPD or possibly Susie Orman as one of the books i read had something to do with past and it affects your future financially. Maybe i caused her to become like that since im always busy spending lots of time at work. The drawings i showed her hoping is stuck in her head. Time = $. If we can live below our means and lower our liability then income part goes up specially if we had business, investment etc... Then told her " We'll have more time for each other and family". I think that struck her. Just hoping its always there in her mind.:notworthy:
     
  19. BeingChewsie
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    BeingChewsie Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri


    Encourage her to read here. Give her a copy of " Retire Young Retire Rich". Proceed with the vehicle you have chosen to get out of rate race and just go about doing it.

    It wasn't until I came here and read SteveO's story and posts that I saw the "Truth" to what Robert was saying and doing in relation to myself. Robert was into pre-foreclosure/flipping stuff and new constructon flipping and was moving towards wanting to get into apartments at the time...but it wasn't until I met the folks here that I decided to jump on board with him.

    He and I have always had a great relationship but getting together on this, making a plan together, crunching numbers and discussing potential cities and buildings and on and on has brought us close together in a way I never thought would happen. Now all that corporate stuff and building corporate credit he has been doing for years makes sense. We go to seminars together, we read together, I pull posts from here and we discuss stuff. We are involved in option trading together, we are far closer than we have ever been. Sure we work jobs but when we are done with work..we spend time on our plan everyday...it has changed our relationship for the better and it was damn good to begin with. So you could suggest this as a way of coming closer together, you certainly do spend more time together.

    Good luck!

    Sue
     
  20. Legacy Dad
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    SeanS hit the point I used with my wife, she could care less about cars, vacations and a big house. But when I talked about opportunities for the kids: what if the kids were excepted to an Ivy League school? What if the kids wanted our help to start their own business.

    I told her that I never wanted money to be a factor in making a decision about our children. Whether it's piano lessons, horseback riding, or a $7000 set of Roland V Drums. If one of our children finds their passion in it, I don't want money to be a hindering factor in the equation.

    This worked with her.

    Lance
     
  21. Diane Kennedy
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    I don't have first-hand experience with this as my husband & I both were on the same page from the very beginning.

    I have seen lots of other people who weren't though. The best thing I've seen to work is for each of you right down your big dreams for: financial, relationships, spirtiuality/being, self-improvement, health, adventure and sharing/legacy. That's tapping into the "why" for the way you want to live your life. From that, you can often create a dialog on how to create that in a way that works for everyone.

    Sorry if that sounds vague - we have a whole section on it in my first Maui Millionaire book "The Maui Millionaires" and in fact have a game that you can download for free (details in the book appendix)

    My partner David's wife was never interested in any of the wealth-building and real estate seminars he taught. She was one of the first people to play this game (we call it the Big Dream Game) and immediately set a goal to give away $100 million for charity. Well, that meant she needed to learn a lot more about wealth and investments. She now sits in the front row at every seminar, reads voraciously and is a very active investor. She just needed to tap into the "why."

    Just from my experience, the main two wealth limiting beliefs from a spouse are either centered around fear (knowledge tackles that one...as well as a contingency plan and good risk assessment up front) or a feeling that wealth is bad (often tied into a strongly held faith belief - which is completely handled by the idea of "make more money so you can give it away")

    Hope that helps! I know it's selfpromotion, but the game is free and it's the best way I've seen for people to quickly get to what their dreams are and get comfortable talking about them. It's a fast rapport builder for groups as well.
     
  22. kimberland
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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    The key point about sales is that
    people buy on emotion
    they rationalize that buy with logic.
    Selling based on logic simply doesn't work.
    (Repeat after me...)

    When I met my Hubby, he was Mr. GIC.
    Safety was his key requirement in investing.
    The stock market wasn't "real", just a big casino.
    Didn't matter what I said, fear was driving his decisions.

    So I invested solo.
    Every month, I would compare my results to his.
    I would walk into a store, give the hubby a can of Coke
    (working for the big red machine, I got a free share with every 2 I purchased),
    and point out that I owned that company.
    I'd talk about investing,
    taking the concept out of the mysterious black box.

    Slowly envy (and a bit of greed) replaced fear
    and he started investing more and more of his share in the market.

    Today, 15 years later,
    he can hold his own in investing discussions with me.

    Ya gotta tackle the emotions first.
     
  23. NoMoneyDown
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    NoMoneyDown Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    Exactly! Words are words, but the results of our actions (in this case money) speak volumes. For someone not willing to listen to words, they'll definitely "listen" when you show them with your actions. Of course, this usually equates to the "which came first - chicken or the egg" syndrome in which you may need to use resources in order to create results, but if you sit down and go over things step-by-step it shouldn't be an issue. But then there are those spouses who STILL don't want to get on board.
     
  24. hakrjak
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    hakrjak Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    There may come a point in your relationship when you absolutely have to level with your partner. You're not happy being poor (That's what I call anybody who isn't Rich yet, so don't be offended) -- and you need to make that clear. Sure, everybody loves Mac & Cheese, but you want a future where Steak and Lobster are an option each and every week. Staying home with the kids is nice, sometimes -- but you look foreward to a future where you can afford a nanny to watch them while you 2 takes a cruise together for a week. Maybe you look forward to a future where the whole family can enjoy your beach house in Cancun.

    If you're representing that your current life is satisfying you fully, it's time to stop that. Any time my partner steps out of line with our future and financial goals, I bring her right back in by telling her "We've not always going to live in this 3000 sq ft home, I want 6000 sq ft, and on top of a hill" -- or "I really need you to believe in me on this, and support the direction I'm taking here. You know I'm doing this to better both of our futures"

    If you're with the right person, this should be a non-issue. If you're with the wrong person, you might found out that you're not as compatible as you once thought. I've been there!

    My last GF and children's mother had zero ambition, and no follow through. She was a great lady with a good heart -- but when I would bring up business, or my plan for the future -- she was clueless, and would always joke around as if I was living in this fantasy world and having pipe dreams. She had no idea that I could actually deliver on these ideas, and years later after we broke up -- She looks back and shakes her head that she really missed the bus. I had to do what was right for me and my sanity though, so I have no regrets at all about moving on.

    It's impossible to swim when you have a cinderblock chained to your ankle.
     
  25. hakrjak
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    hakrjak Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Re: Story on how to get your spouse in same mindset of getting ri

    I agree. My motivation is freedom. We both hate our jobs, and I hate that I'm so dependent on that paycheck and those benefits every month. I look forward to a time where we can both sit home and just relax, without having to show up at an office, or delivery something for a customer. I want that safety and security that is missing from our lives.

    When explained on those terms, it comes across that my position is actually more conservative that someone who might say that the conservative play is to work hard, stay at your job, and keep that paycheck coming in. I take risks now, so I can lead a safe secure conservative lifestyle down the road.

    - Hakrjak
     

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